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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Will having sex with my friend help me get over my ex?
Q. I can't get over my ex but I'm good friends with a guy who treats me like a queen and wants me to be his girlfriend and wife one day but I'm still messed up in my head about my ex. If I have sex with my good guy friend, will that make me get over my ...
A. 7 February 2011: No - you wont have a clear head at all, the situation will be even more messy and complicated, and you will feel even worse.
Look - your friend really likes you and wants you to be his girlfriend. He REALLY cares about you so you should have the... (read in full...)
If you live together first does it hurt your chances for marriage?
Q. I'm separated, soon to be divorced after a long term marriage and am just beginning to date again. A lot seems to have changed since I was last single. One of the things I don't understand is that at lest where I live, it seems that everyone wants ...
A. 7 February 2011: Well I have not actually heard of these findings before - I guess over here in the UK these studies have not really been discussed!
However even if I had heard this before I moved in with my boyfriend (we have lived together for 7 months, ... (read in full...)
Is he just like every other man who gets what he wants and leaves?
Q. Hi All. Theres this guy I talk to regularly on facebook and sometimes I see him out. Hes really flirty over facebook with girls, including me.. but hes all talk and never acts on it. I'd go out for random drives with him and i learnt hes pretty shy ...
A. 2 February 2011: Well he sounds like it I'm afraid - regardless of how shy he is, he was brave enough to kiss you and have sex with you so he pretty much got what he wanted, and is probably now onto the next girl who falls for it.
The internet & texts give you... (read in full...)
When is too soon to move in together?
Q. When is too soon to move in together? I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. We are both happy together and I feel he is 'the one' and says he feels the same. He's 34 and I'm 30, he still lives with his parents and I have my own place. ...
A. 2 February 2011: Well I think roughly that it is fine to move in together once you have been together for a year, and then obviously any time after that. If you move in together before you have been together a year it is a bit rushed and you dont really know each ... (read in full...)
What things do guys say that they don't actually mean?
Q. dear readers this is a question sort of...for men to answer. (or possibly highly opiniated women) im kind of asking this for all the female population that randomly stmble upon this article. what things DO YOU guys say that you dont actually ...
A. 2 February 2011: Well, with regards to this question:
"like yes im listning to you honey" when your actually really concentrating on your rugby match.
What they really mean is "please stop talking when there is something I am really interested in on TV". General... (read in full...)
Why do people yo-yo with their weight?
Q. Why do people yo-yo weight gain/loss? I have a friend (mid-thirties) who put on loads of weight shortly after his marriage (about 70 lbs) then, just before dumping his wife, got fit and lost loads of weight to meet his next beau. He now lives with ...
A. 2 February 2011: Weight gain & weight loss is such a difficult area and you need to realise that everyone is incredibly different when it comes to weight - some people can stay thin whilst eating junk, others gain weight eating 1 biscuit! Our bodies handle fat, ... (read in full...)
I think she has lost her feelings for me because of our sex life!
Q. im married for 7 yrs and i dont know whats wrong with my wife,i think im loosing her and any advise would be appreciated please .since we met she had a lot of sex eperiance and i had none,i was married before her but my ex and me didnt know ...
A. 2 February 2011: Sorry to be harsh but you have treated her pretty badly - you have been completely selfish by receiving oral sex and not giving any back, then when she tried to communicate with you about your problems, you told her she complains too much. You have ... (read in full...)
Are some relationships mendable?
Q. Me and my girlfriend just broke up recently because we did not agree on somethings in each others lifestyle (things that can be compromised but we were too stubborn). From the sounds of it, she is taking it as hard as I am (she initiated it). We ...
A. 1 February 2011: I really cant answer this without knowing what it was that you disagreed on? What are these things about your future that has caused the break-up?
I cant tell you if this is something that can be fixed if I dont know the reason in the first pl... (read in full...)
He says my past disgusts him...
