A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:3 months ago i found out my boyfriend of 7 years whom i lived with was looking at porn, searching for very specificthings (bending over ect) and chatting to girls in chat rooms, and was a member of a sex chat site.Most of the responses on here was that i was over reacting by thinking about leaving him (which i did)Anyway ~ the last 2 months i have been meeting up withhim, to try and work things out, imtrying to be strong. But its not working. Im not surewhat im suppost to do to get over it? or what he should do?I have a lovely figure (often get asked if im a model), attracktive, long hair, kind, loving ect yet my confidence is now none existent. I comfort eat, ive put on half a stone now, i dont sleep well,and work is difficult as i feel sad all he time. Plus ive had an outbreak of spots. Its really taking its toll, yet hes tried so hard too, and regrets what he did.Please give me some adviceon howto get over this and this weird fear i now have with women/porn/magazines ect:-(
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (22 October 2007):
 It doesnt matter what people who post here think about over-reacting...it is how you feel about the issue that is important. If you are disgusted by his behaviour then you are entitled to feel that way and not 'wrong' for doing so. I don't think I would be over-joyed to find out my partner was chatting to girls on a sex website (although I might actually feel sorry for them since it is a bit tragic don't you think!). I think you have to disconnect his behaviour from you...easy to think what is wrong with me in these situations but it really wasn't about you, he did it for his own reasons. It sounds like you cannot get over this while still seeing him so part company totally to give yourself time to recover from the breach of trust and try to understand that stressing over this through eating etc is just punishing yourself for something that was way out of your control - you did nothing wrong in the relationship and he just went surfing of his own free will.
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