| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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Boy swapping gone wrong?
Q. Ok, last night my best friend and our boyfriends were hanging out at my moms place. She and her boyfriend are out of town for the week. Anyway, we were partying pretty hard, having a lot of fun. We started playing truth or dare, long story short we ...
A. 1 May 2012: In response to your latest followup, you’re completely missing the important point here. What matters, if you’re serious about making things work with your boyfriend, isn’t what did or didn’t happen with your best friend. However many follow-ups you ... (read in full...)
Does a lack of sex justify cheating in a committed relationship?
Q. Could the lack of sex in my relationship have caused my boyfriend to cheat? We were together for 2 years and we both live at home with our parents. We both come from very strict households which made it hard for us to have that "quality time" to...
A. 29 April 2012: What an utterly selfish boyfriend you have!
It’s disgraceful that he not only cheats (which is never justifiable), but that he tries to make you feel that it’s your fault. Of course living with family isn’t ideal for having quality time, but that... (read in full...)
Boy swapping gone wrong?
Q. Ok, last night my best friend and our boyfriends were hanging out at my moms place. She and her boyfriend are out of town for the week. Anyway, we were partying pretty hard, having a lot of fun. We started playing truth or dare, long story short we ...
A. 29 April 2012: Of course he won't accept an open relationship-do you think his reaction thusfar gives you any reasons to suspect that he would? No it does not! Suggest it to him if you like, but honestly if you do want an open relationship you'd better be prepared ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be perceived as the awkward kid, I want to fit in!
Q. I feel like I have done wrong by a lot of people, and in doing so, I feel I have let myself down. I know I am a teenager and I have a lot of time to get my head around it all but for a long time now, I have been trying to figure out why I had so...
A. 28 April 2012: So many people wish they could be a better friend, that’s quite normal, and it says a lot about the kind of person that you are (those being good things). My concern is that you’re so worried about this, and about being awkward or being seen as ... (read in full...)
Boy swapping gone wrong?
Q. Ok, last night my best friend and our boyfriends were hanging out at my moms place. She and her boyfriend are out of town for the week. Anyway, we were partying pretty hard, having a lot of fun. We started playing truth or dare, long story short we ...
A. 28 April 2012: What’s happened here is pretty simple to explain: something that seemed fun and exciting when everyone was drunk, is now making everyone feel very uncomfortable after sobering up. Your boyfriend has to accept that all 4 of you were responsible for ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is going on holiday with his ex wife and kids, should I just accept it or should I say something?
Q. Iv been dating a guy since January and he has just told me that at the end of may he will be going on holiday for a week to Tenerife with his ex wife and their two children. He says it's just to make the children happy but I still feel jealous and ...
A. 27 April 2012: This does seem unreasonable. His children will always, of course, have to come first, but surely he could either take them on holiday himself, or if not have nice days out with them instead? It’s less about whether what he’s doing is acceptable or ... (read in full...)
Please help, I feel disgusted.
Q. I feel ashamed of myself after masturbating over webcam to my friend, I found it a buzz at first, but now I feel sick of myself and hate myself for doing it. Is it normal to feel this way? Is it even normal to do it in your mid teens? I can't look ...
A. 27 April 2012: It’s easy to say, but beating yourself up about it now is pointless.
Everyone has regrets in life, but the best thing is to treat our mistakes as opportunities to learn about ourselves. Maybe next time you’ll be a little more cautious, and take a bi... (read in full...)
I don't want my gay friend to like me, what shall I do?
Q. I have a friend who is gay. Im straight but i still want to be his friend because hes cool. but im affraid he might think im gay and start hitting on me or something. important note: i am not attracted to sexually i only want to be his friend ...
A. 27 April 2012: There is no need to say or do anything, just be a good friend to him. He presumably knows that you are not gay, so it’s very likely that he only wants to be your friend anyway, even if he does find you attractive. Unless he tells you he wants more, ... (read in full...)
Why is my past coming back to me now when it all happened when I was so young?