Q. I am 24 years old and I have had multiple partners some of whom know my current boyfriend. He said that my past disgusts him and he can't be with me because he can't get over the thought of people knowing what i am like in bed. Is it wrong for me to ...
A. 1 February 2011: Try googling this phrase "retroactive jealousy" - it should clear a lot up for you and show why he is the way he is. Many, many men suffer from this (search dear cupid and you will see, there are hundreds of questions from men struggling to deal ... (read in full...)
I am 16 years old, height is 5'5", is a weight of 103 lbs. normal??
Q. I am 16 years old, my height is 5"5. Is it normal that my weight is 103? ...
A. 1 February 2011: You are underweight for your height. But as the other posts have said, we dont know enough about you to say whether it is 'normal' for you or not.
If you are worried about your weight then you should see a doctor, and have a read on this website ... (read in full...)
People don't take me seriously because of the way I look! How can I find a nice guy?
Q. Ok. I really like the way I look, but people just seem to not take me seriously. I am 16. I am a bleach blonde. a little taller than the regular. I have as some people say the 'perfect nose' (people ask if I had a rynoplasty haha) I have brown eyes, ...
A. 1 February 2011: Well I would say that if you want to be taken more seriously then you might have to reconsider the way you dress. Now I am not saying change who you are, because that would be wrong. But for a 16 year old to be in mini skirts and high heels with ... (read in full...)
How can I get my daughters boyfriend to pay his way?
Q. Hi, I would really appreciate some advice regarding my daughter's boyfriend. His mum threw him out and he was living with me full time for a while but i couldn't sustain it because I was made redundant and didn't have much money plus I was unwell ...
A. 31 January 2011: I think you need to talk to your daughter and make sure she understands just how serious this is. Tell her you understand she wants him at the house, and you are happy to have him around but you cannot support him on your current income, therefore ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is still married, living with his wife and having a baby with her!
Q. my boyfriend of 5 months is married but seperated and has a baby due anyday now. He lives in another city with his mom and dad and wife. He come to see me when ever he can. So many times I've tried to end it because of the situation but we just ...
A. 31 January 2011: I'm really sorry to say this but I dont think your 'boyfriend' is actually separated, he is just telling you that to keep you happy and to keep you in his life.
Sure, by the sounds of things, they have problems. But at the end of the day, they hav... (read in full...)
16, in love, and ready to have a baby. Need advice, opinions, and feedback!
Q. I'm 16 years old and want a baby. Ok so I'm 16, turn 17 in 10 months, I finish high school in just under 5 months and have already achieved good grades so far. My boyfriend is the exact same except he is 2 months older then me. We have been tog...
A. 31 January 2011: First things first - having a baby when the age of the mother is under 20 puts both you and your baby at some prety major risks of birth defects and health problems. Here are the main ones:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate... (read in full...)
Do I chat her up while bumping and grinding?
Q. Hey guys... I really need some help when it comes to chatting to girls. When I'm out at a nightclub, I absolutely love to dance, I know I'm a good dancer (don't want to sound arrogant), but I usually have a girl who will dance up near me, or keep...
A. 31 January 2011: Well good thing is that when a girl keeps looking at you and dancing near you - she likes you! So at least you have not got problems in that department, all you need to do is make the next step.
Now I know, from my own personal experien... (read in full...)
Stuck with my current GF because its the easiest option, but my physical attraction for her is weaning and I'v cheated on her....
Q. Hi there, Im going to sound like the bad guy in this but hear me out, I would appreciate all opinions, good or bad. Thanks! So, Ive been with my girlfriend for 6 months now, and she is very much into me, almost infatuated and although I do li...
A. 31 January 2011: End it with your girlfriend, it is not fair to keep cheating on her in your quest to find 'the one'. She deserves a lot better - you need to set her free so she can find her 'one', a man that loves her and treats her right.
It is VERY wrong to... (read in full...)
My best friend hads lung cancer at 27 and she is pregnant
Q. ok. i am fourteen and my best friend is twentyseven. i meet her because i babysit her two year old daughter. she is like my sister.ive known her for two years. she just found out she is pregnant.she also just found out she has lung cancer.i am so ...
