A
male
age
36-40,
*heLadiesMan
writes:So last night i was drinking shots and i popped a couple of xanex pills to establish a buzz faster than useuall well i was having a good time, and i went to sleep.. well i wake up this morning, and everything in my room is broken, one of my walls is knocked down to where my living room and bed room are now combined.. i have scratches all over my chest, and my face is throbbing like i was punched in the face while i was asleep. So i wake up kind of freaked out with my house being a dizaster. I know i didnt have a party, because the last thing that happend last night was my girlfriend came in the room and started screaming at me, and well i blacked out and fell asleep.. so i go looking for her in the house and she is locked in the restroom crying, and saying i shouldnt drink no more, and its scaring me so i kick the door down. I walk inside and i notice that she has two black eyes, a busted lip, and she is trembling in fear.. i was worried about her, but she wouldnt explain what happend she just said that me drinking was going to be a problem and we shouldnt talk no more. well i finally came to the conclusion that when i blacked out, she started slappin me in the face and punching me, and than started breaking everything in sight because she had an adrenalyn rush, and than out of guilt started abusing her self.. she has never been known for this kind of behavior, but i want to help her out.. hopefully we can work this out.. but i need to know what i should do? i cant stop drinking.. and the pills i cant live without.. so please tell me a way that i can get her back.. im losing my mind, im drinking right now just thinkin about her
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): for the record, blacking out is not a legitimate excuse for the destruction you caused. this post disgusts me.
A
female
reader, kitcub +, writes (21 January 2010):
Wow. Okay so you say you have taken these pills a lot, but you don't seem to know shit about them. Everyone I know who has taken them wakes up in a messed up situation not knowing how it happened. Why the hell would your girlfriend beat herself up? How exactly do you think she could destroy everything in your room. Xanex makes you forget when you drink with it. I can tell you exactly what happened. You got set off by something, destroyed your room, turned on your girlfriend who tried to defend herself, she locked herself in the bathroom, and when you finally got semi sober you found her locked away hiding from you. Haha honestly to say that she did all this is a huge joke. If she gets back with you it will be the biggest mistake of her life. Go get help because you ARE addicted and you are violent. Drinking by yourself is a sure sign of addiction. She is not the problem stupid you are.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 "i cant stop drinking.. and the pills i cant live without"
Read those lines back to yourself....your are addicted to alcohol and the pills. You have 2 very serious addictions that will eventually destroy your health, friendships and relationships.
If you want her back, the simple answer is this. GET HELP FOR YOUR ADDICTIONS. If you choose drink and pills over your girlfriend well she is better off without you anyway.
Whether this post is real or not is debatable. But going off the basis that you really do want help and advice, then you need to listen to all the advice you have been given already.
It is not physically possible to give yourself black eyes and a busted lip. It is especially unlikely that your girlfriend managed (as a female who I am presuming isnt 6ft tall or a body builder) to destroy your house, smash her own car windows and smash her phone. Read this carefully. IT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO HAVE DONE ALL OF THIS HERSELF.
Now unless your girlfriend tells you what happened that night, no-one is really going to know exactly what went on. But you say you have scratches on your chest - that indicates a struggle and it is a typically female form of self-defense, to scratch to try and achieve freedom/escape from whatever situation they are in. So from your account of what happened - the chances are she was scratching at you in self defense, trying to escape your attack.
Now in order to move on and "get her back" - then you need to accept that the chances are you attacked her and you are to blame for this situation. Once you have realised this then you need to then feel very lucky that she has not pressed charges against you - this is a serious case of domestic violence and the police would not look favourably on you in this situation.
Next - get help for your addictions. That is the only way your girlfriend will come back to you - like she said, your drinking is a problem and she doesnt want to speak to you anymore. Therefore unless you quit drinking, you have lost your girlfriend for good.
If you do go to the doctors and go to AA, then that will show your girlfriend that you are committed to the idea of getting better, you want help for your problems. You have to prove to her that you want to make changes, and the only way to do this is to get help.
But if you are adamant you are going to keep on drinking, and keep on taking pills then you are going to lead a very lonely life, if you dont end up dead within a few years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): I think that you hit here when you were drunk.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 January 2010):
You need professional help if you want to keep your girlfriend, who has told you she is terrified, and appears to have been beaten. To be honest, if she was here asking for advice, I would have to tell her to stay away for her own safety. I don't think you can get her back, but you need help. Get to a doctor and ask for it. Next you might not wake up, or you might wake up with brain damage or something.
