A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ok, so about 6 weeks ago I fooled around with a guy 10 years younger than me. It was just for fun and we did not have sex. I just needed a little something to make me feel alive since my life has been chaos and tragedy since March (husband killed himself and mother died unexpectedly within 3 months of each other). Emotionally, I am numb, and a relationship seems out of the question since I really am not able to feel that way. But, I hooked up because he was cute, funny, and I needed to see if I could. Although we didn't have sex then, he continued to text weekly and we had this flirting game of cat and mouse for 6 weeks-- so last weekend my kids were out of town and I decided I could let him come over. He spent the night and we did it. I was cool fine with it, but the next afternoon I started getting these texts from him about not wanting a child and hoping I took care of that--then again 24 hours later telling me he is not ready to be a father, etc----ok???? I responded with, "I already have 2 children who lost their father, and I am older and wiser than some 20 something girl. So don't worry about it." I just can't believe the immaturity and selfishness. Granted he is 28--but really? Don't insult me with such ignorance. Is this just typical behavior for single men? Do they really think all women want to trap them with a baby? Geez--so much for just having no strings fun.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Well, let's see...how many women have tried to "trap a man with a baby".
If you think it doesn't happen, think again. I admit it is a terrible trap to use (love works better), but it still happens.
I've had one woman tell me she couldn't stand to use birth control, so didn't take it, wouldn't use diaphragm (to messy), etc. She wanted to have intercourse. I wanted to use condom. She says, "I don't like doing it with condoms." She pushed and pushed on this...she is married to one of my friends now, she had his baby.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I hear ya. Some men are cocky. He is probably not that smart or like you say, mature, if he is coming to that assumption soley based on your age and the fact that you have two kids from your marriage. He is not only not that smart but very tactless.
It's unfortunate, but like you said, it was a no strings attached little affair that just ran its course. He is obviously not somebody that can handle something casual like a gentleman. He is not a gentleman. Period.
It's just bad luck. Welcome to the dating world. Guy's like that are a dime a dozen. Whatever, just blow him off and next time perhaps put a little more importance on maturity and on his level of emotional intelligence. You need all the support you can get right now. There is no point ADDING more heartache and confusion to your life by letting creeps like this one in, even if just for a one night frill. As you see it results in further embitterment. Just be selective, it is important right now. There ARE good men out. But they are a needle in a haystack.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): No, he was not talking about my existing children. I was pretty clear about where I stand--just fun. No relationship.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Well in his defence he could have been talking about your existing children possibly? He might have meant he doesnt want to become a 'father' to your 2 children following the passing of your husband.
But you are right, whatever he meant, he is incredibly immature and thankfully not all men think this way. It is just some silly men who are destined to be eternal bachelors (generally the ones looking for no-strings sex) who worry about their sexual exploits one day catching up with them! The nice guys who want relationships would never act this way, it is just the playboys who like to sleep around and worry about it later.
While I dont blame you for wanting a bit of fun, chances are you will meet plenty of other immature men (these playboy bachelor types stay immature even into their 40's and 50's!) if you do continue to look for a 'no strings' partner.
Dont let this episode get to you, and remember not all men are like this so dont let it make you resentful of men!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (17 November 2010):
 I wouldn't take it as personal as it sounds like you are. And trapped isn't the exact word I'd use. There are a lot of careless people out there, men and women alike. Granted, this happens more times in younger, more immature women... but being careless leads to pregnancy and THAT is what men want to avoid. I wouldn't take it as this man thinks you are purposefully trying to trap him. He's young and he's looking for a good time which it sounds like you are too. The day after I'm sure he was freaking out and wanted to make sure nothing more came of it.
I think the best thing to do is to just be honest and tell him that you two are on the same exact page - you don't want anymore children one way or another and he doesn't have to worry about that.
Again, don't take it so personally. Just read this site and you see there are a lot of unwanted pregnancies that could have been avoided. There are a lot of careless people out there and while it should have been discussed calmly BEFORE hand.... he was freaking out afterwards.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (17 November 2010):
It is not typical behaviour for men. Sure it might be a worry for a man (just as it is for a woman) but what this guy did shows he is pretty immature (or at least way too anxious)
It sounds like either he is inexperienced with relationships and sex or he isn't the type of person who should be engaging in casual sex... some people are just worriers - but really he should be old enough and mature enough to not send you such uncomfortable texts.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Im not sure, but I think in general men aren't that smart when it comes to using protection. And this man had a wake-up call the following day where it dawned on him that he didn't care about protection and that he might have gotten you pregnant and he freaks out because he was stupid enough to not ASK you about protection before having sex with you.
I don't think this case means single men are worried about having children, I think it points to the direct opposite: a lot of men are plain dumb when it comes to using protection and do not take responsibility. Perhaps he has gotten several girls pregnant before. Hypothetically you should charge him half of whatever emergency contraceptive you had to buy.
This man is immature. And doesn't take responsibility. I agree, so much for having fun, what a mood kill.
But: good on you! You got what you needed out of him, and you have had your bit of fun, so don't let this drag you down.
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