A
female
age
30-35,
*xxxx_xxx
writes:I'm really hoping I can get some good advice. Well story is I am in a LDR and my boyfriend is planning on coming to visit me soon. We have nothing particular planned, however, depending on how things go there is the possibility we will sleep together. If we do it would be my first time, we have spoken about it in the past and decided to wait until I was ready.Howevere i just have a few questions, since I am a virgin I have never been on any type of birth control, but I am thinking about going on the pill. If I do, what should I know about it before hand and where can I get it from ( can i go top a drop in centre or does it have to be through my doctor?)Also I know it has been asked quite a few times on this site, but just to add into this, what can I expect from my first time? I have heard some horror stories from friends, I know they shouldn't matter because i do love my bf and know he would do nothing to hurt me, but just some ideas.Thank you for taking the time to read this, any advice is greatly appreciated :) x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): I went on the pill when I started seeing my bf and not because of sex but because it allowed us to be close (i.e naked cuddling etc] without worrying about pregnancy. I went to my doctor for this and she chatted to me and got me on the right pill. My first pill was not good for me and played with my emotions a bit, so I went back and she changed it and now I'm on a pill that doesn't affect me at all - well it gave me bigger boobs ;)So if you do start taking the pill don't be scared to go back if you're having problems. Problems could include extra spots, crazy emotions [crying for no reason or being really angry] etc. But if you get the right pill it's fine :)
The time did come when we decided we both wanted sex. I was a virgin and he was not so we decided to take things very slowly. He had been previously tested for STIs and had had the all clear but so I could fully relax I asked him to use a condom which he was more than happy to do so. We took things very slowly. It hurt to begin with, like a sharp stabbing pain [this doesn't occur for everyone, really depends how relaxed you are and whether your hymen is in tact - and it was bearable and I have a very low pain threshold] so I asked him to stop moving but stay where he was. He did so and the pain quickly left and I began to enjoy it. He took it slowly, and gently and kepty asking if I was ok. I was fine, he seemed more nervous that I did. It didn't go on for too long, as it was not about reaching orgasm. I bled for a few days afterwards, nothing terrible just like a light period. It was not painful afterwards. He stayed at my house for the whole weekend after sex so I felt very loved and comfortable. And it's not something I'll ever regret. I just advise you to wait until you are def ready because then it's even better! Good luck sweetheart.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Birth control first - best idea for you is to go to your doctor this time. There are other ways of getting hold of it but seen as you have never been on any form of birth control before, it is best to see your GP and discuss all the options (there are many more types other than the pill and there may be something that suits you better, plus you could discuss the type of pill you want as again, there are lots of different types). This link should help you with loads of information on contraception:
http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/contraception/pages/contraception-hub.aspx
As for what to expect - you know what, it is probably best if you dont expect anything and then you cannot feel let down in any way. It varies so much for every woman that no-one can tell you what to expect - everyone's first times are different! For some women it is very painful and their hymen is still intact so there will be bleeding. Whereas for other women, their hymens broke when they were younger (this can happen through sports, using tampons etc) so there is no blood and the pain is not bad.
For me personally, I had been with my boyfriend about 6 and half months when we decided to have sex. We were both virgins, very much in love and were very happy together. It happened at his house when his parents were out and overall it was a lovely experience, it made me feel so much closer to him and I still look back on it fondly. It was a little bit painful but nothing bad, and it soon wore off. We were however interupted by his parents coming back (we heard the door unlocking downstairs so had to stop!) but it was still a really special moment. We had been 'fooling around' so to speak for a few months before that so we knew each other's bodies fairly well and we knew what we both liked, so it wasnt like we went from nothing to having sex! It definitely helps if you have done other things together (like oral etc) so you know how to turn each other on and get in the mood - first time sex will be awful if there is no foreplay and you are just scared rather than being turned on.
All I can say is make sure you are safe (condoms + birth control) as this gives you peace of mind. Then as long as you are comfortable around each other, love each other and take it slowly - you will be fine. When you are a couple and are in love, sex should feel like a natural progression - so if it happens, then great, if not, then it was not the right time. You will know when it is the right moment because you wont even think about it - it will just happen 'in the moment'.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Take a look at this site http://www.brook.org.uk/ it should answer you questions.
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