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female
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anonymous
writes: My partner and I had an argument that lasted over several days. We've since made up but whilst using the computer I just found out that whilst we were not on speaking terms, he registered with a dating agency, advertising for another woman.When confronted he said he was sorry and swore he only did it because he was angry with me, and had no intention of contacting any women on the site.But I can't help wondering if his actions signify that I'm not particualarly special to him, that I'm replaceable and any woman would do for him.We were planning to get married.....not I'm not sure that's a good idea.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2006): So what you are saying, is your fiancee and you had an argument and he makes this really, stupid, delibrate decision to register on a dating site while thinking, "to hell with her..I'm gonna find me another woman !" Where in his mind does that excuse from? Where in his mind does that immature sense of entitlement come from? Obviously, this was a very shallow, immature act. He doesn't handle discord and emotional unpheaval very well, does he? Is he that uncaring and weak, that instead of communicating, talking this out with you..he is so ego driven that he has to appease his hurt feelings through the possibilities of feeling wanted by other women. Give me a break. No matter how you look at this, it was very egocentric and selfish of him. A loving man would never engage in behaviours that will bring suspision and distrust into what was, a good relationship. If I were you, I wouldn't marry this guy-at least not until he proves himself worthy, grown up and can handle strife in a relationship. Marriage is a lifetime of shared ups and downs, good times and bad. Added to trying to keep a good quality relationship together, you throw in children, mortgages, cars, bills to pay...it ain't easy! Your bf is not ready for committment if this is the way he handles his 'hurt feelings'. He has a lot of growing up to do and you have a lot of heavy thinking to do about this guy.
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (27 October 2006):
 People do silly things when they are angry. This doesn't mean that he loves you any less. Chalk it up to anger and let it go. I think you're overeacting just a bit. If this was continuous behavior then you have reason to be worried but don't side tracked by this mishap. He has apologized so let it be done. Good Luck.
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female
reader, stina +, writes (27 October 2006):
 Hi Anonymous,
After big arguments, people deal with being too emotional in different ways. I suspect this is just what happened with him. He probably just makes rash decisions when he doesn't know what else to do, when he doesn't know how else to channel his anger and/or frustration.
I think you might want to talk to him about what happened. Talk to him about how you two can work on big issues together - maybe just step back from each other for a bit to cool off, then talk again. It would be much better to take like an hour to yourself to think things through than to get at each other's throats and have the argument explode into something huge, right?
And I would definitly figure out how you two are going to deal with things like this in the future before you get married, too. That might help you determine whether you would still want to marry this man.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2006): From one engaged women to another - I would be a little shocked if i found out that had happened with my fiance. How long have you been with him for and what are your ages? Did he instigate the proposal or you? Being totally honest with you before i got engaged i was forever on dating sites when my other half p1ssed me off - didn't mean anything . . .just wanted to see who else was out there should I become single again . . maybe he thought the argument was so big he was keeping his options open should you split? .. personally I wouldn't worry about it but I would def speak to him and tell him how insecure it has made you.Hope this helpsE
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