A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 14 and my boyfriend is 15 and we both REALLY want a baby!!! What do we do?!?! We talk about getting married and having kids all the time!! What do I do? P.S. We haven't had sex if that's what you are thinking..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): Its me.. Im the one who asked the question. Here is what i have to say to yall:Okay I understand EVERY bit of what all of y'all said. I'm not going to have a baby. I wasn't planning on it. Nor was I planning on having sex. And just to let some of y'all know.. My mom and dad died when I was 4 in a fatal car accident.. I don't remember much of them all I have is pictures.. But since they died I have been to foster home after foster home.. Now my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and his parents have let me live with them the past 2 years.. They told me as long as i kept my grades up and promised to go to college. My parents left me all their money they worked so hard for. His parents are like my 2nd set of parents. I love them as my own parents. So we have lived together for 2 years and he has a little baby brother and we both babysit it all the time. His parents go out with friends almost every night. So my boyfriend and I are pretty much helping raise Chris(his baby brother). And we both plan on going to college (me for vetenary school and him for medical school).And he has his drivers licence and I have my permit. But TRUST ME we aren't having a baby anytime soon. We still talk about our future all the time. And I think this is kind of funny.. But his baby brother called me mama the other day and him daddy yesterday. His little brother is 8 months old. So my boyfriend and I are parenting his baby brother. And that's the reason we wanted a baby of our own. We know what it's like to raise a baby. We love his baby brother as our own already though. So I'm not going to have a baby nor am I going to have sex. I am a Christian and I have been saved. And I'm waiting until I am married to lose my virginity and same with him. But thanks for all of yalls advicee and my boyfriend read it together. It really helped us. And he said he would never run away from something he helped make that would be such a beautiful part of both of us put together. But like I said we aren't going to have a baby or have sex ANY time soon.And thanks again for all the advice!And sorry for any typos in here. I hate misspelling words!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Ok bottom line to "what should we do?" is NOT have a baby
but it's way more complex than that. and before I can explain to you why this is a most terrible idea I need you to tell me WHY you both want a baby...
what is the reason.. what will the baby provide YOU? and how will this baby do that?
who will support this baby
who will care for this baby
who will feed this baby
who will change diapers (and who will pay for them)
what is so missing in your lives that you want a baby now?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): I think both you and your bf are nuts. Fantasy thought and reality are entirely different. Obviously you guys are too immature to know that.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I say you need a babysitting job. at 13, you should be just starting out your life, not creating more life.
Like everyone else said, taking care of a baby is HARD! I'm 18, and me and my boyfriend (Who will become my fiance next year, he wants to propose as an adult) both agree to wait till we're older, like, late twenties, so we have some time to drink and party, as well as focusing on school, then getting a house, and also having time for us.
You should wait till you are married and have a way to take care of a baby. That way your child can have the best possible life, because isn't that wat all mothers want for their kids?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Wait ten years. In the meantime visit a day care center for an hour or two(Best birth control there is).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): ok .your 14 and you want a baby.so go ahead have one .then what?you'd just cuddle and play with it ,then what?who will pay for all its basic needs ?
right now you are a teen and you want a baby for YOUR own happiness but when you grow older,much older there will be a day when you want a baby for THE SAKE OF GIVING A GREAT LIFE to the BABY..as all other aunts have mentioned here there are so many things you OWE to the child as a parent.
forget financially even biologically you'll be giving the worst possible health to your baby..i have personally seen children born to teenage mothers having less longevity and higher risk of having a weak heart/high or low BP/diabetes etc.
when you want a baby as a teen, its just like how you want a puppy/kitty ..the baby is not gonna be a baby forever honey its going to grow into a grown up individual .your bf will not be able to stand the pressure which will most likely cause more complications in your relationship with him. it won't be the same as how your relationship would be if you had waited until the time he can deal with the pressure.
remember,whenever you decide to have a kid ,you have to and ought to be prepared to GIVE YOUR BEST.
it's like how when you were 8 yrs old ,your idea of achievement was to have boobs and wear a bra! remember?
there is a right time for everything ,you cant fly a plane without learning to be a pilot.everything has its eligibility requirements in life.
as someone said "DOING THE RIGHT THING AT THE WRONG TIME IS A WRONG THING :)
maternal instincts are strong in all girls. all of us WANT a baby since childhood.but WANTING is totally different from HAVING
search the dearcupid site and you'll find hundreds of girls like you who are asking this question.you're not different or special or its not that you alone have a superpower to have feelings enough to want to have a baby.
even married couples wait for years to settle down financially in order to have kids.
your question itself shows how little you are dear.you think you are all grown
up .trust me you're not .2 yrs later you'll look back and see how kiddish you were,and think how grown up and mature you are,but again at 16 you are still not mature enough,3 years later you'll look back and laugh at yourself!
ofcourse,human beings generally keep getting wiser as they grow older untill death,but there will be a time when you ARE mature enough to be a mother.
its not enough to be above 21 but there are many more factors,a good father,being married,financial security,good health everything is needed in order for the kid to grow up without having its psychology/health/social status/social relationships/satisfaction from life affected in a negative way!
my suggestion would be to get a pet for yourself..a puppy/kitten or a baby-something and shower some love on it :) you can share it with your bf too!
