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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 5 February 2010: Thanks for adding that in Yos, great answer as always! I was going to try and defend myself after Calico's input but I am in no way as patient as you are and I find arguing against someone who is clearly set on their views with complete disregard ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 5 February 2010: Just like to reiterate what I said at the top of my original post
"After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 3 February 2010: Accountable - I couldnt agree with you more.
As for evolutionary psychology - I think as with most psychological theories there are elements of it that work, and other elements that do not. I think it explains quite a lot and is relevant when loo... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 3 February 2010: Well Calico58 - It seems that you have not done much reading on evolution or just simply choose to ignore the scientific evidence that has mounted over the last couple of hundred years proving evolution happened! Here are a few links that if you ... (read in full...)
How much money will we need?
Q. How much money should me and my boyfriend save up before moving into a place of our own? I currently live with my mum, and he lives with his mum and step dad, but i'll be moving in there in the summer and we'd like to get our own place as soon as ...
A. 2 February 2010: Glad I could help! Try and focus on getting your jobs sorted out first - if both of you have a career in mind that you know will bring in good money in the future then pursue that. You are still young after all so dont expect to be earning a fortune ... (read in full...)
How much money will we need?
Q. How much money should me and my boyfriend save up before moving into a place of our own? I currently live with my mum, and he lives with his mum and step dad, but i'll be moving in there in the summer and we'd like to get our own place as soon as ...
A. 2 February 2010: Like Griffo said, it depends if you want to buy a house or rent. And it also depends on the area of the UK you live in. For example rents/house prices are much more expensive in London and large cities like Birmingham, Leeds and Manchester. Yet you ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 2 February 2010: Calico58 - I would be fascinated to hear this evidence against the evolutionary theory and that we did not evolve from animals, in all my reading I dont think I have come across any other theories that argue against evolution, with the exception of ... (read in full...)
I am supposed to get married in 2 1/2 months but I just got my sister in law pregnant!
Q. hi im master splinter . in about 2 and a half months im getting married BUT THERE IS ONE THING i need to get of my chest its my sister inlaw to be well about 2 weeks ago my girlfriend went into hospital to give birth to our 2 child . i was there at ...
A. 1 February 2010: So let me get this straight. You left your fiance and new born baby in hospital, when you then had sex with your soon to be sister in law and now she is pregnant too?
I'm afraid there is no-one on this site who can help you, this is just messed-u... (read in full...)
15 years old and pregnant!
Q. Hi im 15 yrs old i lost my viriginty to a guy i thought i loved he said he felt the same but it came time for me to realize that he wasnt looking for love he just wanted one thing and that isnt it well anyways the condom broke he left me and now im ...
A. 1 February 2010: There is no way to avoid this situation - you are just going to have to be honest with everyone. Because if you are going to keep this baby then soon you will have a baby bump and it will be pretty obvious to your parents and new boyfriend that you ... (read in full...)
Why do men like porn? I can't see the appeal.
Q. Ok, this is probably a dumb question but why do men like porn? I'm a girl and I've watched porn but I don't see the appeal. Just like guys don't see the appeal in chick flicks, I guess. I'm a small breasted girl, with huge hips, normal ass that ...
A. 1 February 2010: Simple answer: These women are a fantasy. Just as some women fantasize over George Clooney or Brad Pitt when they masturbate, men fantasize over these "perfect" women.
If an average man was presented with the choice to have sex with their gi... (read in full...)
Was it reasonable to push her when she came at me with a hot iron?
Q. I've been married 10 years. On Thursday evenings my wife drops off our 7-year old son at football training and I drive from work to collect him. A few times there has been a last minute change and my wife has texted me but I don't think I've...
A. 29 January 2010: I think your behaviour was reasonable - she came at you with a hot iron and that could have cause some serious harm to you if she had hit you with it, so of course it is only natural to protect yourself in this sort of situation.
I can understa... (read in full...)
I need insight on contraceptive methods...
Q. Hy everyone. I am little bit suspicious with condoms as a prevention of pregnancy. I know that they are pretty much safe because they can also protect person form all kind of sickness, but there`s a small posibility that makes me nervous about ...
A. 26 January 2010: Well I cant say I am familiar with doctor's procedures in Croatia so this advice may or may not apply but I will tell you what I know so it might be of some use to you!
