A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, usually when I find myself on this site I'm having a very depressing problem but now I'm just in a dilema. My fiance and I recently just moved out of a house we shared with room mates into an apartment so we could get along better and so on. Due to the move and other things going on I'm currently out of work and took a senester off from school. My relationship is going better than it has in a while (knock on wood) and now I'm finding myself wanting a baby. Now my dilema is that I think ive gone crazy. Ive always wanted to wait until marriage and when I'm done with school and things but lately I just keep thinking aww I want one everytime I see anything baby related. My fiance and I have been together going on six years and he has surprisingly always been the one to want a baby. He's said it for years partly I think because his sisters both older and younger have kids and his parents always ask when we will. My family however has never said any of those things and would probably want to strangle me for not waiting longer. Am I just going through a phase? Or do I really want a baby? I'm just curious if other women go through things like this or not? Thanks in advance!
View related questions:
fiance, moved out, roommate, want a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I think it probably is just a phase, we all experience that from time to time! When you are happy and settled it is perfectly natural to want to cement your relationship with your partner by forming the ultimate bond, a family.
But as you have said yourself, you know that you should wait until you are married and your financial/school situation doesnt sound good either, so it isnt the best time to be having a baby.
You have only just move out into your apartment with your boyfriend, by the sounds of things this is the first time you have ever been able to spend some time alone so enjoy that and dont rush into having a baby as it will mean you are never going to get another minute alone for at least 18 years!
Enjoy being with your partner and being in love, it sounds like you have a great relationship so just enjoy your time together just the two of you. There are many more years you will have together when it is better suited for bringing a child into the world.
Finishing school is a must, otherwise how are you ever going to have a good enough job to afford a child? The cost of living is going up and up, and children are incredibly expensive - typically these days both parents need to be working in order to give the child a good life with toys, education, healthcare, day trips etc.
That feeling of 'aww I want one' is normal for most women, we are designed to go all gooey over babies and feel maternal when we see them. But it doesnt mean that you have to act on those hormones, there is plenty of time to have a baby, the best thing you can do is wait until school is done, you have a good job, some savings and you have enjoyed a bit of time alone with your partner before the chaos of a baby arrives!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Oh just go on and do it. It is a good time to have a baby. If I had a choice now, I would have all my children in my early twenties. Just do it. Your body is never wrong, and it is telling you something.
...............................
A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Well I can't speak on behalf of the women here. Well because one: I'm not a woman- and two: I don't know how they feel about this situation.
But what I will say is if the only reason you think you're ready to have a baby is because you saw a few cute ones recently... or saw something baby related, then maybe you need to hold off a bit longer.
But if you've already had "the talk" with your boyfriend about having a child, and you think you're both financially and mentally strong enough (and capable) to take care of one, then by all means I say go ahead. I recommend that you get a lot of tips and advice from other parents, read some books/articles on taking care of a child/baby, and you may even want to hire a parenting coach.
Best of luck to you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks that makes me feel better. And your right a good long talk is what needs to happen I just wanted a few opinions first.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Women do go through stages off being broody and wanting to have children, it is completely normal. Off course a baby is not a decision that you should take lightly. If you are serious about having a baby, you need to sit down and think it through. Think about all the good with the bad, can you afford it especially with only one income coming in. You need to just discuss it with your partner all the good and the bad things.
...............................
|
