Is sexting ok when you are in a relationship?
Q. It was a two month relationship. I found him sexting other women and I lost it,cried the whole night etc,didn't let him sleep but the lies he told the other woman was devastating. I have learnt my lesson to leave if anything like this happens ...
A. 12 October 2015: I think you chose a cheating lying asshat as your first relationship. It's NEVER okay to sext others while you're in a relationship, and I don't suggest sexting anyway, as words and pictures never go away.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't respond in kind when I say "I love you". The last 2 times he said "Pardon???"
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend now for almost 3 months and I really love him. I've felt like I love him for sometime but suppressed telling him because it wasn't quite the right time and it didn't feel like the right time. Then last weekend we were ...
A. 12 October 2015: Many people would consider three months to be way too soon to say the "L" word. And in most cases, while it means an emotional expression for a woman, for a man, it's more. It means a commitment, a new set of expectations and obligations, and is ... (read in full...)
Ghost of Bf's sexual past invading current relationship
Q. So I've been with the boyfriend just under a year. Recently found out that one of his friends (a girl) who he has known since he was a teenager (he's approaching 40) he slept with two years ago (after his his birthday party). Very drunk affair- he ...
A. 10 October 2015: I'll take Ivyblue's advice one step further...
He said "I wouldn't like it if my ex asked to do" the meeting.
What he should have thought of was how he would feel if YOU informed him that you were going to go out of YOUR way to meet an ex-sex p... (read in full...)
A married man at work is asking too many questions !
Q. Hi. There is a married man at a work (he doesn't work there), his child is in a class at the school where I work, I'm an assistant. He's been asking me personal questions like: Are you married? Do you have kids? Do you live close by? Do you ...
A. 10 October 2015: I have spoken to many people from all over the world, and personal space is as varied as personal privacy.
I think you start by being diplomatic. Instead of "why are you asking", tell him "It's inappropriate to get so personal with a married ... (read in full...)
How can I find out how serious my father's health condition may be?
Q. I live with my father and today he sat me down to tell me something. He told me his doctors have found 2 rather large lumps on his brain and they don't know what it is until they do further testing next Monday. Now I'm someone who worries a lo...
A. 10 October 2015: I'm so sorry you got this news. It's awful, feeling terrified and wishing for time to speed up to hear the results, and at the same time, NOT wanting time to speed up because the results may be something life-changing.
Just breathe. It may be n... (read in full...)
I hate hearing about how happy they are in the bedroom! What do I do to get over this hurt and jealousy?
Q. What can I do? I hate hearing about their sex lives and I'm hurt enough! How do I stop thinking about my ex and his new woman? My ex boyfriend was very sexual - sex obsessed I would say. I didn't date him for long as he wanted to move too quic...
A. 10 October 2015: Hah! That guy is *so* ego butt hurt. He's trying to hurt you indirectly now that you blocked him from hurting you directly. Do you think it's by accident that you're hearing about...of all things....their sex lives? Please.
You stopped ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's anger is making me lose my confidence. How do I sort this out?
Q. My boyfriend if 3 years is really starting to get me down and I feel stuck. He loses his temper easily, gets verbally aggressive when I try to give my opinion and blows things of by saying " I don't want to hear you anymore, I'm not talking to ...
A. 5 October 2015: This is not an anger disorder. He's using this anger deliberately to control you. You said that "nothing can be us", meaning he's using anger and intimidation to get you to do what he wants. *HE* wants.
Why can't you do something on your own... (read in full...)
I am finally getting on with my life after a bad relatsionhip, but have concerns about the change in myself in increased low tolerance levels.
Q. Dear all, this is not a relationship question, but it kind of is as it is to do with freinds and people. Please can you help me get some insight into this. Thank you in advance. I have recently come out of a bad relationship with a guy,( well abou...
A. 29 September 2015: I think you're fine, and I'll tell you why:
You are okay with co-workers and your family. This shows that you haven't let baggage corrupt your entire outlook on things.
However, part of what's bothering you is that you're subconsciously l... (read in full...)
My husband has started wetting the bed!