Yes condoms can split, or have tiny tears in them that mean some semen ca... (read in full...)
I want my girlfriend to be more ladylike and not behave this way!
Q. Hi, I am in a relationship and having a few issues with my current girlfriend. I wasn't that keen on her to start with but I seem to have really fallen for her. We get on well as friends, spend nearly all of our time together, she's rea...
A. 26 January 2010: Have a read of this article I wrote:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/male-vs-female-a-debate-on-the-male.html
It is a fairly long one but there are some great contributions from some other men on this site, I think between us we have given a ... (read in full...)
I took the doctor's advise but could I still be pregnant?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together since we were young,and started to have sex in August last year, I'm on the pill and for medical reasons the doctor told me to miss my 7 day break last month, although this month I can go on my 7 day break, I ...
A. 26 January 2010: How far through your 7 day break are you? As in how many days has it been since your last pill?
If you missed a pill there is a small chance you could be pregnant if you had sex without using a condom within 7 days of that missed pill. But the ... (read in full...)
Even though we used protection I am paranoid now about being pregnant
Q. Well ok I'm 22 years old. Last time my period ended was on December 25. I lost my virginity on the 7 of January. my boyfriend and me had sex three days in a row.. but every single time we used a condom we even checked before and after condoms ...
A. 26 January 2010: If you used a condom and then checked it each time after sex and there were no tears etc then the chances of you being pregnant are very very slim! So I think you can be safe in the knowledge you are not pregnant.
If your periods are never re... (read in full...)
Should he get the DNA test or should I leave the situation alone?
Q. Ok so my bf and I have been going out for about 10 months, in that time we broke up and got back together. Well i guess during that breakup period or while we were still together(still trying to figure that part out) he met some girl and they were ...
A. 25 January 2010: Well if the child is really his then he has a legal obligation to at least financially provide for the child - so getting a DNA test is the right thing to do.
As you said, there is a good chance that later on down the road this girl will want him... (read in full...)
Facial hair and depression. Could the Pill be causing this?
Q. I need some advice on the pill, I am 26 and never wanted to go on the pill however, I have noticed that I am getting quite a bit of hair on my neck, chin and face, I have read that some forms of the pill can help, I also feel quite depressed just ...
A. 24 January 2010: I think the moderator got the title of this question a little wrong here!
To answer your actual question - yes going on the pill can stop hair growth and lessen the effects of PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome). I suggest you go to your GP and ask them... (read in full...)
Average time to propose to your girlfriend?
Q. For anyone who could possibly know... What's the average amount of time it takes before guys propose to their girlfriends?...
A. 21 January 2010: It is very subjective - no-one can give you a definite number of months/years before you propose.
But this is the way I work (and I know my boyfriend thinks in a similar way to me).
1.You need to be in a committed relationship for at least 1 y... (read in full...)
She has a problem with my drinking!
Q. So last night i was drinking shots and i popped a couple of xanex pills to establish a buzz faster than useuall well i was having a good time, and i went to sleep.. well i wake up this morning, and everything in my room is broken, one of my walls is ...
A. 21 January 2010: "i cant stop drinking.. and the pills i cant live without"
Read those lines back to yourself....your are addicted to alcohol and the pills. You have 2 very serious addictions that will eventually destroy your health, friendships and relation... (read in full...)
What to you think of a girl who is dating a guy but has a lot of guy friends?
Q. So I have been seeing this girl for a few months and things have been great. We seem to be getting along quite well. My problem is probably a result of paranoia but it's still bothering me. You see, she has a ton of guy friends. Which I'm comple...
A. 20 January 2010: Well from experience (being a girl that during University had predominantly all male friends) I can say that yes you are being a bit paranoid and you really dont have much to worry about here.
When I was at uni (between the age of 18-21) I didnt ... (read in full...)
I crave to be with her but she says she is not ready, if I give her a baby will she come and live with me?
Q. I met this girl on a nightout I fell for her hook line and sinker we speak on the phone everyday and have done for 16 months I love her she has had a lot of problems and there is a 13 year difference I'm 31 she is 19 she says she's not readt to be ...
