A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my chap going on 4 years. I have flirted online which was harmless and meant nothing. Just a bit of a joke and no more. I understand i hid it from him,but only so he wouldnt get the wrong idea as we had a break up over it once. Since he found out again,i have not seen him for 6 weeks. He hangs up on me and texts back that he doesnt want to know me. Why is he so ready to throw it all away?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): You must have thought because he gave you a chance the first time,that he was weak. It is you that is weak. It wont do you any harm to be single for a while.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 November 2011):
Sorry, but if I found out my girlfriend was hiding so called 'harmless flirting', she'd be out my life too. Especially if she'd done it once, been found out then done it again. I'd never waste my time on someone like that.
We live in a world where for whatever reason, people like to treat other people around them badly. You treated him badly. You knew he was hurt first time around, then you did it again and hid it from him. You were the one throwing this away, not him. He did the right thing by ending it, because it's clear you were just going to continue doing it and throwing it in his face or lying about it.
When you learn that you can't play with someone's feelings like you have, then you'll be worth a man's time. Until then, don't expect a man to dance to your tune if you're going out your way to hurt him. It's not lady-like, it's not elegant, it's not kind, it's not decent, it's not what a man wants or expects in his girlfriend. We do not have to put up with the woman we love actively flirting online and lying about it.
He was not your toy to play with. He was a good man who gave you a second chance. You lied and blew it. Move on with your life and quit throwing good things away when you have them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Because the flirting online wasn't "harmless". He felt you were cheating on him (as do many people).
Honestly, to me it seems like YOU were the one willing to throw the relationship away for a little bit of "harmless fun".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): You did this knowing what was at risk. This says that maybe he wasnt the right man for you. If he was, then you wouldnt have risked so much for so little. Just go back online. Its now said by some, that 'once a date site member,always a date site member' when people risk who they have and the relationship that some people dream of, then there is a mental problem or addiction. Your situation is self inflicted. You may need a psychologist. I dont mean one online either.
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A
male
reader, Lovemywife10 +, writes (15 November 2011):
I think he did the right thing.
I also agree with the post that said let him move on. Just let him go and find someone that will respect him. Then you can flirt all you want.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): "I have flirted online which was harmless and meant nothing. "This is how harmless it is..."have not seen him for 6 weeks. He hangs up on me and texts back that he doesnt want to know me."See, that is how harmless it is.You hurt him. Badly. Terribly. Told him he wasn't enough. Told him he wasn't good enough. Not sexy enough. Not masculine enough. Not smart enough. Not caring enough. Not loving enough. You told him you wanted more than he could give you.It doesn't mean nothing, it means all the above and more to those you hurt.Don't do it to the next guy who loves you....it hurts....many of us have been there....now he dumped you for it and hopefully he will find someone who won't do it to him.Learned your lesson?
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (15 November 2011):
 its the principle, you lied to him and cheated.
if you hadn't been caught who knows how much further you would have gone with it though
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Because you cheated and lied to him knowing he would be upset. that's why he's done.
I don't blame him to be honest.
I'm sorry, IF you are NOT hiding it that's ONE thing... but the lying is the nail in the coffin for me.
I had a husband that refused to stop stroking his ego with online flirting, with texting, with ego stroking lies... EVEN if he never had ANY intention of going farther than online... it still HURT ME... and I ASKED HIM TO STOP...
he said he would and he did not. LIES and CHEATING and now he is wifeless due to it...
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (15 November 2011):
It wasnt just online flirting he left you for. There`s also doing it behind is back knowingly,cheating,deceiving,hurting him,betraying his trust(again),making a fool out of him,making a fool of yourself,and the biggest one of them all.....CHEATING.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Because clearly you were. You knew he considered it a deal breaker after having broken up because of it once already. Then you do it again and hide it.
If it doesn't mean that much to you, why should it mean more to him?
I'm guessing your relationship with your boyfriend started out with flirting. Is it such a stretch to be concerned that it might lead to something with someone else, however unintentional in the beginning?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 November 2011):
 " Why is he so ready to throw it all away?"
He'll "throw it all away" because what YOU describe as harmless flirting is really a MUCH GREATER issue to him.
I believe you are not "getting" one of life's (and relationships') most important points: You're expected to learn and understand "things" about your partner, and be attentive to him/her and their FEELINGS.... and be in concert with them (those feelings).
YOU had an incident, earlier, wherein you got the MESSAGE that your B/F didn't approve of your flirting... but, then, repeated the behaviour. He "saw" you as an insincere "partner" and - by his leaving - "told" you that he wouldn't tolerate that (your flirting) any more.....