A. 28 January 2011: No-one can tell you if she will be ok I'm afraid, cancer is an awful illness, some people can survive but others dont make it. Keep in mind that lung cancer has one of the lowest survival rates of all cancers because it is a nasty one to get - but ... (read in full...)
The married woman I had sex with keeps calling me
Q. hi, This is my first relationship with a woman. she is 40+ and I was 20+. She is married and I'm single. We worked together in same comapany and I like her bcos she is smart, charming and good looking. That story was started from the day I...
A. 28 January 2011: You need to call her and tell her you will not have an affair with a married woman therefore your relationship is over. Be strong and make sure she understand clearly that you do not want to be with her because cheating on her husband is wrong and ... (read in full...)
23 and in love with a 43 year old woman....will this work?
Q. I am a male aged 23 years old. I am in love with a lady aged 43 years old. Can this relationship be successful? We love each other very much....
A. 28 January 2011: Well as long as you dont want children then you will be fine. Aged 43 it is very very unlikely she will be able to have children now, but if you are happy with this and just want to be with her, then why not!
It is a bit weird to have such a b... (read in full...)
Is it unwise to lend money to your boyfriend? Help please!
Q. My boyfriend recently found a job after almost half a year of being jobless. The problem is, he incurred a lot of debt during those times and he depended mainly on his credit card. He's laid off due to the cost cutting by his company and he didn't ...
A. 27 January 2011: I actually think you should offer to lend him some money (it is another matter if he accepts - male pride may stand in the way). He sounds like he genuinely needs help, he is not asking for any from you or taking advantage of you - he is just ... (read in full...)
He loves me but loves his ex more
Q. im 17 and i have a bf who im with for 1and half years.yesterday he came over to my house and he told me that he doesnt like me anymore. he says that he loves me but loves her ex more. im feeling so ashamed. what should ido?...
A. 27 January 2011: I'm really sorry this has happened to you, it must be awful. I'm afraid there is not a lot you can do - he has broken up with you so you have to give it time and try and move on.
It will hurt for a while, break-ups are never easy but with tim... (read in full...)
Any idea why my ex-boyfriend's friend is trying to add me on Facebook?
Q. Ok, I know I analyze little things too much, but I'm looking for some answers anyway. The ex and I broke up 4 months ago. He was cheating and left me for the other woman. Anyway, after it happened, I blocked him and his new GF on facebook, and de...
A. 27 January 2011: Sorry - no idea. He sounds a bit odd if he would choose to add you on facebook - he will obviously know you and your ex broke up so there is no real reason to add you.
I know of people that hate being deleted off someone's friend list, they mon... (read in full...)
I need advice to cope with my sexting obsessed boyfriend. How have others coped with this problem?
Q. I need help. My boyfriend is obsessed with sexting other girls. I have caught him twice doing it with the same girl. He swears that nothing is going on between them, but I find it hard to believe. When I confront him about it he just keeps sayi...
A. 27 January 2011: Well if he admits to having a problem - then he needs to seek help from a professional. Find a therapist or counsellor in your area and suggest that he goes to see them.
And make it clear, that unless he gets help and this stops - then you are ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my job and move back to my hometown in order to get over a bad breakup?
Q. I suffered a horrible breakup about 4 months ago. My ex-boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me and left me for the other woman and moved right in with her. OUCH. I am finding it impossible to deal with in such a small town. I am looking over my shoulder...
A. 27 January 2011: Its perfectly normal to feel this way. Heck, I feel that way sometimes and I have a great job + great boyfriend! I moved to where I am now for the job, and subsequently met my boyfriend a few months later, but my friends and family are all back up ... (read in full...)
I want to leave a 'thank you' note in his mailbox, but there's a complication...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and I love him very much. He does a lot for me and is always there to help me out of the bad situations I seem to get myself into. I wanted to get him a card and maybe a little something to let him know I ...
