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*aramala
writes: Me and my fiancee have been together for almost two years now and we have been living together for about 6 months. when he goes out with his "boys" or anyone for that matter, I get upset and mad at him for going out and leaving me all alone. I want to stay with me all the time. How do I get over this so he doesn't have to worry about coming home to a crazy girlfriend? please help me on changing my attitude towards this issue. I don't feel like its healthy for either of us!
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female
reader, Shakira  +, writes (4 April 2008):
Well...........I could go on forever on this one! I appear to be so confident, up for a laugh and couldn't give a damn attitude with a lot of my friends, however, when it comes to relationships I'm totally different! I've been cheated on whilst I was living with my boyfriend of 6 years during most of our relationship, having only found out during the last stages of our relationship. Naturally I became bitter and angry with men therefore decided to steer clear of them. 2 years on and a few dates later....I find myself unable to trust men. This is soooo frustrating as I have so much to give and am usually so much fun to be with! I HATE being clingy and wanting constant reassurance. I usually end things when I feel like this. However, I've met someone I really like and want to make a go of it but afraid that my psycho clinginess will push him away, I don't want to suffocate him. If he knew that I cried myself to sleep because of my insecurities I'm sure he'd walk. I wouldn't blame him as relationships are built on trust....wish there was some kind of pill to take!
What I've tried to do now, this sounds crazy but...whenever we say goodbye to each other I immediately delete his number until he contacts me...this is to ensure that I don't text him etc I want him to make the first move. Also when he goes out with his friends I ask that he lets me know in advance so that I can make my own plans and have fun with the girls so that I don't have time to think what he's up to...I'm seeing how it goes at the moment, cross fingers!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): I am sitting here feeling the same thing you feel even though its a year apart. My Fiance went out tonight to watch the game. I got stuck home because of homework. I am full time college student and I work full time. He has never been in college so he doesnt understand the pressure or the stress. I want to go so bad but I know he needs guy time...whatever that crappy saying means. We fought before he left and he didn't say goodbye. I know I am in the wrong but I can never admit it. Sometimes I worry about other girls so I know thats part of it. Jealousy..what an evil emotion. But it can also show you care. I cant give advice to you hun..I know your not alone and there are millions of men and women out there who feel the same. And to those who dont feel it I cant relate. Hope it gets better.
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female
reader, MissShiv +, writes (17 August 2007):
 I have the same dilemma. My boyfriend is a quite reserved introverted person, and like alot of men only phones are texts out of necessity. While I am the complete opposite, I am overly affectionate and love to keep in contact. He works a stressful job, and he's useless without any sleep, which means we are only seeing eachother 1-2 days a week, and this really bothers me. It makes me feel like a crazy clingy girlfriend :( My problem is I find it very difficult to make friends, but become restless and depressed if I spend to much time on my own, so I tend to depend on my boyfriend to keep me entertained - a fact he has grown tired of. I'll admit I have got better though. Going cold turkey is what works for me. I don't ring him or text him, and let him do a majority of the contacting. I've found he alot more affectionate when we do meet up, and I have alot more appreciative of seeing him. I haven't got it down to an art yet, but it seems to be working. The more time we spend apart, the less clingy I am and the more affectionate he is towards me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): queen of cling here. lol I get upset if I don't get text messages back within 5 minutes. But we live apart and he has done me wrong in the past, so I have reason to be suspicious. That said, I feel like it's in the past and need to let go of it and give him a second chance. I just wish men could communicate! GRR!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): I am a very clingy girlfriend too. Its hard because i feel like I can't control it. It just hurts that he doesn't want to see me as much as i want to see him. At the same time, seeing each other too much can be unhealthy too... Well hopefully your ideas will help me-thanks!
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reader, stina  +, writes (27 October 2006):
 Hi Caramala,
I used to feel that way, too. You just have to remember that he's going out to have fun with his friends, he's not trying to be a jerk or anything. You know? If you love him, you will want him to be happy.
Maybe you should have a talk with him. Tell him that you know it's not good to feel the way you do. See what comes of the conversation - maybe you just need reassurance of some kind. I'm not sure if there are trust issues in your relationship, but maybe this could be the problem? If not, then hopefully through talking you'll find out why you really feel the way you do.
