A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just out of curiosity, how can guys think it's alright to lie about porn and continue to look at it when it really bothers their partner? I've never had problems with this (and am not currently), and honestly I don't have problems with porn in general. I actually quite like to watch sometimes. But I've been reading this site a lot and just don't understand how guys can act like it's totally normal to make their partner feel like complete crap, listen to them begging and crying, continue to do it and lie to them about them, then have the nerve to tell them all guys do it and to stop being insecure. Call me crazy, but that seems like an addiction. I think it's pretty unfair for men to say, stop being insecure and get over it. It's also really condescending to lie to them "for their own good." Didn't I get the right to hear the truth after I learned that santa wasn't real? If a woman feels like she's being cheated on with porn, then that's the way she feels and calling her insecure isn't going to help anything especially seeing as it's not always a matter of security. How can someone say, well it doesn't make me love you any less, I just like to imagine I'm doing someone else while having sex with hand even though I know it hurts you a lot. Don't worry, I do love you. Loving you doesn't mean I can't look into your sad face and lie though. It just makes me sad... Just to say this again though, I think as long as both people like it porn can be totally hot and spice up a relationship. What do you all think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): This is BS that it is in a "man's nature" to watch porn and check out girls. Lots of men control it. And they wouldnt like it, if we watched porn either. I had this problem, I am a girl and like porn, and i've caught my boyfriend looking at porn behind my back and when he catches me doing the same he gets all mad and hurt. So now we've decided to not watch it at all. Cause watching it together still leads to us wanting to watch is alone. SO just eliminate it. There is no need for it, if it werent for the internet it wouldnt even be such a big problem and wouoldnt be in so many relationships.
Also From this site and sites like these, theres a lot of little boys who say "get over it, deal with it, we are all the same" thats not true. Strong young women out there dont blive that for a second, and if you do then you go ahead and watch porn too!, and trust me, they wont like you watching it alone. So anyhoo look around, once boys get older they wont need porn and WILL stop if it bothers you, its not in their nature!. And if you still can't find a nice man, find a nice christian boy they are hot and sweet!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): I don't know how old kc100 is, perhaps 20-25. Yes that's a rosey view isn't it. Let's see how you feel when you've had a few babies and have they scars he gave you and he's comparing you. And before you say, men do t compare us . Well I'm sorry but your the naive one here. If men truly thought real looking women were beautiful and more gorgeous thtn s silicon ' barely eoman' then air brushing wouldn't exist and th women in this months penthouse would look exactly like their wives and mothers of their children. But the truth us that's not what men want to look at. They want something different.....different to you, different to me. Something that is eternally youthful, plastic and fake looking. You can delude yourself and think there is no disrepect in this but at the nd of the day what me CHOOSE to look at says a whole lot about what thy value and what they see as beautiful. It's not their wife.....it's the woman they have never met who'll take her clothes off. Men live in an eternal state if never being satisfied, because they never have to truly grow ip and take responsibility for another life like woendo, they remain Eentirely self centred.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Of course women have huge insecurities with their bodies. Why wouldn't they when men flaunt their desire for standards NO woman can live up to. They expect is to have their kids and marry them and grow ok'd tigethr but the whole time we are expecte to look like 20year old porn stars. At least that is what they set for the ideal. When we have scars and wrinkles from a life of devotion them them and their children, they think it's totally acceptable to be jacking off to someone who we look nothing like, then they call us insecure. Instead if embracing the true beauty of women and what they offer men worship at the alter of eternal youth, pre baby bodies and never aging silicon women. Let's get real guys if you want true intomcy and truly care about womenkind , you would see porn for why it truly is and would find it's concepts so disresectful to women that it couldn't possibly excite you. But in truth this would never Galen becase like it wa said before men are extremely selfish and put their orgasm above any womans feelings.
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reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 December 2009):
 Well despite Bibu's post being completely absurd, he does actually end on a good point. Women do have so many insecurities about their bodies that often it does get in the way of sex, hence why women have such a huge problem with porn. They see these perfect (airbrushed and re-touched) bodies and then look at their own naked body and obviously come to the conclusion that their body is not good enough so why would their partner want to come near them? When the reality is that if a man is in a relationship with you, the chances are he is attracted to you and will want to see you naked, to enjoy your body. if women just loosened up a little, stopped comparing themselves to every woman they see in the media or walking down the street, and started to celebrate their body for what it is - then maybe men would not turn to porn so much.
I agree that men lying about porn is wrong - most men do watch it and if any woman doesnt accept that fact then she is in denial and is only causing herself more problems. But the main reason why they lie is because some women have such a massive objection to porn that it is just easier not to mention they watch it and clear their internet history. And the only reason women have a problem with it is not because of the porn itself, it is because they are projecting their own insecurities and problems and blaming it on the porn, rather than dealing with their problems directly. My bet is that any woman that really hates porn has low self esteem, trust issues and problems with her self worth.
The majority of men dont watch porn and then think about having sex with a porn star when they are having sex with their partner. The majority of men use porn as a release, men have a different biological response to sex as they attach less emotions to it, so to them it is just watching some hot women getting "nailed" (sorry for being crude) by some guys - it is absolutely nothing to do with "oh my god I want to have sex with her". More often than not it is about the sexual acts they are watching that is a turn on, rather than just looking at attractive women. A lot of men that watch porn will be thinking "I would love to try that with my wife/girlfriend".
