A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am engaged to a 36 year old man with a 6 year old son from his 1st marriage. She died from drugs when their son was 2. He and I plan to have a child(ren) together too.I am in a real good spot. All I want out of life right now is to love this man and be the best mother I know how as they both derserve nothin less from me.Here is the thing: I was cooking the other night while my fiance was "helping" in the kitchen. Translation: I was cooking while he was prodding me in rump and upper thighs. His ex did not like to be touched or be naked unless they were having sex. I have told my fiance that he can do whatever he wants in this regard. My fiance didn't realize that his son was standing behind us while he was groping my rear and worries that that he may have seen something he shouldn't. I am thinking it was okay since it was just my butt and I was fully clothed. What are the guidelines for things like this?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 July 2012):
As for what you describe it sounds rather harmless. I actually think (within reason) that it is a good thing for kids to see that their parents have a healthy relationship. (not that they need to have sex in front of the kid or anything) but hugs, kisses, a loving grab, SIMPLE affections.
It will not traumatize him. I think following the golden rules that what you would do in public (sober) you won't do in front of him.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (2 July 2012):
It doesn’t sound like any harm’s been done on this occasion, but you must be very careful to make sure that you know he’s not around when the nature of the display of affection is overtly sexual, that’s not good for a child so young to see. For example, a child could see its parents hugging or kissing on the cheek, because people who care for each other do that kind of thing and it’s not restricted to couples in a sexual relationship. But passionate kissing, groping, or witnessing sexual intercourse would, of course, be absolutely inappropriate. The classic advice when a child sees too much is to just say that it’s one of those things that adults do sometimes, but it’s much better to make sure they don’t see it in the first place. So long as you use common sense and try very hard to ensure that anything much more than an affectionate pat, hug or kiss on the cheek is not done in front of him, you should be fine.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Look OP it doesn't really matter because frankly he'll see even raunchier stuff from teenage couples in public and no matter how much you protect him he will see things like that on TV.
While kids generally mimic their parents, a 6 year old can generally understand that a kiss and a cuddle is what two adults who are in love do and frankly why would he do that with smelly annoying girls anyway.
You didn't cross any lines and quite frankly anyone who thinks that two people shouldn't be physically affectionate (to a certain degree) in front of a child is a misguided, stuck up fool that probably thinks breast feeding is too sexual to be done publicly too.
It's a beautiful thing to be in love and seeing two people happy and in love is never a bad thing and will in no way cause any damage, how can seeing daddy all loved up and happy be bad?
Just don't act like two randy teenagers all the time grabbing boobs and getting raunchy in front of him. But don;t be afraid to cuddle and give a quick kiss on the lips.
Unless of course you want to raise him to fear intimacy or think it has to be strictly controlled.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2012):
 I think it's fine for kids to see affection between their parents. Hugs, kisses... cuddles on the couch an occasional rump smack or prod... NBD
I draw the line at naked sex or overtly sexual behaviors...
and the older they get the more the guidelines loosen...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Well it really depends on what your boyfriend is comfortable with his child seeing. My 5 year old nephew saw his father regularly pat his mother on her butt when she was walking in front of him. One day i was walking in front of my 5 year old nephew and he suddenly patted me on the butt. Whilst I was kind of surprised, he got in trouble from his mother because he shouldn't do that to people. My nephew's response but Daddy does it to you all the time. With my kids my husband and I keep to the rule that we do not do anything in front of our kids that we don't want them to do to someone else. So basically if your boyfriend and yourself don't want him to do it to anyone you know, don't do it in front of him. That is the guideline we keep to, which we came to after the incident of my nephew patting my butt, simply because we didn't want our kids getting in trouble because of behavior we had taught them by example, especially if they do it at school to anoher student.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (2 July 2012):
 I cant see any huge issue with what happened this time.
In general its ok for kids you see you having a cuddle or a peck on the lips but anything further should be kept out of view.
Aside from the moral issues, this lad is probably awash with emotions over you and witnessing intimacy could well damage his view of you and the relationship.
Youre an adult arent you? So use your brain. This child shouldnt witness anything you wouldnt be comfortable doing in public.
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