Q. K, this is going to get a little personal.. But I have been feeling like my past has come back to haunt me, the last while.. I am a teenager, so I am kind of hormonal, soo I don't know if I am over exaggerating or what? So last night I had ...
A. 27 April 2012: It’s very common for events in our dreams to reflect those things that have happened in real life.
What’s more important is your feelings about what happened with the death of your brother when you were very young. You mustn’t think that because ... (read in full...)
Confronted my girlfriend about her sexual past and found out she was raped, and now she wont speak to me! How can I get her back?
Q. Ok so i finally convinced this beautiful girl to go out with me that took forever,Shs shy and awkward but very smart an ambitious works and goes to school. I really think im falling in love with her well I think it was really love at first site whe...
A. 22 June 2011: I’ll be frank-you’ve screwed up pretty badly here. You weren’t to know that she’s been through something this horrific, but you’ve acted like you have the right to know the numbers of men she’s slept with, and you failed to respect her feelings by ... (read in full...)
Worried about saying racial slurs accidentally
Q. I am a student and when I'm away from home, there aren't many people of african origin. When I came back to the city it became a sudden culture shock to be back, and now I have a job working and I've suddenly got this paranoia that I'm going to say ...
A. 22 June 2011: If you didn’t know what terms were racist, I could see your concern, but it sounds like you do, so if you know how nasty those words are, in what context would you unintentionally use them? You’d have to be wanting to insult or hurt them to use ... (read in full...)
How do I stop being so negative?
Q. I'm so lost. I feel like I don't belong wherever I am mostly. I feel that whatever I do or whatever I say, people will tease me or laugh at me. I have trouble taking a joke/not taking things to heart and determining whether people think what I did ...
A. 22 June 2011: I’m not sure from this post that you’ve recognised what lies at the heart of your problem, and I think in recognising it you’ll be able to gradually deal with it. The issue is that you have a very strong perception of yourself that is negative. ... (read in full...)
Someone told me I coudn't grieve about my miscarriage!
Q. I had a miscarriage several months ago. It was an early miscarriage, I didn't know I was pregnant till it happened. I'm still young, only 18 nearly 19, and although I've been with my boyfriend a few years I would probably have had an abortion as ...
A. 21 June 2011: That person was out of line to say that-you must grieve if you need to in order to come to terms with what has happened. There is no right and wrong way to feel in this situation.
People do not have terminations lightly, they often suffer a lot of... (read in full...)
Unknown sister searched and found us, feeling mixed emotions about it
Q. My case is a little bit complex, and I'm having a bit of an emotional crisis right now caused by a family issue, and don't know what to think of this new situation. First I gotta give some background info: My dad has been married twice. In his f...
A. 21 June 2011: It’s quite normal not to know what to feel when something so huge occurs and it shatters all of your previous certainties about your life, your identity etc. I wouldn’t feel too guilty that amongst that mix of emotions there is some resentment ... (read in full...)
He gets horny over my baby bump. Is this normal?
Q. hey. i am 4 months pregnant. i have been with my boyfriend for 12 months, however it is not his baby. he knows, he's accepted it (i think) and he forgave me for cheating on him. anyway, now i am starting to get a bump. this seems to send my boyfr...
A. 17 June 2011: There’s a lot I could say-this is very strange behaviour indeed, but rather than express my views on what he is doing, the more important thing I wish to emphasise to you is that you mustn’t confuse acceptance of the pregnancy and the fact that you ... (read in full...)
My cousin is going to blackmail me unless I do sexual things with her, and she's only 13!
Q. help cupids! im in a really BAD situation. basically, my cousin is blackmailing me for not doing sexual things with her. let me explain. my cousin admitted to me she loves me (though previously, i think she just adored me and now i know its jus...
A. 1 June 2011: You know this girl, and I don’t. So basically, you have to think whether she’s serious or not about making this accusation. If you don’t think she’d go through with carrying out her threat, try simply to talk to her to explain that this is wrong and ... (read in full...)
