A
female
age
30-35,
*ildvirgin
writes:So I promised this guy that I would have sex with him. I really want to. I talked myself up and made it sound like I'm really experienced. I've done everything but have sex. He's expecting me to be wild and crazy. Truth is I need tips on being wild and crazy. Help! I want to impress him. I've dreamt of this day since I was a young teenager. Give me tips on how to hide that I am a virgin and make him go crazy. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (4 January 2010):
So why are you trying to pass yourself off as something you're not? In other situations that is known as "fraud" and it seldom leaves a positive impression.
Even more importantly, why are you treating this intimate, very personal, activity as if it was some kind of a performance? Or worse, some kind of an exchange transaction: you give him sex, and he gives you attention, or status, or tangible goods. You certainly know what they call people who treat sex as a commodity.
If you think that giving "wild and crazy sex" to this guy will secure his loyalty, you are sadly mistaken. If sex wins him over, then sex is probably the only thing keeping you two together. The effect will only last until another sexual curiosity crosses his mind - a girl who is taller, or shorter, or curvier, or skinnier, or blonder, or better fellatrix, etc, etc, etc.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum. (Is your question important enough that you even spent time looking for answers before you posted?) If you take an hour to read the article posted by "satindesire", and the links posted by the folks who left comments about her article, you'll have a good start toward understanding your first experience with sexual intercourse and how to make it good.
A lot of what is said on her article page won't mean much to you until after the fact. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us. Based on your post, I don't see much possibility for you to have that kind of experience.
p.s. - your post confirms an observation that has been made in a few well-controlled longitudinal studies: among teenagers, more people claim to have had sex than have actually done it. Whether this bragging comes from a desire to "fit in" and conform to peer pressure, or something more complicated, isn't clear.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): You are setting yourself up to regret this later. Please, respect yourself. To tell you the truth, you sound like a hooker or a pornstar that is more interested in performing well than in having a meaningful experience with someone. If he is into you, he will be into you without sex. If he's not into you, then sex won't make him into you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): my first time hurt alot - if my partner hadn't known and had tried ride me for his quick pleasure then i would have had an awful experience. Thankfully he knew i was a virgin and was so gentle and slow and considerate - it was a really good experience looking back and i don't regret it for one moment. I say don't sleep with someone who doesn't know you are a virgin because otherwise i think you are gonna regret it - first times are normally bad to some extend therefore why add to it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Are you for real? Its a really, really bad idea to be dishonest about something you have done before. You have no clue about emotional consequences or physical ones.
If you really do want to do it, look at your own experience. If you have done sexual stuff before - oral sex, manual stuff and all, follow your own lead.
Sounds like one of the worst ways of losing your virginity though. It might help you to read some of the older posts from people who did it. Tons of them regret it. Some others want to deal with the pain etc. Check out posts under virginity.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Ok first things first this is a very bad idea! Your first time will be horrible unless it is with a guy that you love, that you have been dating for a good few months, and someone who cares about you just as much as you care about them. If you dont have this - you will feel used and it will be a horrible sensation afterwards to lose your virginity to a guy that only wants sex from you! After sex your emotions run wild, you feel so close and connected to that person, and for your first time these emotions are even more intense. So to lose your virginity to a guy that only wants sex from you will be a very empty experience and you will feel awful after it, I can guarantee that.
Secondly, there is no way you will be able to act "wild and crazy" when you are a virgin. That sort of sexual liberation and freedom only happens when you have had sex a few times, where you are really comfortable with your body and then man you are having sex with.
Also, the chances are your first time will hurt and you might bleed - so there is no way you will be able to be "wild and crazy" when all you are thinking about is how much it hurts!
So please dont have sex with this guy, you will only regret it when you are older and wish you had waited until you were in a relationship with someone you love. I know it sounds cheesey and the idea of sex right now will seem really hot but the reality of sex is very different - your first time will never be that sort of wild and kinky sex you are imagining. So please wait!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Your best to tell him the truth!
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