A
male
age
41-50,
*eadEyeDick
writes:K this is kind of hard, my daughters mom, who was my girlfriend of 10 years, well 2 years ago, she got into it with her boss, your typical one person falls out of love with the other story, well I never saw it coming, had no clue how to handle it, and I believe i literally lost my mind, I felt like every morning i was waking up in a jail cell, the thought of her being with him would literally send a rush through my body and I would feel like I was passing out, all sorts of screwed up shit, well long story short, not being in my right mind, being full of jealousy and rage, and where now I would normally just block her from calling me, and go meet someone new, I honestly trusted her, and loved her, and believed her, so I was foolishly never expecting what I got, but I did some very fucked up shit to her, not in the sense of violent or anything, just out of hatred and rage, I pulled some very immature shit, like posting on facebook her and her boss were shacking up on new years eve, and just dumb immature shit like that, that at the time felt right, trying to hurt her as bad as i was hurting, but 2 years later and a life full of agony and confusion, I finally pulled it together, and got myself to a point physically and mentally Ive never been in my life, and all of the sudden, I feel so much pain over what Ive done to her, now I see how much she loved me, and did for me, and I was probably less then a good boyfriend as I just wouldn't grow up, she hates me, this is a girl who basically is sweet and nice to EVERYBODY!! she says she doesn't trust me and will never forgive me, she doesn't want to talk to me, and when she does shes very mean and hostile, I truly am ashamed of the bullshit I pulled, I miss her as a person, and I just feel like regardless of what I did, she cheated on me, betrayed me, it's not like I just did it cause we broke up, I try to tell her what a douche bag I was, and how bad I feel, she really doesn't seem to give much of a fuck, I want to at least be civil for our daughters sake, we were never a couple at odds, we got always got along, hardly ever argued, we never spent a day apart in 10 years, I realize i crossed the line, but is there really nothing I can do to show her that I love her, and appreciate everything she did for me, and how can what went on over the course of a few months ruin the love and bond we had over 10 years? i know this is very complex, and you not knowing her cant really give me an exact answer, but wouldn't this imply she misses nothing about me? had no regard for me as a person, and it's just easy to ignore and never talk to me again seeing there's nothing she misses about me? because it's hard, but I miss her as a person so much I don't care she cheated on me, or any of the bullshit she did, I decided its really not important anymore, its history, when i could just be an asshole to her forever and state cheating as the reason, what gives here, can anyone give me a little insight? did i leave anything out that might make this more clear? thanks for your help.
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reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (8 July 2012):
DeadEyeDick is verified as being by the original poster of the question I really appreciate your insight, both of you, I guess I was hoping for some magic answer, or trick to try, but sadly it all just fizzles into reality, and that reality from what i feel is that she never really liked me as a person, which is incredibly confusing considering we spent 10 years together.I somehow feel like im doing all the apologizing trying so hard to strike up a place where we can at least begin talking, Ive even tried to talk with absolutely no intention of ever discussing what went on in the past, like just beginning to speak and talk from my new standpoint and where i am at in life right now, but I am beginning the extremely painful acceptance that you are right, she didn't really love me.On top of that thought nothing of me as a person.I am really beginning to wonder if she liked anything about me at all, and what her whole angle was on dragging it out a decade, it couldn't have just been our daughter, would it be possible for someone to just never want to resolve an issue like this? to just go on with life, despite me being 10 years of her life, and just sincerely not care to talk to me ever again? It's truly baffling, but I will just have to assume that 10 years meant more to me then it did to her, and I while not being even a kind of good boyfriend, was with her for sincere reasons, and loved her for sincere feelings, while she really didn't care about me at all, that's just astonishing to even believe, anyways, thank you for your help,it's much appreciated, thank you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Look let's be fair, you may regret what you did to her but you can't say for a fact she truly loved you otherwise she wouldn't have cheated on you.Look you may have done some stupid stuff but then she can't turn around and take the moral high ground and not acknowledge the part she played in all this. What you did you did out of love and the hurt you were feeling, forgive yourself first, what is done is done, don't beat yourself up about it, but most importantly you have to deal with her betrayal, you too need to get together and talk, clear the air and then you can both move on..in whatever direction you may choose to goIf she still wants to make you stew and she wont talk to you, it's time you take the moral high ground, be nice for your daughter's sake because she is innocent in all this, create an atmosphere that is conducive to a pleasant home for a child to grow up in. That's moving on, what happened happened, if she doesn't want to try don't beat yourself up over it, if this girl truly loved you she wouldn't have done what she did...time to move on ;)Good luck!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (4 July 2012):
All you can do is tell her that you’re sorry. Explain to her that you did what you did out of anger and frustration, and because at the time you wanted to hurt her back. Tell her that they were the reasons why you did what you did, but that they’re not excuses and that you are truly sorry. That’s all you can do, if you’ve not worded it like that before you should give it a try. Sadly you can’t make her forgive you, or be civil, you can only remind her that you have a daughter together and ask her to try and put the past behind you for her sake. Wanting the best for your daughter might be the only thing you can agree on, and what’s best for her are parents that can at least be civil. I would say though that as badly as you behaved, she did cheat on you. That doesn’t justify in any way what you did, but she is also partly responsible for the mess that you’re in now. Sadly you just drifted apart, it happens sometimes, and wrongs are done on both sides during the fallout, but there’s nothing to be gained from holding a grudge. You can’t make her see that continuing the hostility is pointless, you can only do the right thing yourself by taking responsibility for your poor behaviour, which you are doing. Even if she can’t forgive you, admitting that you’ve made mistakes and saying sorry for them will help you forgive yourself.
I wish you all the very best.
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