Q. My husband is 34 years old, for the past two months he has started bed wetting, he couldn't realize in sleep that his bladder is loosing control, at first i supported him, i told him its OK and all but in 2 months yesterday was the third time in ...
A. 29 September 2015: This is a serious medical issue! He's young and doesn't drink, so this points strongly to a medical problem. Shaming him or being "understanding" isn't helping in this case. If someone who didn't have a history of it all of a sudden starts dealing ... (read in full...)
Is it too dangerous for me to be delivering pizza?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I would like the honest opinions if the people here on dearcupid. I am a 20 year old girl and a college student. I have been hired as a part time pizza delivery driver for a local pizza place. At fi...
A. 29 September 2015: OH! Almost forgot - since he was in a college town, he got paid extra tips by drunk pizza eaters who thought he could double duty as a cab driver and take them a couple of miles to their place because it was on the way back to his restaurant. One ... (read in full...)
Is it too dangerous for me to be delivering pizza?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I would like the honest opinions if the people here on dearcupid. I am a 20 year old girl and a college student. I have been hired as a part time pizza delivery driver for a local pizza place. At fi...
A. 29 September 2015: Both of my brothers delivered pizza when they were teenagers. I called my older brother about your question, and he said that the worst things that happened to him were some drunk college students trying to stiff him out of paying for his pizza ... (read in full...)
I feel like he just charmed me to get me to the bed and now that it's over, he's withdrawing himself. I feel disrespected, humiliated, hurt and betrayed.
Q. I've been dating this guy for the past three weeks. He seemed to be a nice, caring and romantic person who made me feel special and showered me with attention. Now, we've entered a relationship since the last 15 days (the guy himself brought this ...
A. 27 September 2015: You already know why he wanted to keep you a "secret". You are the "other woman". He is most likely either married or he's in another OPEN relationship with someone else. Are you on his social media?? One quick look and even a basic internet ... (read in full...)
I realize we aren't compatible but feel obligated to stay with her. What shall I do?
Q. Dear everyone I started to date a girl about 6 months ago and we started a relationship. We both knew it would become long distance but we both accepted it and said we'd give it a go, but we both understood they often don't work out. we accepted...
A. 27 September 2015: Honeypie's got it right. You aren't trapped, and you aren't obligated. What you are is being manipulated. Being manipulated or guilted into a relationship is no reason to be in one.
It needs to end. You're being more cruel to her by staying ... (read in full...)
Confused by one night stand. Was I too harsh on him?
Q. Dear all. Please can you throw some light on this. Thanks. I have recently come out of a long abusive relationship and feel happier than ever. I've been out partying and dating and having a great time. Anyway, last weekend I met a guy I was stro...
A. 27 September 2015: Very good! Glad you got it sorted.
Be careful. My earlier advice stands. You're not built for one night stands, and you're still in danger of getting your heart broken, because this isn't an activity one uses their heart for - just their bi... (read in full...)
Confused by one night stand. Was I too harsh on him?
Q. Dear all. Please can you throw some light on this. Thanks. I have recently come out of a long abusive relationship and feel happier than ever. I've been out partying and dating and having a great time. Anyway, last weekend I met a guy I was stro...
A. 26 September 2015: I don't think you're built for one night stands.
You kinda went too hard on him because it was understood that it was meaningless sex. But you wanted it to be meaningful sex.
You should talk to him in person. Be honest with him, and underst... (read in full...)
My wife expects me to entertain her, she has no hobbies and blames me that she is lonely
Q. Im 28, my wife is 23. We moved in together after 5 years of dating 7 months ago and finally got married last month. Ever since we moved in together shes been complaining that shes lonely, and how we dont spend enough time together and wha...
A. 25 September 2015: First off, I am also a gamer, and so I get it as a hobby for you. I'm also lucky my husband is a gamer too, though are taste in games is different (he loves sports games like Madden, NHL16, FIFA, NBA and I can barely sit still waiting for Fallout 4 ... (read in full...)
My addict parents expect me to move back in and fully support them
Q. I have always had a complicated relationship with my parents. When they're not drinking and are being normal, we have a great relationship. When they are drinking and getting angry and crazy, things get very bad between us. Both of my pare...
