A
male
age
30-35,
*lash423
writes:alright so there is this girl in one of my classes at university and i really want to ask her out. We have gotten to know each other a bit in the 2 1/2 months that we have been in class together, we usually end up sitting next to each other and get paired up during activities. So my question is, i first plan to ask her if she would like to join me for coffee or something after class and if she says yes i plan to ask her on an "official date" but i really don't want to fall into the movie/dinner cliche so i was wondering would it be too forward or too soon to ask her if she would like to come to my apartment and watch a hockey game or something (we both like hockey) if so what would be some good ideas for a first date?Any help is appreciated Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): Facts:
1) Not everyone has the means to go all out and spend loads of money. Its a recession in some areas of the country in Canada.
2) Its Winter and there is snow so picnics and long walks can deter outdoors activities.
3) Students in my province, and we are one of the riches provinces, don't have a heck of a lot of money.
4) Age group 18-21 do in fact hang out in social settings as a house party or a club.
I'm thinking I was being pretty realistic and aimed my response with all factors in mind. Plus enhancing the OPs instinct.
Why put all of our expectations of an older, wealthier mind set unto him when we can work with what he has- he's kick ass and its character that truly matters over money.
;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): PerhapsNot, this is 2011 and I think some perceptions are outdated. Having been in the dating world at my age- I hear a lot of men complain how boring and unexciting it is to always have to cater to a woman and it can come across as superficial, high maintenanced.
That flashy showboating is for a serious relationship. Dates every Fridays, Flowers on Anniversaries, thoughtful gifts to keep romance alive. Thats what DATING long term is.
This is a break the ice/meet up, get to know someone better. Just a step up from a coffee that so many seem perfectly fine with.
I think its okay to be normal, human, and genuine and not have to open the wallet to impress a gal. Its a good way to weed out a genuine woman over a high maintenanced one.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 I have to disagree with Chalice. I have yet to hear a woman say:" Gee, I think this date was too romantic. I wish he didn't put such pressure on himself to come up with this great date." It's usually the other way around, where women WISH the man put in more effort and was more romantic. And who on earth wants to be on a date with a man and his buddies? Yes, it would diffuse the awkwardness of being alone in some dude's apartment- that's why they shouldn't be there to begin with. If you need friends to make the environment less creepy and more acceptable to a date, it's a big clue that it's the wrong environment. Group atmospheres won't make the woman feel special, nor will you have the privacy to get to know one another. And who wants to meet a date's friends on the first date? Just bad all around.I think most men are clueless when it comes to what women want and they should not go with their "gut instinct". :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 November 2011):
 no do not invite her to your place to watch the game for a date.. that's friends.
take her to the game
at bare minimum take her to dinner at a sports bar and watch the game there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): Too much romance can add pressure and you don't need to showboat. Sometimes social expectations can be so loaded.
This is Canada and if a gal says she likes HOCKEY, she LIKES HOCKEY. That she even put out that vibe may have been an invitation and its something you have in common and is definitely your IN.
Dude, trust your instincts. I still say all the romance is something that will develop over time should this first 'meet' of geting to know one another better outside of school is a good start.
You will both see one another in a more relaxed, casual setting that offers a sneak peak into who you are, how you live, and who your friends are. Gives her a better read of you and maybe that is all you need at this point.
Be true to who you are by being more natural.
I think you totally got this one. Just dont' tell your guy friends what you are up to or they will embarass you. Make sure you invite over trusted buds and supportive females as well.
Just remember to take the time in the evening to tell her you are attracted to her. Maybe ask her is she could help you in the kitchen and get some snacks. Then ask her to open a drawer and get you a spatual or whatever. Have in the drawer a handmade card and her name on it with I like you lots. xox your name.
Tell her you owe her a night out doing something she would want to do but you thought you would warm you both up to getting to know one another. Hope she doesn't mind if you are fumbling.
She won't mind. ;)
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Watching the hockey game in your apartment is a guy's evening in, not a first date. Plus, it sends out the message you're cheapskate. Then like another poster said, it's too personal inviting them into your personal space on the first date.
You don't have to do the overdone dinner and a movie.
1. Attend a live sporting event or concert followed by a bite to eat.
2. Picnic in the park with food assembled by you. Or a bottle of wine, cheese, crackers, and some fruit. Feed the ducks some of your crackers.
