| Latest articles: I'm a thoroughly modern brand of old-fashioned
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12 August 2016: I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views. I was described as living in “the 1950s,” which I found highly amusing. But when I’d had my chuckle, I got to thinking: what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s? How does the ...
I hate cheating, but not as much as a failure to forgive
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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23 August 2015: IT’s been the story that hasn’t gone away all week. Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9.7 gb of data leaked on to the internet, trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal. Suspicious spouses ...
Childless by choice: please stop judging us
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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6 July 2015: This morning, as usual, I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid, when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child. Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question, it touched a nerve with me, ...
On-line dating: my honest look
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12 January 2014: On-line dating: my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life. I am, for the most part, keen to concentrate on advising because, good advice is good no matte...
Revenge is sweet: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that.
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9 March 2013: REVENGE IS SWEET: A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that. Revenge, they say, is sweet. Well British people have, if they have been following the news, witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can ...
Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies
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6 January 2013: Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...
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Loss of a family member and a boyfriend, how do I pick myself up?
Q. Hi there! I know everyone has a bad year now and again, and i guess this is mine, i suppose my main question is how do you deal with things all in one go? a close family member of mine had been fighting cancer for 6 years passed away a few da...
A. 14 July 2012: Don’t apologise for a long answer, if there’s a lot to tell we need to hear it. As the death of your family member is so recent, you are bound to feel upset. You’re probably going to experience all kinds of emotions as you go through the process of ... (read in full...)
He says he loves her She plays him She says she loves him He says its over. I need some advice. Help please!!!?
Q. Me and my man have been together for just over two years I played him up until today I have always told him i loved him He has always told me he loves me He really did love me I didn't know what love was Until today I opened up and told...
A. 14 July 2012: I’m afraid your post is a bit jumbled and confusing so I’m sorry if I’ve misunderstood your situation, do please write a followup if we do misunderstand so that this amazing team of agony aunts can give you the best advice. So you love your ... (read in full...)
My fiance was killed in the army and I don't know how to make myself keep going
Q. I'm a CNA working overtime constantly to keep my mind occupied while my fiance has been in the Army. I've been working towards my nursing degree when I got the worst news any young woman whose man is in the military could get. Its been a month since ...
A. 14 July 2012: You are probably feeling all kinds of emotions right now: anger that this has happened, sadness, fear for the future, all kinds of things. That’s what grief does. Unfortunately it can also be a very lonely experience to go through, because although ... (read in full...)
How do I react to in-laws who've threatened a wedding boycot unless we agree to their demands?
Q. ok so a few days ago i proposed to my girlfreind (she said yes) we are both keeping are own faiths even though i offered to convert. she says its when we have kids that we can raise them as a mix of our respective religions, so they know about th...
A. 14 July 2012: You both need to explain to them that you have made a decision as a couple to explain to your future children about both their parents’ religions. Even if you raised them in the maternal religion as her parents would like, they would still know ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship worth all the pressure he is putting on me to have a baby and move in with his parents?
Q. Here is my story. My bf and I are in a slump and a lot of crap has happened between us and now I'm being pressured by him. I feel super lost right now. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 1/2 years and before all the trouble began, we had ...
A. 14 July 2012: He is still cheating on you, keeping in contact with the other woman. How would he feel if the tables were turned and you were still talking to a man with whom you’d cheated on him? His behaviour is absolutely disgraceful! Disgraceful because he ... (read in full...)
Should I forget he ever existed?
Q. Basically I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months we got on really well he was completely charming and it felt like we had known each other for years we got on so well. Then one time when we were out we were getting on amazingly, he said ...
A. 13 July 2012: Perhaps he’s not telling you the full truth, but what evidence do you have about that? In any case, he’s ended things so it’s all irrelevant now. Should you forget he ever existed? You can’t make yourself forget things because you’d like to, but you ... (read in full...)
I'm 44 and still a virgin. Should I lose my virginity to an escort?
Q. I am a virgin at 44 and was looking for advice on how to remedy the situation. In my case i have always had comments aimed at me because i'm let's say not exactly nice-looking. Ugly in fact, let's not beat about the bush.Because of this i have never ...