Next B/F, be sure to tell him that you partake of "harmless flirting" on-line, and make it clear to him that you are going to do that regardless of whether or not he approves....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, asap09marc +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Chick, I have 5 years of experience of online dating/flirting/texting. You need to be honest about it if you met your man in the real world. You should have told him that you and online flirting come as one. Online daters do not approve of attached people acting single. You would be better to get a fellow flirter and conduct your hobby with each others understanding. Online daters and real world people dont ever make ideal couples,it only leads to conflict.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): You have stated you broke up over it once. Then why did you continue? Would you feel it was equally harmless if the shoe was on the other foot? I have noticed a lot on here with stories similar to yours. Its not "harmless",its harmed your relationship. You knew what was going to happen if he found out,and now your relationship is over. Just what has he thrown away? A partner who gets off on flirting with men over the internet,who disrespects him,has no regard to what he`s feeling and needs constant attention. Have you even thought of that? You may be better being a single woman for a while,or at least until you are mature enough to think like an adult. I can hardly blame him for leaving you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): Perhaps he has lost trust in you. Online flirting when in a relationship is not harmless fun. It shows a lack of respect for your partner, you know it was wrong because you hid it from him, you hid it from him because he broke up with you last time he found out. That alone should tell you why you should have resisted temptation.You didnt feel he was worth stopping the online fun for, so he's gone.
I would ask yourself why you feel the need to go online and flirt.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (15 November 2011):
 He doesn't want to know because he feels cheated.
You may have only seen this "online flirting" as "harmless" and a bit of a joke - he sees it as you deliberately flirting with other men.
Quite understandably he feels hurt, betrayed and probably a bit stupid.
He probably feels that you were on the lookout for something better - yes, it may be a big joke for you, but what if you had taken it further? If you had found a guy you REALLY liked and ticked all the boxes? Would you have dumped your BF?
No matter how you look at it, it is cheating. Emotionally and mentally - if not physically.
In my mind, no woman does this just for fun - there has to be some motivation behind it.
So why do you do it? are you bored? Looking for other options?
Let's put the boot on the other foot. If you found HE had been getting other womens phone numbers and flirting and chatting them up, how would you feel?
He cannot trust you. He doesn't want to be in a relationship where the woman he cares for needs to flirt with other men. If you are happy with him you do not NEED to do this, so find somthing else to occupy your time. Get a job or a hobby instead.
I think you need to address your behaviour and think about how it affects other people. Take this as a lesson for next time.
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A
male
reader, NFenix +, writes (15 November 2011):
Its not harmless, To him its you looking for something else that he cannot give you and you didnt address it with him.
It also probably wasnt a good idea that if you guys had broken up one time over it, that you probably shouldnt have gone and done it again. He sees it as betrayl, your emotionally cheating on him.
He'd throw it all away because it was hard the first timte but catching you doing it a second time was where he drew the line.
Sometime in the future he may contact you or he may reply to one of your texts or calls, but I wouldnt bet on it or bet on a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): Why were YOU so ready to throw it all away????
Knowing you had already a break up for the same reason, it was very disrespectful to start the flirting again. I think that you don't really wanted to be with your 'chap' and when he realised that (when you hurt him badly the second time) he made the right decision and made a cut.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Well its because you were willing to throw it all away for the sake of a bit of online fun.
You even said in your post that you hid it from him because you know he would break up with you over it - so why do it again?! You KNEW how much it hurt him and KNEW that he would break up with you if he found at you were going behind his back again, yet you did it again and got what you deserved.
If it really was just online flirting that was harmless and fun you could have given it up easily if your boyfriend meant anything to you. But clearly you value online flirting more than your relationship, hence why he left you.
YOU are the one that has thrown it away, not him. You should have learnt your lesson after the first break up - online flirting is not acceptable to your boyfriend and he wasnt going to put up with it anymore, he gave you a second chance and you blew it.
Accept that what you have done is unforgiveable and move on. I'm not surprised he doesnt want to know you anymore, you are a liar, a flirt and you dont have an ounce of respect for your boyfriend or his feelings.
Online flirting is NOT acceptable to 99% of the population, yes you might think it is fun but to your boyfriend he will be so hurt that you have to look to other men to have fun. If you are in a committed relationship you cannot mess around with other people online, regardless of your excuses it is a breach of trust and shows a complete lack of respect for your partner.
If you want to flirt to your heart's content and have all the fun you want then be single, dont hurt other people with your lies and flirtateous behaviour.
He has done the right thing to end it with you, you didnt care about him or give him the respect he deserved so he has chosen to move on. Allow him to move on, dont call him anymore and move on yourself. It is over, you have blown it so learn from your mistakes and dont repeat it again in the next relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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