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*yonsdown
writes:I was having a conversation the other day about morals, and the person asked me if I thought it was ok to date a friend's daughter.We didn't go into depth in terms of which friend, how long you'd known them, etc.personally, I couldn't see a problem with it, even assuming the age difference, and that you may have known the daughter since they were born.To me, if 2 people are attracted to each other, what's the problem.But in talking to others about it I seem to be the exception.Everyone seems to think it'd be weird and disgusting.What do you think? Reply to this Question
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reader, Miamine +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I don't think it's right to date a friends daughter, it causes all kinds of problems for everyone involved. However, I think it's OK to marry a friends daughter, and not have sex with her before the wedding day. That's OK by me, cause marriage will solve most of the issues, and if there's no sex, the friend won't worry about you using,abusing or leaving her, and your friendship will last as long as you don't divorce.
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reader, maverick494  +, writes (30 November 2011):
@the OP: yes I think having children of your own would have changed your opinion on that subject. To me it's the combination of things that makes it wrong, not necessarily the separate components. It's the idea of someone who could be their father dating their friend's daughter that creeps me out the most.
I have to ask though: how did you guys get to this subject?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): The responses I've had here are pretty much the same as the people I've asked outside this forum. That is, it's at the very least a bad idea.I've always pride myself on having a good moral compass.But it seems i'm out of kilter with the majority on this one. may be not having a daughter myself is the telling factor.I don't see the problem with age-gap reltionships per se, if both are happy together.But I suppose I'd have to defer to the majority on this one and conclude I was wrong to think it was ok.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 @ Anon male reader. Excuse me dear anon, but you are discovering hot water. Of course eventually the father and friend will have to grit his teeth and get the fuck over it, the alternative ( shooting the indiscreet friend down with a two barrel shotgun ) being too drastic and cruent for the average well behaved citizen and father.
Same as if the daughter wanted to pair up with a drug dealer, or some other very indesirable perspective son-in-law.
But the OP did not ask what the father could do, or how could the father prevent the match from happening. He asked if people think this kind of match is OK, if people have a problem with it or not.
The answer, by and large, on DC and in life, seems to be : heck no, it is not OK.
That then there ARE people who will still do eeew, creepy ,not OK things regardless of what anybody says- ah that's undeniable .
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (26 November 2011):
Age gap wise I think it's a bad idea, but I've seen it work out for some people.
However the biggest obstacle for me is that it is the daughter of a FRIEND. Good friends to me are like family. Therefore the idea of dating their child seems just disturbing and reminiscent of incest, like ChalicoODamnation mentioned. To me that is a line one simply does not cross especially if that child is still under my care.
It's a no go, just like student-teacher dating. It's not just about age, it's about principle. If a friend would go behind my back to get together with my kid I would view it as betrayal and I would question everything he/she stands for.
Of course it's not all so black and white. For example, one of my dad's friends at work is age wise closer to my age than his. He'd still not like it if that friend would date me, but I think he'd be more tolerant of that than of a man close to his own age. So age does play a role in the equation.
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reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 If your friend was asking to date your daughter would you be saying the same thing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): Look people have bought up valid points but at the end of the day they mean jack shit.If two people are adults, not related, then whatever the circumstances no one can legally do anything to stop them from entering into a relationship. Age difference or no age difference.It seems creepy, but if they make each other happy then the father and friend will just have to grit his teeth and get the fuck over it.And who can say if the relationship will last or not? Are you all psychics?I don't think I could date a friend's daughter, mainly because none of my friend's actually have kids and because I would just feel a little weird about it, even if she was hotter than sin.But go forth and be happy, that all you can do in this life mate and in doing so you will always piss someone off, there is nothing to be done about that.-Anon
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): I believe that it is wrong for so many reason's. It betrays the trust between the friend's, it can destroy the relationship between the daughter and her parents, which is not good, and that is never a good thing. Personally I do not understand why anyone would want to risk causing pain within the family of someone they apparently cared for. It is a nice thing to think that all that matters is how we feel about someone, but there are so many others that should be taken into consideration. But to each their own, I would find it weird and disgusting though.
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reader, bluecow +, writes (25 November 2011):
 I have to agree with so very confused...
I have friends who are older than my parents! That means that their children are often my age or even a little older. To me that wouldnt be an issue at all.
Equally if there was a large age-gap but the friendship was fairly new, I would still not have too much of an issue with it.
