A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,My girlfriend and I have been dating since april of 09. She is 19 and I am 20. It was love at first sight when we met, but in ther last couple months I haven't been happy at all. You see, her parents are kicking her out in february andn she expects me to take care of her and pay her bills, and have a joint account. We aren't engaged or anything and she wants a joint account. To me this is rediculous and I don't know what to do. I don't want to move out and she does and I have talked to her about it before but the more and more I think about it I feel that my only out is to break up with her. Please help me.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 January 2010):
 Well before you break up with her, which is quite a drastic move, you should try talking to her first.
You need to explain that at your current age and in your current financial situation, you are not ready to take responsibility for providing financially for her. Make it clear that you love her and want to be with her for a very long time, but you are just not ready yet to move in with her and you cannot afford to be looking after her at the moment.
If she loves you and cares about being in a relationship with you, then she will understand this and she will go about making arrangements to take care of herself. At 19 she should either be studying or in full time employment - if she is doing nothing then she needs to get up off her ass and start making her own money! No woman can afford to rely on a man financially these days, life is too expensive only on one income. So she needs a job and she needs to be able to pay her own way in the world, and if she doesnt realise this at her age well she is going to be sadly disappointed with the way the world works.
If she gets upset and doesnt understand what you are trying to tell her - well then she was only ever with you for security, probably never loved you in the first place and is only using you for your money. So if this does happen, then breaking up with her will be no bad thing!
But hopefully she does love you and she will be a sensible girl that is not looking for a man to be her meal ticket - and she will accept your reasoning why you shouldnt live together and have the joint account. Then she can start to think about sorting her own life out without relying on you to provide for her - like get a job and move in with some friends/relatives/live on her own.
Make sure when you do talk to her that you make it clear that you do love her and want to live with her one day, but now is just the wrong time and you dont want to be forced into it otherwise it will damage the relationship. Her family are being pretty nasty by throwing their 19 year old daughter out of the house, and you should be there to support her through this difficult time but she has to stand on her own two feet and not use you for your money. Let her know that you understand how hard and scary this must be for her and that you will try and help in whatever way you can, but let her know that you cannot help her financially and moving in together is not an option.
So just try and be nice with her, be caring and understanding but also be firm and clear in how you feel about the situation and what you are (and are not) willing to do to help her.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 January 2010):
This is far too much far too soon, and to be honest, alarm bells are ringing. I think if you love her, you can afford to tell her she needs to get a job before she moves in, then you can move her in with separate accounts. But unless she can get a job and is making her own money, break it off now. You don't want to be her escape, only for her to move on and find someone else after she's used you. Her getting a job and having her own money and contributing is a good compromise. And that's if you're ready to move in with her. Again, if you're not ready to move in with her, move on now.
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A
female
reader, pril +, writes (2 January 2010):
The question u need to be asking your self is do u love her can u see ur self with her when ur 80 yrs old. If not break it off now.
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A
female
reader, griffingirl +, writes (2 January 2010):
Tell her u only have enough money to take care of yourself and u dont want an account because u dont want to mix money and love together.
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