3. Carnivals or anywhere they have roller-coasters.
4. Go see a play.
5. Have a nice quiet evening at the local pub complete with yummy pub food and drinks. No getting drunk though.
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female
reader, dr.2.be +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I think inviting her to your place for the first date may be moving a bit too fast. Reguardless of your intentions, it gives off a sexual connotation, something you may want to avoid in the first few dates with a woman. Like the other aunts have suggested, why not ask her out to a wing house or sports bar with big screen tv's and watch the game there? You say you both enjoy sports so I think that is a great place to start. Now down the line, I don't think there is anything wrong with inviting her over to watch a hockey game at your place, but only after your have went out with her a few times. Good Luck and have fun. :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I think the invitation would be a good one so long as you make the environment safe in that it turn into a 'group' setting. You can still have the same effect, keeping her safety and comfort level in mind.Its an invitation that suggest you see her more than a fellow classmate by inviting her into your home setting (intimate) but with wisdom and care.The same message gets across and it wont be creepy.I'm a tomboy at heart and if Chica likes HOCKEY, its going to score points. You still are showing you have been listening to her and that she likes hockey- why not invite her over?Then maybe give her a fun present of guess which hand. Have a wrapped gift box with a note inside saying you like her and wanted to spend time with her and explain the whole process. Then give her the other box and say, I like you and to make up for maybe a not so good romantic date, this coupon entitles you to the classic dinner and dancing night out.I think when you can be genuine and be truthful about how you wanted to spend time with her and thought about her safety/integrity and to not be a creeper, you did the hockey party at your place. I think that honesty and thoughtfulness would be far more romantic than a dinner and dancing or a movie or even a walk around the river valley of your city.;)
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (11 November 2011):
Inviting a girl to your apartment this early in the game is a bad idea. It will always have a sexual connotation no matter what you plan. You'll be sabotaging yourself if you chose this route. Secondly, watching a hockey game is so far from romantic, you ought to drop it all together. She may enjoy hockey, but no woman wants sports to be part of the wooing process. Sports can wait for later. All women want to be romanced in the beginning. Be romantic, thoughtful, complimentary and don't watch sports. :)Lastly don't ask her out for coffee to test the ground - ask her out on a real date! The pre-date date will make you look like a little pansy, who is too scared to go for the real deal. You will gain nothing, except you'll look unsure and not confident. And let's be real, that's not an attractive look. It's a date anyway, she will see it as such, so you might as well be a man and make a clear, official move instead of tip-toeing around the big elephant in the room.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Bad idea. If a guy invited me to his place for the first date, I'd cancel the date.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 IF you can't actually GO to that hockey game (I have just such a date, tomorrow night!!!!).... then go to someplace public - such as a sports bar - whereat you can SEE the game.... but don't risk that you will be in a situation that will be/become intimate, prematurely.....Then, for the SECOND such game, invite her to see it with you in your apartment... AND, make it a "real" evening... with YOU preparing some food and drinks.... and you NOT trying to coax her in to the bedroom!!!!Then, for your (collective) THRID time to see/watch a hockey game.... whether you go and see it in-person... or go to your apartment and watch it.... THEN, you will find that she is NOT ONLY willing to make out with you... but she will be ANXIOUS AND ENTHUSIASTIC to do so!!!!!!Good luck.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Noooo not your place for a first date it ends out all the wrong signals
Isnt there a 'live' hockey match you can go and see?
Or a bike ride with a burger afterwards.
Dont try too hard, make it pretty casual so your both relaxed.Maybe ask her to help you with some Xmas shopping then treat her to lunch or dinner.
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male
reader, frankman +, writes (11 November 2011):
I can't really be sure what exactly are you planning to do with her for the long term? if it is just flinging then it might not matter a lot but, it is risky thou cuz some girls don't like the pretty forward guy! BUT if you like her more than that and plan for a LTR or so, then you should be careful, she might not like the idea, it really depends on her personality and her background. k_c100 has given a great idea and places for dating =)
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Definitely too forward, dont ask her to come over because she will think you are after one thing, regardless of what you are planning on watching on TV!
Are there any sports bars you know of that show hockey games? That would be a far better idea.
And yes dinner or movies is cliche, and movies are never good because you cant speak to each other, but there is nothing wrong with dinner because it is a nice way to get to know someone better.
Other ideas could be:
1. Walk and a picnic - if the weather is nice then this is cute and romantic
2. Going to the zoo - girls love animals and this is a fun day out
3. Theme park
4. Ice skating
5. Bowling
There are loads of things you can do, think about what you enjoy doing and plan it around that. You dont have to try and be too different on a first date, there really isnt anything wrong with going out for dinner so dont try and be too wacky, she wont appreciate it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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