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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Meeting my online date in 2 weeks and I am nervous! Any advice?
Q. Just to set things up: I'm 18, just graduated high school in the spring and am now in college. I'm a gay guy and a virgin. Okay, here's the thing, there are no remotely gay people at my school. None. I've been to all the LGBT club meetings and I a...
A. 24 October 2011: Sorry but this man is 56, there is no way he should be interested in showing a boy of 18 the ropes of safe sex. He sounds completely wrong to me, you need to be very careful here as I think you are in danger.
I know you might think we are all ... (read in full...)
Where is my love?
Q. Hi, i am looking for advice. I am 24 years old and I am a virgin . I am a very social person I have no problems talking to women I actually like it. I'm not bad looking and I have a good job. If I were a girl I would say I'm a good catch. But for ...
A. 24 October 2011: Get yourself onto an online dating site, take matters into your own hands if you are fed up of waiting. Because with finding love you have two choices - wait for love to come to you i.e. bumping into a great girl in a coffee shop, or second option - ... (read in full...)
Does he want me as his girlfriend, or does he want no strings attached?
Q. i had known this guy for 4 months now. It all started during our 3 month volunteer duty. At first, i find him to be someone so quiet, serious and mysterious. People on the place where we both volunteered tried to pair and tease us. Soon we started ...
A. 24 October 2011: To be honest it isnt clear what he wants. The fact that he has stopped texting as much indicates he has lost interest, so perhaps when he realised you are not just going to be an easy girl to get into bed he backed off.
It sounds like he likes to... (read in full...)
Should I go to a family party, or the fan party for my favourite band that wont happen again until the year after?
Q. I'm not sure which party to go to next march,as they are both on the same weekend.one is a fan party for my favourite band in london,and the other is a party for my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary.i went to another fan party for the band ...
A. 24 October 2011: Go to the family party, you dont see your family much and this 50th anniversary will only happen once. It is important you are there to celebrate with them, whereas you can go to these fan parties every year and no-one will notice whether you are ... (read in full...)
How sexy should I encourage my wife to dress for Halloween?
Q. OK, so we are going to a Halloween party. Same party we went to last year. Last year there were a few (like 3) fairly sexy costumes. Needless to say, these women got a lot of attention, and I am sure were the topic of conversation among many couples ...
A. 21 October 2011: I would say there is a chance other women will react negatively, after all seeing a woman trying to dress like a single slutty teenager when the reality is she's a married woman isnt a good thing, the phrase mutton dressed as lamb springs to mind. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to still have sleepovers at 19?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but is it normal or ok to still have sleepovers at 19? My friend and I always stay in each others place and have a few drinks is it normal that we still have sleepovers?...
A. 21 October 2011: Yes it is perfectly normal - but as adults we just say "staying at a friend's place" rather than a "sleepover".
Many people prefer to stay in and have a few drinks and then crash at their friend's rather than have a night out, it is perfectl... (read in full...)
Is it fair that I ask him to stop communication with his ex?
Q. In short, there's this girl that my man was in love with before him and I became an item. He's stayed friends with her after claiming to be over her. Their close contact bothered me, and I wrote about it on here even, to ask if this should be ...
A. 21 October 2011: I agree with Ciar - you cant tell him what to do, but you cant put up with this either. So the approach of 'this is what I expect from a partner' is the best way to do it, so he can decide if he can match your expectations or not.
If I were you... (read in full...)
My Friends with benefits relationship has gone wrong because now he has feelings for me. Should I break up with him?.
Q. Hi everyone! For a while now I've been sleeping with a guy who I'm friendly with. We both agreed it would be a no strings attached relationship, which I'm completely happy with. You see my life is pretty chaotic I'm up in college during the w...
A. 21 October 2011: Definitely end it. He is only saying he can handle it because he doesnt want to lose you from his life, he would rather keep having sex with you so he can see you and hide his feelings from you, rather than stop the FWB arrangement.
But it is yo... (read in full...)
Is he interested?
Q. Hey! I've been going through Freshman year looking for one thing: a guy. I've seen tons of cute-faced boys but none really notice me. I'm a little overweight, with non-highlighted hair, and no second/third/fourth piercings on the ear. The only thing ...