However I couldnt contemplate dating a friends child that I had watched and known since birth. To me there is something inherrently wrong with that, its similar to dating an extended family member.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): When you are raised around someone who is Kin to being Family; it is the equiv as incest and I know My Dad would Kick the Living Crap out of whom ever tried such a thing with one of Us; his Five daughters. He doesnt have to worry though- three of us are lawfully, happily married. The youngest of us is way too intelligent and independant to fall for such bull. Me, I'd kick the living crap out of they guy myself.
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reader, Ciar +, writes (25 November 2011):
 In my opinion it would be crossing the line, or the very least questionable. Obviously anyone you date is going to be SOMEONE'S daughter, but when she's a friend's, regardless of how close that friend is, I would recommend not.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 November 2011):
Eeew .Creepy.
I am not against age difference on principle, even if making a relationship with a big age gap work happily ever after is rare and difficult. But not every relationship is meant to be happily ever after ,yet it can still be positive experience, so I would not freak out if my 22 y.o. son would date a woman in , say, her late 30's.
But if she were a friend of mine ? Oh gosh- it's just horrible. Maybe she and I have exchanged girl talk and naughty secrets about our sex life and turn ons, and now when I see her I KNOW exactly what she is doing with my son. Too graphic and too close for comfort. Maybe she used to babysit him or play with him for when he was a little boy, and now she dates him? Too weird.
Plus, I could not help thinking that maybe she has been perving on him since when he was a pre-teen , and this sickening doubt would instantly kill the friendship.
Knowing how generally protective fathers are about their daughters, even worse- it's really a vomit inducing idea.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2011):
 not a child you had known since she was born... that's odd to me.
I believe in age gap relationships... I have friends in their 60s I have friends in their 20s and 30s. I am actually OLDER than some of my friend's parents... but they are not people I knew as children.
dating an OLD friend's daughter... a friend who is about your age? who you have known forever and ever.... that's a big NO...
a new friend..much older than you... say you are 35 your friend is 50 their daughter is 26.... you are introduced to her at a party... then you go to her daddy and ask how he feels about it...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): Your friend's child is Off Limits: no exceptions!
LoveGirl
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 To me that's more up the lines of ... well, people who are off limits. Such as your best friends ex-fiancée. She tends to be off limits. Or your friends wife, she's off limits. Or the girl whom your friend has been interested in for years, she tends to be off limits. Same as your friends mother, she's off limits, and the daughter...woah, I wouldn't even look. It's not only off limits, it's also morally wrong. Your friend is supposed to protect his children from people who might take advantage of them, and in what world is a man who could be her father NOT using this authority he has over her to benefit him? It's the same as a teacher and a student, or the daughter and the step-dad. It's just a no-no.
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 November 2011):
 No way! It is mostly the age difference that is my problem - generally your friends are a similar age to yourself, so that would mean you are old enough to be the girl's father - creepy! And your friend would see it the same way, why would an older guy be interested in his young daughter, generally the assumption is dirty old man looking for sex with a young girl. Yuck.
If you dated a friend's daughter you are basically saying you dont care about your friendship and you can only think with your d**k. If you valued your friend you wouldnt want to hurt them, and dating their daughter would hurt them because you are pretty much ruining the daughter's life.
Yes that might sound drastic - but hear me out. Imagine your friend is 50. Picking an average age for a male to have a child we will go with 28. So his daughter is 22, and you are 50 as well (same age as your friend). Aged 50 you probably will have your own kids or never married and had kids therefore you dont want any. Either way - kids are not on the cards for the future, you are too old for that now. Chances are you will be divorced too, so imagine as a dad your little girl comes home and tells you that she wants to be with a divorcee who can never give her kids and she is going to have hassle from the ex wife for the rest of her life. Not exactly the future the dad had in mind for his girl is it?
So can you see that in the father's opinion, an older man is robbing his daughter of her future, hence why the father would never be happy about her dating one of his friends, mostly because of his age.
If you have age gaps of 15+ years it is never going to work, love isnt enough to overcome the severe differences in these cases. Ok maybe if you get past 45 then dating someone 20+ years older might not be such a big deal, but if the younger person is under 40 then with an age gap of 15+ years the relationship will never work. Most young women want marriage, kids...the whole lot. But if you date a man who is older than you by some margin then you dont get any of that future you want - as much as a 50 year old might think he can have kids, and by some miracle maybe he is still fertile enough to get her pregnant - a 50 year old cannot run around after a toddler, heck by the time the kid is 15 you will have retired and will be an OAP with a bus pass! You cannot be the best father possible when you are that old, and it is not fair on the younger partner to rely on her for everything because you are too old to do it.
So dating a friend's daughter is a big no no, if you want to lose your friends then by all means go for it but the relationship will never last anyway so it wouldnt be worth the damage you will cause to your friendship, and the relationship between father and daughter.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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