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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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He's cheated on me over 12 times and gave me a STD. How do I cope with my hurt and the feeling he's going to do it again and soon?
Q. I've been with the same guy for 4 years we have a baby together but in the past 2 years he cheated on me over 12 times. One of the times he gave me an std I found out from his sisters friend because he gave it to her as well. Another time a girl ...
A. 30 November 2011: You know full well that he is going to hurt you again - and this is because he doesnt love you, he doesnt care about you and he doesnt respect you. He has cheated over 12 times and given you a disease - he thinks so little of you that he is happy to ... (read in full...)
Why did he do a disappearing trick on me. How would you have handled this situation?
Q. Hi everyone, I met a guy a month back in a business meeting and we exchanged numbers then added eaach other on blackberry. we hit it off instantly given the strong chemistry between us! He lives an hour drive away from me, so we were in touch on a...
A. 30 November 2011: I think it is a classic case of 'he's just not that into you' I'm afraid. Men are very simple creatures - when they like a girl they will make a lot of effort to call her, text, arrange dates etc.
If they are hot and cold with their texts/ca... (read in full...)
Irregular periods are making me nervous about having children in the future, what should I do?
Q. Just want some readers opinions on this. I've been tracking my menstrual cycle and in this year alone (2011), ive so far had 6 periods. Obviously this is different to the 'typical' woman who may have 1 every month or so. It's making me nervo...
A. 30 November 2011: Regardless of the fertility issue you should see a doctor anyway, having 6 periods in 1 year is not normal and you should get checked out to see what the cause of this is. It may be nothing, sometimes women just are irregular and there are no health ... (read in full...)
How can I get him back? What happened to our relationship? PLEASE HELP
Q. My ex and I were taking a break and I found out he was talking to this new girl who lived in another state that he had never met, and I got so jealous. They skyped all night and were playing truth or dare...and you can guess what happens when a boy ...
A. 29 November 2011: Well between August and now he met another girl and also decided that skateboarding was more important than having a girlfriend. So he broke up with you because he was enjoying messing around with someone else and didnt want a serious relationship ... (read in full...)
I said I'd wait, but should I not talk about feelings any more?
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. At the time, I was really confused about what had happened between us. Last week, I confronted her about the break up. She said that she was still in love with me... but problems had come up. To keep ...
A. 29 November 2011: You should stop communicating with her all together! Look, regardless of her reasons, she simply doesnt want a relationship right now and you are not important enough to her to make her want to try and keep this relationship going. Yes it is harsh - ... (read in full...)
Much older ex says we can't be together but wants to be friends
Q. I'm confused about the guy I've been seeing for the past 5 months. I am twenty, and the guy I have been seeing is 43. I honestly fell in love with him. I can’t stand how much my family is against it, him and I have a lot of things in common. (I kn...
A. 29 November 2011: He doesnt know what he wants, thats the problem! He knows he cannot have a long term relationship with you because of the age, at the end of the day you will want very different things and he knows that. So one part of him is screaming 'she is too ... (read in full...)
How effective is a condom?
Q. Hey everyone just want to know how effective Condoms are? I have recently had the implant in my upper arm removed after 3 years im getting it back in soon, But just for the time being is it ok to use condoms ? Any advice is very grateful thank ...
A. 29 November 2011: I think the figure is something like 97% effective but dont quote me on that.
It all depends on putting it on correctly, the condom not breaking, and then taking it off correctly too - so there is a margin for error as you can see.
The bes... (read in full...)
I like him but he has a (cheating) girlfriend! What should I do?
Q. There's this guy I like I have known him for a while. Even his parents and three sisters know me(cause I spent some nights with his lil sister cause we r best friends), but I don't know what to do. I'm in 7th grade but he's in 6th and has a ...
A. 29 November 2011: There is nothing you can do but wait. If he has a girlfriend, then regardless of how she treats him, he obviously wants to be with her otherwise he would have ended it by now. You dont know what goes on in their relationship so you cant think that ... (read in full...)
