| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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My friend cheated on her husband, should I tell him?
Q. I have a "friend" who has admitted to me that she has cheated on her husband before they got married last Sept. Though I do enjoy her company, I'm not close with her. I was rather shocked that she would tell me something like this because my fiancee ...
A. 7 July 2012: It’s a very unfortunate situation, but you risk the friendship if you do tell the husband about what his wife has been up to. Could you deal with your friendship with this woman being a casualty of the fallout? You need to consider it as a ... (read in full...)
Is he just after sex or could there be potential for a relationship?
Q. this guy i dated two years ago it wasnt that formal it was just getting to know each other so we broke up it wasnt even an issue,so ever since we have been good friends then after a while we met one day and had sex we were not in a relationship.then ...
A. 7 July 2012: If you think he’s interested in you, tell him that you have feelings for him too, and agree to go on a date. Spend time getting to know each other, and don’t offer sex for now. If it’s just sex he wants, he’ll get bored and move on once he realises ... (read in full...)
I didn't love him so I broke up with him. Did I do the right thing?
Q. Hey everyone I just broke up with my boyfriend, he was a great guy and he said he loved me so much, he told he would take a bullet for me. But I didn't love him, I told him and he said that's just one of the challenges of a relationship. We were goi...
A. 7 July 2012: You did the right thing. You can’t stay in a relationship where the only thing stopping you from ending it is worrying about how the other person’s going to feel. 3 months is quite a short time, if by then you already had a clear sense that you ... (read in full...)
I want a new relationship but I don't want to leave my fiance
Q. I have been with my fiance for over 3 years but lately I just feel like I want a new realationship but I don't want to leave him. I love him and have a 1 year old daughter with him I just miss the passion and intensity of a new relationship and ...
A. 7 July 2012: It sounds like you’ve slipped in to a familiar pattern of taking each other for granted, it is a pattern that tends to creep up on couples without them realising it. You do need to firstly accept that, unless you do leave him, you won’t get that ... (read in full...)
After I tell a guy that my mom passed away, things go downhill. Why?
Q. My mum passed away a few years ago and although I feel I've come to terms with it and that my life has been able to move on for a couple of years now it seems to be giving me some issues. Whenever it inevitably come up with a guy and I have to ...
A. 7 July 2012: I’m afraid we live in a society where people don’t like to talk about death. It’s a mystery to me why: a beginning and an end are probably the only things we are guaranteed in life. They probably feel awkward, and it’s easier to distance themselves ... (read in full...)
Can young people be faithful?
Q. I'm in a relationship with a 19 year old. Between us everything is good. However, many of my friends, most of my family, and even casual acquaintances who are aware of her age keep giving me warnings like: "Be careful, she's young, it's not likely ...
A. 7 July 2012: You should be very suspicious of people who make sweeping statements beginning with lines such as “all young people” or “all men/women are” because actually, everyone’s different. Of course there are no guarantees with any relationship, but that ... (read in full...)
I was stood up. Should I call him out on it?
Q. I have been/was in love with a guy for a year now. This is how it played out: - started casually talking as classmates who go to the same college. We immediately clicked and talked every day, for hours- he was extremely charming, intelligent, edu...
A. 6 July 2012: Don’t bother calling him, he probably enjoys people chasing after him. He’s clearly a manipulative, selfish and uncaring individual. You might think that it would feel good to confront him about how appallingly he treats people, but he won’t care. ... (read in full...)
Should I try to get back with him or is it over for good?
Q. Hi. I have been in a relationship with this guy since the past 1.5 years. Our relationship hasn't really been very easy. He cheated on me twice and I forgave him because I love the guy. We have our fights mainly over trust issues but we have managed ...
A. 6 July 2012: You say that you’ve forgiven him for cheating, but actually you haven’t. You don’t trust him, and you don’t believe his promise not to do it again, if you did you wouldn’t snoop through his emails. Stop pretending that you’ve got past what he did ... (read in full...)
Using Olive Oil to unclog a stuffy ear, does anyone know of this?
