A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this girl on a nightout I fell for her hook line and sinker we speak on the phone everyday and have done for 16 months I love her she has had a lot of problems and there is a 13 year difference I'm 31 she is 19 she says she's not readt to be with me (she is an ex drug addict and has bipolar) I want to be with her so much but I can't wait around forever. How do I help her ? She craves a baby do I give her one so she will come and live with me. Please any advice would be grately received Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 January 2010):
 The worst thing you can do is to have a baby with this girl - your relationship is not strong enough to handle such a strain! While she might "crave" a baby, she obviously has a lot of issues she is dealing with right now so while she might want a baby, you have to keep in mind what is the "right" thing to do and in this situation, you need to be mature here and know that having a baby with her is a very very bad idea.
If she is not ready for a relationship then there is not a lot you can do I'm afraid - the only person that can help her is herself. She has lots of issues that she needs to deal with, and the only person that can do that is her. You cant make her better, you cant make her ready for a relationship. All you can do is be there for her as a friend and hope that when she is better she will want to be with you. But there are no guarantees here - can you wait for an un-determined period of time for this girl? Or do you want to move on and hopefully find a woman that is more emotionally available?
You need to accept that if this girl says she is not ready to be with you then that is the truth and the final word on the situation. There is no way around it, there is nothing you can do - she is being very sensible by saying she is not ready to be with you because she clearly has too many personal issues to commit to a relationship. So you need to acknowledge that she is doing the right thing and make your choice: either you are happy just being her friend and supporting her through this difficult time - but you absolutely cannot expect anything from her; or you accept that this relationship has no future, you dont want to wait around for her and you move on.
You only have those 2 choices I'm afraid - she has made her position very clear so now you have to decide what you want to do.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (18 January 2010):
You need to find out more details about her bipolar because it is not easy being with a person suffering from this condition. It can be a roller coaster with periods of euphoric happiness then periods of gloom and pain. I would say start by studying everything you can about bipolar (google it) so that you can go in with your eyes open. As for the baby, why dont you wait until you are in a committed relationship first?
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