A. 25 September 2015: You are in the right. This isn't helping your parents out because they had a catastrophe, like a health scare or something out of their control. They are in a crisis of their own making, and they're abusing the family relationship by expecting you ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend but can't stand him being abusive to me
Q. Hello guyz,have been dating this guy for a month now. He is so sweet,kind but a lil selfish. The problem is that he drinks too much and everything . He was drunk the other night and was verbal abusive,he said a lot of things and call me so many ...
A. 25 September 2015: You've been dating him for only a month, and he's treating you like this?? How can you love him after only one month, when it's clear that you don't really know him? You thinking you love him is most likely the noose around your own neck that will ... (read in full...)
What should I do? He does not want to talk about it, but money keeps disappearing from our joint funds
Q. I need some advice as I don't know what to do. I have been married for 6 years. For the past year or so i have slowly but surely noticed money gone from our savings. Now we are careful about our money and we never touch our savings unl...
A. 25 September 2015: One other thing - watch the amount of his paycheck. If it decreases, that means he's diverting money before it even gets to your account. Can you find a pay stub?
... (read in full...)
What should I do? He does not want to talk about it, but money keeps disappearing from our joint funds
Q. I need some advice as I don't know what to do. I have been married for 6 years. For the past year or so i have slowly but surely noticed money gone from our savings. Now we are careful about our money and we never touch our savings unl...
A. 25 September 2015: It's definitely your husband who is chipping money. Do you not see the bank statements or sign in online to see transactions? When I go into my banks, they not only show details of transactions, where the purchases were made, which ATMs were ... (read in full...)
My mother has many issues, but despite this I don't want her to live with me, due to her chosen lifestyle. What can I do?
Q. About a week ago I came on here to ask a question. I apologize that I can't find it but I will explain it again. I have an emotionally abusive mother on drugs who unfortunately does not work or take care of herself. She had 2 weeks to move ou...
A. 25 September 2015: My heart goes out to you. You can't let her live with you, and if she were in her right mind, she'd understand why you can't.
If she is bringing illegal drugs into your home, and friends to do them into your home, she's putting you at great pe... (read in full...)
To love? Or to live? Or to leave? That is the question
Q. My boyfriend of seven years is seriously ill and this alone brings heartache because his life is inevitably shortened. I have offered him to move in with me but he likes to keep his own place and it does make financial matters easier to handle. H...
A. 25 September 2015: So what is your question?!?
You love a terminally ill guy, but you suspect him of cheating on you with a friend of yours?
Then this post went into creepy territory by saying you're not going to the funeral of the man you're supposed to love... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to continue into the future with someone as spiteful as she has been towards me?
Q. I've been dating this girl on and off for a little over three years and I just recently found out that whilst we weren't together for a short period of time, she had sex with a guy that was clearly my enemy, but she didn't come clean about it until ...
A. 25 September 2015: To be honest, your relationship is over. You have it on life support now, and you should make the decision to pull the plug, disconnect the proverbial feeding tube, and to finally move on with your life.
On again/off again is one big strike a... (read in full...)
Been divorced for ten years and happy now. But now my emotionally abusive ex wants to come back and live with me since the death of her partner. How do I refuse my ex-wife's request?
Q. I have an ex wife who was continuously unfaithful to me and was abusive, she divorced me about 10 years ago. I have been much happier since our divorce. We have a daughter together who is now 17. She moved in with me about a year ago after confid...
A. 25 September 2015: Do *NOT* let her back into your house. Seriously. Don't do it. She will not leave. She'll make your life a living hell. She will destroy any chance you want to move on in terms of another woman (what woman would ever want to be with a man who ... (read in full...)
He cheated. Now he's devastated I'm leaving. Do I give him another chance or give up ?
Q. Hey everyone, I just spent the last few months getting my 25 year-old live-in boyfriend of nine years to confess that he cheated sometime last year. We'd had a great relationship other than this. I knew that he'd attempted to cheat at ...
A. 24 September 2015: You seriously need to get away from this guy. He is extremely toxic, and is already starting to drag you down into the muck.
