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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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I'm a virgin and have a brown discharge, do you think I'll have to have a smear?
Q. if your a virgin and the doctor wants to do a smear on you for some reason is there a different way they do it so they don't hurt you or break you hymen cuz i didn't think you cud get up there if that was there. Please help i haven't got to have one ...
A. 2 June 2007: Most women do not start having smears taken until they have been sexually active (one reason is that many cases of cervical cancer are associated with having the HPV virus which is more common in sexually active individuals). If you have discharge ... (read in full...)
I cheated so I don't know who the father is! Boyfriend or the other guy!?
Q. i am pregnant but i cheated on my partner and fell pregnant around the same day i slept with the guy i cheated on him with but he said he never ejectulated inside me, whereas my boyfriend does every time we have sex plus i fell pregnant with him ...
A. 2 June 2007: ...I forgot to add that there is another way of determining paternity other than a DNA test which is based on the blood group of the baby. The baby will have a blood group determined by its mother and father, and parents are usually told the blood ... (read in full...)
Would appreciate views on potential parents in law.
Q. Would appreciate views on potential parents in law.. my boyfriend and I are pretty serious (we are now thinking of living together) and I love him very much. However I have very big concerns about his father. His parents had children young and are ...
A. 2 June 2007: If you love your boyfriend then you have to accept he comes with a package of relatives that may not be to your liking. The reality is that if you don't wish to see this man regularly then you don't have to...if your BF wants to see him let him go ... (read in full...)
I have many times mistakely seen my sister changing clothes and I can't control my feelings, I want to have sex with my sister what shall I do?
Q. hi i am a 17 year old guy. I have many times mistakely seen my sister changing clothes and I can't control my feelings, I want to have sex with my sister what shall I do?...
A. 2 June 2007: If this is a serious post (I doubt it), you need to get psychological help from a professional because you are clearly not a well young man.... (read in full...)
My wife is terrified about giving birth and I don't know what to do about it.
Q. Hi me and my wife are due to have a baby girl. Shes 7 months pregnant and has been ok so far but she's been talking about how painful it will be and how scared she is. She wants a natural birth no needdles to take the pain away or anything. She's ...
A. 2 June 2007: I am about your age, just over 3 months pregnant and had all sorts of fertility problems in the past. I can be sympathetic to your wife because I cannot say the prospect of labour fills me with joy either. She needs to talk to her midwife about her ... (read in full...)
I turned 15 in March and have a baby girl. I've now found out I'm pregnant AGAIN!
Q. dear cupids. well im chelsea, and i know ya gunna think im a slag whilst reading this but i am just after advice not a lecture. i was 15 in march and my boyfriend is 17 in july we have been together for nearli two years and we have a georgous...
A. 2 June 2007: I don't think you are a slag but I do think you are lousy control of your contraception. It is good that you are both fairly self-sufficient but you need to get support whether you decide to keep the baby or not. I think you ought to tell him - ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and my mum thinks I'm a "good girl". Little does she know I have a boyfriend and.... I'M PREGNANT!
Q. hi im steph, im 15, my mum thinks im "good" she says im not like the "little slappers" i hang round with. she doesnt know i have got a boyfriend and she has already told me if i get a boyfriend older than me or if she finds out i am having sex she ...
A. 2 June 2007: There are loads of things going on with you. If you have slept with 4 boys by the age of 15 then you have developed a really bad way of relating to the opposite sex. One of the consequences of that, unfortunately, is pregnancy. Your mother may say ... (read in full...)
Why is it that most (well nearly all) paedophiles are men?
Q. Why is it that most (well nearly all) paedophiles are men?...
A. 2 June 2007: I think your question could be reframed as 'why is it that most 'known' paedophiles are men?'. I have worked in child protection and it is clear that agencies are set up to treat and monitor male offenders. Indeed, the media presentation of the ... (read in full...)
He found out i kissed someone and has broken my nose beat me up and is currently in prison!
Q. I love my boyfriend 2 bits i have never had a relationship before we have been together for a long time and have children. He found out i kissed someone and has broken my nose beat me up and is currently in prison, he tells me he loves me and wants ...
A. 2 June 2007: People say all sorts of things and make all sorts of promises when they are in prison because it gives them something to focus on for the future other than the daily routine behind bars. Whats more, prison and probation staff actively encourage ... (read in full...)