Did I inadvertently influence my brother to become bisexual?
Q. My younger brother came out to me recently, telling me that he is bisexual. I really do support him, but I also am feeling overwhelmed by the situation. I feel I may have influenced him. When we were 12 and 15, I went through an experimental...
A. 7 May 2011: Yes it can be tough, but if you’re gay, you’re gay. If you’re bi, you’re bi. Some people are never in doubt about their sexual orientation, for others it can take some working out, not least in terms of finding a label to help explain it to ... (read in full...)
I'm rare, but does that make me wrong?
Q. I seem to have the perfect life in which I am fully satisfied with but yet everyone seems to think that there is something wrong with me. I am 23 years old,I have had years of community service, a Black Belt in two martial arts, a loving girlfriend ...
A. 6 May 2011: In short, you’re just fine. You’re obviously associating mainly with people who have different ideas about how they wish to live their lives, which is fine, but they’re quite wrong to suggest that you ought to live as they do. People are different, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has started ignoring me, please help!
Q. I met a guy a month before, he and me were a best friend and then we became lovers. we talked to each other, we hang out with each other, he told me he loves me more than anything in this world. now he is out of town he make me call everyday but ...
A. 4 May 2011: Your problem is a little confusing. For one thing, what makes you suspect that he’s in fact there and asking the sister to make excuses for him? What reason do you have to suspect that she isn’t being truthful and that, for example, he really isn’t ... (read in full...)
Should I be mad that my boyfriend wants to "hang out naked" with another girl?
Q. My boyfriend and I are currently having a fight over this. I'd like to know if I'm wrong to be angry about it. Last night we were in a hot tub with some friends of his (male and female both). He had done a fair bit of drinking and wanted to take his ...
A. 1 May 2011: No. Many people would consider this unacceptable behaviour from their other half. C herself realised that and thus pointed out to him that he has a girlfriend. Obviously you should remember that this may not have been a comment with serious intent ... (read in full...)
How do I get her to see that I'm not in this just for the sex?
Q. Hey guys, Not checked in here for a while, but I'm in a weird situation atm. It started off with a girl who was friends with on of my mates, my sister introduced us and we got to talking and got on like a house on fire, she is great, my dream ...
A. 25 April 2011: It’s time to take action. If you do nothing, you’ll be stuck in a rut, and you risk losing her if she fears that you are only after sex. But there are plenty of ways that you can show her that she means more to you than this. What you’re trying to ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to pursue this girl or let things go?
Q. Well there is this girl that i met at this event with my friends, i really liked talking to this girl and she seemed intrested in me as well. I got the guts to ask her for her number and she gave me hers and she also asked for mine. The nex...
A. 8 April 2011: This girl has given no reason for you to be concerned. Apart from turning down one date because she was busy, all her other actions suggest that she likes you a lot-inviting you to her birthday, sitting near you, texting and taking an interest in ... (read in full...)
I want her... but NOT her kids!
Q. hi, im 21 years old and i am having an affair. the woman is 32, married with two kids. over the last 6 months we have been having wild sex in hotel rooms and at my place and going out for meals miles out of town. she keeps telling me that she will ...
A. 6 April 2011: This woman and her children come as a package. If you can’t accept that, it’s time to walk away-this is an affair based on lust, involving the small matter of a husband, and children that you don’t want. It’s going nowhere. If it’s a relationship ... (read in full...)
Why does he say yes to talking to me online when he always falls asleep?
Q. I Feel like I am going crazy! I am in a long distance relationship with an amazing man for a year and a half. He has to kids, owns his own business and drives four hours to come see me almost every week. I am an assistant in a busy salon, am full ...
A. 30 March 2011: Although you want him to be honest about this, he probably feels that if he says no all the time he will appear distant and uninterested, so he feels like he should say yes and make the effort even though he is tired, (I’m sure he also does so ... (read in full...)
| *o nonsense Aidan's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o nonsense Aidan has
added them and they have added *o nonsense Aidan!
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