17 year old and 14 year old
Q. Hey I'm a 17 yr old guy, my girlfriend is 14, yes I know that a big age differance this young. We are very much in love, strong word but true. I have asked her about sex and she said she doesnt want to go that far, but she keeps throwing me mixed ...
A. 29 November 2011: You are already pressuring her, it is obvious from her comments that she is well aware you want sex and is feeling like you are going to leave her if she doesnt, she is feeling very pressured already.
I promise you she is not giving you mixed si... (read in full...)
I left him because he was depressed and unfaithful. Now he wants me back...what to do?
Q. I recently brokeup with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. Actually this is our second breakup because last year I ended things when it felt like he really just didn't want to be with me anymore. But to my surprise he said he felt the exact opposite and ...
A. 28 November 2011: If you keep in touch with him then you will be wasting your time, you have already wasted enough time on him so now you need to move on.
I think the only reason you want to keep the door open is because you feel that it would be quicker and easi... (read in full...)
His flirtatious behaviour and sexual conversations with other girls really hurts me. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Q. First of all, I'd like to thank anyone who takes the time to read my question in advance. You see, there is this guy, my ex. We dated for 6 months and had a relationship that was all I had ever wanted. He was honest, caring, understanding and just ...
A. 25 November 2011: Ok lets go through your follow up bit by bit:
1. He said affectionate roleplaying turned sexual with this girl - does that mean you are ok that he is getting affectionate with another girl? I think him getting affectionate with another girl via text... (read in full...)
His flirtatious behaviour and sexual conversations with other girls really hurts me. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Q. First of all, I'd like to thank anyone who takes the time to read my question in advance. You see, there is this guy, my ex. We dated for 6 months and had a relationship that was all I had ever wanted. He was honest, caring, understanding and just ...
A. 25 November 2011: I dont know the answers to all of your questions but this guy is a massive flirt, a liar and very likely a cheat. Stay away!!!
Dont get back with him, you are absolutely justified in feeling hurt by all his actions - he has zero respect for you ... (read in full...)
Is sex outside the marriage infidelity when it's a 5 year plus sexless marriage?
Q. I have a very long term friendship with a woman. Her marriage has been dead for many years but stays because of her high school children and financial reasons. My marriage has been over for 10 years. During coffee last week , sex became a topic. She ...
A. 25 November 2011: Yes it is still infidelity.
When you take your marriage vows you vow to love each other for better for worse, and a sex free period (however long) counts as 'worse'. There is no get out clause when you get married that says 'if you stop having s... (read in full...)
Is it ok to date a friend's daughter?
Q. I was having a conversation the other day about morals, and the person asked me if I thought it was ok to date a friend's daughter. We didn't go into depth in terms of which friend, how long you'd known them, etc. personally, I couldn't see a p...
A. 25 November 2011: No way! It is mostly the age difference that is my problem - generally your friends are a similar age to yourself, so that would mean you are old enough to be the girl's father - creepy! And your friend would see it the same way, why would an older ... (read in full...)
Health problems and being teased about it. Please help?
Q. This is not a question about love or anything but I could use the help. Sorry for the length of it in advance but please!! When I was little my bestfriend’s brother had this friend who was horrible, he always picked on me because I have red hair ...
A. 25 November 2011: Speak to your boss. This is a form of bullying and it should not be tolerated, make sure you tell a senior member of staff who will be able to deal with it in a correct manner.
And also delete him from Facebook! Why on earth are you friends ... (read in full...)
Good place for a first date?? Ideas?
Q. Just a quick question: Where would be a good place to take a girl on a first date? I'm from the UK, so would prefer to hear from British girls, but any suggestions from overseas would be very helpful too :) I know it seems like a stupid thing to ...
A. 24 November 2011: Ok I'm a British girl, aged 24 so hopefully I might be able to help!
One thing I would say is though - DO NOT take her to the cinema! I know I would hate that, you cant talk to each other and it is awkward after the film has finished because ... (read in full...)
Bumped into a guy I used to date and he wanted me to go back to his flat, is he still interested and in what way?