He's a serial cheater, meaning what happened between you isn't some blackout drunk mistake he did and then ran to you c... (read in full...)
My husband is upset at me because of my advice about a desperately needed vehicle for work transportation. Is he in the right?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, This might seem very trivial but i've been feeling stressed out and feel upset about it. Now my husband lost his car recently, i've lost mine a few months back to a bad accident. He's been looking for a job activly and even...
A. 24 September 2015: First of all, this has NOTHING whatsoever to do with the car. Nothing whatsoever at all. Your husband isn't upset because of the car OR because of what you said in relation to the car itself.
Your husband is in extreme despair. He is desponde... (read in full...)
I need advice for my daughter who is living in a filthy one bedroom apartment with 4 children and one big dog! Her husband is never home because he's at his church!
Q. Desperate I need an advise for my daughter who is married with four children, my daughter and her husband works five days a week. They been living in a one bedroom apartment and one big dog since my first grandchild was born 6 1/2 years ago, the...
A. 23 September 2015: Heh, if I were her, I would meet with the pastor of his church and explain that she needs his help in keeping the house clean. I would suspect that this guy is going to the church for more than just God, especially if he's gotten blatant about ... (read in full...)
What exactly are morals?
Q. What exactly are morals? I would define morals as standards set by society. Are morals flexible? I am very guarded about my sexual side. I have often read about people who give advice on this forum saying keeping your body till marriage is outdated. ...
A. 23 September 2015: Male anon - I know you thought out your answer, and I actually like being disagreed with, because it fosters intelligent debate.
You say that women are the authors of the double standard? Then why in history were eunuchs used to guard harems? ... (read in full...)
How do I make him feel comfortable with me in that department without being pushy?
Q. Hi I really need help. My husband and I broke up a few years ago. He now wants to give it a go at fixing things. He wants us to be a family. I've always wanted this and we have given it a go before but he changed his mind and left. Now he said he ...
A. 22 September 2015: I'm glad you two are willing to give it a go and fix things in your relationship. That's a good thing.
From reading what you said, it sounds like because in the past, you have deliberately said things to him with the sole purpose of trying t... (read in full...)
What exactly are morals?
Q. What exactly are morals? I would define morals as standards set by society. Are morals flexible? I am very guarded about my sexual side. I have often read about people who give advice on this forum saying keeping your body till marriage is outdated. ...
A. 21 September 2015: Morality is not just given by society or religion. They can also be self-given as well. A moral person can decide to be generous to those who are less fortunate in society. They can decide to live an honest life, or they remain sexually chaste ... (read in full...)
I have developed this really bad phobia of marriage and relationships! Help me see reason!
Q. Hi! I had a very bad experience of my first marriage of 1 week! I asked for divorce and am still a virgin, that's how bad my experience was. Anyways my problem is that now I can't seem to trust anyone! Everyone says that not everyone is like your ...
A. 21 September 2015: You're missing the biggest part of your story!!
What happened in your marriage that caused you to leave after one week without consummating it?
Was your marriage arranged? Who ended it? Why did it have this lasting impact on you?
You said... (read in full...)
Should it head towards 'more than friends with benefits'?
Q. I have dated this guy long ago when I was 17 and he was 19. We were together for 3 months. By nature he is very secretive! and so no one among our common friends knew about us. Someday he gets a girl to the same group and introduces her as his ...
A. 21 September 2015: I need to make this clear to not only you, but any other reader of Dear Cupid on here who is thinking about entering a "Friends with benefits" (FWB) relationship:
1. If you want the relationship to lead ANYWHERE, never ever make it FWB.
2. A FW... (read in full...)
How can I get my husband to recognise that I cannot handle his 90 year old mother living with us?
Q. my husband thinks it is perfectly ok to have his 90 year old mother living with us it has been like this for our entire life together 14 years. Seven years married. I really cant do it any more how can I make him see sense i'm ready to leave...
A. 20 September 2015: Why can't she live with you? Does your husband have brothers or sisters?
If she's lived with him the entire time you've known him, why the objection now? Why after 14 years you're ready to leave him? Why didn't you simply not marry him 7 ye... (read in full...)