Women see porn as a violation of their relationship and a sign that their partners dont love them/find them attractive/want to have sex with other women....this is so far from the truth! It is also nothing to do with the man not getting enough sex, it really is just a release of sexual tension and a bit of a fantasy for them. If women could see this and come to terms with it then men would not feel they have to lie or hide it from their partners.
I actually believe it is a private thing for men and there is no need for the man to disclose to his partner whether he watches porn and how frequently etc. Just as it is not acceptable for a man to ask a woman what she fantasizes about when she masturbates. I know my boyfriend watches porn on the odd occasion (I didnt actually ask him, it just came up in conversation when discussing this site) and he still thinks I am really attractive and we have sex very regularly. Porn has no impact on my relationship nor on the way he feels about me. If more women could be more accepting of porn, like you and I, then there would be no more lies and deception, and we would all be a lot happier! And there would be less porn questions on this site! Oh we can only dream......
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 December 2009):
 Because they know their partner rarely will actually do anything about it.
Occasionally, between all the "am I pregnant" posts you get the "He loves me, tells me so, respects me, never cheats, has a steady job, wants to settle down, how do I dump his boring ass" post. Not so long ago a woman wrote practically this exact sentence.
She wanted drama and as I have grown older I have come to realize that most women do. They need something in the relationship they can work on.
Because the solution to the problem of the female being hurt is simple. Walk away or even "don't get involved in the first place". But women like yourself never take this simple solution, instead they try to change him.
How can women think it is ok to change a man, to force him to alter his behavior just to suit their desires?
Who is responsible for your happiness? You or someone else?
Basically, what women in this situation seem to say: "I love you, not what you do, so because of that, you got to change what you do because you owe me".
The man then says "no". And the woman answers "okay".
Men who do this think it is ok because it seems to be. Afterall if it wasn't ok, the woman would do something about it, like leave.
Basically, if women were police they would arrest criminals by saying "stop, or I won't do anything".
Sure a nice guy wouldn't hurt a woman even if there is no consequence, but we all know how well they do with girls (or rather with the girls you are talking about).
Guys who "hurt" their partner with their actions do so because they want to do whatever they are doing and the consequences are not enough to persuade them otherwise. Women who date them apparently don't consider the actions bad enough to really do anything about them.
Don't they love their partners? Well maybe not and yet, they get the girl.
Learn about evolution, survival of the ones who manage to survive. As long as some women date men who watch porn, some men will watch porn.
Up to you wether you are yet another woman who complains about the guy nobody is forcing her to be with or actually pick a guy who is the nice guy you claim to want but never dated in your entire life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): What rubbish , I'm a woman and have absolutely no interest I. These things. Neither do
any other women I know
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009):
Women like romance novels, trashy gossip, romantic comedies, etc.
If these things bothered men like porn bothers women, would women all be so quick to cut them out of their lives entirely? I doubt it.
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (21 December 2009):
 DoubleM thats a deep answer i never thought about that, so basically your saying theres more porn because theres more porn. kool well people do get addicted to it ive whinessed this. The poster what your describing sounds like an addiction its the same thing with drugs or alcohol most people cant stop an addiction on their own they need intervention the thing is porn wont kill you like drugs and alcohol, its cheap or free and abundant the ultimate drug. thats just how it is, i think its just one of the worst addictions drugs are bad but if you stop using them your clean but porn well if your addicted to that kinda hard to stop using sex since its every where and its the buildng block of life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Because the sad truth us that 99% of men are extremely selfish. They put their orgasm above any persons feelings. Some take this as fra as rape and physical abuse but most use porn. Womens hurt or how they ate affected by this issue means nothing to most men. Sad but true.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Im sure you will get plenty of responses as some try to justify it, by saying the very things you mentioned.
Its normal, not true. All guys do it, also not true.
For quite a few of them, notably the ones with relationship problems as a result of their habit, i think it really is an addiction.
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 December 2009):
 Indeed, pornography can be addictive due the proliferation and ease of availability today. In your age range, 20-something, pornography has been widespread since you were in puberty, but for those of us much older (I'm 60-something) it was quite rare in our youth.
There was Playboy Magazine (since 1952) and some others, but Playboy was a soft porn that, to many of us, portrayed the beauty of women in the nude. And of course, pornography in one form or another has existed throughout recorded time. But most in the older generations were rarely exposed to pornography unless a lot of effort and expense was expended to acquire it.
What is widely available today was very rare forty or fifty years ago. Hard core existed, usually in crude form and lacking people of beauty, but few of the older generations ever saw it, in my opinion. But today, it's like candy, and like candy can become an addiction.
Unfortunately, I have no solution to offer, but I think that too much porn can actually affect sexual performance (especially on the part of men) because it can desensitize them. It can reach a point where being with a woman may not be as stimulating as an endless fantasy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Why do some partners cheat on the other, don't they know it hurts them? Heck, why do people lie in general, don't they know how much it hurts others?
I guess some people are just flat out egocentric.
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