Q. Ok, so yesterday, i bumped into this guy that i used to be seeing , and he wanted me to go back to his flat with him to reminisce, as he put it. I couldn't go, unfortunately, as i had already made other plans, but i'm hoping i'll bump into him again ...
A. 24 November 2011: He wants sex. No man wants to sit and 'reminisce', he wants to get you in his flat so he can have sex with you. Classic 'sex with the ex' type thing.
If he really was interested in getting back together properly he would have asked you out for ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend the condom split when we were having sex?
Q. I really need help :/ I had sex with a condom with my girlfriend but I think the condom split! She dosent know it yet, I want to tell her but its only a matter of time before she finds out anyway, its just I think I should mention it first so it ...
A. 24 November 2011: No-one has had a go at you, maybe some were slightly harsh but nothing that didnt need to be said.
You have to understand that if you think aged 15 you are old enough to be having sex then you need to take responsibility for your own actions ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend the condom split when we were having sex?
Q. I really need help :/ I had sex with a condom with my girlfriend but I think the condom split! She dosent know it yet, I want to tell her but its only a matter of time before she finds out anyway, its just I think I should mention it first so it ...
A. 24 November 2011: Yes - tell her as soon as you can, she needs to know in order to be able to do something about the situation. How long ago did you have sex? If you tell her within 72 hours of the incident then she can go to the doctors and get the morning after ... (read in full...)
Career vs Love - what comes first?
Q. What's more important? • a career that pays $10k more than you currently earn... With greater responsibility and pressure. Or... • being in a loving relationship, building your own home and having a future with somebody that loves you? Your wag...
A. 23 November 2011: Option B I think - but my question is why cant you have both? Would you have to move away for option A?
I am a big believer that you can have both, in fact I have both myself - a great guy and a future with him, and a job I love that is paying m... (read in full...)
Why is she pushing me away? Why is she seeking me out only to reject me again? My offer is love and stability
Q. My Ex Gf and I have lived together for 18 months. We’ve supported ourselves this entire time, paying the electric bills, insurance, groceries, etc We broke up a month ago. For domestic reasons she has chosen to still live with me, despite the ...
A. 22 November 2011: What advice would I give you? Move out and move on. You cannot keep living with your ex, simple as that. It is only going to make everything more complicated and hurt both of you. I know exactly what this girl is doing, in fact I did the exac... (read in full...)
He isn't happy with her. Should I pursue him? Our co-workers think we are already an item.
Q. There's this guy I work with and I've really grown to care about this guy. We don't see each other outside of work much, but we are around each other at work all the time. We started out as just friends, but lately I started noticing a diff...
A. 22 November 2011: Yes stop now, before you become his bit on the side and end up hurt.
He is doing the classic cheater/affair talk - they all feed lines to the other person (i.e. you) to keep them interested when in fact they are simply telling lies. ALL cheaters... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm in love with her just on looks, and I work with her. She has a Boyfriend too. How do I cope with mu crush?
Q. I really like this girl who I work with. we have never had a conversation, but she's all I think about these last few weeks. Out of work a few months ago we both looked and checked one an other out and a few months after that we both smiled at each...
A. 22 November 2011: Its just a crush, it will pass in time. Everyone goes through phases of being really attracted to someone and you cant stop thinking about them, but as time goes on and nothing happens between you and that person the attraction fades and you think ... (read in full...)
How can you get someone who wants to be alone to start going out with you? I want my ex back but he says he wants to be alone!
Q. How can you get someone who wants to be alone to start going out with you?? I was in a LDR for 3 years and he broke up with me in April as he had become depressed (he became depressed about his life and what he was doing and where he was going)…si...
A. 22 November 2011: You cant force someone to want you, unfortunately this relationship is over and you are just going to have to come to terms with that. You can keep pestering him, acting desperate, being his friend....whatever, but it isnt going to work. He has ... (read in full...)
He's 15 years older than me and from another country so his English is not great....should I ask him out anyway?
Q. Ok so im 21 and live in the UK....as most of us know the UK is full of people well not from here and I happen to work in a place where there is more non-UK workers than UK workers. I love my job and my old department was great as I had such a lau...