A. 13 July 2012: It would be pointless. You would then simply be adding the fact that you had to go to an escort to get sex to the list of negative thoughts you have about yourself. That’s the real issue here, anxieties about being a virgin are just part of a ... (read in full...)
Why won't he help me out with household bills?
Q. i have been with the same man for 30 years we have been married for 26 years..he has never worked much.i have always been the one to work i got sick 3 year's ago and i can not work anymore..ok he started a job back in nov 2011i very glad he went to ...
A. 12 July 2012: Why are you still living with this man? You might love him, but sadly that isn’t enough. If he loved you back, he wouldn’t treat you like this. He’s aggressive to you, calls you fat and refuses to show you any affection, yet he finds you good enough ... (read in full...)
I keep breaking up with my boyfriend and I'm not sure why I'm with him
Q. I keep breaking up with my boyfriend when I feel like I don't want to be with him, and sometimes I feel I'm only with him for the sake of himself. I love him a lot and I can't shake the feeling that I'll be lost without him, but I don't know if this ...
A. 11 July 2012: It sounds like there’s very little keeping you in this relationship other than your fear of not being in the relationship. However, staying with some-one because it feels comfortable isn’t enough: the relationship cannot go anywhere, and every time ... (read in full...)
My parent's disapproval has really put a damper on my engagement
Q. Hello All! I am having some difficulties with my parents not approving of my engagement. My fiance and I have been together for 2 years, I am 20, he is 23. We live in our own home, pay our own bills, we are both in college, and are both working ...
A. 11 July 2012: Your parents are worried that it’s too much, too soon, and that their daughter is going to get hurt. Marriage is a huge commitment and perhaps they feel that it’s just too soon: it’s not an objection to your fiancé, but a fear that you’re rushing in ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my gay friend I like him as more than a friend without ruining our friendship?
Q. i have a gay friend who is a boy how do i tell him i like more than a friend without destroying the friendship we have at the moment?...
A. 11 July 2012: Why would you bother? It says that you’re a female, and he’s gay! So he isn’t going to feel the same, so you’d be wasting your time. Instead of telling him that you have feelings for him which if you’re sure he’s gay won’t be reciprocated, , tell ... (read in full...)
What is preventing me from forming friendships?
Q. I am eighteen years old ( completed secondary school)and I have no friends for the last nine years.Please believe me as many who I have gone to help to don't believe me.I changed schools , no help.I have attended a two psychologists for a deeper ...
A. 10 July 2012: Forget all notions of a disease that causes this. Forming friendship requires two things: yes of course you need to have a friendly attitude. Do you, for example: say hello to people, ask how they are, smile or wave, initiate conversations when you ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for not wanting to babysit my sister's kids?
Q. Heyyy I have a question! Am I wrong for not wanting to watch my 2 older sisters children when they want? I'm 21 years old and all my life I had to help with kids. Between my 2 older sisters they have 9 kids, 1 who's 34 has 4 and the other 1 who'...
A. 10 July 2012: Your mother is in a difficult position: she wants to help, but needs you to stick around in order that these children can be properly looked after. Unfortunately your mother has made a commitment which relies on your being available, either without ... (read in full...)
I met this girl online, we were chatting every night and out of the blue she stopped showing up on skype and even stood me up when I went to visit her!
Q. About 6 months ago I met a girl online, She lives in Spain and I in Norway. We really hit it off, we have been seeing eachother for about 2-4 hours on skype every night, and eventually we start text other during the whole days also. She also decided ...
A. 10 July 2012: I’m afraid that until she gets in contact, there’s very little you can do to find out what’s going on. Assuming all is well, it is extremely rude and inconsiderate to stand a visitor up when they’ve travelled so far to see you. If you’ve messaged ... (read in full...)
Will my crush ever talk to me?
Q. I thought my crush liked me so I flirted and gave him my number. He texted me a couple weeks later. He is shy so I didn't think much of it when he texted me two weeks after I gave him my number. He started to stare at me a lot, smile, blush, and ...
A. 10 July 2012: It sounds like you’ve done all that you can to offer your friendship to him. Unfortunately, why he’s not interested isn’t clear, but the more you try and chase after him whilst he doesn’t want to be around you, regardless of the reasons behind that ... (read in full...)