A. 27 January 2011: Just give him the card & gift in person, when you see him next. It will still be a surprise, plus you get to see his face when he opens it/reads it which is always a good thing.
That way, you avoid any problems with his family plus you get to s... (read in full...)
One month into this LDR and he wants to move in together, marriage, babies....the lot! Should I run away as fast as I can?
Q. Hi. I am in a LDR with someone I've only known for a month. Never met and ended up talking over the internet on my web page. I have been trying to avoid relationships at any cost because I was engaged back in October but I broke it off with my ...
A. 27 January 2011: Quite simply - yes, run away as fast as you can and never look back! This guy has some serious issues and you have a proper weirdo on your hands here, time to end it now before it gets any worse!
Clearly there are still some residual feelings... (read in full...)
I think that he was using me to fill a gap until he left.
Q. Was seeing a man for three months. He never took me out, but he would cook for me a lot. We would spend the night at each other's houses. He told me that he loved me. Well he went on a trip last week and he told me last night that he had a job ...
A. 26 January 2011: Well I really dont know, you broke up with him! You walked out, and I cant really understand why?
He said he loves you, and he is not sure about leaving town because of you (indicating that he is factoring you into his decision). So why did you ... (read in full...)
Should I go to this party where there's a chance I could cheat on my boyfriend in a moment of weakness?
Q. Im going away for the weekend because i've been invited to a birthday party ...but my boyfriend is going away too and i was moaning to him about how hes gonna cheat on me ..but the thing is the party im going to has this guy who fancies me and said ...
A. 26 January 2011: I cant understand how you say you love your boyfriend, yet you cant control yourself? Why cant you stop yourself cheating? Why do you forget about your boyfriend as soon as you go to a party?
That is not love - that is just pure weakness and self... (read in full...)
I love him & he loves me, but he has a girlfriend! How do I win him over?
Q. My issue is confusing me. I'm absolutely head over heals for this guy at work, but he has a girlfriend. Truth is he has been with this girl almost 2 yrs and he complains about her every single day to me. I'm sure he cares about her, but he has just ...
A. 26 January 2011: There is one simple rule when it comes to men/women who are married or with a long term partner - they will never leave their partner for the person on the side.
That is pretty much it, end of story. What you need to get into your head is that ... (read in full...)
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
Q. Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
A. 26 January 2011: Have a look at this post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-do-i-get-my-boyfriend-for-valentines.html
There are lots of great ideas for gifts and special things to do together, and if none of these help, well just being together is the most... (read in full...)
Can all women squirt?
Q. So I was a spectator to a discussion at a party the other day (alcohol involved) involving squirting. One guy claimed that the squirting in porn was real. (which I know its not) When someone voiced this contrary opinion, the kid stated that that was ...
A. 26 January 2011: Well, as a woman, I know I have never squirted and never want to! I have amazing orgasms with my boyfriend and have no desire to feel like I have to pee when I orgasm. It is far more of a turn on for a man for the woman to squirt, compared to the so ... (read in full...)
Don't stop enjoying oral sex!
Q. There was recently a programme on called 'is oral sex, safe?' During this doucmentary i realised that everyone has a virus called HBV. However, it is 5x more likely that men have a futher effect of this than women. If the HBV Virus is not treated, ...
A. 26 January 2011: Just wanted to add this link so anyone reading this can get more information:
http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/about-cancer/cancer-questions/what-is-the-hpv-virus
Just an aside - it is actually the HPV virus (not HBV).
I think more people ne... (read in full...)
Should I leave my girlfriend? She doesn't do anything to keep me satisfied!
Q. I'm 21 and my gf is 20 and I'm truly in love with her. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. However it's not working out between us right now. I use to be an avid pot smoker an I'm trying to quit. My drinking habits have increase...
A. 26 January 2011: Have you tried talking to her about this? Relationships are all about communication, and if she is doing something wrong in your eyes then you need to explain what is making you unhappy, then you can work together to find the solution. Chances are, ... (read in full...)