A. 21 November 2011: Simple - never date people you work with, it will only end up getting messy and compromising your job, its not worth it.
Plus he is far too old for you, can you really imagine yourself aged 35 and you are with a 50 year old man? I dont think so... (read in full...)
Starting over again. Running out of time to have a family. Will men be put off by my situation when I start dating?
Q. I am 39 (40 next spring) and childless. I have just come out of a 10 year marriage which pretty much destroyed my sense of self worth / esteem. I am still a little raw but trying to move on. My hopes and dreams for a happy family life with a lovi...
A. 21 November 2011: I dont think men will be put off by your age and situation, in fact it may well be the opposite - it is quite rare to meet a woman at your age who doesnt have children, and most men dont want to take on someone elses kids so it could work in your ... (read in full...)
Online dating etiquette...
Q. I am trying my hand at online dating after being newly single and out of an 8 year relationship. I keep getting bombarded with messages from men I am not interested in. If I ignore then they keep messaging me and plus I feel it is better to be ...
A. 18 November 2011: I had the same problem - I was bombarded with messages from men on dating sites, none of them were the sort of men I wanted to date and 90% of them were quite frankly mad or retarded (harsh but true!).
What I have done to solve this is right at... (read in full...)
Is it appropriate to hug a teacher?
Q. first of all,there is an english teacher that i really like and she's a female teacher. she teached me before two years and we are still in the same school and i see her every week. but the problem is that she told me that she's going to another ...
A. 18 November 2011: No it is not appropriate, dont try and hug her. You would put her in a very uncomfortable position and if another teacher saw they could think that something is going on between you, so they might report your teacher and she could lose her job.
... (read in full...)
Can a guy's car make him more (or less) attractive?
Q. Here’s a bit of a strange question. Does the type of car a guy has make him more attractive or less attractive? Does it have an influence on women? The reason I am asking this question is because of this, I used to have a classic BMW, one with ch...
A. 18 November 2011: It can have an influence yes, but not on all women. I must admit when I first see a guy's car I will be influenced by it - if its a nice car I assume he is succesful, works hard and has good taste. Whereas if it is a run-down old car, or if its a ... (read in full...)
Is it weird going off to university as a virgin?
Q. This is going to seem like a bit of an overreaction probably...and it's probably a silly question. I guess I'm feeling a little insecure about being a virgin. I'm only 17 and in my last year of school, but it's starting to look like I'll be hea...
A. 17 November 2011: Ok to answer your questions:
1. Yes it is common for people to go to Uni a virgin, you just dont hear them shouting about it (as most people are like you, they are a bit embarassed and dont want to talk about it)
2. No boys wont think it is weird... (read in full...)
Is he not over his ex? Or could he decide this was a mistake?
Q. around 3 weeks ago i met a guy at a club, swapped names and numbers etc and we have literally been texting non-stop since, and not even little texts, proper long, full on essays (mostly around 8 page texts). I'm not exagerrating, apart from when we ...
A. 17 November 2011: He is not over his ex at all, he obviously is still in a place where he is letting her walk all over him and dictate what he should be doing - so he is nowhere near raedy for getting into a relationship with a new person.
He obviously likes yo... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on love?
Q. Hello Everyone, I know this is a question that is asked a lot on this site but what do you guys think of love? Like, is it eternal or not? Is it limited by the era we are born in, the country we are born in, religion, etc? I mean, I'm just trying ...
A. 17 November 2011: In theory love is eternal and there are no limits on love. You will find people who manage to remain in love whilst on other sides of the worlds, people who are from completely different religions still manage to fall in love. Yes religion, ... (read in full...)
My marriage isn't working, I'm involved with a married woman and I cant even divorce my wife and be with her, because she says her husband is abusive and will harm us both.
Q. I am 38 and I have been married for 19 years to a woman 2 years older than I am. My marriage has been difficult. We even separated for a year 10 years ago. Our sex life is poor and we have some really deep issues that we cannot compromise on. One ...