Is he Sweet or Creepy? One date and he objects to the online dating profile still online?
Q. I had one great date with a guy I met on an online dating site. He texts me everyday / a few times a day and asked me for a second date. We've been in contact now about a week and a half. However - one thing is troubling me! He saw me "online" ...
A. 10 July 2012: Yes this is worrying. The fact that he’d eventually like to reach a point where you delete the profiles if things progress and get more serious is fine, but to expect it after a single date, and to assume that you are trying to date multiple ... (read in full...)
I really like him,, but I'm, not sure how he feels about me.
Q. so me and this guy have been seeing each other for a while, but we fall out now and then. today i see him because all of our friends meet up - he doesn't look at me, doesn't really talk to me. i ask him why, he said because i haven't spoke to him i...
A. 10 July 2012: Don’t get too hung up about a single slip of the tongue. The only thing you can do to find out where you stand, is tell him how you feel. Don’t send a text, this is the sort of thing that’s best dealt with through a proper conversation. Explain that ... (read in full...)
Is this a relationship I should stay in?
Q. I was with my ex partner for 3 years, we have a 2 year old son together. I recently ended the relationship due to him being very controlling. However he seems to think he isn't controlling and hasn't done anything wrong I just wanted to tell you his ...
A. 10 July 2012: You didn’t say one good point about him in your post. He’s tried to ruin friendships, tried to turn you against your family, and tried to put you down in order to try and make you so low in self-confidence that you believe that you’re no good, can ... (read in full...)
Did I lose my chance?
Q. So there is this guy I met at work and we have been hanging out for a couple months now. At first I thought he really liked me, we hang out by ourselves all the time, he is really sweet and we get along so well. Every time we hang out he gives me ...
A. 10 July 2012: Here’s the blunt truth: you didn’t miss your chance because you never had a chance in the first place. You talk about feeling this connection, and you seem to assume that if you felt it so strongly, he must have done too. Well, obviously he didn’t. ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm losing my father to his new girlfriend and her children.
Q. My father's moving abroad while my brother and I are remaining here with our mother; but of course we're completely dreading him leaving but he seems to be counting the days until he leaves to be with his new girlfriend and her children. The ...
A. 10 July 2012: It’s understandable that your father is making such an effort with his partner’s children, as he’ll need to have a good relationship with them in order for his relationship with his girlfriend to work. However, he does not seem to understand the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't understand how bad my problems are?
Q. I have a huge amount of family issues going on. My boyfriend knows this, but somehow it doesnt seem to effect him and he goes on with his own life. This is making me really angry, because everytime I really need to confide something in him...
A. 10 July 2012: He probably feels that there’s nothing he can do anyway, so he might as well get on with his life. That might sound selfish and perhaps it is, but you should ask him to sit down for a talk. Explain to him that you understand that he can’t stop his ... (read in full...)
should I just bite the bullet and tell my parents that I’m gay
Q. A few months ago I took a huge step by telling one of my friends that I’m gay. She was the first person I told. The risk paid off as she confessed that she was also gay, which I had previously suspected, and we talked about it. I recently had my ...
A. 10 July 2012: Generally speaking, if you’re sure that you are gay, you should tell family members unless you fear that your safety might be put at risk for so-doing. That doesn’t sound like a concern in this case with your parents, so you should probably pick a ... (read in full...)
Why does he want to keep sabotaging my healthy lifestyle?
Q. I am trying to lose weight. I am not huge at all, but I am too big for my frame and would feel more confident if I lost weight. I also can’t eat a lot of sugary things as they make me feel ill and give me bad skin. My boyfriend knows this, ...
A. 9 July 2012: Your sexuality is not important here. It’s perfectly understandable that this behaviour by your boyfriend is upsetting you. Although you do not have to eat the things he brings home, you’re unhappy that he seems to be going out of his way to bring ... (read in full...)
I can't accept his daughter!
Q. Dear Cupid I am 24 and my boyfriend is 36. We have been together for going on 3 years. We have a great realationship and I love him so much but there's one thing mentally and emotionally holds me back for him, he has a daughter. She is 14 years ...
A. 9 July 2012: He and his daughter come as a package, and it’s all or nothing, so if you feel that you won’t be able to accept her, that doesn’t make you a bad person but it does mean that you need to be honest with your man about this and walk away from the ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to get out of my relationship?