A. 18 January 2010: The worst thing you can do is to have a baby with this girl - your relationship is not strong enough to handle such a strain! While she might "crave" a baby, she obviously has a lot of issues she is dealing with right now so while she might want a ... (read in full...)
I need ideas! What can I do to get him to try and lose weight?
Q. Recently I have noticed my fiance's weight gain. To me it's not a problem, I still find him attractive no matter what. But he's noticed it and has got a complex about it, his frineds call him 'fat' fatty' etc and I can see it really gets to him. ...
A. 8 January 2010: Try being more active together without telling him you are doing it so he can lose weight - so suggest you go out for walks at the weekend (local parks, countryside etc), suggest you join a gym together because you want to get fit (make it seem like ... (read in full...)
Should I seek help for my eating disorder or seek help from my boyfriend?
Q. I have an eating disorder I thought was very controlled but due to lots of things happening in my life right now it's getting bad again. My Boyfriend lives two hours away and he can tell something is wrong, but he already thinks I'm depressed and ...
A. 8 January 2010: I agree with Caring Guy - any eating disorder must be treated by a professional, seeking help is critical before it gets any worse. Now I'm not sure what type of eating disorder you have, but both Bulimia and Anorexia can kill you if you leave them ... (read in full...)
What do women mean when they say they only want to be friends cause they are not ready for a relationship?
Q. I've recently started talking to someone, she knows i have strong feelings for her, but she just had her heart broke by a guy and says shes not ready just yet and this is an email she sent to my ex gf who both get on well and are actually talking ...
A. 7 January 2010: I stick by my original answer - she doesnt want a relationship right now and probably not for a good while so move on. While she might be a lovely person, the nicest girl you have ever met etc there are plenty of other great girls out there that you ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend keeps breaking up with me so she can go out with other men, what should I do?
Q. hello everyone, so my girlfriend cheated one me broke up with me saying it was my fault, then when i found out it was cause she was cheating on me i forgave her and we got back together. then she started a fight so she could go on a date with ...
A. 6 January 2010: Easy - stop being her fail safe option when her fun with these other guys gets boring and walk away from her for good. She is using you, taking you for granted....basically making you look like an idiot. She is walking all over you because
a) she ... (read in full...)
What do women mean when they say they only want to be friends cause they are not ready for a relationship?
Q. I've recently started talking to someone, she knows i have strong feelings for her, but she just had her heart broke by a guy and says shes not ready just yet and this is an email she sent to my ex gf who both get on well and are actually talking ...
A. 6 January 2010: I'm afraid there is nothing to understand here - she means literally what she said. So to put it simply SHE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
She is being very sensible in her situation - she is still getting over her ex and she needs so... (read in full...)
Wait to have sex until I'm married or listen to my friends?
Q. I want to wait till I'm married to have sex because I want to lose my virginity to someone I love. I told my boyfriend we could make out just no sex, and he said he understood and is perfectly fine with it. My friends said its not good to wait till ...
A. 6 January 2010: I think you should do what feels right for you. Dont listen to anyone else, their opinions are their own and while they have the right to express their own opinions, you dont have to listen to them or necessarily believe in them too. If you want to ... (read in full...)
My man has done a disappearing act, will he come back?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about a month, he's expressed a lot of interest in me and it's been going great and we get on really really well. But I haven't seen him for almost a week, or heard from him for a couple of days and I'm starting to ...
A. 5 January 2010: Unfortunately men do this all the time! Happened to me a couple of times before I met my current boyfriend - I was dating them for a month or so, things were going great, they would say things to me like "I have been waiting for someone like you to ... (read in full...)
I don't want to mislead anyone so can someone help me decide?
Q. I broke up with my gf in 2008 cos my ex-wife and I decided to try to make our relationship work cos we have 2 children together and were married for 14 years. We went back to arguing etc which proved to be unhealthy for us all - we are now apart ...
A. 5 January 2010: I agree with Soon567 - you are jumping from one relationship to another and all you will continue to do is mislead all the women you are involved with until you take a step back and look at yourself for a change, rather than trying to fill the gaps ... (read in full...)
How can I hide the fact that I am a virgin and act wild and crazy in bed?
