A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What exactly are morals? I would define morals as standards set by society. Are morals flexible? I am very guarded about my sexual side. I have often read about people who give advice on this forum saying keeping your body till marriage is outdated. If it is so outdated, why do people call a girl a bitch when she has so many sexual partners or she jumps from one relationship to the other. When does moral come in? What is morally right? Is it by what every individual sets for himself or herself or what is generally acceptable by a larger group of society? I am very confused. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 September 2015):
 Male anon - I know you thought out your answer, and I actually like being disagreed with, because it fosters intelligent debate.
You say that women are the authors of the double standard? Then why in history were eunuchs used to guard harems? Women are pressured to remain "pure" or "clean" in order to ensure a specific man's DNA be the one who succeeds.
As for women passing on their genes by being selective, and a man's being indiscriminate, the entire system is rigged to make it the woman's fault or responsibility for saying "no". Well, why are the vast majority of rapists MEN? It's not a woman's fault, nor should she be put down for having multiple sex partners. Men are the authors of such speech as "clean" or "pure".
Yes, women slut shame just as much as men do, and all of that has to do with trying to please men, and jockeying for position to do so. But it is a man's construct that women with multiple sex partners or a high sex drive are somehow less than a woman who has very few. In some cultures and in the sex slavery trade, a virgin is considered the most valuable, and in some cultures, female genital mutilation happens to try and stop a woman from enjoying sex, thus attempting to remove a desire for another man besides her husband. YOu know better than to try and say that women are the author of that!
I could go on and on, invoking sharia law and bringing up double standard after double standard, but in the end, it's men doing what they've done for all eternity - fighting over the right to procreate, and keeping women in line and choosing those who would be less likely to accept multiple partners.
Luckily, we women have come a long way from the days of flight attendants being fired for getting married, but make no mistake - we have a very long way to go. I don't hate men, but I believe in seeing history for what it is. Morality has been dictated to women both by religious, Victorian, and the outright rule of force by men. I will never blame the historical (and in some cultures, existing until today!) oppression of women on the women themselves.
I'm not being PC. I'm being honest.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 September 2015):
 Is this a question about sexual morality? Perhaps that would help you think about whatever it is you are struggling with.
And as we seem to be answering a philosophical question, I would also suggest that defining the words "standards" and "society" is important before attempting to answer the question you posed for us.
Are "standards" rules that all individuals 'must' follow? If they aren't followed, are there consequences? Who decides what the standards are? Which of course gets us to "society." Who is "society"? Everyone on the planet? The elite in the town you reside in? The religious group you choose to follow?
I think it might help you to read through the works of some of the philosophers who have asked this exact same question in the past.
I'm not sure how you can philosophically disagree with the science of electromagnetism but if that makes you feel better about disagreeing with something else, who are we do to disabuse you of the comfort? Just one part of another part of yet a larger part of society. Which is varied and vast and multicultural and infinite as the individuals which make it up.
Mind blown.
I'm going to walk the dog. Maybe that will clear things up for me! :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2015):
 Since YOU are the person who has to live with you 24/7/365 for the rest of your life, I would go with :
"a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do."
As long as you can understand and respect that not everyone else feels the same way. And combine that with, do unto others and you would have them do unto you.
And sorry, I don't agree with your statement that Newton's law of physics have an effect on what people are sexually attracted to. But, I think you are VERY entitled to have your own opinion.
Many rules, morals and values might have some roots in religion (and no, certainly not just Christianity but WAY before that)but that doesn't mean they are all valid today. And it certainly doesn't mean everyone follows them, whether religious or not. Morals however, are personal.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): @ Youwish:
"As far as sexual morality between men and women, the double standard is deplorable. The same guys who would "slut shame" a woman who had multiple sex partners would not only shame another guy for NOT having multiple sex partners, but would indulge in porn and use the type of woman they would shame in society for their own gratification."
You say this as if the double standard is a creation of men, or something? Women do more to foster it than men do. Both in terms of elevating male sluts and tearing down female ones. That is the un-PC truth.
There is one more factor outweighing either men's or women's contribution to keeping the DS existing - nature. Women pass on their genes better when they choose their partners carefully. Men do it better when they indiscriminately impregnate any fertile woman then can find and only get careful about who they marry & support.
Fair, unfair, like it, hate it, whatever. Nature does not care how we feel about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I agree with nononsense aidan when he says morals is what you consider for yourself and disagree with ivy blue on doing what's right or wrong. How can we knows what is right or wrong when a lot of people nowadays do what is perceived to be wrong and term it right. For example, am I wrong to say homosexuality is right(i have nothing against them tho) but newton's law or attraction says like poles repel, opposite poles attract.
@ doughbcall, not every one follows the bible. I for one am a non believer.
I think what is am most confused about is what should be the basis for setting morals. Should it be religion, society or self given. Because if we choose the three, they often clash most times. As a person I can decide premarital sex is right while the bible says otherwise and then society is divided on this because we are the ones that make up society.
But thank you all for you answers.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (22 September 2015):
 Your question can fill up thousands of pages, so my remark will be limited to your question about sexual morality. Under the absolute, utopian standard, sex apart from devotion of love for the person with whom we are having sex is, first and foremost, a violation of one self. Since marriage is the ultimate expression of that devotion, it follows that any sex outside of marriage is a violation of oneself.