Q. Am I wrong for wanting to get out of my relationship? .... We were together 3 years. He abused me emotionally and physically. Everytime i tried to leave he'd manipulate me into giving him anther chance. This time I didn't let him though he tried ...
A. 9 July 2012: You made the right decision to leave this abusive, manipulative man. You should ignore all his efforts to contact you, and consider handing any threatening material over to the police if you fear for your safety. Talk to any friends or family ... (read in full...)
When does sex feel great?
Q. I have slept with 5 people, all except for one were one night stands. During my long term relationship I don’t ever remember thinking sex was amazing, my ex was selfish towards his needs. Now that I have been single for 2 and a half years, I have ...
A. 9 July 2012: Sex is great when you believe that it was great, I suppose. IT’s a tough question to answer, but if it’s pleasurable and if you enjoy the experience then for you it was great. IT sounds like you weren’t emotionally ready for these one night stands ... (read in full...)
Why do couples brag about their relationship?
Q. I have a question that is more general: how do you relate to couples that, you know, are so fond of each other that they can't stop bickering, and saying "I love you" every 30 seconds, making in-jokes that no one understands, and going on about how ...
A. 9 July 2012: It could be for a number of reasons: they could be less happy than they seem, so they put on an act for the outside world to try and fool them, but overdo it. Other people just enjoy talking about themselves, they tend to regard themselves as far ... (read in full...)
Do you think he's into me or is he just looking for 'friends with benefits'?
Q. I have been dating this guy for last couple months. Sometimes we have seen each other, few times a week and sometimes once a week. We have even spent few nights with each other. So 1st time when we spent night together, we started making out and ...
A. 9 July 2012: If he wanted a “Friends with Benefits” arrangement, he wouldn’t be reluctant to have sex, he’d be wanting it in the here and now, surely? That’s what a FWB is: casual sex. What’s more, he seems to have a good time when he’s with you, and he’s taken ... (read in full...)
I posted an ad for no strings attached sex but now I've changed my mind
Q. I went on craigslist for a NSA encounter...but now I want to back out of it. The guy has my email address (my real one) so I worried he may find me... is this silly? I do have a FB account obviouly under my own name. He wants to meet up this wee...
A. 9 July 2012: Send him a polite message to tell him that you’ve changed your mind and don’t want to have a no-strings encounter. Wish him all the best, then just leave it. If he persists in emailing you don’t reply to the emails, but there’s every chance that ... (read in full...)
Did I offend my skyping friend?
Q. I have been getting a great girl online. We skyped for the first time on Friday. There was an akward moment when I offered to play some music for her, and it made her uncomfortable. I said it was ok, but then I think she felt she'd upset me so s...
A. 8 July 2012: Here’s a suggestion: write one more message, explaining both your concern that you offended her over playing some music to her (which incidentally sounds like a rather nice thing to have done), and your concern that you were rude to her mother. ... (read in full...)
I want him to actually sit down, look me in the eye, and discuss!
Q. I'm in a stable, loving rollercoaster relationship with an amazing guy. It's been fantastic right from the start and despite our very volatile ups and downs, it's been great. However in 7 weeks time I am due to return home (we met abroad) to start...
A. 8 July 2012: It sounds like his heart is not in this relationship. Firstly, ask him to sit down for a proper conversation about how you’re going to make things work when this becomes a long-distance relationship. If he turns the suggestion down, put him on the ... (read in full...)
I need to know how to say NO so that he finally understands!
Q. My best friend of 7 years has recently told me he likes me and wants to go out with me however I don't see him as anything more than a friend and have told him this several times but he isn't taking it. recently he said to me that he wants to speak ...
A. 8 July 2012: If you’ve told him several times that you do not feel the same, the fact that he refuses to accept that is his failure and not yours, so, if you’ve told him very clearly that you don’t feel the same and that this isn’t going to change, there’s ... (read in full...)
She tells me she is besotted with me and yet it staying with him for a night!
Q. I have known this girl for about six weeks, she is 23 and im 25. When we first met she was in a failing relationship, her ex had cheated on her several times, he did it again and she split from him. In the next five weeks we have met three times and ...