He gives me nothing in this relationship..no gifts, no cards, very little affection! Stay or go?
Q. Live with a guy together for over 2 years. we have never gone out when he does go to the store walks behind me. no flowers, cards or gifts, yet i give these to him. i pay for alot of his things im lucky if he buys me a pack of smokes a month. ...
A. 2 June 2007: Unfortunately you are with a free-loader. I don't think it should be a sign of his affection that he gives you gifts every day or every week, but it is a normal and natural way of expressing love and affection to plan nice things and give the ... (read in full...)
I fancy my aunt like mad, even although she's married. Should I try anything on with her?
Q. i have an aunt and she is good looking. she is actaully my step aunt if you will. she has been married to my uncle for about 10 years now. she has now starting to feel comfortable around the family. she is starting to wear clothes that show off her ...
A. 2 June 2007: Yes, I think you should try to have sex with your aunt and touch her breasts at every opportunity as she must be the only woman in the country or the only woman with large breasts on the planet that you ever think you stand a chance of being with so ... (read in full...)
I cheated so I don't know who the father is! Boyfriend or the other guy!?
Q. i am pregnant but i cheated on my partner and fell pregnant around the same day i slept with the guy i cheated on him with but he said he never ejectulated inside me, whereas my boyfriend does every time we have sex plus i fell pregnant with him ...
A. 2 June 2007: It could be either your boyfriend or the other guy - there is no easy answer. A DNA test after the baby is born could confirm or disconfirm paternity but this would require your boyfriend's consent for a sample (so you would have to tell him ... (read in full...)
Torn between two men! HELP
Q. I am so confused. I was married to S and had two kids. We divorced after 7 yrs. Due to the fact he was cold and selfish. I met and married A 4 months later. Two days after getting married S calls and says he still loves me and wants me back. So I ...
A. 1 June 2007: Choose neither of them and be single for a while. You married A on the rebound from a divorce, only to abandon that marriage shortly after and go back to your ex. It is hardly ideal with either man because you wouldn't be dating both if you were ... (read in full...)
Me, my boyfriend and the girl he met on holiday!
Q. Im not sure if my fella loves me truley, if you know what I mean. I feel like he does but he has recently been tExting another girl who he met on a lads holiday last sumMer before we got together, he has been wanting her to mEet up with him when he ...
A. 1 June 2007: I think he is being really disrespectful to you if he is planning to meet up with a holiday romance while dating you. It must make you feel very bad but you can tell him how you feel and ask him to stop contacting her. Maybe he does love you and he ... (read in full...)
Is he still carrying on with others, even though I refuse to believe it ?
Q. last year i found that my boyfriend was texting and meeting another girl we managed to put it behind us but 6 weeks later i found he was doing it again with the same girl. i comfronted him but he said she was ugly and it was nothing more than a ...
A. 1 June 2007: He tells you his friends are 'ugly' and then hits you if you challenge him. Why would you settle for such a relationship? I cannot tell you if he cheated or is cheating with other girls but I don't even think that is the main issue here. You have a ... (read in full...)
He asked me to marry him 3 yrs ago! Were not even officially engaged, am I wasting my time ?
Q. my bf asked me to marry him 3 years ago after a fight and a mini break up. he did it in his car when he picked me up and he didnt have a ring. i then went looking round jewellers to get an idea of what i liked- alone, he didnt come with me. ...
A. 1 June 2007: He asked you to marry him to make up for the split. However, he has shown little interest since and actions do speak louder than words! I can understand he may not wish to pay 1400 for a ring if he is on a budget, but he is not even compromising ... (read in full...)
I constantly seek reassurance that I'm pretty.
Q. I constantly seek reassurance that I'm pretty. I think that i am very pretty wen i have makeup on but wen i dont i just feel disgusting. So wen im out i carry round my makeup with me and im constantly touching it up, thinking about it, looking in ...
A. 1 June 2007: I note that you write "Im nearly always happy and upbeat, i have a lot of good friends and family so i dont want you to think im lonely and depressed. Im very happy with most of my life its just this one thing, id love to feel less self conscious ... (read in full...)
I am crazy about my cousin, should I tell him?
Q. Dear agony aunt I love my own cousin who lives abroad whereas i live in the uk i have been to his country twice for a holiday and a personal reason i have got to know him through his family but the thing is he or i have never had the guts to talk...