Q. So I promised this guy that I would have sex with him. I really want to. I talked myself up and made it sound like I'm really experienced. I've done everything but have sex. He's expecting me to be wild and crazy. Truth is I need tips on being wild ...
A. 4 January 2010: Ok first things first this is a very bad idea! Your first time will be horrible unless it is with a guy that you love, that you have been dating for a good few months, and someone who cares about you just as much as you care about them. If you dont ... (read in full...)
Is he taking me for a ride?
Q. hey i recently met a guy who was on a reality tv show in the uk, and had his '15 minutes of fame'. I didnt watch the show and so just saw him as a normal guy. He took me for a meal and we had a lovely first date, then i saw him everyday for a b...
A. 4 January 2010: Simple answer: Yes he is taking you for a ride and it is best to leave this one alone!
I mean come on, who would say I want you to be my girlfriend but not right now, just in the future?! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!
... (read in full...)
How to bring up the talk with your parents about contreception?
Q. I'm 15 years old and have had intercourse with my boyfriend who I have been with for over 1 year but I want to be completly safe and get a form of contraception but I don't know how to ask my mum and how would she react when I tell her I've had sex ...
A. 2 January 2010: Well technically you dont have to tell your mum anything - you can make an appointment to see your GP yourself, go on your own and your doctor will be more than happy to give you some form of birth control to suit you. So just keep that in mind so ... (read in full...)
I'm so sexually frustrated but I don't want to seem pushy and rush her into something she's not ready for!
Q. Hey, I'm 19 years old (nearly 20) and have been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 6 months now. only, I still haven’t moved past 1st base with her yet (we've only kissed) It seems to be the only thing that’s bothering me about the whole ...
A. 2 January 2010: I think what Lonely Two said was a bit harsh so try not to take it to heart, not everyone has some crazy repressed Freudian issues from their childhood so try not to worry about what he said!
As for your problem - I think you should talk to her. ... (read in full...)
Is my only option to break up with her? I don't feel I should be responsible for taking care of her and paying for all her bills!
Q. Dear cupid, My girlfriend and I have been dating since april of 09. She is 19 and I am 20. It was love at first sight when we met, but in ther last couple months I haven't been happy at all. You see, her parents are kicking her out in february ...
A. 2 January 2010: Well before you break up with her, which is quite a drastic move, you should try talking to her first.
You need to explain that at your current age and in your current financial situation, you are not ready to take responsibility for providin... (read in full...)
Compensation for accident?
Q. I slipped and dislocated my soulder as i was exiting a public transportation (TTC street car) the supervisor came and took notes he also told me just relax when i discharge from the hospital. i am planning on sueing them. do you think that 'ill ...
A. 2 January 2010: People like you are what is wrong with this world!
But seriously, was the fall the fault of the public transportation company? I.e. was the floor wet (if it was raining/snowing that doesnt count as you should be prepared for the weather with sen... (read in full...)
I found my soulmate and things are getting hot....but she is married
Q. We started out just being friends and now we are really close friends. Things are becoming different now. When I am around her, my heart litrally beats faster. I find myself thinking about her all day ((daydreaming)). When I close my eyes at ...
A. 22 December 2009: Instead of asking us to look at it from your "moral standpoint" (many would argue you have no morals if you are happy to start an affair with a married woman and potentially break up a happy marriage), why not look at the situation from your ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant?
Q. i have never had sex with my boyfriend bu i let him finger me last week and ever since i have had a sore stomach i keep thinking he might have got me pregnant he said he was toucing himself to turn him on now i am worried bu it could just be because ...
A. 22 December 2009: Well a sore stomach generally is not a symptom of pregnancy, especially after a week! You wont get any symptoms at all for a good couple of weeks if you are pregnant!
The chances you got pregnant from being fingered are so tiny so I am almost c... (read in full...)
Why is my hair greasy at the moment?
Q. Hey all i have a wierd problem at the moment i have washed my hair three times in the past 2 days and i have a patch of really greasy hair :S i have used a new product (heat protector) and i think it may be that so i have stopped using it so ho...
A. 22 December 2009: Ok first of all washing your hair so frequently is not good for your hair - even if it is greasy! Your hair needs time to recover because shampoo strips hair of its natural oils, which means the hair needs time to recover and get back to normal ... (read in full...)