Q. Hey guys this question is health related but i need opinions bad and i dont know where else to ask. I heard that a few warm drops of olive oil will unclog a stuffy ear afer a couple days is this true? Also if it turns out its just an ear infection ...
A. 6 July 2012: Warm olive oil is a home remedy for treating ear wax, it’s not as effective as some of the procedures that doctors can do but if you can’t get to a doctor you could give it a try. Having said that, you might be better off visiting a pharmacist to ... (read in full...)
Is anything, of what this friend of my husband told me, true?
Q. When I started dating my boyfriend (now husband) I talk to his best friend (male) about these girls that always calls him seeking advice and talk, he explained to me how he promised himself to never trust a woman with guy friends. I asked him why ...
A. 6 July 2012: Your husband should pick better friends. Don’t listen to this man, it sounds like he has a very strange attitude and profoundly misunderstands women. A lot of women have male friends simply because they decide whether to be friends with some-one or ... (read in full...)
He's flirting with me yet telling me about his problems with a girl. Does he like me?
Q. I met this guy and his best mate at a concert last year that a mutual friend was performing in and we hit it off straight away. It was really spooky because I knew his family already so we had lots to talk about. He invited my best friend and ...
A. 6 July 2012: His behaviour towards you does sound rather flirty, however it seems that it’s this other girl, rather than you, that he’s interested in. Perhaps he is now going to distance himself from you, but if he doesn’t, it sounds like what started out as a ... (read in full...)
I'm being bullied, what can I do?
Q. Since the year above us left school, everyone has moved back a bit, on the bus. I've been sitting on the back row now for a few weeks. There is a boy who gets on at my bus stop, who also sits at the back. But he has sat on the back row for a few ye...
A. 5 July 2012: Sit somewhere else. Why would you want to be sat near to such an unpleasant person anyway? Whilst it may be really annoying to have to change where you sit when it’s this boy that’s in the wrong, unfortunately he also has a right to sit where he ... (read in full...)
At summer school together. Do you think she really likes me more then friends, even while she is dating her bf?
Q. Hey there everyone! I hope your enjoying your summer right now, while I'm at summer school. -.- O well. I need help on something. There's this girl I like right now at the moment since last November. We meet at a social networking site where you g...
A. 5 July 2012: I think you’re the first person I’ve come across who has wished us agony aunts a pleasant day! You’ll go far in life with such a nice attitude.
There’s nothing obvious in her behaviour that shows clearly that she wants anything more than friendsh... (read in full...)
My partner wont let me touch my own baby girl! How do I get him to stop this?
Q. me and my man just had a baby girl about 3 months ago. he will not let me touch her,i have held her only 2 times since she was born and fed her once and that was at the hospital. last night i thought he was asleep so i went to her crib and picked ...
A. 4 July 2012: Forget trying to reason with him, this is totally unjustifiable behaviour. Tell him you have a right to hold your own child. How will you ever learn how to do it right if you’re never given the chance? This is an important period for you and your ... (read in full...)
Is this the behaviour of someone who is mentally disturbed?
Q. what do you think of this behaviour? Is this person mentally dirturbed? I just met a guy to whom i gave my mobile number. He immediately started to text me. He said he was really smitten by me. I barely know him but he started to tell me that he ...
A. 4 July 2012: Sadly it sounds like he was using you for sex, just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear, in order to get sex, and when he got it, he dumped you. That kind of obsessive texting and declaring his love straight away could be a sign that he ... (read in full...)
I don't want my ex to hate me for the rest of our lives. Can I get her to forgive me?
Q. K this is kind of hard, my daughters mom, who was my girlfriend of 10 years, well 2 years ago, she got into it with her boss, your typical one person falls out of love with the other story, well I never saw it coming, had no clue how to handle it, ...
A. 4 July 2012: All you can do is tell her that you’re sorry. Explain to her that you did what you did out of anger and frustration, and because at the time you wanted to hurt her back. Tell her that they were the reasons why you did what you did, but that they’re ... (read in full...)
From FWB to relationship back to FWB?
Q. Friends with benefits to relationship then back to FWB? I met a single guy 6 years ago,we chatted started seeing one another once a week,he used to come to my house,i wouldnt allow anymore than once a week as i had my son living with me and thats ...