So who sets this standard? Each individual person for them self so that in the aggregate it becomes a standard for the society. Just look at this website how full it is of questions about cheating...those questions all attest that each individual who is asking it has been violated under the terms stated above.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2015): Morals have a lot of different meanings to different people and possibly morals depend on the character of the person.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (21 September 2015):
 Decent behaviours and standards of choosing between right and wrong.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 September 2015):
Morality is not just given by society or religion. They can also be self-given as well. A moral person can decide to be generous to those who are less fortunate in society. They can decide to live an honest life, or they remain sexually chaste until certain rules are met, such as only having sex within a committed relationship, or marriage, or once love has been declared on both sides.
Others believe that sex isn't part of their own moral code, but integrity and not embezzling from their company is. Morality is a code of conduct we give ourselves, which is influenced by our upbringing, our society, our laws, and our own experiences.
As far as sexual morality between men and women, the double standard is deplorable. The same guys who would "slut shame" a woman who had multiple sex partners would not only shame another guy for NOT having multiple sex partners, but would indulge in porn and use the type of woman they would shame in society for their own gratification.
I would never presume to tell someone else how to live. I can only tell myself how to live.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 September 2015):
Well the definition of morals:
mor·al
'môr?l/Submit
noun
plural noun: morals
1.
a lesson, especially one concerning what is right or prudent, that can be derived from a story, a piece of information, or an experience.
"the moral of this story was that one must see the beauty in what one has" synonyms: lesson, message, meaning, significance, signification, import, point, teaching
"the moral of the story"
2.
a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do.
"the corruption of public morals"
synonyms: moral code, code of ethics, (moral) values, principles, standards, (sense of) morality, scruples
"he has no morals"
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Morals are for the most part set by society. It was a way to not only control, but to try and keep people safe. Morals also fluctuate and change over time.
For instance in Tudor time, showing your hair would have been a BIG no-no. Covering your hair showed that you (as a woman) was modest and chaste. Later it was covering your ears that was a sign of modesty.
For most, morals are a set of rules YOU have been brought up with and adhere too. They are a guideline of sorts. For instance cheating on a partner is considered "moral-less", most people know this... yet you still have many people cheat. Society have honesty as part of the moral code. That is why many legal systems have a accused person "innocent till proven guilty". Because there has always been an expectation that people are honest.
As for sex before or after marriage... I think that is TOTALLY up to you. (*general you) If you were raised and agree with, the no sex till marriage, then your moral compass tells you that no sex before marriage is OK.
Other might find it outdated, doesn't mean they are right or wrong - they just go by different set of rules.
I think waiting till marriage is fine, but I do think telling women and girls they should wait (but not the boys/men) is ridiculously outdated. I say that because it makes a woman's worth tied into her virginity. I don't think virginity is anything precious or valuable. All it means is that she hasn't had any sexual experience. I DO think EVERYONE's firs time is precious - not because of some tiny "membrane" in a woman's vagina, but because it's a absolutely unique experience and should be shared with love, whether it's with a husband or a BF/GF.
The reason virginity is still a "thing" today is a little beyond me. I get that in the centuries past a nobleman, royal (or even common man) would WANT to marry a virgin in order to (at least try) ensure that any offspring was his, and NOT someone else. The reason there wasn't the same expectations of men... was because only children of the marriage counted. So, how fair is that?
But those are MY values.
I would NOT judge a girl who wants to wait till marriage. Nor would I judge one who doesn't wait. There is too much PRUDE versus SLUT labels on girls.
Sexuality is one of those moral grey areas today with women being more able to do as THEY want, not what others expect them to do. Unfortunately there is a lot more pressure on girls to BE sexual, even if they aren't ready.
Education is another area that used to be grey, but now is pretty much equal (in many societies, not all). It used to be that women weren't supposed to educate themselves scholarly, because they were to bear children, raise children and take care of the home. Today? Well, if you want to study to become an astrophysicist then you are FREE to do so regardless of gender.
So if we go by the definition:
a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do.
I'd say DO what feel right for you. But BE prepared to OWN your actions. And don't judge others too harshly for following THEIR set of morals, as I'm sure you wouldn't want to be judged by others.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (21 September 2015):
 "what exactly are MORALS?" there is morals or standards set by man,society and they can change with the times or views of people. " when does morals come in? /what is Morally right?" Morals are standards to live by of right and wrong. things a person should do and things a person should not do. if we do what is right in our own eyes and not from a law or morals or standards, that could vary by how we feel about a certain subject from one person to the other. "examples" i may think it is ok to cheat on my wife because she is cheating on me, in my eyes i might be saying it is ok , but that does not make it Morally right. The BIBLE gives us the basic foundation of laws, morals to live by in society "the Ten Commandments", and they are not suggestions as people would like them to be. The Bible gives instruction for society , direction , and a compass to keep people in the right direction.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (21 September 2015):
It’s a really good question and you might get as many different answers as there are people who want to answer it. I think that morals are much stronger than rules. Rules can be approached flexibly as required by the situation, but morals are those rules that you give sufficient importance not to be flexible with them, or at least never to feel that it’s right to be flexible with them. Rules come from many sources: school, work, the law, by agreement of the household. Morals are the rules that are shaped by our values and beliefs. They can be morals that are widely accepted by society, for example it’s generally considered a breach of morals to murder some-one. They can be held by much smaller groups. You mentioned sex outside of marriage: many people of faith still consider that to be against a set of morals, but that attitude is by no means shared by everyone. Incidentally hurling abuse at girls often comes from ignorance rather than a considered moral objection to sexual practices. Most things will be against some-one’s morals; the only way to judge whether something is immoral in your opinion is to consider whether it is contrary to your own beliefs.
I wish you all the very best.
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