His past (failed) relationship is making him very cautious about getting into a relationship with me. What should I do?
Q. I met this guy a bit less than a month ago and things have been good between us. But something sparked the conversation about what he wants and he said he likes me, i tick all the right boxes but he needs to know that he is 100% okay because ...
A. 20 September 2015: Male anon - Of course men have feelings. Every great love song I've ever heard sung by a man confirms that they have feelings every bit as deep as a woman's.
And I understand how you felt, and it underscores what I've said - in that we ALL have... (read in full...)
His past (failed) relationship is making him very cautious about getting into a relationship with me. What should I do?
Q. I met this guy a bit less than a month ago and things have been good between us. But something sparked the conversation about what he wants and he said he likes me, i tick all the right boxes but he needs to know that he is 100% okay because ...
A. 20 September 2015: I also agree with Honeypie - NO SEX until the baggage has been dealt with.
Also, and I can't stress this enough:
Never EVER EVER compensate or change your behavior based on what an ex did. You do not have to pay penance, make up for, constant... (read in full...)
How do I cope with being disowned by my mother because of who I married?
Q. I need some help coping with basically being disowned by my mother. My mother doesn't speak to me anymore now since I married a man she didn't approve of. In my opinion her reasons for disapproval were very petty and she refuses to meet my husba...
A. 19 September 2015: Why is your Dad allowing this to happen?? Are your parents still married? If I were in your situation, and I had one unreasonable parent and one reasonable parent, and they lived together, I would be leaning on the reasonable parent to strongly ... (read in full...)
I left my husband because he hangs around his uncle who is a drug user and drug dealer
Q. My husband has a horrible uncle who is a cocaine addict and also selling the drug and other things like stealing etc..and going causing trouble with other drug dealers. I have had many an argument with my husband about him associating with him as ...
A. 18 September 2015: I can understand why people would say that leaving your husband would be what they do, but I have an alternative way of looking at it, because I *have* an aunt who was a drug dealer (cocaine and weed and whatever she could get her hands onto).
... (read in full...)
My husband is loving towards me but has favourites of naked women and goes to chat sites and looks at porn!
Q. My Question is, is it ok for your husband to seek out new sexy females as friends on social networks constantly and connecting with porn or other people he is attracted to by following or friending them, he knows it hurts me when he does this and ...
A. 18 September 2015: It's one thing if it were just anonymous porn, but he's taken it too far in that he's reaching out to these women, making them no longer anonymous. That in my opinion crosses the line into overt disloyalty and travels into emotional cheating.
... (read in full...)
I don't want my abusive parents in my life. How do I tell them?
Q. I have parents who are very abusive and drug addicts and I have never understood why this has happened. Despite me continuously trying to help them they will not do the right thing. I am at my wits end. Yesterday my mother yelled at me and grabbe...
A. 18 September 2015: I agree with Sage in that you should just make it about what YOU do, and that means instead of making a declaration that you don't want them to be in your life anymore, that you remove yourself from THEIR life.
I think you should make it about sp... (read in full...)
Guys, would you rather date Girl A or Girl B?
Q. Girl A: -quite "generic" -long hair, decent sized boobs but slim, wears dresses and hardly ever trousers and a lot of heels -doesn't wear makeup -bit of a goody two shoes, always annoyingly nice to everyone, comes off as fake, ridiculousl...
A. 18 September 2015: I agree with other aunts. You're girl B I take it??
Compatibility comes into play, so it's impossible to answer.
However, there were a couple of things that stood out in your comparison that I must comment on, because they show me what you thi... (read in full...)
Any ideas on how to liven up the sex life with my older boyfriend? He says he is far too old for sex!
Q. I am 45 and my boyfriend is 57 and been with him 4 months and everything at first was fine until he kept on saying that he is too old for this too old for that and sex is soo boring that I am not surprised that I have not fallen asleep during it any ...
A. 17 September 2015: The first question that hit my mind was - what medication is he on? Blood pressure, antidepressants, opioids, all of them suck the sex life out the window.
That's a toughie when it's 4 months in and he's saying that sex is boring. You may have... (read in full...)
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