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*em_jem7505
writes: my boyfriend and i were going out for 3 years and we have a son. last year i cheated on him it was a drunken mistake and i feel really bad he found out and he was ok till one day he kicked off at me and said that he didnt think he loved me anymore and thta when he looks at me he sees the other guy with me but it didnt stop him wantin sex. well we split up and that day he got with this other girl and moved in with her that day now 6 months on she is 22 weeks pregnant and he isnt happy and i think he wants to get out but he cant, i love him and would do anything to have him back i no he still feels for me i just wish we could just get back together i need some advice on wot to do please help me do i just leave it and get ova it or fight for my man?????? hellllppppp please jemxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006): i say you tell him how you feel and have him be true to you also about his feelings for you. Because it makes no sense in fighting for someone who doesn't love you anymore. This is a situation he'll have to fix on his own time, not yours. Don't just walk out because you don't want to turn around tomorow and wonder to yourself how it could've been different (WHAT IF...)
I DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM OR YOU, but i advise you to be strong and not be too vulnarable. Try to work it out but don't push too much. Face reality if he doesn't FEEL anymore and move on. I know it's hard to just let go and will take a great deal of time and strength, but PRAYER is a powerful weapon. do what you can to show him you love him still and want him back, then PUT IT INTO GOD'S HANDS.
don't be a foul either and go around the circles with him. what i mean is, have him now, not have him tomorow, then have him again the next day. HE'LL HAVE TO CHOOSE! Now that he has a baby coming up with the other person, she'll always be a part of his life...think about how you'll be able to deal with that. Just DONT ALLOW HIM TO GO BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN, SET SOME CONDITIONS THAT WOULD HAVE TO TAKE PLACE IF YOU GUYS GET BACK TOGETHER, AND STAND BY THOSE LIMITS. Try to not seem too desperate to have him back because he can used that as your weakness to his advantage. GOOD LUCK. "LORD, PLEASE TAKE OVER THIS SITUATION FOR NOTHING IS TOO GREAT FOR YOU TO HANDLE. SEND ANGELS DOWN TO THIS CHILD OF GOD TO GUIDE HER PATH AND MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR HER. AMEN"
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reader, DEBS83  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 i agree that he must hv been seeing this girl wen he was still with you id stay away from him i know you said you still lovehim etc but can you see it working between you meaning the baby this girl is having find some one better and belive me there are better men out there good luck
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reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 Ok ok, i know everyone makes mistakes but lets back track here for a minute and look at the facts. You cheated on him, he breaks up with you and moves a girl in instantly(which to me denotes he may have been seeing her whilst you were still together) she is now pregnant and now her wants to leave.
Why does anyone want this guy? The real victim is the pregnant women in my view. But as of good advice for you, STAY AWAY. I knwo you have a son with him but really this won't end well, and more trauma may be brought to your son in the long run. Separated parents are tolerable to deal with when you are young, however the older he gets the more difficult it will be. Find yourself a guy that doesn't have a pregnant girlfriend, who hasn't already left you, and you haven't cheated on. It's too much baggage start with a clean slate.
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reader, Lostandalone +, writes (26 October 2006):
 I was always taught to fight for what you love but how much and for how long? This is a very messy situation. On the outside looking in I would tell you to cut your loses but I have been in a similar situation and you feel like there is no way you can live without that other person. He has a lot to deal with right now and you pressuring him to come back is not the best thing to do. For now I say just be his friend and if he is hurting like you say he is then he will open up to you. His love was tarnished when you cheated and he had to go and explore on his own. Big mistake because you can't lie to your heart but he had to get it out. I don't think he expected a child to come of it. He maybe really thought that he didn't love you anymore when in reality he was very very very very hurt. This put a callus of sorts on his heart towards you. Talk to him and be there for him. Give him a chance to open up and take it from there. This is very delicate for him. He's man and men don't like for other men to play on their territory. This will be in the back of his mind but trust me. Your heart overrules your thinking 90% of the time. Good Luck.
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reader, Toria +, writes (26 October 2006):
 He got with someone else the day you both split up and then moved in with her and got her pregnant!!!
Doesn't that sentence tell you how much you really mean to him??
You have got to let him go and move on from him, he walked away from you and got himself into this other situation with no care or concern for your relationship, its his mess let him deal with it and feel lucky your out of it.
Could you really deal with getting back with him maybe him only doing it to get him out of the current situation? and then you having to deal with a baby of his coming along at some point?
Good luck :o)
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reader, stina +, writes (26 October 2006):
 Hi Jem,
I have to ask you - are you sure that you really love him, or maybe your feeling like you want him back because now someone else is in his life? If you truly love him and want him back, I think you need to have a frank talk with him and find out what he wants. I would NOT try to talk him into coming back to you. That doesn't meant you can't voice your opinion, but just be sure that you don't try to "force" him to see it from your point of view. That might just come back to haunt you one day. It would be much better if he wanted to do this on his own, in my opinion.
If he decides that he does want to be with you, then I suggest that you two find a couples therapist. (And you might even want to suggest this to him during your talk. It would show him how much you value the potential relationship.) Couples therapy would help iron out the problems that you two had and allow you to get things out in the open that may otherwise cause big fights and shouting matches. Problems from the past would then not just be buried, but they'd be resolved and/or accepted.
Now, as for him having a child with this new girl - he will have to support the child and will probably remain in contact with this woman, at least until the child is an adult. Are you willing to deal with that? Are you also willing to perhaps have this child over your house for visits if your ex moves back in with you? Just as long as you think you'll be able to deal with this, it should be fine on your end. Especially if it is something that you bring up if/when you go to therapy sessions.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all of this, but even if your ex doesn't get back together with you, maybe you'd want to go to therapy alone. It could really help out with the feelings of loss you are experiencing.
Take care.
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