A
male
age
30-35,
*hatonedude22
writes:I'm 21 and my gf is 20 and I'm truly in love with her. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. However it's not working out between us right now. I use to be an avid pot smoker an I'm trying to quit. My drinking habits have increased because of the stress I'm going through. I quit my job because they werent paying me enough, I dont have a job currently at all. I did not obtain my GED, I have not gone to college, I'm enrolled with her but I'm not sure if I can/should go because i didnt turn in the necessary financial papers. I dont have any means to really support myself. I stay with my aunt and uncle. I have no car right now because I have absolutely no money to get one. I don't my license because of all the tickets I've accumulated. Spending time with each other was such an issue due to transportation. I dont have absolutely no money to take her out on a real date. I'm used to getting my way because I've never did a lot for females, I feel like I'm sacrificing a lot to be with her. My past relationships never lasted longer than two weeks. We've been together for three months, but we've known each other for nine as friends. She's is an exceptional college student and very focused on her studies in. She's independent, a virgin, this is her very first relationship,and she's getting her life together. I told her she doesnt do anything for me to keep me satisfied. I told her that im ready to do stuff and she's not i mean, i have the want, the need for certain stuff, not just sex just relationship stuff period, and for her to not feel the same ,makes me want a girl who does, a nobody im sure, but still a girl who can at least satisfy my needs/ feelings towards a relationship. She have no clue on how to keep me satisfied, interested or keeping my mind off other females, so id rather leave it alone till we're both ready for a commitment such as marriage....Im a young Man with a old soul but i still have young wants .I was thinking maybe we should just take a break for a few years and wait till we're in the marriage part of life because she dont seem ready for much at all at this time and i am, like i would actually marry her next year or the year after but she want to wait till like 30, honestly i dont see that working for me. I truly Love her and would want nothing more than to be with her but i feel she's not ready, and even though said she is, she's not ready on my level, she seems never sure, I fell like relationship wise, she's not 20 but 15, 14... I feel like she's unsure and a lil insecure about being in a relationship with me because of my past and the fact that I dont have a myself together right now. I feel like she's too concerned about what people think about me. I told her she's lucky to have someone who cares about her like I do. .I have females around every day that stay on me like they want to be with me, then i have dudes i be around pressing me to talk to every girl that comes across switching and smiling at me, then i have her, to talk to on the phone daily. I've only been at her house once to meet her parents which she lives as well, but I'm uncomfortable because I can't spend any alone time with her. She hasnt proved herself that she wants to spend time with me, even though she suggested to hang out to places, go to church, movies etc...she hasnt came over my house yet. I feel like she only makes time for me when I press her to do so, then magically she makes that time. She's not on my level. if she wanted to she would try at every possible moment to spend time with me. at least thats how i feel That frustrates me She's not yet ready to come over my house until we spend more time together like on a date. and ive had girls that wouldnt mind traveling all the way to see me at all, but i have her now who i cant even travel to come see when i want. I feel like it's all her fault that we're never together, not mine. i feel like a freakin junior high kid or something and its not fun... i continue to beat myself up over something as simple as seeing her when theres hundreds of girls that would love to spend time with me and be treated the way i would love to treat Her. I gave her an ultimatum, I'll leave to go to Vegas because she's not seeing me plus I could find some kind of job because I'm not doing nothing else. She was telling me other jobs about how to make money and trying to help and I dont know how to do any of that, if we were together all the time, she could be showing me how to set up a bank savings interest account, apply for scholarships, grants, volunteering at places. To be honest she's lucky i really do love her because i would never go through this for anyone. i woulda been left anybody else for not coming to see me, and have done it before I also told her if Im having these thoughts she needs to figure out what she can do to stop these thoughts.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Have you tried talking to her about this? Relationships are all about communication, and if she is doing something wrong in your eyes then you need to explain what is making you unhappy, then you can work together to find the solution. Chances are, if this is her first relationship, then she wont even realise you are unhappy unless you actually talk to her and tell her what you need. You say it is not neccessairly sex you want but 'stuff' - you havent explained what this 'stuff' is but you should at least explain it to her.
And by the way, I really must say this - she sounds lovely, and you sound like a nightmare. These are your exact words "she suggested to hang out to places, go to church, movies etc" - yet you moan that she doesnt want to see you? She has suggested that you go out on dates and do things together, but you are only pissed off because she doesnt want to come to your house?
I can tell right now, the only reason you want to be 'alone' with her, at your house, is so you can have sex with her. If you loved her and respected her then you would be more than happy to go out on dates, but instead all you can think about is getting her to your house so you can be 'alone' and then do god knows what with her.
She is a virgin, a hard-working student, a church-goer - are you surprised she doesnt want to be alone in a house with a pot smoking, unemployed alcoholic? She wants you to get off your lazy backside and actually go on a date with her, because she is wise enough to see through you and see the game you are playing.
This girl can do a hell of a lot better than you, there is nothing about you that is attrative to a woman (sorry if this is harsh but you need to realise this). Being a drug addict, alcohlic, unemployed, living with family instead of standing on your own 2 feet, uneducated, lazy, petty criminal (all those driving offences) - how is this a great package for a woman? How on earth would anyone be 'lucky' to be stuck with you?
I know this is harsh and I do apologise if any of it is hurtful, but I needed to illustrate that you need to stop thinking you are god's gift to women, and realise that you are actually the lucky one to have such a great girlfriend. If you keep taking her for granted and expecting her to think the sun shines out of your backside then you are going to lose her - so aside from talking to her about your feelings, I also suggest that you man up, take some responsiblity for your life and get some professional help (for drink & drugs) - then start treating this girl how she deserves to be treated. You should feel lucky to have each other, and if you dont think you are lucky to be with such a great girl as her - then you should leave her for one of these skanky girls that are happy to travel miles to come to your house for sex.
I hope you have a good think about this - you have a great girl by the sounds of things and you need to realise this before you lose her, before a real man comes along and sweeps her off her feet. Right now, you are not a good catch and would be a burden to any woman, rather than being lucky to have you. But you can change this, and make positive steps to get your life back on track. And then hopefully you will appreciate what you have too, before its too late. But a good talk between the two of you, about how you feel and about how your girlfriend feels would be a good thing for both of you.
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