Maybe when he goes out you aren't having a good time. Maybe there's a teeny part of you that's jealous - whether it be over your fiance or even his friends. Maybe the next time your man goes out, you could have some friends over. Or you could even go out, too. If you don't feel like doing that, then you could take up a hobby. What I used to do is work on my photography. Something you get lost in, you know? And now I don't mind that he's going out - in fact, I like that he likes to go out with friends. I don't want to take him away from any of them, you know?
Let me ask you this - maybe you feel this way because you don't know the guys who he is going out with. If you got to know his friends, too, maybe you would feel more comfortable. Maybe have them over one night for drinks or whatever and make it fun. Or else maybe you could go out with them a few times to get to know everyone, too. You know?
So talk with him, try to do something fun on the nights he's gone, and maybe try to get to know his friends. Don't worry, eventually these feelings will pass, especially since you don't want to feel like this anymore. :)
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2006): First of all why are you all alone?
chances are that you never used to feel this way, and that since you met him all the things that used to be important, all the things you had a passion for have gone...
He has still kept his life,his friend's his intrests ,hobbies and left you with the feeling your all alone! now I'm not saying he's done this on purpuse, I bet he diddnt even see how much you where giving up to be with him, but when the relationship got too intence, he stepped back a little to gain his freedom, and you've have still kept that level of neediness because you dont feel you've got as full life has he has, which is doesnt make you crazy!,
it just means for a while you've made him the whole pie(the pie being an example of your life!) when he should have just been a piece of it! but you can remedy this, because it must be awful for you to feel this alone and scared that he'll go out and leave you feeling rotten we've all been there it may be somthing to do with you past as well which doesnt meen you have to get old sceltons out of the cubard,Its just starting slowly.
Maybe try hypnosis to give your confidance a boost you can buy the Hypnosis C.D's from bookshops for whatever you need help with Relaxation, Healing,unleash you true potential, and many more
then you could try somthing that you will love to do serch the internet for a great hobbie or even a new career, I think that will give you the Kickstart you need to change your life, you will even find you will probely get on better with you B.F because you'll be much happier and he will admire you and want to be around you more because you want be resentful when he has his space because you will look foward to you space too! Take care of yourself Ditzy blonde x :)
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reader, fATTYNATTY +, writes (27 October 2006):
 Do you think youve just gotten in to the habbit of not wanting to go out ? maybe just organise a weekend to go out with your girlfriends, maybe you'll enjoy it and be encouraged to go out more, or invite them round watch films , chat, catch up ???
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female
reader, Evangeline +, writes (27 October 2006):
 It is not a particularly heathly habit, but it is quite a common one - so dont feel like your going mad or crazy its perfectly ordinary. It seems to be something that affects some women and not others, and those who it does affect simply have to find a way that works to deal with it. For me, the best thing to do is to find something to distract me from it when I feel clingy and to find out when I am likey to get clingy, for example im more clingy when im tired or already upset about something else.
You can distract yourself from it by planning something for you to do when he goes out, for example having your friends round or pampering yourself or even by thinking 'I can watch whatever I want on television tonight'
This guy wants to marry you so there is no need to worry - it is basically just a habit you've got yourself into (and a perfectly normal one!) try to change how you feel about it, even if you love him its nice to have some evenings to yourself or with your friends sometimes.
Good luck
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reader, Jovial  +, writes (27 October 2006):
 Yes dear it is not healthy but at the same time it doesnt make you a crazy gf remember you are only human. it is normal to feel that way although it is not a good feeling as it portray a bit of insecurity which prevent u from giving him a bit of a space. learn to be independent, soon you will realise that allowing him some time off is rewarding as it will gives u an opportunity to spend more time with ur friends or do other things u have always wanted to do.
You can start by not texting or calling him while he is out with his friends and start showing interest in what he does even thogh some things may tick u off try to laugh about them it will be easier for u to adjust, I am not saying it will be a walk in the park but it will be good to try. good luck
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