A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship with a 19 year old. Between us everything is good. However, many of my friends, most of my family, and even casual acquaintances who are aware of her age keep giving me warnings like: "Be careful, she's young, it's not likely she'll be able to be faithful to you."I've even been straight up told that "all" young people "need" to play the field and experience different partners - in an intimate way - before they can be faithful to someone. Basically I'm being told to expect that my girlfriend is going to cheat on me, and the only basis for this warning is her age. And I'm even being told that if I "expect" her to be faithful that I'm "holding her back" and that she "needs to be free to date/experience different people/learn what she REALLY wants..." It almost is saying that there *is* someone better out there for her and that I'm holding her back from finding that better someone! ... I was raised in a good environment by a good family, and I myself have never felt a need to "play the field." Ever since I was young I have always felt a good relationship is something to be valued and cherished. I am saddened and sickened by this apparent modern attitude that young people should avoid relationships, should sleep around and should only think about themselves. People seem to think that relationships are nothing but barriers that hold you back from "personal" success. Why does everyone seem to think that commitment is a prison? It just seems so selfish! I've always felt that relationships can't work if people are being too selfish - that you have to be wiling to give and take and yet you'll still be happy because you love the other person.I've talked to my girlfriend about what people are saying and she says she agrees with me, that people are just selfish and stupid and that a good relationship can make both people better and stronger in themselves as well as together and that it needs work. I really do hope she's right. But I can't deny that all the constant commentary sometimes leaves me lying awake at night worrying that someday my girl will suddenly come to me and say "you know, I really do feel I should be single for a while..." Especially if she's also being fed the same lines from her friends!Can some of you guys give your insight on this? Is it really true that it's unlikely these days for anyone who's under 22 to actually be faithful in a relationship? Are my friends and everyone else just nuts? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): It completely depends on the person.
It's true that most young people do want/need to have some experiences behind them to know what they want in the future.
I myself am almost 20, and cheated on a partner as I wasn't ready to settle down....but hey, that's just me.
I know many girls my age who are very faithful, and the same amount who are not.
but there are ALWAYS early warning signs! (suspicious behaviour, going out to clubs regulary etc..)
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 July 2012):
 I'm pretty sure something like being faithful has nothing to do with age and all to do with morals and values.
And young people CAN have morals and values. Anyone can.
Whomever told you that is trying to protect you in a very roundabout way. Not at all helpful.
Just like all blonds aren't stupid, not all young people WANT to "play the field". Don't trust stereotypes. Trust your GF and learn to trust your own instincts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): I think those are all excuses. Ive been with a man for 3 yrs been together since i was 20 and he was 23 and he has been talking sexually with women the entire time and ive been faithful. If you want to be in a relationship and love who your with playing the field is hardly even close to a sacrifice. Its not age its the person.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 July 2012):
 I think young people can absolutely be faithful...anyone can. But I sometimes think young people can be very fickle in relationships. One day they want one thing, the next day they want something else. But then, I guess you could say that about people in any age group, right? I think relationships can hinder personal success, but they don't have to. That depends on the individual. I think you should take the "advice" of others with a grain of salt and live your life as you see fit.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 Your family, friends and other people are just trying to make your life sour. Of course a 19 year old can be faithful, they are just as likely to be faithful as any other person of any other age. They're just saying that because they don't want you to be happy. Some people really just like to pour poison out of their mouths.
Sure, she might cheat on you. But so would a 30 year old woman if you choose to date someone older. The risk is always there. But the risk isn't higher with a 19 year old. You will likely have different problems in your relationship with a 19 year old, than you would have if you were in a relationship with a 30 year old. But, problems are still problems, and the success of the relationship depends on how well you handle these problems.
"I've even been straight up told that "all" young people "need" to play the field and experience different partners - in an intimate way - before they can be faithful to someone."
That's just a load of BS. But I will tell you this, these people who say these things are one out of two:
1. They are sheep who follow the herd. They were told these things, so they just repeat them to others without actually having any substance to it. They're just recycling the cliche because they don't know better.
2. They are cheaters themselves. Or they want to play the field themselves. When they say your girlfriend is young and needs to play the field they are actually speaking about themselves, and about how they want to go out and play the field.
Ask these people if they are in a relationship themselves. Most likely they are not, as this is a silly negative idea without basis in reality. Next time someone tells you this you need to tell them that your relationship is YOUR relationship, not theirs. That maybe they were dumped by someone who wanted to find "better", but that your girlfriend and you are happy together and that people need to mind their own business.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (7 July 2012):
You should be very suspicious of people who make sweeping statements beginning with lines such as “all young people” or “all men/women are” because actually, everyone’s different. Of course there are no guarantees with any relationship, but that would be equally true if your girlfriend were a few years older. But don’t be unduly worried because of her age. Instead of listening to sweeping generalisations about young people, judge the person as an individual. Think about it: if all young people need to play the field, sleep around and live one big party until they decide to settle in to middle age with a steady partner, why is this not true of you? You yourself prove that this isn’t true of everyone, so if it’s not true of you there’s every chance that it’s not true of your girlfriend. There is a cliché about not judging a book by its cover: age is but a number. In relationships where there are huge age gaps, the compatibility issues come from the couple being at different stages of their lives, not from the numbers of years each person has lived on this earth. As it happens, there is only a very small age difference between you: you’re young too, so if your girlfriend really had to play the field, you should have to as well.
So why do people make these generalisations if they are so easily shown to be wildly simplistic and inaccurate? Probably because they project their own personal experiences on to the entire group of people from whom a person that hurt them came. So instead of just being angry with the young person that cheated on them, they translate that anger in to a judgement about everyone in that category, assuming them to be the same as the person that hurt them. It’s sad that people do this, not least because it makes it harder to move on from being hurt and betrayed, but the important thing for you is to remember that there’s no truth is such wild claims. Concentrate on enjoying the happy and strong relationship that you seem to have.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (7 July 2012):
 It's all about the person not the age. For everyone to assume she will cheat based purely on the fact she's young is just disrespectful. It'd be different if you were getting married and starting a family but you're just working on making a relationship for the both of you right now and there's nothing wrong with that.
Don't listen to what anyone else thinks. You know her better than they do and if you trust her then go with your gut instinct.
Besides, take a look around this site and you'll see endless posts about people twice her age who've cheated.
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