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Should he get the DNA test or should I leave the situation alone?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Pregnancy, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 January 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 January 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Ok so my bf and I have been going out for about 10 months, in that time we broke up and got back together. Well i guess during that breakup period or while we were still together(still trying to figure that part out) he met some girl and they were talking for like a week. In that period of time they had sex and now shes claiming shes pregnant. First she wanted a DNA to get child support but now she wants nothing to do with him, and he feels the same way. I feel like he should get a DNA because later on down the road she might decide to contact him up and want him involved, and if i plan on being with him, cuz we do have plans i dont want her trying to be a typical "babymomma'' and I want to find out sooner rather than later if its his. If it does turn out to be his i dont think i can continue my relationship with him, because I'll always have the thought that he cheated and it might happen again. Or to think his feelings for me went out the window for a week and then came back. O i do want to say since everything has come to light he has been faithful, and seems quite sincere about everything with me and him. So my question to you is should I do whats in my heart and get the DNA, or leave the situation alone like she wants to and he wants to?

View related questions: broke up, got back together, period

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for the advice, we are going to pursue the DNA and hopefully all goes well, I'll keep you updated and agin thanks for the thoughts

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A male reader, Honest Answer United States +, writes (25 January 2010):

Honest Answer agony auntGet the DNA test. If Not for you, if not for him, if not for the other woman, then do it for the baby. Don't forget that after all settles, the only innocent one is this baby.

If he is the father, he owes it to this child to "man up" and be a father. This includes child support and his "time."

I have a gut feeling that he is not the father but instead of relying on my gut, convince him to get the DNA test.

Good Luck!

Jeff

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (25 January 2010):

I think he should go through with the DNA test. Not just for himself or the "babymomma" and all that drama. But I think a child has a right to know (in most cases) who their parents are. Especially when it comes to the history of a parent's health, the child may need to know these things sometime down the road (cancers, heart attacks, stroke, psychological disorders, etc).

I think either way, if your boyfriend is or isn't the father you're going to have the same thoughts of will he do it again. Regardless if the child is his, he still slept with the other girl during the break you two had. But he should get a DNA test because obviously she isn't 100% sure it's his and almost guaranteed she will come back with wanting child support. If it's not his, then it's only fair that he's not the one to pay it, and if it is he has a legal obligation to. Besides that, I doubt he's going to want to sign any sort of birth certificate as the father without a DNA test.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (25 January 2010):

k_c100 agony auntWell if the child is really his then he has a legal obligation to at least financially provide for the child - so getting a DNA test is the right thing to do.

As you said, there is a good chance that later on down the road this girl will want him to be involved, whether that is in the child's life or just for money. So to save time and heartache now, getting a DNA test is best for everyone involved.

And he really should want to do this test himself, without you even suggesting it. Because at the end of the day, if this child is his then it deserves a father, the child has done nothing wrong in this situation but it will be the child that suffers because of your boyfriend's mistakes. IF he was stupid enough to have unprotected sex with this girl then he has to face up to his responsibilities - he should be old enough to know that sex = children if you have unprotected sex, so he has to face up to what he has done. By ignoring her and the situation he is just brushing the situation under the carpet and that is not good for any of you! After all, there may be a little person walking around that is half of him - that is something that cannot be ignored!

So you are doing the right thing by pushing him to get the DNA test, it is what is best for you, your boyfriend, the mother of the child and ultimately is the best thing for the child.

As for your relationship with your boyfriend - wait until the results of the DNA test before you make any decisions about your future.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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