A. 21 October 2011: It sounds like he could be interested, he wouldnt be trying to be around you so much if he wasnt! Try and flirt a little with him and maybe chat to him on Facebook and see what happens.
I hope this helps and good luck!... (read in full...)
We just don't match sexually anymore. I still love him and feel that I'll marry him, but recently it's gotten worse.
Q. Hello, I've been with my bf for over a year and we've talked about marriage and kids quite a lot. Problem is, when we first got together, he was not over his ex and we had some issues of him lying to me about contacting her and hiding emails/te...
A. 21 October 2011: You have to talk to him about this - regardless of whether he is uncomfortable or not he needs to understand how serious this is!
I was in a sort of similar situation with my most recent ex - our sex life went down the toilet and I got so fed u... (read in full...)
When will I feel comfortable with a guy, enough to overcome my fears?
Q. I'm 16, he's 18. I'm still a virgin, and he wants to have sex. I know I'm going to get a lot of answers saying that I'll find the right guy, and that I should wait til I'm ready, but I really haven't done much of anything,in fact I've only kissed ...
A. 21 October 2011: Are you in a relationship with this 18 year old? What are the laws in your state regarding age of consent? With him being 18 he could get into a lot of trouble if the age of consent is 18+, so you need to be very careful with that.
Anywa... (read in full...)
I am very upset that someone else is treating my son in this way - what should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid My son is 8 and lives with my ex-husband and his wife every second weekend. Last weekend, the wife had an argument with my son and my son lay face down on the couch. The wife told him to stay there until he had calmed down. He went t...
A. 19 October 2011: Speak to your ex - while the child is in his care he is responsible for him so if something like this is happening while he is supposedly caring for the child then he is responsible for her actions too.
She absolutely should not be allowed ... (read in full...)
Why do people give up so easily? Why don't dumper's communicate until it's too late?
Q. My ex dumped me out of the blue. He said that I have no self confidence [not true] and I'm not assertive enough- that I'm a push over. So why did he wait until it was too late to tell me this? Why didn't he even tell me this sooner? Why didn't he ...
A. 19 October 2011: That's two seperate issues right there - first of all why do other people give their partners chance to change? Because they want the relationship to work. So what does that mean for you? Your ex didnt want to try to make the relationship work, he ... (read in full...)
Do you ever get over a first love?
Q. Do women get over their first love that they had sex with for their first time, or even if it wasn't a first love that they had sex with the first time?nEven if it has been several years since it took place? I would like to hear views from the lady...
A. 19 October 2011: Yes, most women get over their first love, indeed I was over my first love a long time ago! My first boyfriend was when I was 15 and I lost my virginity to him - he is now married and I can honestly say I dont have a single feeling left for him. I ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is having to leave with family!
Q. hey i don't know what to do right now. See the guy i love and who is my boyfriend we have been going out for a year now and he is just after telling me that he has to go away forever because something to do with his parents and money. He has to go a...
A. 19 October 2011: I'm sorry to say this but there is nothing you can do I'm afraid, if his parents have to go back to Poland then he has to go as well unfortunately. He cant stay with you on his own with no money and no family, he has to go go with them.
It wo... (read in full...)
Worried about visiting my mother without my b/f?
Q. Hi there! I need a little bit of help! Im a 21 yr old female at uni. I live with my boyfriend who I met at uni 2 years ago and we have lived together from practically the first time we met! I'm very attached to him and I know I love him lots, an...
A. 19 October 2011: Well first things first - if you are dependent on another person in a relationship then that is a very bad thing, you should be able to cope on your own at any given time, if you cant there are problems in the relationship and you are too needy as a ... (read in full...)
I've always been somewhat reliant on a guy to make me happy
Q. Hey Dearcupid's :) Over the past 3 years, I've been through a lot of pain and heartache. I just consider myself unlucky when it comes to men lol. I've experienced it all - having feelings for someone who I could never have, infatuated with ...
A. 19 October 2011: Learning how to make yourself happy is a very tough thing to do so dont be so hard on yourself, it is a learning curve and you will get there, but you just have to give yourself time. And I must say, well done for realising you need some time alone ... (read in full...)
