A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About a week ago I came on here to ask a question. I apologize that I can't find it but I will explain it again.I have an emotionally abusive mother on drugs who unfortunately does not work or take care of herself. She had 2 weeks to move out of her apartment because she was no longer paying rent.She had asked me if she could come live with me and I came on here explaining her situation and that I felt bad for her but I did not want her living with me.She would not be able to help with any money/bills and I do not want drugs or her friends who do drugs around me or my home. I also don't want her manipulating me into giving her money for drugs (which she does often). It's just something I won't tolerate.Well for 2 days my mother was basically on the streets and I felt horrible. She was calling me crying and screaming saying I was horrible for not taking care of my own mother. I didn't know what to do, I called in sick at work because I felt so confused and worried sick.She is now able to move in with her friend. Her friend is actually going to be moving out of state October 1st, and now again my mother will be having nowhere to go.If I don't let my mother live with me, she will basically be homeless. I really don't want to see her in a shelter or something, But at the same time I just feel like I cannot have her live with me. She is incredibly stressful to live with. She does not have any other family or friends. The only few friends she does have are the people she does drugs with and they won't let her live with them. People who I'm close with and know my situation and life have told me that unfortunately this is my mother's problem not mine. My best friend told me that it's okay for me to be selfish for once and to put myself first and simply tell my mother no. I know you guys give great advice and say the right things, so please tell me what I should do and how I should go about this the right way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): i think you should pay her rent, so she will live in her's. and you should pay it directly, not giving money trough your mom . and a little suggestion, why not try send your mom on rehab? she maybe angry but when she gets back on track she'll realise its just tough love you know
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 September 2015):
 My heart goes out to you. You can't let her live with you, and if she were in her right mind, she'd understand why you can't.
If she is bringing illegal drugs into your home, and friends to do them into your home, she's putting you at great personal, criminal, and financial risk. Let's break it down:
1. Personal: You don't know who her friends are, and in the drug world, people steal, rob, leave a house open to ransack to get drug money. Your personal belongings and your personal health would be at great risk. Your mom would be exposing you.
2. Criminal: What if you were away at work, your mom is at your house with a buddy doing drugs, whether it's weed or meth or heroin, and it gets loud or there's a domestic issue the police are called to? It's your house, and you'd be arrested and charged with a felony just because the drugs are IN your house. You could NOT say "That's not mine!", because if it's in your house, and you allowed them, and you allowed people to use them, then they're YOURs, and good luck getting a job as a drug felon, not to mention car or homeowner's insurance, lines of credit, and a host of other issues.
3. Financial: Pretty close to the criminal aspect of my point, only after getting robbed, losing livelihood and prospects, you have your mom draining your resources too, both with living off of you AND taking your money either by theft or manipulation. Not only that, but what if you were to become pregnant? Raising a child in that environment? WHAT?!
You're going to have to deal with your mom being in a shelter, because that's the best place for her to be. She needs to go to treatment, and most states have centers run by charities that help. Your mom is making decisions that put her where she is now. If you let her in, you are enabling her. When she is in her right mind, she'll understand why you did what you did.
If she has mental issues, she needs to be in a doctor/hospital/psychiatrist's care. If she is heavily into drugs, she needs to be in treatment, or rehab, or a halfway house which will teach her new skills. You cannot enable her, and if you want a future, you won't let that into your house.
If she comes to your house screaming at you, crying, making a scene, then you call the police or her doctor and get her off the streets. How can you let her in if she's holding? What if one of her drug friends happens to be a rapist? I have an aunt who lived in the drug world, who spent time homeless and panhandling, who hit bottom, and now she is clean and sober and living one day at a time. It took all of the relatives telling her they weren't giving her money or letting her live with them. She'd steal pills and valuables and money.
Tell your mom that while she is on drugs, she is not your mom. Tell her to get clean and check into rehab, and then the two of you will talk.
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