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female
reader, im.not.the.only.one  +, writes (14 November 2011):
Its not all happy times when you have a baby! It does get tough! There hard work! And the cost is another thing! Have you got an income that would support a child as yous arent really old enough to work! You are still a child youself as much as you will probo disagree! Children are very demanding! How would you feel if in a few yrs your son or daughter was pregnant at your age! Think of your education, give yourself a life first enjoy spending time with your boyfriend becauae trust me when there is a baby there you wont have time to do anything! If you havent had sex yet either its not exactly ideal! I hope you think about this! Have you spoke to your parents? If you really want a tase of having a baby! Is there a young neice or nephew you could maybe babysit or have stay over? Might give you an idea of how hard being a parent is! ... To bring a child into the world it need its own loving home a good mum and dad who are willing to give up everything they have to make sure theRe child is well looked after hope u have a think and come to a good decision x
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Wait until you are old enough, and wait until not all you want is a BABY, but toddlers and children and eventually broody teenagers who will want to follow in their parents footsteps and have children at 15. And you'll be the desperate mom coming on her asking how you can prevent your child from ruining their future.
Yepp, wait until you are ready for the whole picture, and not just the tiny part that sounds like fun. Wait until you are of age (18-20).
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Ok, in terms of health, here is why having a child under the age of 20 is a bad idea:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infant and childhood disorders and a higher rate of infant mortality (death). Low-birthweight babies are more likely to have organs that are not fully developed, which can result in complications, such as bleeding in the brain, respiratory distress syndrome, and intestinal problems.
- Pregnant teens have a higher risk of getting high blood pressure - called pregnancy-induced hypertension - than pregnant women in their 20s or 30s. They also have a higher risk of preeclampsia. This is a dangerous medical condition that combines high blood pressure with excess protein in the urine, swelling of a mother's hands and face, and organ damage.
Aside from putting your health at risk and your unborn child's health at risk, here are the other issues that you need to consider:
1. Do you own or rent a house big enough to have a child? I'm sure the answer here in your case is NO! You cant expect your mum and dad to help you out and let you live at home with your baby, they already have one child (you!), they dont want another! And you cant expect the government to bail you out either. To raise a child properly you need a nice home of your own so you can bring the child up in a happy, clean and comfortable environment that he or she can call home. Stuck in your bedroom in your parents house is not a good home for a child.
2. Do you have a good career with future prospects? Again, lets guess what the answer is for you - NO!! You wont have even finished school, where on earth do you think the money is going to come from to raise this child? You need a good job that pays well to raise a child, otherwise you wont be able to feed him/her properly, clothe them, buy toys, take them on days out, pay for doctors etc....you will be struggling for every dollar and wont be able to provide for your child.
3. Do you have a car? Bet the answer is NO again! How do you expect to get around with your child? Do you think your mum and dad are going to act as a taxi service for you and the baby? What if your mum and dad are out and you need to get to the doctors or the hospital if the baby is ill? Without a car you will be stuck at home, wont be able to take the baby for more than a walk around the block and if there is an emergency you will be stuck.
4. Do you have some savings ready to fork out the initial costs of having a child? Like buying all the things you need in preparation for a child? Have you thought about how much a child costs? It is estimated around $100,000 until the age of 18 - where are you going to get that kind of money from?
5. Do you have a supportive family network around you? As much as your mum and dad might help you, they might also disown you for getting pregnant at such a young age - what happens then? You cant rely on your parents to sort everything out for you and you can just sit there happy as larry holding the baby - unless you can provide for yourself then there is no way you can provide for a baby.
6. Are you ready to give up going out with friends, having any money to buy clothes/make-up etc for yourself? All for the baby? You will have no time or money for yourself so you need to be ready to give up a lot for this child.
Think about it this way - you want to give your child the best life you possibly can, but is this possible at your age? Or would you be able to provide more for your child, like educational toys, days out, more knowledge and wisdom, a better family environment, if you waited a few years?
The reason why most people wait until they are in their 20's to have kids is so they can finish their educations, get good jobs that pay well (children are SO expensive), and more importantly - so that you are wise enough and knoweldgeable enough to raise a child well. When the child comes to you asking for help with its homework, or wants to know some deep question about life, normally you need a good amount of life experience behind you to really give your child the knowledge and values it needs to set them up in life. And if you have not lived, and all you have done is quit school to have a child, you are not going to be able to give it the rounded, knowledgeable childhood it needs to turn the child into a well-rounded adult.
Think about if you are in a position to give the child the best life possible, or if you need to get your life sorted first. There is never any harm in waiting, if you have a child at 23/25 you will still be a young mum but at least you will be in a better place in life to handle having a child.
