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female
,
anonymous
writes: How do other women resist the urge to question their boyfriend about his nights out? Who was there, what women he was speaking to, etc? My boyfriend is always very untalkative about nights out and it makes me suspicious. I always want to question him but know i sound like an insecure idiot. Do other women get the urge to cross examine their boyfriends too? xx
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female
reader, pica +, writes (27 October 2006):
No, because I trust him. He doesn't need to account for himself to me - I wouldn't like him to quiz me after a night out. I think the male anon reply below has made a good point (though a bit strongly!). And sorry, but I don't think the texting advice is a good idea. Just chill out. If you can't trust him you shouldn't be with him.
A
female
reader, DEBS83  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 used to with my ex but that was cus he cheated but like a fool i 4gave him iam ow wth sumone else and i just know i dont need to ask him details like that
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2006):
Well I'll answer as a man- you are about 6 months away from being dumped. Guys really dont like being treated like chldren and asked what they spent their milk money on.
Would you feel better if he had glib answers prepared?
Facing your gauntlet of questions is not he only thing keeping him from cheating...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2006): I used to have the same problem and I didn't know how to question him without him thinking i was suspicious. Here's a few thinks that worked for me:
text him whilst he's out. Nothing like 'what are u doing?' because that's too obvious. Something like saying his fave film/programme is on, does he want you to record it. This way if he texts you back, chances are he's not up to much.
Tell him you're bored or staying in and ask if you can tag along, even if you don't really want to go. At least if he says yes you know he's doing nothing wrong, you could always pull out at the last minute.
If he goes out on a set day (i.e. every saturday) ask him if you two can do something different together. Maybe just do this once in a while. This will show that he doesn't have set plans every time he's out and that he's also willing to spend time with you
These are just a few ideas, they did work for me and I now feel like I can trust him when he's out.
x x
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 Hi Anon,
Well, I don't get the urge to "cross examine" my husband, but when he goes out I just ask him how his night was and who he saw, etc. It's more of a conversation, really. I'm definitly not checking up on him. I'm just genuinely interested to find out how his night went. You could try just having a conversation with your boyfriend. Tell him about your night and he could tell you about his.
Also, if you feel like you can't trust him, then maybe that is the issue that you really need to discuss with him. Tell him how you're feeling. If these feelings are from past relationships/experiences, then you might feel like this because you think you've finally found a good guy and you're just getting scared. Whatever the reason, there is some sort of issue that you're having a hard time dealing with. Don't hide your feelings from your guy, that's one of the worst things to do. You don't want to keep them bottled up. That just tends to make things worse.
Take care.
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