Advice for pursuing men in their forties?
Q. I met a man a few weeks ago through a social group. I got a good vibe and find him attractive in an unconventional way. I would have guessed he was in his mid-thirties, but I've just discovered he's 46 via Google. I'm 30. The oldest person I've ...
A. 19 October 2011: You need to stop over-analysing, you've only just met the poor guy!
We have never met this man therefore we cannot tell you what man you are dealing with, only you can make that call. As for warnings, no-one should be giving you any warnings... (read in full...)
Do I have anything to be worried about? How can I confront her without letting on that I snooped?
Q. Okay, so I've been dating this girl for about 5 months. We live together now and everything. We've had very little problems so far and everything has been amazing. I'm a very insecure person because I've been cheated on in the past - and this ...
A. 19 October 2011: @landomando - what your girlfriend did was just as bad as what the OP did, I'm not saying its ok for a girl to go through a guys stuff at all, snooping should NEVER happen, regardless of whether you are male or female. If one person snoops it breaks ... (read in full...)
Do I have anything to be worried about? How can I confront her without letting on that I snooped?
Q. Okay, so I've been dating this girl for about 5 months. We live together now and everything. We've had very little problems so far and everything has been amazing. I'm a very insecure person because I've been cheated on in the past - and this ...
A. 18 October 2011: First things first - you moved in WAY too fast, especially for someone with insecurity/trust issues. So I have very little sympathy, you have rushed this relationship and when you rush into things they ALWAYS go wrong, without fail. You have been ... (read in full...)
Facebook etiquette?
Q. hey guys i had my first day at a new job today and when i got home i started to search someone on facebook to add them as a friend but i only knew her first name. anyway as i was searching i kept clicking on profiles to look at the picture to s...
A. 18 October 2011: Well me being female, if a guy I didnt know added me I really wouldnt like it, regardless of the message he sent! I never add randoms as friends, and I never accept any friend requests from randoms either. So I dont think this is a good idea at all, ... (read in full...)
B/f cannot drive, doesn't own a car, has little money, no job, never spends on me and my mum dislikes him! I don't know what to do!!
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for six months. He is very into me and so am I. However, he cannot drive, doesn't own a car, has little money and at the moment, has no job either. I, on the other hand, can drive, have a car and work almost full time ...
A. 18 October 2011: I agree with the anonymous poster - unless it looks likely that he will change his situation soon, then end it now.
There are plenty of men out there with great personalities who you will have an amazing time with, but what matters is whether ... (read in full...)
Six years with no intercourse. Is this normal?
Q. I've been with my bf for 6 years,on and off.he wants to have intercourse but i dont for various reasons.he said he shouldnt have to wait any longer as 6 years is a long time and he said he doesnt want to be with someone who wont have intercourse ...
A. 18 October 2011: Sex is a normal part of a relationship, in fact it is a healthy part of a relationship and without it you are little more than friends. You need to be intimate, to excite each other, to turn each other on, to feel sexually attracted to each other, ... (read in full...)
Was I hoping for more than my FWB can give? Should I wait or contact him to ask about his "no show"?
Q. Hi everyone my fwb was supposed to cook for me last night, and I was supposed to be staying at his. But I have not heard from him for over a week now, this is not unusual, though what should I do? should I text him? or should I wait for him to get ...
A. 18 October 2011: Look you have made the classic mistake - you want more from him than FWB and he only wants sex. I dont understand why so many women do this, they think that if they get into a FWB eventually he will want something more and that if they give away sex ... (read in full...)
Is getting him back a realistic aim? My bf went back to his wife, will he ever come back to me?
Q. I am 29, 5 months pregnant. My bf left me after I called him COWARD because he was too afraid to show his face to my parents and stand up for our baby. After a day, his sister told me that he's gone back to his wife. I am in so much pain right no...
A. 18 October 2011: I'm sorry you are in this situation and I dont mean to be nasty here but it needs to be said - you got involved with a married man, you knew he belonged to another woman therefore you should have expected this. You cant make a man come back when you ... (read in full...)
I think I hit and abused my gf while under the influence of alcohol!