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A
female
reader, Runewyrm +, writes (21 January 2010):
 Ok so you're seriously expecting us to believe that she gave herself two black eyes and broke her own phone and windows on a car? She locked herself in the bathroom to stop herself abusing you? She had a busted lip after hitting herself in the face? Come on man, we're not idiots. If you've got scratches on your chest then she has tried to defend herself in a very frightening situation. If you won't give up the pills and won't give up the drink, then expect to give up her. Because quite frankly i'm glad she's got herself out of there. You clearly have a drinking problem. Now you need to admit it before you can have a hope in hells chance of getting her back. Get some help.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (21 January 2010):
 Yeah you are The Ladies Man All right...I bet Ike Turner is your idol huh?
Seriously I dont know which is the more disturbing: Your cavalier attitude or you wondering how you can get her back after beating her ass. You are quite a guy. You'd last about 4 seconds with me before your nose was smelling your ass.
Its obvious you cant handle your own shit so maybe you should get some help. Because drunk, beat up and stuipid is no way to go through life, boy.
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A
male
reader, TheLadiesMan +, writes (21 January 2010):
TheLadiesMan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlike i said i blacked out, i jus want her back. i miss her its like i cant even call her either because she broke her phone last night too after she broke the windows to her car.. im sad all i want is advise
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): You're kidding, right?!
1. She has black eyes while you have scratches on your chest. Scratching is the way a woman with few defensive skills will try to defend herself in an extreme situation, particularly when it's unexpected, like when someone she loves doesn't know what he's doing and starts hitting her.
2. She'd locked herself in the bathroom - why would she do that if you were passed out and she was the one doing the attacking?
3. You say you blacked out and went to sleep. I've experienced several blackouts from drinking before and every time there was an hour or 2 between when I 'blacked out' and when I actually fell asleep. I know this for sure because there is video footage of me that I don't remember my friends taking.
4. You also say that you kicked the bathroom door down... If that's what you're doing once you've sobered up, I can imagine exactly how that hole was made between your bedroom and living room and also why this woman was scared out of her mind of you.
5. Why would she say that your drinking was going to be a problem if she had just attacked you when you were asleep?
If she cares for her own welfare, then there's no way you can get her back unless you seek some professional help. She doesn't have the problem, YOU do.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (21 January 2010):
 OKAY a few thoughts on this:
Is this REALLY the only option? Did she confirm this 'theory' of yours, cause it really sounds to me like YOU fucked her up. It's very hard for someone to give THEMSELVES black eyes, you can't really get good momentum. YOU ADMIT you blacked out, why would she get violent because you were passed out?
Second of all...it seems to me you DO have a problem drinking, if a)you are blacking out b) you are causing people who are supposed to be closest to you at the very least emotional pain c) you are comforting yourself with alcohol after having alcohol being the main issue of last night and the source of your breakup and you already drank enough last night ,clearly, from the black out. You're in serious denial, buddy.
the girl is right, stay away from alcohol, stay away from this girl, get your life together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): RU kidding? You can't stop drinking or taking pills but you expect her to stick around for this crazy life of yours? Let her go and don't get involved with anyone else unless they are just as messed up as you are....you truly can't expect others to make the same choice as you have, can you?
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A
male
reader, k1228 +, writes (21 January 2010):
 WHAT THE HELL DUDE!!! YOU GET BLACKOUT DRUNK AND TAKE SOME PILLS AND YOU BLAME YOUR GIRLFRIEND FOR HAVING THE CRAP BEATEN OUT OF HER!!! i may be 14 but i can reeeaaaalllly see a hole in your story. did you ever consider that you did that dumbass. you really should stop drinking dude. if something like this happens then you should be scared to drink, and even if im wrong you should stop anyway just incase. think about it ok.
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A
female
reader, LaPointe  +, writes (21 January 2010):
Are you seriously this delusional or is this a joke?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): You need to drink till it stops working and your life is 100% ruined- then hit your bottom, and surrender. Keep it up, it sounds as if your no where close to loosing everything in your life. You need to piss all of it away so that you can finally see that you have a drinking problem.
Please, for her sake, drink up.
Frankly, IMO your post is 100% BS...
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