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What did I do wrong?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 November 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 November 2011)
A female United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

Last week I met a young man (english) who I admired as an entertainer realising he was a womaniser and free and single etc but amongst many others he e mailed me occasionally and last week met in town for lunch which I paid for as he doesnt earn much.

I lent his a small sum of money to help him set up a new venture and he will pay me back with interest and believe that he will however since having had lunch he hastn even texted me or e mailed to say nice seeing me or he enjoyed lunch - we didnt go off and have sex and I thought we enjoyed the time-I cant understand why he hastn got the deceny jsut to ackcnowledge a nice platonic time - he knows I like him- he isnt a crook and I honestly think when he starts to make money he will pay me back-why the silence-even if he sent a curt matter of fact e mail only

View related questions: money, text, womaniser

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have enough proof that he has the money including bank statements (had it been cash that would be different) he did say when we left after lunch that he would be very busy for the next two weeks as he was in rehearsals for the christmas show-so maybe thats the excuse for not texting!!!!!!!!

I hope he does pay me back because I would NOT want to mess with my friends husbands mates who all live in the roughest part of the city and all been inside!!!!!

It may take some time to get back but daft as it sounds I DO think I will get it back-I am just surprised hre did not have the decency to thank me for lunch-unless of course I dented his ego because he may have been expecting me to ask him back for sex and didnt!!!!!!!

Whatever happens I will NOT be lending money to anyone else or being st upid enough to fall for someone who obviously doesnt care about me much-lesson learnt!!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well my friends have always said sometimes I am too soft for words - maybe this will jerk me up to the real world and not the world I hope it to be!!!!!

I certainly hope I do get my money back because I do not want to involve solicitors I do have neough proof he has got it including registered post signed for -at his house for the cheque bank statements-e mails - texts -he did say when I left him for lunch he would be very very busy as he was in rehearsals this week so maybe thats the excuse-mind you having read some of these comments I certainly hope I dont have to involve the heavy brigade going round-I would NOt want to mess with my friends husbands mates who have all been inside!!!!!

Lets hope alls well that ends well if not one thing is for sure Ill never lend money again

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 November 2011):

Honeypie agony aunt

Maybe he didn't see the lunch as naything "special" and therefore didn't text/call you back? Maybe the guy has no manners, maybe that is "just" how he is?

I may be jaded too, but I don't see you getting your money back either. Other then emailing back and forth for a year, how did you meet him?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well you certainly dont mince your words do you!!!!!

he has been e mailing and texting me for a year!!!!

I have his address and I know his agent so I can track him down and I have proof of all his e mails asking me to lend it him and promising me to pay back with interest so if he doesnt all I have to do is see my solicitor!!!!!

I like to think the best in people and not always the worst

he wanted to change his life round so I said Id help - if he doesnt pay me back I have all the proof I need however I think he will pay it back naive as it might sound -if not

then you are right he is a real s...t and I am a stupid old cow-lets see what happens

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (14 November 2011):

k_c100 agony auntCan you not see how ridiculous this sounds?

Here is a young guy, who you have said yourself is a womaniser and doesnt have much money. Woman (you) gives him money, all he has to do to get the money is go on a date with her, and then he vanishes.

You have been incredibly naieve and foolish, he has taken the money and now you will never hear from him again.

He knew that you liked him and he knew that if he went on a date with you he would get what he wanted - money. Now he has what he wanted he has vanished, you are no further use to him and he has no intention of paying you back.

So if you want to know what you did wrong - you fell for a womaniser and lent him money without any guarantee of getting it back. You have only known this man for a week for crying out loud, you dont know his character, whether he is trustworthy etc....heck I wouldnt even lend money to someone I have known for years never mind just 1 week!

As much as he could have been lovely to you and made you think he isnt a crook, he was just pulling the wool over your eyes, anyone can feed you a few lines it is just up to you to be a stronger person and not fall for a man's words so quickly. Words are just words, if you are going to do something as serious as lend someone money then you need to know that person very well and have complete trust in them - that is not possible after knowing someone for a week.

Learn your lesson and move on - dont EVER lend money to anyone again unless they are a close friend and you have known them a very long time. Dont trust people so easily, dont be so naieve and NEVER mix money and romance, you will get burnt every time.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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