Q. My life long best friend has been a girl we will call Jill, when we were 16 we decided that we would start dating. We have always had an amazing friednship and relationship. We are the type of couple that can go out with our friends and have fun ...
A. 17 October 2011: You might think this isnt something you would 'usually' do, it has happened once so it may well happen again. Hence why you need to seek professional help. I'm sure it was just the alcohol combined with her outburst that made this happen, but it ... (read in full...)
I think I hit and abused my gf while under the influence of alcohol!
Q. My life long best friend has been a girl we will call Jill, when we were 16 we decided that we would start dating. We have always had an amazing friednship and relationship. We are the type of couple that can go out with our friends and have fun ...
A. 17 October 2011: I think you should just feel lucky she hasnt pressed charges and you havent been arrested by now. Go to the doctor and tell them what happened - you need help for alcohol problems and anger issues.
Give your girlfriend space, and in the mean tim... (read in full...)
Thinking of losing it with a friend
Q. Hey everyone. I feel like my problem is a but out of the oridnary, but here goes. I'm 17 and a senior in high school. I'm also a virgin. I've had boyfriends before, but it just never happened. Anyway, my best friend (boy) is still a virgin too. ...
A. 17 October 2011: Yes it is a bad idea - Dont do it!
First of all your first time should be special - it should be with someone you love and who loves you too. When you have sex, especially for females, there are a lot of hormones released afterwards designed... (read in full...)
Can he get addicted to me?
Q. he cares too much for me which is becoming a bit alarming. he travels a lot due to the nature of his work but even if hes back home at 3 at night,he has to make sure i had mmy dinner and that i am healthy. when i had my miscarriage he took off...
A. 17 October 2011: It does sound like he is a bit obsessive towards you, and perhaps his addictive personality could be to blame - however it all sounds harmless, in fact he is very loving and caring, many women would love to have a husband that acts this way!
... (read in full...)
I want to make sure he's not just using me for sex!
Q. I know this is going to sound silly but I,ve recently slept with a guy that I,ve been dating for 3 months now and he was my first. The thing is since we slept together he's been kinda distant.( silliness bout to come up ) But I want to make sure he ...
A. 17 October 2011: There is not a lot you can do to be honest, all you can do is simply ask him why he is being so distant, or you can just wait and see what happens. If he is being distant you cant force him to speak to you or see you again, I guess you could just ... (read in full...)
How is a rebound defined?
Q. I was talking to a male friend of mine and he said that he doesn't want to fall in love right now, he wants a rebound first. What constitutes a rebound and is that necessary in order to get over someone who broke your heart? Might this be the reason ...
A. 14 October 2011: It is a tough question, it means different things to different people. I recently had a 'rebound' so I will tell you what I think I had:
I met a guy on a night out and went back to his place (I did have a bit too much to drink!) but nothing happ... (read in full...)
I like him but he's got a girlfriend and doesn't know that I like him!
Q. it's this boy that i really like but he's has a girlfriend.he do not know that i like him like that. the first couple weeks we were good because he said his relationship was (very) complicated so i thought i had a chance now he talk to when he get ...
A. 14 October 2011: If he has a girlfriend then there is nothing you can do - just leave him alone and move on. Regardless of how complicated their relationship is, they are still together and you dont know what is really going on - so back off and let him be.
If he... (read in full...)
I want ex back in my life how do I do this?
Q. My partner/girlfriend have broken up a week ago because I looked in her phone and txt her boss pretending to be her.Also my girls who are 9 and 10 dont really get along with her as the girls mother is asking what was said when they come over and ...
A. 14 October 2011: Why on earth did you text her boss? Why were you looking through her phone in the first place?
It sounds to me like you have massively broken your girlfriend's trust and I dont blame her for wanting to be friends, that sort of behaviour is not a... (read in full...)
Is my brother's friend interested in me?
Q. I have been very curious if my brothers friend who is 23 is interested in me (I am 18). I will start off by saying I have a boyfriend but for some reason me and this guy have been texting a lot. He just texts me about anything, and I've known him ...
