A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma of etiquette on my hands! Next month, I'll be meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time; his parents, grandmother and three siblings. My boyfriend has a rather acerbic relationship with his siblings - an older brother and sister and a younger sister - and they never (or very rarely) give each other presents at Christmas or any other time. I thought it would be good manners to bring them a small gift or two each, but my boyfriend's skeptical. He doesn't consider his siblings to be particularly nice people, and since he has a somewhat cold relationship with them, thinks they might see me as trying to buy their favour. Of course that's not true at all, I just don't like to feel I'm leaving anyone out. My boyfriend says I can do what I want, but I know he'd rather I didn't give them anything. What's worse: bringing nothing and risking looking rude, or bringing something and risking being thought of as insecure? What would you do? I'd really appreciate other perspectives on the matter. Thanks a lot :)
View related questions:
christmas, grandmother, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 If you have the $$ to drop on gifts for the whole lot, then go right ahead.
I doubt his family expects you to come over with gifts for everyone. You don't know these people!! And they most likely won't have any gifts for you. Christmas isn't about receiving and giving gifts, it's about spending time with loved ones.
When I spent time with my husband's family (we were first dating) on Christmas, I didn't bring them anything and definitely didn't expect to get anything in return. Although, I did find out his sister bought me something so I did buy her a nice top in return.
Now, if you don't want to go over empty-handed and have acquired baking skills, then I would put in the effort to bake them Christmas cookies. I'm not talking about those Pillsbury logs you slice and bake, more of the ones from scratch decorated all fancy. Can't bake worth a damn, then patronize your local bakery and pass them off as your own creation.
Remember to relax, I'm sure they won't bite.
A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Get a big tin of chocolates, everyone digs into them around christmas :)
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I'd probably take wine and chocolates seen as you are meeting them all in one go - I would normally take a bottle of wine or flowers if I was going to someone's house anyway, so at least if you keep it minimal but thoughtful you will be well mannered.
Wine and chocolates are not like a proper individual gift, it is just a gift for the family in general to thank them for their generosity in having you over to their house.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I would make a nice basket with goodies for the parents. I wouldn't worry about the siblings.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Bring them something inexpensive but thoughtful. Like chocolates, candy or something nice for them, maybe for the family together, to enjoy. Or if they have small children, bring something just for the children. Just make sure it is something inexpensive and non-flashy, yet nice and not tacky.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Your boyfriend is a rather cerebral type isn't he ? A bit of an overthinker. I doubt that the family would attach any sinister hidden meaning to your Xmas gifts . And why would you even try to " buy their favour " to begin with ? they are just his not-too-close siblings, it's not that they have any special power over your future or your relationship. I think that idea would not probably even cross their mind !
Yet, arriving there with Santa's loaded sleigh is not appropriate either. Not because betrays insecurity, but because it's doing too much too soon for the current state of your closeness with this family. It's a first time visit, you haven't ever met, you don't know their tastes and you are not like family or a close friend yet. You could just embarass them if they normally are not big on gift swapping among themselves, or if they haven't bought anything for YOU. You don't need to bring one or more gifts for every single member of the family . Just do what a "normal " house guest would do when invited for dinner. Bring something for the house, in fact for the lady of the house: flowers, or a nice green plant. Or , even better, bring them some food specialty that everybody can share... a box of fine chocolates... or a fancy cake... or some special wine....stuff like that.
That will be polite and appreciated, and won't make anybody uneasy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): Just take some wine and flowers/chocs for his mum. That's enough of a gesture and is shows you have manners. Don't worry about the others - there is no need to go on a spree for people you don't know or hardly know.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Are you eating together?
Why not take a large cake of a big tin of festive biscuits for all to share - or that old stand-by, a tin of Quality Street!
...............................
|