A. 4 July 2012: Ask him to tell you what he wants: casual sex, friends with benefits or a relationship. You need to know where you stand. Could you go back to a “Friends with Benefits” relationship? Not really. They only work when it’s just about sex for both ... (read in full...)
An attached man is giving me alot of attention and it makes me feel good. Is it wrong to feel this way?
Q. hey guys i really need advice im panicking and cant understand why ive worked with a guy for 18 months and in the last 7 months weve become friends and told each other stuff but in the last 2 weeks hes confided in me about some major stuff. he...
A. 4 July 2012: You’ve done nothing wrong. He might just want to be good friends, and this attention is just his way of being friendly, so don’t feel bad about it. Even if you think he wants to be more than good friends, you’ve still done nothing wrong if you don’t ... (read in full...)
If I haven't had sex in years, would I be a virgin again?
Q. i have sex when im only in grade school.. but after that i never commit sex again, now im 22 years old.. did my virginity win back after so many years?...
A. 4 July 2012: No, You can’t be a virgin again. You are a virgin if you have never had sex. I’ve heard talk of people starting out again as if they were a virgin, they get it wrong the first time, and they want to do things so differently the next time around that ... (read in full...)
Is this banter or should I be worried? And doesn't she see that the picture she uses of her and my boyfriend makes her look silly?
Q. Dear all. I'm currently been with my bf for 7 months and things are going well. I've noticed though that on Facebook the same girl a work friends keeps posting on his wall and even posted a pic of them two sitting together we her leaning ...
A. 3 July 2012: Should you confess? That’s up to you, but here are a few pointers to help you make the decision.
The most important question is this: can you accept that there is no evidence that he’s cheated, or will it eat you up unless you confront him abou... (read in full...)
Is this banter or should I be worried? And doesn't she see that the picture she uses of her and my boyfriend makes her look silly?
Q. Dear all. I'm currently been with my bf for 7 months and things are going well. I've noticed though that on Facebook the same girl a work friends keeps posting on his wall and even posted a pic of them two sitting together we her leaning ...
A. 3 July 2012: What you should be worried about is the fact that you have so little trust in this relationship that you feel the need to go snooping through his messages. If these were private messages, you must have his password: wrong! Change your password, get ... (read in full...)
13 years without having sex and now I want to but am hesitant
Q. I am 52 years old.Haven't had sex in 13 years I was in a abusive relationship so it did some damage. I have met a Guy that I really am Crazy for but can't get to the point of having sex.What can I do to get past this? Any suggestions? Thank you! ...
A. 3 July 2012: You need to explain to him what’s going on, otherwise he’ll come to his own conclusions about why there’s no sex: perhaps because you don’t want sex, or he’s not attractive to you. If you’ve reached a stage where you want to have sex again, you will ... (read in full...)
I'm being pressured to get a job and drive , but I still don't feel ready!
Q. I'll try to make this as brief as possible... My mom and step dad have been pressuring me to drive and get a job, ever since I graduated, which was only a few weeks ago. Now, I took two weeks off from everything to de-stress, but now I've been ...
A. 3 July 2012: Stop dismissing either driving, or using public transport as impossible for you. They’re not: your fear is the problem. As far as getting a job goes, your parents are quite right to point out that you ought to be looking for work. The longer a ... (read in full...)
What are my options? He will not be social. Tells me to go alone. Trust is shattered. Help!
Q. After being married for 12 years and two little children, I've told my husband I can take it no more and I want out of this marriage. He has always been anti social making excuses about why he doesn’t want to go to gatherings and then saying I...
A. 2 July 2012: Follow your instincts, the marriage is over. Staying together for the sake of the kids is a noble gesture, but a flawed one. The children would be better off with 2 parents that love them, but live separately from each other, than in a home with a ... (read in full...)
How much is too much physical interaction for a 6 year old to see between adults?
Q. I am engaged to a 36 year old man with a 6 year old son from his 1st marriage. She died from drugs when their son was 2. He and I plan to have a child(ren) together too. I am in a real good spot. All I want out of life right now is to love t...
