A
male
age
41-50,
*husCapulet
writes:We started out just being friends and now we are really close friends. Things are becoming different now. When I am around her, my heart litrally beats faster. I find myself thinking about her all day ((daydreaming)). When I close my eyes at night, I dream of us being together. I kiss my pillow and pretend she is there, kissing me back.I have always had a secret crush on her but I never showed it. I never entertained the possibility of us being with one another. We went out the other night and had a few drinks. We both ended up showing suttle clues that we are attracted to each other. ]What the hell am I doing? It feels so wrong, but it feels so right at the same time. I feel alive for the 1st time in years! I feel like a teenager with a first time crush again. She has been married to a guy way older than her for 4 years. I know she married him for security, and I am sure she loves him as well. But the last time we hung out we held hands and hugged for a really long time. The passion between us is starting to build and its almost ready to explode. We have not kissed or anything ((not yet anyways)). I am really afraid to kiss her in fear of my feelings going off the deep end for this girl. I want to kiss her to see what it would be like, I know its wrong but I have to know. I don't care if she is married anymore. I think marriage is a crock of sh*t anyways. I don't believe humans were meant to get married, so from my moral standpoint (please respect my views) marriage is not a sacred thing. I think people feel obligated to get married to have kids and "start their life". I have never felt propelled to get married. I do believe in being with a soulmate though...just without the name brand. I am saying I am going to make the first move, but if she drops me a line...I am going for it. This is the first time I have ever felt like this and I am afraid I will never have the chance again. This girl is the one.Before I break down what is going on, let me give you a little background about myself. I have been with more women then I care to comment on in pursuit of "the one". I have never in my 15 years of playing the field, felt like this about a girl before (not even close). This girl is my soulmate, she is the one. I can feel her thoughts right now. We are so connected it feels like magic. She asked me if I wanted to go on a walk through the woods with her tomorrow. Her husband knows that we are friends and hang out all the time. Her husband can't beat me up (so please don't make stupid comments like "whatch out for her hubby if you get caught"Seriously...what should I do? Let go of your beliefs and look at the situation from my moral standpoint. If you are going to respond with anything about God...please spare me the BS. I am a firm believer that a person should take full advantage of everything that life has to offer because we are only here once. Should I walk away from my soulmate...or should I go for it if she makes a move?
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crush, kissing, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (24 December 2009):
Interesting developments. Please can you come back and update us m....'s in a few weeks. Would love to know if you manage to make it work!!
A
male
reader, ThusCapulet +, writes (24 December 2009):
ThusCapulet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe finally kissed and it was f*cking amazing. I am glad I didn't listen to any of you [moderator removed insults]. I have never felt so happy in my life and its just gonna keep getting better. I decided to deal with the problems as they come. For right now...I am just steer straight and keep my eye on the prize.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 Instead of asking us to look at it from your "moral standpoint" (many would argue you have no morals if you are happy to start an affair with a married woman and potentially break up a happy marriage), why not look at the situation from your "soulmate's" moral standpoint.
Clearly, marriage is very important to her and she has married a man she loves. You want us to respect your views, so why do you not respect her views? surely if she is your soulmate then nothing will be more important than her, her feelings and beliefs? So why are you happy to stamp all over her beliefs and turn her life upside down, just for a kiss?
I dont want to sound rude but it seems you are being quite selfish here, you just talk about yourself and how you feel about her, and how you want to kiss her etc. I dont think you actually have real feelings for this woman - after all why would you want to do something that would deliberately mess up her life? Surely if she is "the one" then all you would want would be for her to be happy, and surely you must know that pursuing her and having an affair with her will not make her happy? She will only feel guilt for cheating on her husband, she will feel unhappy with herself knowing that she is a cheat and a liar, and she will be constantly unsure of herself and where her life is heading. That does not sound like a good situation to be in!
Now I will say that a lot of the blame should lie with her, after all she is a married woman, she made that choice to get married therefore she should honor the vows she made to her husband instead of flirting with you and allowing you to develop feelings for her - she is either enjoying having you chase after her and pursue her in this way, or she is in a great deal of emotional turmoil over who she should be with.
I think you need to stop thinking about yourself and consider the implications of starting an affair with this woman. Not only what it will do to her and her life, but what about the implications on your life? What happens if you do go ahead with this and she leaves her husband for you - the chances are she will have nowhere to live so she will move in with you, if she is with her husband for "security" as you say then you will become the provider for her! So are you ready for that?
I think you are chasing after something you cant have, and in reality you dont actually want her, you just want to see if you can tempt her away from her husband. You dont love or care for this woman, she is just another toy to you.
If you want to prove us all wrong then stay away from her and dont give in to temptation. After all if you do love her and think she is your soulmate, then instead of treating her like women in your past, you will put her needs first and think about her before you think about yourself.
You absolutely should walk away from her, but I get the funny feeling there is no chance of that happening!
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 So she loves her spouse but I doubt she loves you both. With the modern times that we have today I am not surprised to hear she has such deal with hubby to have their fun on the side but return home to each other at the end of the day and exchange wicked glances. At least if you are ready to go ahead with the misdeed why don't you at least talk about where you expect this to lead to? On the short and long terms. Maybe you are being used to make her marriage more modern and you don't even know the favour you are doing them. What I mean is, it's very easy to go by the impulse and do whatever crosses your mind, but wouldn't you think you should reason this out and not go by feeling here and in general? Have that talk with yourself firstly, before you talk to her. And ask yourself why you have been with so many women and not had a stable girlfriend if you haven't had one? There are many questions on the site pertaining to this topic, most extra-marital affairs end up in tears or on bad terms, as you can probably guess why, from the beginning they are built on flimsy grounds. As you have been told, you are an adult and can hopefully face the aftermath of your actions. All the best.
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A
male
reader, ThusCapulet +, writes (22 December 2009):
ThusCapulet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand maybe I seem like I made up my mind so I could get someone to appose my thought process.
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A
male
reader, ThusCapulet +, writes (22 December 2009):
ThusCapulet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood point. I am a thrill seeker for sure. But with this girl it is different. I am going to kiss her and see what happens. Hopefully the forbidden fruit doesn't turn rotten. And if it does...I will throw it back under the tree.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (22 December 2009):
I am wondering why you asked for advice if your mind is already made up? Anyway, the smartest people in the world are the people who have the ability to foresee the future. You are only thinking about right now. What about months from now? What if you fall in love? Will she leave her husband? Will she tolerate an anti- marriage guy? Do you think its possible that you want her only because you know she can't be yours (forbidden fruit scenario). Something tells me you might be a thrillseeker and once you conquer a woman then you lose interest and chase another possible thrill. My advice is that you are both adults and as long as you are aware of the possible consequences then its your decision. Oh by the way, the old guy can't beat you up if he finds out but perhaps he can throw her out, keeping all his security to himself. Think about everything that could happen. These old guys are very quick with hiring PI's when they get suspicious.
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