A. 8 July 2012: It’s unlikely that she’s a complete liar. She probably is upset about the situation, but surely she could have tried to sell the tickets, offered them to a friend or if he had them told him to take some-one else? She’s not over the ex. You’re ... (read in full...)
I led him on and then said no, now how to face him in cold light of day!
Q. I am worried that I may have hurt someone by getting their hopes up. I have been single now for 18 months after ending a 7 year relationship and I am happy being single but lately I have been missing a bit of male company, the problem is that I not ...
A. 8 July 2012: Explain that you got carried away after too much to drink, that you understand that he wanted things to go further, but whilst the friendship means a lot to you, you do not want things to go any further. Tell him that you did not intend to lead him ... (read in full...)
I'm pretty much a walking hormone and masturbate daily! Is it normal?
Q. I'm 19 this year, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never had sex, nothing. And most of you will understand that at this age, I'm pretty much a walking hormone. I'm gonna be honest and say that I'm horny 70-80% of the time and have a lot of ...
A. 8 July 2012: We don’t often have people wish us a good day, so thank you.
There isn’t really a norm when it comes to the frequency of masturbation. The guys you have spoken to may do it a few times a week but there are men who masturbate daily, whilst s... (read in full...)
Can someone who previously used sexting live without it now?
Q. Hey, what do you think about the need for sexting? Me and my bf have been together 18 months, I know he sexted previous gfs and hook ups, even exchanging nude photos with one girl, but he doesn't do this with me :( He'll sometimes go as far as ...
A. 8 July 2012: You shouldn’t compare relationships! Each one is different, and if all else is well in your relationship, and you enjoy a satisfying sex life together, you really shouldn’t be at all concerned that he’s lost interest in sexting. Perhaps he’s just ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my boyfriend interested when I'm gone on holiday without him?
Q. I'm going on holiday in a couple of weeks. My relatively new boyfriend isn't going with me. It's for two weeks and I'm a little worried that he'll lose interest when I'm not around. We haven't actually been too sexual with one another yet and I'm ...
A. 8 July 2012: You could phone or message him a couple of times during the holiday, that wouldn’t do any harm. But honestly, if he does lose interest after 2 weeks then wouldn’t you be better off without him? If you really think that he’s going to forget about you ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him there is a time and a place for his problems and here and now is not it?
Q. My son who had a major accident during rugby game, had his second operation 3 days ago. His knee is damaged for life. He just had artificial ligaments in and metal. My friend called me to ask how my son was, he started talking about one of his...
A. 8 July 2012: His social skills are rather poor. He probably doesn’t know what to say to you. He means well, so as an act of kindness to his friend he phones you to see how your son is, but he can’t cope with emotional issues so, to deflect the conversation away ... (read in full...)
I found his latest sext offensive!
Q. Hi, me and my LDR boyfriend have recently started sexting which I started (weve been together 7 months and started having sex after 4). I recently received a text saying how(this has been edited) he "can't wait to p***d a vi****** into you and hear ...
A. 8 July 2012: It is a very dirty text, that’s for sure. But then isn’t that the point of “sexting?” You text explicit comments to turn each other on. Explain to him that you didn’t like the graphic nature of that particular text. Like real sex, there are no set ... (read in full...)
I lied about my real age online.
Q. I met a man online a year ago and we became friends ,he's 40 and im 58 but i never told him that.I never thought we would continue to talk so what did it matter.Well the unthinkable happened ,we fell in love ... he is single and so am i .He is the ...
A. 8 July 2012: If you think that the relationship won’t last if you tell him the truth, then you have nothing to lose from owning up. And you never know, he might understand. Explain to him that you lied because you were worried that it might put him off, that ... (read in full...)
My friend cheated on her husband, should I tell him?
Q. I have a "friend" who has admitted to me that she has cheated on her husband before they got married last Sept. Though I do enjoy her company, I'm not close with her. I was rather shocked that she would tell me something like this because my fiancee ...
A. 7 July 2012: It’s a very unfortunate situation, but you risk the friendship if you do tell the husband about what his wife has been up to. Could you deal with your friendship with this woman being a casualty of the fallout? You need to consider it as a ... (read in full...)
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