A. 2 July 2012: It doesn’t sound like any harm’s been done on this occasion, but you must be very careful to make sure that you know he’s not around when the nature of the display of affection is overtly sexual, that’s not good for a child so young to see. For ... (read in full...)
Are my friends right? Do I have no conscience? I slept with a married guy.
Q. what should I be feeling about my situation? I had sex with a married man. I am barely 18 he is 42 and works in the same place i do. I have a boyfriend. he at first wanted to talk to me all the time after the sex he kept asking how the sex was afte...
A. 2 July 2012: This isn’t a case of whether you have a conscience or not. Your friends are being rather pious and sanctimonious: of course people can develop a conscience, and of course they can look back later in life and regret something even if they didn’t ... (read in full...)
We can't communicate and now he said he wants to move out
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We moved in with each other about 8 months ago. We've been arguing about nonsense and we've been unable to communicate effectively when it comes to feelings. Our last argument about 2 weeks ago, has left ...
A. 2 July 2012: Do you want to fight for this relationship? If you really don’t know whether you want to fight for him or not, perhaps there’s your clue that this relationship has simply run its course. Sadly it happens! But if you do, but are just not sure because ... (read in full...)
My 13 year old Bf of one month wants to move to 'touching' (second base). Is it too early to push for this?
Q. Okay, I am 14, my boyfriend is 13, been together for over a month. He wants to move to second base ( feeling/touching..), if it's okay with me. I just wonder if that's too soon.. :/ ...
A. 2 July 2012: You’re much to young, and it’s much too early in to the relationship to move to touching. The fact that you even need to ask the question says it all: you’re not ready! These things really should not be rushed in to, explain to your boyfriend that ... (read in full...)
What is the Facebook etiquette on people in a relationship posting sexy pictures even though in a relationship?
Q. About Facebook etiquette....my bf has over 400 friends and when he posts pictures of himself that kinda show him off (wearing a tight t shirt or topless) he usually gets a dozen likes from female friends along with comments about him being hot. I...
A. 2 July 2012: This isn’t really a question about Facebook etiquette. As it happens, the general advice about Facebook etiquette is not to publish every detail of your relationship for the world to see: sexy pictures, for example, really should be private and ... (read in full...)
My husband is Ok about it. What are other's thoughts on platonic friendships with overseas penpals? Just friends. But could it cause problems?
Q. I am a married woman who has an email penpal who is also married. My husband is aware of my penpal and has no issue with it so long as it remains just a frienship, which it has and will. We talk about everyday stuff and get on well. My only co...
A. 2 July 2012: You’re not responsible for his relationship. There is no wrong-doing on your part, so long as you don’t cross the line and do anything to try and turn this in to anything more than a friendship. He is entitled to a friendship with some-one of ... (read in full...)
My father abused me as a child, do I try to talk to my parents about it again?
Q. I have a complicated situation. Without going into too much detail; my father sexually abused me as a child. I told my mother and together they shrugged it off saying I was lying / it was a dream. It was never spoken of again. Fast forward 1...
A. 26 June 2012: If you feel that you need to write the letter in order to help you come to terms with what happened to you as a child, go ahead and write it! The only caveat I’d add is that you need to think about how you will feel if you are accused of lying, and ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband with his brother. How do I fix things?
Q. my husband and i separated while we were split up i had an affair with his brother. I understand wat i did was wrong. I wanna fix things with my husband, but he keeps telling me he doesnt know, and he has another girlfriend. How do i get him back ...
A. 26 June 2012: You might need to accept that what you did was too much for your husband to forgive. It’s a line which, once you cross it, you can never go back. What’s more, if he has another girlfriend it sounds like he’s decided to move on, maybe you should do ... (read in full...)
I trust my boyfriend but he has an attractive roommate!
Q. Advice? My bf has to find a roommate and found a nice place to live...I helped him look. Now he is completely trustworthy but he found a very nice place but the roommate would be female and she is decent looking. Should I worry? I have a male ...
