A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year about 4 months ago. It didn't go very well. Since it was my first, I didn't take it very well and said some things I regretted. In the end I sent him an apology and left it at that. We haven't spoken at all in about 3 and 1/2 months. I have since found someone new and I'm really happy.My ex messaged me a couple of days ago, responding to the apology I sent 3 and a half months ago asking me how I'm doing. I'm just unsure about how to respond. I don't really want to be sending personal messages to an ex when things are going so well with my current boyfriend...I'm afraid he won't understand. I also don't know why he's messaging me now...it's been so long. I'm afraid he's going to want to get back together or something. I don't know what I'd do if he did. I mean, when I saw the message I started crying, and I thought I had been over him for months. I also don't want to not respond and make it seem like I'm refusing to speak to him...Any suggestions?
View related questions:
broke up, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ThinkerBelle +, writes (10 February 2015):
I made a big mistake by replying and keeping contact with an Ex without my Bf's knowledge. To my current boyfriend, the context of the conversation doesnt matter. I say, dont risk it. Since he was able to ignore you for months, im sure you can do the same now. Just ignore it and delete his messages...
A
female
reader, Amzomarz  +, writes (20 May 2012):
Talk to your b/f about and tell him that you hold reply as there was many questions un answersed but also explain that this is not on a sexual way and that it not go any further then 'hey :-]'
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Ignore it, he ignored your message for 3 1/2 months then you can ignore his.
If you respond then that's the start of all the pain and grief again, plus you might lose the boyfriend you have now.
Is that really worth the risk?
You have far too much to lose. You've taken months to try and get over this guy, if you start contacting him again you'll lose everything and you'll probably go straight back to feeling miserable and stuff again.
2 options ignore it and get on with your life, or respond and open the door for him to come back into your life and mess it up. Trust me no matter what you respond he'll respond to that, then you'll have to respond again and it all goes downhill from there.
Even if you say you don't want him to he'll ask you why and then that will open the door for more contact.
I've seen this so many times, and usually what happens is it starts off casual, nice and friendly, then he starts talking about missing you, or he still loves you and then everything becomes a mess. He's your ex, you broke up for a reason and he didn't contact you for three months and now all of a sudden he wants to? It's a game that you shouldn't play.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 November 2010):
 Well to me it sounds like you are not at all over him - if a text message can make you cry then clearly there are a lot of unresolved feelings there! My guess is that you stopped speaking to him, thought you were over it so started dating someone else, which in turn has plugged the gap that your ex left - and then now, when you receive a message from him, all the old feelings come flooding back and you feel very emotional just from hearing from him in a text.
This is classic re-bound relationship territory - you think you have moved on therefore you go into a new relationship, but the reality is that you have just stopped talking to the ex therefore the feelings that remain have just been 'put on ice' so to speak. No contact = not thinking about him or having to deal with him, therefore the feelings are just pushed to the back of the mind. Because you never gave yourself time to deal with these feelings and jumped straight into a new relationship, the new guy is just a rebound and of course you are going to have ex-problems for the legnth of the relationship because you are simply not over him yet.
Your new guy will just be a substitute for your ex - he has filled the hole your ex left in your life. So now the ex is back in touch again, it has brought back the old feelings and you are feeling emotional about it again. You clearly care a lot about your ex, you said yourself you dont want him to think you are not talking to him! If you were over him you would not care, you would think "oh I am happy now and dont need him in my life anymore, there is no point in replying otherwise it will just open a can of worms all over again". But instead, you are worried what your ex might think of you - you care what he thinks of you which means you have not yet let go of him.
If you dont want to get back with him and dont want your ex in your life - then dont respond. You should have deleted his number to be honest, but if you truly are happy and never want your ex in your life ever again then just dont respond. He ignored you for 3 months, so if you dont want to make a mess of everything you have at the moment then just dont reply.
Or send him a text saying you are in a new relationship, you are happy and you would appreciate it if he did not text you again as you have moved on.
But if you cannot do either of those options because you are worried how he will react, what he will think etc.....then you are not over him and that is a whole new question in itself!
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
|