Having a baby now will not make your life better - it will only make it worse. You will have no money, no friends, and no future. The baby wont show its love for you for a few years - at first it is just a pooping, eating and sleeping machine that is only interested in the people that feed it. Love is not enough for a child - it needs the support of 2 adults (mum and dad) who are mentally and emotionally ready for a child and the hardship it brings. You cannot give the child all it needs on love alone, a baby needs so much more.
If you really want to be a mum, then surely you will want to be a good mum right? And aged 14, even aged 16, 17, 18 or 19 you CANNOT be a good mum. You cannot offer the child everything it needs, therefore you would be damaging the child. You can love it as much as you want - children need a heck of a lot more than just love alone.
What you are feeling is normal, a lot of teenagers have this issue (search dear cupid and you will see) - the reason you feel like this is because your hormones are running riot and telling you that you are ready for a baby. Once you have started your periods, your body thinks it is ready for a baby hence it releases lots of hormones that make you think about having babies. But this does not mean it is a good idea - quite the opposite!
You should not let hormones dictate your life, your brain is the sensible part here and you need to be sensible about this. You simply cannot give a child a good life, therefore wait until you are old enough when you can give a child a good life.
The key thing here is - if you cant provide for yourself (i.e. look after yourself totally independent from your parents) then you cannot provide for and care for a baby. Once you have moved out, got a job, a car, some savings.....etc then you can have baby. Until that day - you are not ready and you would only be hurting your child if you were silly enough to have a baby.
I really hope you dont do this, you will be ruining your life, hurting your parents, messing up your boyfriends life (who, by the way has no clue what he is getting himself into and I can promise you this - he will run once the baby is born, all teenage boys do, they cant handle the responsiblity once the child arrives. They all like the idea of a baby, but once it arrives it is a different story). And most importantly, you will be giving this child a bad start in life, when if you were grown up about this, you could easily wait until you are older and then give the baby a great start in life. If you have a child now you are just being selfish - you are not doing this for the right reasons.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 It is a dream right now, the reality of it would be quite different.
You are both at an age where your hormones are in a flurry. Your bodies are still growing and your minds are still forming. Things will change, one of those things might be the way you two feel about each other. The truth is not many high school relationships last. Do not take that risk and end up a single mother.
What about money? Do you have any idea how much it costs to raise a child from birth until adulthood? Your parents are still paying that, trying to raise you. Do not make them spend even more on another child.
What about the amount of time and care you have to contribute taking care of that little child. A baby demands a lot of time, a lot of care. Even adults have trouble coping with it sometimes when they are unprepared. Two teenagers, no matter how wealthy or emotionally ready, are not prepared to take care of a child properly.
Its a beautiful dream, raising a family, but for now, keep it a dream. I do not mean to be condescending and if I offended you, I apologize but you must realize the gravity of such a wish.
Focus on growing up yourself first. There is still so much for you to learn from life and when you come of age you will see just how much wiser you will become, how much you have learned. Things to teach that child when you finally have it one day.
I do not mean to lecture, I just want to inform.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 November 2011):
 You may want a baby now your 14, but what happens when a baby comes and you turn 16 and change your mind. Most young men talk nonsense. If you get pregnant, he will be gone once the baby starts shitting, crying and vomiting and you keep on crying about money all the time. Babies aren't toys, you can't give them back. There are very few young mothers who wouldn't wish they waited to have a baby. You might want a baby, but why would a baby want you? You have no money, you haven't finished school, what are you going to give it, or teach it? Pregnancy at 14 is no fun, and you will loose all your friends, because they will be talking about the exciting places they've been to, and the great things they've done, and all you'll be able to do is talk about your baby. Get an education, get a job, and then you can start thinking about babies.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): What you really need to do is concentrate on enjoying your own childhood. you may feel that your all grown up but honey your not. Youve only lived 14 years and of that 3 of them were years that you wont be conscious that is the first 3 years of your life. Yes in undeveloped countries children have babies at your age but the mortality rate is high and because they dont have proper education they end up living from hand to mouth.
Have you thought of how to support your child? Please dont think its your parents place because its not. Forget this silly notion and enjoy growning up because being an adult and having responsibilities aint a bed of roses. Have fun and dont have sex yet because you are not ready to deal with the consequences yet.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 November 2011):
If you have to ask this, then you should not have a child.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 What you do is, you wait until you are of legal age to have sex ( now you are underage ), and then you use birth control until you actually CAN take care of a child on your own.
Who would raise your baby if you had it now ?
Do you have a job ?( two jobs, in fact , one each ) ? Steady good jobs with a decent pay ? A place where to live together ? What about your education, when are you going to finish it, and how can you find a job at more than bare survival level without even a high school diploma ? What about health care, have you got insurance ? Who's going to mind the child while you are at work or at school ? ..
Maybe you thought " But my family will help me ". Perhaps they would yes,...so,basically you 'd be slapping your parents, or his parents, with a new kid they weren't remotely even looking for. A bit unfair to them, don't you think ?
Keep daydreaming and making plans for the future, if you wish, it's fun and whoknows , in a few years, at the proper time, your dreams may come true.
But right now, live your age and act your age. Raising kids is a grown up job.
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