A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for the past three weeks. He seemed to be a nice, caring and romantic person who made me feel special and showered me with attention. Now, we've entered a relationship since the last 15 days (the guy himself brought this up), however asked me to keep it a secret. In the mean time, I was getting suspicious about him because almost every night at 11pm I found his phone busy for 15 to 20 minutes. He cited a different excuse every time which weren't convincing enough. Five days back we got physically intimate and after that his behaviour has undergone a drastic change. (After intercourse, he said that it was the best one he has ever had and took like three rounds) He communicates a little and is somewhat less affectionate. When he was wooing me he made rose-tinted promises of introducing me to his mother or sister. Now, when I reminded him of that just casually, he said that he is unsure about the future of our relationship and needs at least 5 months to know it himself. Isn't it amusing that after he called me his girlfriend, he is still unsure about the future! However, I feel like he just charmed me to drag me to the bed. Now that it's over, he is withdrawing himself. But I am baffled that he is not completely breaking contact.Please, suggest what should I do? I feel disrespected, humiliated,hurt and betrayed. Thank you in advance! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do have enough appreciation for all the suggestions made. Thank you all for your suggestions. Just to inform you, I've broken all contacts with him and shown him the door (although it wasn't easy as I had some feelings for him). But honestly,I feel so much better now having not to worry about my future with a commitment-phobic person.
Thanks again! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2015): Read your comments in your last post. You're dancing around our advice and you really want to keep this guy around.
Should you just flush him out of your life immediately?
You've described how he made you feel after using you; then claimed he has two phones. Are you reading any of these answers we've taken a lot of our time and thought to offer you?
Well, whatever you do; you're the one who has to live with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, thank you so much all of you for being kind enough to throw some light on this situation.Yes, I am connected to him on the social media but provided the cunning personality he has,no trace could be found of his attachment with someone else. This is quite ridiculous because even if he were serious with someone else, there must have been some sort of hint; thus it makes me wonder that he's definitely a discreet kind of person. (The cherry on the cake is that he has 2 phones with 2 sim cards. I doubt there's a 3rd sim too the number of which is unknown to me.'Cause nowadays his 2nd number is often switched off at night. When I asked him what has happened, he cited the excuse that the phone's battery is giving trouble. I mean every night battery drains out at a specific time! )I am more than sure that he's unmarried because he is not a complete stranger. We both have a common friend circle as we both went to the same high school. Of late, he's started communicating saying he wants to meet up and have some "good time". I feel infuriated that he remembers me only when he needs sex. Such a terrible person he is! Should I just flush him out of my life immediately?
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 September 2015):
 You already know why he wanted to keep you a "secret". You are the "other woman". He is most likely either married or he's in another OPEN relationship with someone else. Are you on his social media?? One quick look and even a basic internet search on him will tell you whether or not he's married, and most likely if he's with someone else, as his interactions with other people will reveal who society thinks he's "with". If he's telling you his social media's too much of a "secret" for you to see or be part of, then you know he's cheating on someone else.
Yeah, "secret" means no intercourse...ever. He used you, and now he's wanting to get back to whatever fiction he's living with someone else.
It's interesting that he made up the pretty specific number of 5 months. I think he's married. If I were you, don't confront him about this just based on what I have said, or you'll get a lie. Say *nothing* and do your research on him. Then confront him with proof. You may want to get the message to his wife/girlfriend to save her from the cheater she's with.
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A
female
reader, chipmunk37  +, writes (27 September 2015):
 He is not going to break contact because he thinks you haven't caught on to this lying tricks yet. He will stay as long as he feels he can get some bed time fun. Tell him the sexy time well is dry and your not falling for his sad routine and move on. You are obviously a smart woman as you have caught on quickly to what he's about so you know you can do better.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 September 2015):
 Don't be so hard on yourself! Almost everyone has been in a relationship where things didn't go right, we might have seen the signs and ignored them or just plain didn't think anything was wrong until it was too late. What happens next is what is important...LEARN from mistakes and missteps! You may walk away with wounded pride or even a broken heart, but if you LEARN from what went wrong then it isn't a loss.
If someone wants to keep a relationship a "secret" you can just about take money to the bank that something is definitely wrong. When a person is proud of their partner, they don't hide them! They are proud of them and want others to know.
Be careful about having sex too soon especially if you have your suspicions or doubts about the person or the relationship. What will it hurt to wait a little longer? If the person grows too impatient or moaning or whining or threatening to leave..then they aren't worth your time. Its as simple as that.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and store away what has happened and what you have learned. You're going to be just fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2015): Please don't allow this to make you feel humiliated. For all you knew, he was quite interested and all seemed fine. He has unintentionally taught you a lesson about how some men behave; and you will be more careful about offering sex too early on.
Once you meet a man; you have to take the time to learn their motives or intentions. Never trust a man who tells you to keep knowing him secret. I will repeat advice I've given women many times here on DC.
Sweet-talk is just that, sweet-talk. It is meaningless and is used by players who tell women what they want to hear.
They hardly know you and try to make you believe they're falling for you; and that they are taken by your beauty and swept-up in your charms. This is nice to hear, but too much of it is just a pile of bull manure.
Too many compliments and promises made when you hardly know each other is a dead giveaway. By no means are you to allow him to leave you feeling you are at fault for doing anything wrong. He preyed on your naivete and need for warmth and the comfort of a man. Now he has made you stronger and wiser as a person; and taught you to be more careful. You must allow trust to build over time. Trust should be earned. It is maintained by consistent and trustworthy behavior.
This is a life-lesson. Do not see it as shameful or anything that detracts from your intelligence, good character, and values. It can happen to anyone, that someone comes along and they see a need in us and take advantage it. It may not be the last time; but the next time it will not be as easy. Offer him no further contact, block his calls; and if you see him by and by, simply tell him you see no need for any further contact. Please go about his business.
Hold your head high! He cannot take your dignity, lest you surrender it to him; and empower him by allowing him to think he has control over your feelings and emotions. He's the one weak in character and sleazy by nature. Not you.
Now you know better. Don't allow this to embitter you.
Let it go, and move forward.
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