A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im havin this problem with my bf lately there's this girl who he chats to on the internet and whenever we break up he ends up flirting with her. Telling her how he has these feelings for her and it bugs me a little sometimes but what really gets me frustrated is that when we get back together he still flirts with her and she does the same thing they both leave lil hearts on each others internet profiles. I even asked the girl about it she tells me she had no idea we were back together stuff like that. I also asked my boyfriend about it he just denies everything saying they are just friends and only that. he can't even tell me he told her all this yet i know what he has been saying to her because she has told me herself what can i do about this? i have a child with this guy and i have no idea how to deal with this if we seperate i mean how can i avoid him when we have a child i know at some point he will want to see his baby. This has happened before when we broke up we ended up making up but i dont want this to happen again Do i just avoid him completely without letting him see his daughter ?
View related questions:
broke up, flirt, get back together, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): An insecure guy needs a women for validation.It's his way to feel that he's wanted and has value.Some people can never be alone she is like a security blanket just in case.The other girl probable likes the situation while playing the game
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): oh btw i understand about my daughter needing her dad in her life. Its so frustrating when he doesnt come see her at all it hurts seeing her not havin her dad around
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): one of the reason we break up is him flirting with other girls all the time. when we break up i always tell him he can come see her to visit or take her somewhere, he barely does its more like once every two weeks or longer.When he does visit he somehow finds his way back into my house
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 December 2009):
 Well it looks like there are some pretty big problems in this relationship if you are forever breaking up and getting back together again, what are the reasons for these break ups?
To be honest, a relationship that is off and on is something that normally happens when you are a teenager, when one minute you are together and the next you break up, only to get back together a few hours/days later. It is not a sign that your relationship is a mature one, based on communication and respect.
So in my opinion, maybe it would be best for you to call it quits for good - no going back to each other again. If you continue like you are now you will only end up covering up any problems that do exist. You are putting yourself through an unnecessary emotional roller coaster - when you break up you will be hurting, and when you get back together it will be a short lived happiness. So you are never actually dealing with the problems that are causing you to break up in the first place, and this is not good for you, your boyfriend or your daughter.
But you absolutely cannot deny him to see his daughter. He is her father and she deserves to have a dad in her life, regardless of what is going on between the two of you. So I think even though you should separate, you should devise a schedule so he still gets regular access to your daughter. If you feel you wont be able to get over him if you are seeing him regularly, then just arrange for him to take your daughter out for the day, so he is not visiting her in your house.
If you have problems drawing up a schedule then see a lawyer - it is a good idea to get legal advice when it comes to child visitation rights. And he will also have to pay child support so you do need to get a legal document drawn up ideally that binds him to regular payments and something that outlines exactly when he can see her (i.e. every wednesday night and every sunday...something like that) If you have a legally binding document then he is much more likely to stick with it, meaning he pays his child support, your daughter has regular contact with her dad and you can be prepared when you see him, and it is also good to have a routine with a child.
Just because you have a child does not mean you have to stay together - but it does mean that she has 2 parents and needs them both in her life, you have no right to take her dad away from her just because you have broken up and she will resent you for it in the future.
But you do really need to end this silly cycle of breaking up and getting back together, it is not good for any of you. So either make a clean break from him and make sure it is over for good, or if you want to give it one last try then get your boyfriend to relationship counseling, and make sure he stops messing around on the internet with other girls! But remember that even if you want to give this one last try, it will only work if he really wants to try too. There is no point in you working your ass off to make this relationship work when he is nowhere near as committed as you are. One clear sign of his intentions will be if you ask him to close his account online for now and break all contact with this other girl - if he refuses then clearly he is not willing to give his all to making your relationship work. But if he does agree and actually follows through with it then it shows he at least wants to try.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Wow. Sounds like you have a cheater!! I have went threw this before! Don't even waste your time on him.. He is going to end up breaking your heart and you don't want that! You said yu have a child with him.. Well what I would do is find you daughter a daddy that wants to spend time with her not some girl on the internet and you want your daughter to have a good life not a life like this.. Someday he is going to feel really bad because he is doing this to you and he is going to want you back and you will hopefully be with someone who treats you right and cares about you!
...............................
|