How do I get off this pedestal she's put me on?
Q. So I’ve been casually seeing this girl as a FWB for about 6 months. She’s been a good friend for about a year and a half. She’s been quite overtly keen on me for over a year and initially I distanced myself from her, but gradually ended up ...
A. 26 January 2011: Ok, well, she will have put you up on this pedestal because she is a single mum. It is pretty scary being a single mum and she will realise that it is a fairly big turn off to a lot of men around her age (as you have said yourself) - so any man that ... (read in full...)
Ladies: How do you feel about your highshool sweetheart if you aren't married to him now.
Q. I've been dealing with some insecurities about my wife's ex - the guy she dated in high school. She lost her virginity to him and by all accounts he was the love of her life until it ended. I also know that she didn't want to end it and was prett...
A. 25 January 2011: Ok well for me, I do not think about my first love (I have in the past looked on Facebook to see what he looks like now, but mainly out of pure interest), I dont have feelings for him, and the relationship was awful compared to my current ... (read in full...)
He is choosing his mates over a special weekend I planned for us ages ago!
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend since august 2009 and met him on holiday. I originally lived in Southampton, and he lives in Kent. In June 2009 I decided that I will move up to Kent to make the relationship work, so had left my friends and fami...
A. 25 January 2011: Right let me get this straight first - we are not professionals on this site, we are just members of the public who give up some of their free time to answer a few questions. If you are seeking professional help with your relationship issues then I ... (read in full...)
Rude pictures were my downfall...
Q. I am in love with a boy from my school but he has a girlfriend but i know he likes me because he flirts with me all the time and i did something i really regret - I sent rude pictures of myself to him and lately he has just fell out with me. i ...
A. 24 January 2011: Well there is not a lot you can do - you have made a bit of a fool of yourself and of course he is not going to want to speak to you, you will have gotten him in trouble with his girlfriend if she saw them, or he will just think you are a bit of a ... (read in full...)
Should I buy him anything for valentines day... or not?
Q. Okay so, i've started dating a new guy, but i wouldnt call him my boyfriend yet, as we've only been on 4/5 dates. I'm 18 and he is 20. Thing is, valentines day is coming up, and by then we'll have been on a few more dates and may even be ...
A. 24 January 2011: I would say no, dont buy him anything. Valentines day is actually supposed to be for single people anyway, so the whole culture of couples taking over Valentines day is very wrong! If he asks why you dont want to celebrate it - you could always ... (read in full...)
Why cant one of the twins find a man yet the other has guys falling at her feet? They are basically the same person!
Q. Ok so last night we had a big discussion on this topic and we would like to get other opinions ... You can be honest we need answers !! Ok here we go .. We have a two good friend there twins .. Twin A is a nice girl very funny loves sports . She ...
A. 24 January 2011: I cant understand why you think they are the same person?! They clearly are non-identical twins, therefore it is pretty much like asking "why can one sister get a man but the other sister cant?" The only difference between these 2 girls and normal ... (read in full...)
Where can I learn more about contraception and find information on what to expect if my LDR friend And I take it to the next level?
Q. I'm really hoping I can get some good advice. Well story is I am in a LDR and my boyfriend is planning on coming to visit me soon. We have nothing particular planned, however, depending on how things go there is the possibility we will sleep ...
A. 24 January 2011: Birth control first - best idea for you is to go to your doctor this time. There are other ways of getting hold of it but seen as you have never been on any form of birth control before, it is best to see your GP and discuss all the options (there ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty but I don't want an abortion!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for little over a year. He is 35 and I am 30. He has 2 kids and I have 2 kids. I just recently found out that I am pregnant. He wants me to have an abortion but I do not want to. I have had an abortion before and ...
A. 24 January 2011: Just sit him down and talk to him, face to face. Explain that you have had an abortion in the past and have never gotten over it, and that you dont believe in abortion as it goes against your beliefs. If you explain your reasons, and just be honest ... (read in full...)
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