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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I am 52 years old.Haven't had sex in 13 years I was in a abusive relationship so it did some damage. I have met a Guy that I really am Crazy for but can't get to the point of having sex.What can I do to get past this? Any suggestions? Thank you! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (3 July 2012):
You need to explain to him what’s going on, otherwise he’ll come to his own conclusions about why there’s no sex: perhaps because you don’t want sex, or he’s not attractive to you. If you’ve reached a stage where you want to have sex again, you will have to explain to your boyfriend that you want to have sex, but that your hesitation comes from the fact that you’re anxious about it. Explain to him why: does sex bring up bad memories? Is it just a case of feeling out of practice? Have you never associated sex with a loving relationship? You need to figure out what it is that stops you and tell him, and tell him how he can help you. He needs to respect the fact that this might be a slow and difficult process, and be prepared to move things along at your speed. But telling him will also allow him to reassure you and support you through it when you do decide to have sex again. This might be a difficult conversation but you won’t be able to get past this issue without such a conversation, so pick the right time and tell him the truth.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 have you talked to him about it? does he know what he's dealing with in terms of your past? He should know as it will color how you react....
do you guys have any intimate time? kisses? cuddles? foreplay?
I need way more info before I can advise..
also if you are that scared by the abusive relationship, have you done any professional therapy to process it?
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