A
female
age
30-35,
*atalager
writes:Hello! I'm new, but I've been rather worried and confused about an encounter that occurred a few nights ago.. I'm 19 and a freshman in college. I'm not extremely well-versed in love (I'd had one relationship in high school, which ended shortly before my graduation) or identifying flirtatious behavior..or what happens when alcohol is added to the mix.I went with a good female friend of mine to visit her college for a night. We got to the residence buildings before/around 12 am and decided to stay the night in her male friend's room, because she'd been clashing with her roommate lately and his was the only available place to stay at such short notice. (Let us refer to this guy as X.) When my friend and I got to X's room, we found him playing a video game and another boy (whom I'd never met before) who was drinking (let's call this guy Q). Q was finishing his drink and lying on the spare bed, expressing how drunk and sick he felt, since he'd been at it for a while. He mentioned seeing double and feeling sick, and at one point got up a little clumsily and nearly knocked things over while trying to move a chair out of his path to get to another side of the room. My friend and I assumed since Q was drunk and occupying the extra bed that we'd just share a blanket on the floor, but when Q left the room to "puke in the bathroom" (according to X, who accompanied him) we stole the bed. Q returned at least 10-15 minutes later, insisting that he was fine and everything was "out of his system". He saw my friend and I had taken his previous spot and he decided to sleep on the floor, but a moment later my friend switched to sharing with X, so Q decided he'd share with me instead of being left by himself on the floor. Although Q was drunk earlier and had just probably puked his brains out, he was fairly articulate at the moment and seemed much more aware of his surroundings; he didn't stumble anymore and wasn't nearly as clumsy. He didn't hog the covers, wasn't loud and/or obnoxious and kindly thanked me for sharing. I only mildly worried that he would get sick again and puke in the room/bed (which he didn't). He promised he wouldn't try anything horribly inappropriate...but is it 'horribly inappropriate' if I consented? There was no "sex," per se, or making out (as far as kissing went, there was one shot to my forehead and one to his neck). The basic gist of it all was a gradual progression (taking place over several hours- I checked the clock during his quick bathroom break and it was between 4 and 5 am), leading from spooning to cuddling to fondling to hand action.. Nothing was forced, and he was actually quite considerate and many of his actions seemed more "affectionate" (kiss to the forehead, hand-holding, close hugging, fixing my clothes, offering more of the comforter, etc.). I don't believe I did anything I outright regret, but I'm not sure if what happened was purely based off of his inebriation, or what? I'd say I'm a pretty level-headed person- I mean, I'm not obsessively spazzing out about this or concretely declaring it either outright attraction or pure drunken molestation, but I'm unsure about what this was. I've never been one to let anything love- or intimacy-related get to my head (I didn't gush at all over my very first kiss, and I was attracted to the person it was with), so I feel rather nonchalant about what actions exactly occurred, but should I be feeling bad about the general event? There is a little guilt, but only because I don't know where it all came from, or if it is something I shouldn't have let happen. Was this a drunken flirt that went too far? D: I'm not extremely likely to see this guy soon unless I visit my friend's college again, which I plan on doing more throughout the school year...but then again I'm not expecting a second, third, or one-millionth reencounter with Q..I'd like to add that I'm personally not much of a drinker, nor am I very familiar with the differences in the 'levels' of inebriation. I do recognize that it can vary from person to person, and I know that Q could not have been 100% sober. I also apologize for this post being so long, but I figured the more details I put in, the easier it would be to gauge just what was going on with him, and to analyze the situation. Thanks in advance for any and all help! :)
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drunk, flirt, kissing, roommate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): You went farther than you felt comfortable doing in retrospect and I think that is all that matters. If you don't want to feel like this then don't do it again.
if you are wondering whether the guy felt anything for you or not, hard to know. But just the fact that he was physical with you in that situation does not tell you anything. Not all guys are the same about these things but I think more than half of all guys would have gotten physical with you in that situation. You were willing and you weren't ugly. It's not enough for all guys but its enough for quite a few.
A
female
reader, patalager +, writes (15 November 2010):
patalager is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for all of your feedback! I'm very happy and grateful for them, and I'm seriously relieved that I don't have to feel guilty about anything! : ))))
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 I dont think you should feel bad about this - to be honest it is a pretty normal college experience and you didnt go all the way so there is nothing to feel bad about.
He was a bit drunk (but had sobered up a little), you were happy to participate in the activity - therefore there is nothing wrong here!
He was obviously attracted to you and saw the chance to jump in bed with a girl - men dont often have women in their beds so when they do, especially college guys, they will take full advantage. It sounds like he was pretty drunk and just wanted a drunken fumble with you - and that is exactly what happened! Sorry to say but chances are he wont really remember what happened, and he might not remember you or your name! He was drunk enough to throw up, which means he was pretty wasted!
I think you should just write this off as a one-off drunken fumble, and leave it at that. This guy is not going to feature in your life so it was just a bit of fun for one night, you didnt go all the way so it is nothing to even feel bad about.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, antiplayer  +, writes (15 November 2010):
He did what any normal man would have done in his situation at his age. It does not under any circumstance means he wants to be with you in any way, although it is possible. You should ask him for a date.
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A
female
reader, Outspoken1016 +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Sweetheart your worrying for nothing I am sorry to say. He was drunk and you are an attractive female lying in the same bed with him. If you would have given in and had sex with him he would of still never called nor expected anything from you. He touched you and cuddled with you because from what it seems that was all you were going to allow. If Q wanted to date you, start a relationship with you, or wanted to see you again he would have asked and gotten your number.
You had a great night with friends. You didn’t do anything wrong and there is no reason to over think or worry about something that is not necessary. You will find that this night may happen again I applaud you for being strong and as long as you always follow your gut and stick to your beliefs you will be just fine dear.
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