A. 25 June 2012: If you trust him, why are you worrying about this? There’s no difference between you having a male roommate and him having a female roommate. How would it make you feel if you thought that he was worrying about you living with a male roommate? Of ... (read in full...)
He asked me out but I am going away for a week ....
Q. So I met this guy the other night, he has asked me out but thing is I can't go out at all this week because I have already have plans... I am going to visit my friend in europe for a week and leave this friday, so I also have to get ready for that ...
A. 25 June 2012: Simple: arrange a date for when you are free. Explain that, unfortunately, you’re going to be busy for the next couple of weeks, but that you’d like very much to go out after that. Maybe you could arrange a date now for a time of both of your ... (read in full...)
Should I just settle for being his friend?
Q. Hi! I havr gotten in to a quite strange and difficult situation. About 3-4 months ago I met my big brother's girlfriend's little brother at a bar. We were talking for ours and had so much fun getting to know each other. We later exchanged phone ...
A. 24 June 2012: You would be doing nothing wrong if you were to go out with him. There’s no reason why something could never happen if you wanted it to. Your relationship with this person is entirely separate from that of your brother and his girlfriend, and if ... (read in full...)
After seeing my g/f in the hospital I can't stop crying
Q. My girlfriend was in hospital because of having an operation on her foot. I have been in to see her but when I leave I start crying and I end up crying for 7 hours and I don't know why please help me...
A. 24 June 2012: Remember that hospitals can often be the setting for some of the most difficult and painful experiences in people’s lives: they are simultaneously places where life, death, suffering and hope are all found. Perhaps you were upset by the fact that ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my friend's drinking and sleeping around
Q. I'm really to starting to worry about my friend as I think she is losing control. She has started to be in an open relationship with her boyfriend where she can go to bed with anyone but he's not allowed which he is ok with as he gets off from ...
A. 23 June 2012: There’s not much that you can do. You can’t force her to stop behaving in this way, or make her listen to your good advice. This is something she’ll have to work out of her system in her own time. It sounds like this relationship is very destructive ... (read in full...)
Now that my crush knows I like her, what should I do?
Q. so there is this girl I have liked for a year or so and just recently I told her I like Her. We went to the same school and she knew me as a shy guy but now my only contact with her Is through Facebook and she was surprised that I liked her. Now th...
A. 23 June 2012: Are you certain that she knows? Have you explicitly told her, or just dropped hints and clues? The only thing you can do is tell her again how you feel, and ask her out. She might say yes, she might say she only wants friendship, but you won’t know ... (read in full...)
She said she'd sleep with me but now she's ignoring me
Q. this girl i kinda like confesed to a mate that she would sleep with me if i asked, he told me so i confronted her and basicly asked whats the deal why didnt u tell me, all that sorta stuff, n it got to the point where after a lot of flriting and ...
A. 23 June 2012: Let it go! She’s obviously changed her mind, or is feeling uncomfortable about the whole thing. She probably realised that just having casual sex with some-one isn’t a good idea. She should have a little more self-respect than to agree to sex ... (read in full...)
I trust him. But should he have gone to this holiday destination hot spot? I'm anxious.
Q. My boyfriend of 3 years has just gone to a holiday destination for a week with the lads. I trust him completely and I know he loves me. I'm very anxious and nervous though what he may get up to but not paranoid as obviously there are a lot of half...
A. 23 June 2012: Why would he have wanted to go to this particular holiday destination? Simple: he wanted a holiday with his friends, and that’s where they chose. Just because the opportunity to cheat might present itself, it doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat. You ... (read in full...)
I find it it weird and disgusting that my mom posted an old pic on Facebook, of her breastfeeding me while I was a toddler!
Q. My mom posted an old pic of her breastfeeding me while I was a toddler on facebook. What should i do? I logged in on facebook today and saw on my home page that my mom had uploaded that pic. The pic was not in her album but on some facebook pa...
A. 23 June 2012: There’s nothing disgusting about breast feeding, though it’s perfectly understandable that you wouldn’t want to see a picture of yourself being breast fed, let alone have it put up on the internet. Unfortunately, one of the problems with social ... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *o nonsense Aidan has
added them and they have added *o nonsense Aidan!
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