A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't get over my ex but I'm good friends with a guy who treats me like a queen and wants me to be his girlfriend and wife one day but I'm still messed up in my head about my ex. If I have sex with my good guy friend, will that make me get over my ex and have a clear head and love my good guy friend the way I love my ex?
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female
reader, Trinaa  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Having sex with someone just to get over someone from your past (which isn't even guaranteed), at the expense of possibly hurting someone that really cares for you, is not right.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 No. It won't work like that. You will only get more confused. Never start a new relationship before the previous one is over and done with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): No and you will lose a friend if you try.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 No - you wont have a clear head at all, the situation will be even more messy and complicated, and you will feel even worse.
Look - your friend really likes you and wants you to be his girlfriend. He REALLY cares about you so you should have the same respect for him and dont hurt him by having rebound sex with him. You are still in love with another man therefore it is wrong to have sex with anybody - until these feelings have gone then stay away from guys altogether.
Feelings fade with time, it might take months, it might take years - but eventually they do fade. You cant force yourself to get over someone, and having sex with someone else only makes it worse - you lay there realising that this person is not the man you love and you feel so much worse for doing it.
So give yourself the time you need to slowly get over your ex, and dont drag another man into this mess until you feel you are really over him. If this guy is your friend then I hope you care about him and dont want to hurt him, or ruin your friendship - so just leave it be for now and make it clear to him (your friend) that you are not over your ex and only want friendship from him. Dont lead him on that you might be together in the future - right now you need to be alone to get over your ex so leave it at that, dont start making promises you cant keep.
I promise you will get over your ex one day, it will take time and it will hurt for a while, but eventually you will be in a place where you can date again. But for now, talk to your friend and tell him you cannot have a relationship right now because you still have feelings for your ex, and you hope you can continue being friends. Then just be single for a while, dont have sex with anyone - just be you and learn how it feels to be alone again (its not that bad really!). Keep yourself occupied with friends, family and hobbies, and learn to enjoy your own company - this is the best way to slowly get over someone.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I will be honest, I went through a break up where I couldn't get my ex out of my head. Yes sex can be a good way to get over your ex. But realize two things, one you are risking hurting your friend. Two using sex to get over a person is like using drugs, alcohol or anything else to get over a hard situation. If you are attracted to your friend and he treats you well, then take it slow and see how things go. If you are unsure, then take a step back from the situation, or you can just ask your friend for a quick one night stand ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): No, it will distract you and you will ruin the relationship entirely. He deserves your heart and you need to be in the position to be able to give it to him. Tell him the truth, you would like to be with him but honestly and clear of issues, and then be single until you work through your feelings.
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A
male
reader, Soldier_X +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Using sex to reach some sort of catharsis is a bad idea if you ask me. Besides, if this guy already treats you well, and you're interested in him, it wouldn't be fair to unload your frustrations on him in hopes that they'll be gone afterwards. What if you have sex with him, and feel the same? You might destroy a friendship and preempt any chance at a real relationship with this guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): No, it will mess your head up more. You'll regret it because you'll give your friend false hope by giving him a taste of what you can't give him. It will ruin your friendship with this guy, it will probably make you miss your ex even more because while you're doing it you'll wish it was him.
This is the worst idea of all time, don't do it.
Having sex with your friend will ruin everything and will leave you in a far worse state than before.
It really is a stupid idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): Your feelings and emotions are mixed right now and you risk making a bad decision because of this. This is normal. Take some time, recover from your relationship, analyze it, and then enter a new one with what you have learned. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (7 February 2011):
 It's far more likely that you will end up messing with his head also.
Take some time, deal with the break-up pains, and when you feel ready to enter into a new relationship, that's when you can start going out with this friend. Sex with him, if it happens, should be a natural consequence of your feelings for one another.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): No, it will be "rebound sex" and can ruin the relationship with the friend.
First, get over the ex, then you can date and have sex with the new guy if you and he click.
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