A. 14 October 2011: It does sound like he is interested yes. So if you love your boyfriend and want to make sure this relationship works, you need to back off from this friend of yours. Too much texting with a single member of the opposite sex is always suspicious, I ... (read in full...)
Our relationship isn't going anywhere!
Q. i dont really no what to do about this, ive been with my bf for 2 yrs now everything has been great i have a son he has a son for someone else, but our relationship doesnt seem to be going anywhere, he wont have a baby with me were both working not ...
A. 14 October 2011: Well you simply have to talk to him and tell him how you feel - explain that you feel after 2 years your relationship should be moving forward and you want to talk about your future together.
Have you ever had a conversation about the future? ... (read in full...)
I'm 18, single and unemployed but I want a baby
Q. I have posted a question on here before and received good advice, therefore I wanted to ask for opinions on something that has been puzzling me for some time. I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20, despite my young age, I am desperate for a child. My ...
A. 14 October 2011: Its quite simple, there are 2 reasons:
1. Boredom. You are unemployed, presumably not at school or uni? So your days will be spent with not a lot to do, and you see your boyfriend out at work earning a decent wage (if he's only 20 there is no way ... (read in full...)
Should I get back with my FWB? Even though he may have a girlfriend?
Q. Hey quick question .... I Have a friend with benefit/sex buddy. Were both single, I'm single because I can't find a Guy. Its like the guys That are my type are GONE! I wish I could but I've been single for years. Even tho I'm only 20 lol. I've had...
A. 14 October 2011: So you are saying it is better to hurt another person than be alone? It is better to be part of an affair, be part of cheating, than it is to be alone? It is better to betray another person, breaking their heart, just because you are lonely?
If th... (read in full...)
Deciding not to use condoms....how safe is the pill really?
Q. I've just started dating a new guy and have gone on the pill. We've both been checked out and are looking to not use condoms soon. I'm just worried about the possibility of getting pregnant. I know that the pill is 99.9999999% effective - but what ...
A. 12 October 2011: I've been on the pill since I was 16, and once I and my new sexual partner have been tested for STD's we dont use condoms. Not once have I ever had a pregnancy scare (I'm 24 now).
It is nothing to do with the size of the pill - you can get many... (read in full...)
Should I get back with my FWB? Even though he may have a girlfriend?
Q. Hey quick question .... I Have a friend with benefit/sex buddy. Were both single, I'm single because I can't find a Guy. Its like the guys That are my type are GONE! I wish I could but I've been single for years. Even tho I'm only 20 lol. I've had...
A. 12 October 2011: If he has a girlfriend then no, dont get back with him. It is not fair on the new girlfriend to do this, as you said yourself if you were in her position you wouldnt want to be cheated on so as much as you might really want sex, it is not worth the ... (read in full...)
Did she think I was going to ask her out and that's why she said she had to get off the phone?
Q. "I gtg my mum is calling. . . nice chatting with you" Is this a standard polite way to brush someone off the phone? Theres this girl I met a couple of mths ago but only really started talking to her on fb two weeks back. I've had a 2 hr conv...
A. 12 October 2011: I think you have 2 options - either bite the bullet and ask her out so you know where you stand (you never know she might say yes!). Or the other option is what you have mentioned, wait for her to initiate the next contact and see what happens.
... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and planning on getting pregnant. How do I tell my dad?
Q. I'll be honest. I'm 14 and planning on getting pregnant. I've been with my boyfriend (19) for a while. He is going to propose and is okay with me getting pregnant. He wants a child as do I. I understand I am only a child. Yet I'm not. I...
A. 12 October 2011: Ok, in terms of health, here is why having a child under the age of 20 is a bad idea:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infant a... (read in full...)
Did she think I was going to ask her out and that's why she said she had to get off the phone?
Q. "I gtg my mum is calling. . . nice chatting with you" Is this a standard polite way to brush someone off the phone? Theres this girl I met a couple of mths ago but only really started talking to her on fb two weeks back. I've had a 2 hr conv...
A. 12 October 2011: I dont think it is a brush off, I'm sure it was genuine and her mum was calling so she needed to go to speak to her. I've had other calls that were important when I have been on the phone before so I had to go to take that call - simple as that.
... (read in full...)
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