A. 17 November 2011: What you need to do is forget about your lover for a moment - regardless of her, you are not happy in your marriage, you have broken your marriage vows and have cheated, therefore this isnt working and you need to leave.
Dont be a coward and stay... (read in full...)
I lied about my age to this 27 year old guy whom I've been seeing. Said I was 20, when I'm actually 18. Now what?
Q. im 18 and im seeing a 27 yr. old, i lied to him about my age and said i was 20, but were really starting to click and hes going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon because hes REALLY into me. I want to tell him before we get any more serious because ...
A. 17 November 2011: Well you have to tell him as soon as you can, carrying on lying for longer is only going to make things worse.
You shouldnt have lied in the first place, so you have to accept now that you might lose him because of this - if you are able to lie s... (read in full...)
Questions about contraception....
Q. I am going away with my boyfriend next month and I am really excited! :D I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months officially now and it is going great! We never argue and it's well... perfect :D Recently I went on the pill, we are both virgins...
A. 16 November 2011: Now I am not an expert, so I would suggest you see your doctor about this for confirmation - but I dont think you can take 2 forms of birth control at the same time. So I dont think using the implant and the pill will work - the pill is so effective ... (read in full...)
He left me for harmless online flirting. Why?
Q. I have been with my chap going on 4 years. I have flirted online which was harmless and meant nothing. Just a bit of a joke and no more. I understand i hid it from him,but only so he wouldnt get the wrong idea as we had a break up over it once. ...
A. 15 November 2011: Well its because you were willing to throw it all away for the sake of a bit of online fun.
You even said in your post that you hid it from him because you know he would break up with you over it - so why do it again?! You KNEW how much it hurt ... (read in full...)
My fiance and I really want a baby, but are we ready?
Q. Hello everyone, usually when I find myself on this site I'm having a very depressing problem but now I'm just in a dilema. My fiance and I recently just moved out of a house we shared with room mates into an apartment so we could get along better ...
A. 15 November 2011: I think it probably is just a phase, we all experience that from time to time! When you are happy and settled it is perfectly natural to want to cement your relationship with your partner by forming the ultimate bond, a family.
But as you have... (read in full...)
What did I do wrong?
Q. Last week I met a young man (english) who I admired as an entertainer realising he was a womaniser and free and single etc but amongst many others he e mailed me occasionally and last week met in town for lunch which I paid for as he doesnt earn ...
A. 14 November 2011: Can you not see how ridiculous this sounds?
Here is a young guy, who you have said yourself is a womaniser and doesnt have much money. Woman (you) gives him money, all he has to do to get the money is go on a date with her, and then he vanishes... (read in full...)
Next month I'm meeting my Boyfriend's family for Christmas. But he'd rather I didn't give them presents. How will it look if I arrive empty handed?
Q. I have a dilemma of etiquette on my hands! Next month, I'll be meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time; his parents, grandmother and three siblings. My boyfriend has a rather acerbic relationship with his siblings - an older brother and ...
A. 14 November 2011: I'd probably take wine and chocolates seen as you are meeting them all in one go - I would normally take a bottle of wine or flowers if I was going to someone's house anyway, so at least if you keep it minimal but thoughtful you will be well ... (read in full...)
I am 14 and my boyfriend is 15 and we both REALLY want a baby!
Q. I am 14 and my boyfriend is 15 and we both REALLY want a baby!!! What do we do?!?! We talk about getting married and having kids all the time!! What do I do? P.S. We haven't had sex if that's what you are thinking.....
A. 14 November 2011: Ok, in terms of health, here is why having a child under the age of 20 is a bad idea:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infant a... (read in full...)
Ideas for a first date? Would it be too forward to invite her to my apartment to watch a hockey game?
Q. alright so there is this girl in one of my classes at university and i really want to ask her out. We have gotten to know each other a bit in the 2 1/2 months that we have been in class together, we usually end up sitting next to each other and get ...
A. 11 November 2011: Definitely too forward, dont ask her to come over because she will think you are after one thing, regardless of what you are planning on watching on TV!
Are there any sports bars you know of that show hockey games? That would be a far better i... (read in full...)
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