How can guys think its ok to look at porn when they know it bothers their partner?
Q. Just out of curiosity, how can guys think it's alright to lie about porn and continue to look at it when it really bothers their partner? I've never had problems with this (and am not currently), and honestly I don't have problems with porn in ...
A. 21 December 2009: Well despite Bibu's post being completely absurd, he does actually end on a good point. Women do have so many insecurities about their bodies that often it does get in the way of sex, hence why women have such a huge problem with porn. They see ... (read in full...)
Whenever we break up he flirts with this girl!
Q. im havin this problem with my bf lately there's this girl who he chats to on the internet and whenever we break up he ends up flirting with her. Telling her how he has these feelings for her and it bugs me a little sometimes but what really g...
A. 21 December 2009: Well it looks like there are some pretty big problems in this relationship if you are forever breaking up and getting back together again, what are the reasons for these break ups?
To be honest, a relationship that is off and on is somethin... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to be single when you go to University? Or can relationships work whilst you are at Uni?
Q. Hey. I'm currently in my last year of school and hoping to go to uni next year, which is all good. But there's something that got me thinking... Loads of people are saying that you should be single when you go to uni. Apparently if you're in a rel...
A. 21 December 2009: Well from my experience relationships dont work while you are at uni. I started uni 4 years ago and not one of the people I met whilst I was there stayed with their boyfriend/girlfriend that they had when they first went away. Thats including me!
... (read in full...)
Weight and body image
Q. It’s strange to believe that woman used to only wear long skirts and tops that revealed nothing especially when you go out on a Saturday night and see girls wearing little or no clothing. Women fought for rights that we should have been given for ...
A. 21 December 2009: I totally agree with you puds, I think us women have shot ourselves in the foot with all this "equality" business!
My stance on the situation is this: women should have the choice, but need to understand that we cannot have it all. Ultimate... (read in full...)
The majority of questions on here are so trivial
Q. I've been frequenting the site for quite a while now, and although I believe people can gain insightful advice and in its concept its great I've noticed of late how trivial the majority of questions are. This isn't a post to have ago at certain ...
A. 21 December 2009: To the most recent anonymous poster - the Moderator's have access to the IP addresses of posters so we can tell if the poster has repeatedly tried to post junk questions hence we reject a lot of the questions that do come through. We also reject ... (read in full...)
My first time and I didnt enjoy the experience!
Q. My boyfriend fingered me for the first time but I wasn't really turned on and it wasn't sore but will he think I'm strange because I wasn't "wet". Does it bother gu when a girl is "dry". We had been kissing for a while but it wasn't until I was ...
A. 18 December 2009: I know a guy would probably wonder why you are not wet and may be a little concerned that he doesnt turn you on if you were "dry" - but at the end of the day you are not a machine, you dont have an "on" or "off" button so it is totally normal what ... (read in full...)
I'm so broken, hurt, and confused!
Q. So me and my ex have been together for two years on and off were just friends nows but he acts like he wants to be with me the only promblem is that he got a 15year old girl pregant im 18 and he is 20. Its been so hard to deal with because he been ...
A. 17 December 2009: Well even if he said he wants you over her, he will still be tied to this girl for the next 18+ years because of the child. So you will always be "the other woman" even though he was dating you first.
To put it simply - this guy is a liar, a ... (read in full...)
If I'm pregant, I want an abortion without being judged!
Q. hi i am really worried that i am pregnant. I have a feeling that i am and i think im starting to look as though i am. i am scared to go to the doctors because I am afraid of being judged and i know it sounds stupid but if i am i want to abo...
A. 17 December 2009: A home pregnancy test should work even if you are still having periods - but the chances are if you are having periods then you are not be pregnant. It all depends how long ago you had unprotected sex?
I think you should make an appointm... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 4 September 2009: I totally agree, acting proud of your sexual exploitations in the past is a recipe for disaster, it just shouts "I slept around and loved it!". I think my approach for the future will be to not bring the subject up (I never like to talk about my ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 4 September 2009: Well thanks for the replies everyone! It is great to hear all of your opinions on the matter!
Now more specifically to Code Warrior, I would like to respond to your post. You make some very valid points and it is good to see the more "emotion... (read in full...)
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