A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a "friend" who has admitted to me that she has cheated on her husband before they got married last Sept. Though I do enjoy her company, I'm not close with her. I was rather shocked that she would tell me something like this because my fiancee is her husbands best friend, which is how we know eachother anyway. She told me her husband has no idea it happened (on more than one occasion) and I'm not sure what to do with the information. I personally think he deserves to know but I feel it's not my place to tell him. I also feel as though she may have told me this to see if I would tell her husband anyway. She is that kind of person. I know if I tell my fiancee, he'll tell her husband as well.So, I need advice. What should I do? Her husband is a good guy and deserves much better than a cheating wife, but should I mention it or let him figure it out himself?
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female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 If you are not close to this woman then what do you have to lose? Yes you may feel it isn't your place to tell him but like you said he deserves to know. If someone knew your partner had cheated, you'd be angry if they didn't tell you right? How about write a letter addressed to him telling him or something? I think he should know. Who cares about her reaction; you cannot be punished for being honest and if she has a go at you to be honest you are better off without her.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 July 2012):
If I were you, I would tell my fiancee and let him decide what he wants to do. Cerberus below has it right - your allegiance is w your fiancee. Your fiancee may feel alligiance to his friend, but thats up to him.
On the flip side, if shes that easy w the info and the two of you are not even that close, its only a matter of time until he finds out anyway.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 I would suggest that you just mind your own business and stay out of her matters. That will be best for all involved.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (8 July 2012):
It will be bad for your relationship when it all comes out, as it eventually will, and you fiance finds you didn't tell him about this significant bit of gossip. He may wonder what else you don't tell him, or worse, that you condone her actions or have even done the same. Your fiance should be your best friend above all others. Talk with him and say how wierd it makes you feel.
There are many people for whom sex has no significance apart from a bit of fun and maybe your "friend" is like this. Just talk with your fiance, work out together if anything should be said.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): I agree with Cerberus. Consider your fiance first.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (8 July 2012):
 My best advice is stay out of business that is not yours. Their relationship is not your business. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but there is no other way to say it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): My personal policy on this is clear. I always, always rat people out. I want the truth to be made known. But I guess I understand that you feel it's not your place to tell him. I say tell your husband and let him decide.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 July 2012):
 Yikes I hate iffy people that want to drag me into their little gutter world.
I think if I would talk to anyone about it, it would be my husband (in your case, fiance). If he wants to tell the husband then be open to talk to the husband too, as he might have questions.
As for the "friend" honestly, I would avoid her company. I don't really enjoy drama, unless it's in a movie or book.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (7 July 2012):
 Stay out of it. Don't say anything to your fiance, her husband or anyone else. She did not tell you hoping you would spill the beans for her. She was confessing.Not to justify the cheating but you don't really know what her situation is nor do you know what being married to him is like. Don't bring this headache on yourself. Just distance yourself from this. And next time a woman starts to make a confession you don't think you can keep to yourself, give her a heads up beforehand.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (7 July 2012):
It’s a very unfortunate situation, but you risk the friendship if you do tell the husband about what his wife has been up to. Could you deal with your friendship with this woman being a casualty of the fallout? You need to consider it as a possibility, in any case. Secondly, whilst the lady’s husband might deserve better, she might be trying to put the cheating behind her and be focussing on building a strong marriage with her husband. What’s important here? Don’t feel compelled to tell because of some sense that the your friend would otherwise get away with it, punishing her might not be the best thing for the husband or their marriage. Perhaps she’s beaten herself up enough about it, and worked things out, and you could threaten a marriage that might otherwise survive. If, however, she continues to show him so little respect, if he’s in love with her and she denies any allegations you make, he’s going to believe her. IF she is no good he’ll have to figure that out for himself. Advise her to think about the reasons why she cheated. There’s never an excuse for it, but people do tend to have reasons for infidelity. Was she unhappy about something? Did things get a little predictable in their love life? Were they arguing a lot perhaps? She should work it out so that she can use these reasons to determine what factors would strengthen the marriage.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): This is ridiculous. No u shouldn't go by hearsay. So what if she did or didn't it doesn't have any bearing on ur relationship and besides this was before she married so she's not a cheating wife. It could be that she just wanted to share a dirty little secret from her past as well as learn yours. Hopefully u being woman know other women talk to women about their past adventurous lifestyles. Here is what you do.....nothing.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (7 July 2012):
 How odd. No, it's not your place to tell her husband but it seems as if that's what she wants. Or for your fiancé to tell him. She's put you in a horrible position. I wonder why you say that she told you to see if you would tell her husband because "she's like that". What is she like? Do you mean that she is testing you? Or that you think she wants her husband to find out. Also, did she sound remorseful or bragging? I don't really have any advise, but if it was me I'd have to talk about it with fiancé. Otherwise it's potentislly placing a strain on your own relationship - this whole thing is obviously playing on your mind or you wouldn't have posted here. I don't think you can keep it from your fiancé. If he decides to tell his friend, it's not your responsibility. This woman sounds like a toxic drama queen. I'd avoid her in future, or at least avoid being alone with her. You don't need this crap!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): The most important person to you in all this is who? Your fiance right? What would he want you to do?
Would he rather not know and let them sort out their own problems? Would he rather not be put in the positions you currently find yourself in?
Or would he be pissed at you for not telling him when eventually he finds out you knew all along?
The most important thing here is your relationship with your fiance so do what's right by him and don't even consider the other two.
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