A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am thinking about moving to a different state with my children to "start over". The problem is that my husband and I are only separated, not divorced yet. He is abusive but I have never legally filed a complaint against him. Can I legally leave the state with my children without legal repercussions?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (29 September 2007):
 I think you need specialist advice from a family lawyer who is familiar with the laws of custody in your State. Regardless of whether you can or cannot move at this time, you should make the authorities and subsequently the courts aware of his abusive behaviour. It is not just a question of domestic violence against you but a matter of child protection. It could mean that the court would order supervised visitation if you have concerns about their personal safety during access visits.
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (29 September 2007):
 Until custody is oficially decided by the courts or by legal agreement the courts veiw you to BOTH have equal custody of your children. Unless your soon to be ex agrees to the move (and what are the chances of that!) you could get in serious trouble for moving out of state. Even if he did agree, without the courts permission you could still get in trouble. I know someone who AFTER the divorce had joint custody of his son. His ex wanted to move to Florida with their son, and he agreed. Years later when he decided to apply for full custody, the fact that she had never applied to the courts for permission to move clinched the judges decision to give full custody to my friend. If he is abusive you will get full custody in the end (I just did, so I speak from experience), but you have to play by the rules, and dont give in to any of that 'shared parenting' crap. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Is you're husband agreeing with this move?
Most states have a residency requirement, for the purpose of filing divorce. They do this so people don't move far away that their spouse can't afford to cause harm to them. The states range from 6 months to 1 year. So if you move you can't file in the new state until your requirement is fulfilled.
All though you can't, he can. He can file in the state which you shared your residence together as long as your time together in that state meets their requirements.
I wouldn't really recommend it. If he filed a divorce action after you moved, you'd have to return to that state for all proceedings. The problem is as well, you claim you move because of abuse, it's actually not for you to decide but the district judge. He may also find that your move causes detriment to building a child parent relationship with their father, and order the children remain in the state, which means transfer custody to the father, or move back to retain custody. In order to get them to weigh in your favor with the move, you have to prove that staying in the state you separated from will cause more harm to the children than the new state you plan on moving too.
I would stay where I'm at, take care of the divorce, and build my case for the opportunity to move.
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