A. 1 June 2007: Here are all the reasons why a relationship with your cousin would be bad:
1. He is your cousin - it maybe legal in the UK but not where he lives.
2. He is your cousin - you date, it doesn't work out but you still have to see each other at fam... (read in full...)
Me and my girlfriend had a huge argument and she hit me!
Q. Me and my girlfriend had a huge argument and she hit me. I dont mean like a slap a full on attack. I dont know what to do i really love her, im walking round with bruises all over my body. This isnt the first time she has lashed out at me wha...
A. 1 June 2007: You are doing nothing wrong and shouldn't even think like that as you are the victim of the domestic violence here. It is far too often assumed that the woman would be the victim but as you know, this is not always true. It is a real sign of ... (read in full...)
I'm almost two months late but the pregnancy test came back negative!
Q. hi sue i need your help im late 1 month and 3 weeks i thought i was pregnant but it came out negative im scared it might be something else wrong with me can you please help me thank you...
A. 30 May 2007: A friend of mine took dozens of pregnancy tests that all came back negative and then she ended up in A&E following an accident sometime later to discover she was 5 months pregnant! False negative tests are rare but possible on those pregnancy tests. ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong and can it be fixed without going to the doctor’s?
Q. I have had UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) in the past. My doctor told me I should pee after sex to avoid this to happen again. I’ve been good doing this except for a couple of times. When it starts itching, I immediately drink lots of water and ...
A. 30 May 2007: Cranberry juice is clinically proven to be effective at dealing with UTI's but the drinks you get in the shops are usually diluted with water or other juices so they are not concentrated enough to do the trick. They will help in addition to other ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me - more than once. Should I get rid of him or see if he has changed?
Q. My boyfriend cheated on me when i was pregnate with his baby. I told him it was over and he began to cry and appolagize and said he wants to raise our baby together and he will always love me and he will never do it again. so i forgave him. but he ...
A. 30 May 2007: I am pregnant at the moment and if my husband cheated on me I would show him the door because I would take it as a huge disrespect to me as the mother of his child and our unborn baby. Some men get scared at the prospect of becoming fathers and ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to feel closer to my guy's friend. Do I leave him alone or continue?
Q. I've been seeing a guy for 2 years and we kinda fell apart, and me and his best friend have been spending lots of time together. Should I leave his friend alone or continue?...
A. 30 May 2007: There is nothing wrong 'in principle' with dating his friend, but things could get tricky all the same. If you both get together then his friend (your ex) should be told about it fairly soon. I was in an on-off relationship with a guy in my early ... (read in full...)
I got dumped because she found out a mate had a crush on me!
Q. i was going out with this gal, and a mate had a crush on me and told me, somehow my galfrend found out, and ditched me, which hurt alot. the mate that had the crush on me is going out with another guy, but asked if i would ever consider getting ...
A. 30 May 2007: I don't know why you are hurt, if the mate had asked you out and you said no then it would be a different matter. I can understand why your girlfriend would have ditched you in the circumstances you describe because she feels betrayed by both her ... (read in full...)
He's somewhat of a jock, always around the beautiful girls but why doesn't he have a girlfriend?
Q. so there's this guy... lol... it baffles me why he dosn't have a girlfriend because he is a good looking guy with a great personality. he's somewhat of a jock, so he is always hanging around beautiful girls, but still he dosn't have a girlfrie...
A. 30 May 2007: Maybe he isn't looking for a serious relationship right now but if he hangs around with pretty girls then it is probably a major handicap to finding a girlfriend...lets face it, if you see a man out with a bunch of girls socially then you tend to ... (read in full...)
We're both just out of relationships that ended badly. Do I get involved in this one?
Q. I've just recently met a really nice guy but not sure whether I should get involved. He came out of a long term relationship just 3 months ago, things turned nasty with his ex, they have a small child together and he tells me he's not completely ...
A. 30 May 2007: You both seem a bit messed up about what has happened in the past (...and I don't mean that in a nasty way). It is normal to feel cautious about new relationships and there is the rebound danger here since you are both newly single. If you are ... (read in full...)
Me and my partner are no longer getting along, I can't go on like this!
Q. hi everyone i hope you can help,ive sat up all night waiting for my partner to come home or phone me,he stayed out again last night he came in from work late hed been for a drink and started shouting at me saying i was in a mood again, as i asked ...
A. 30 May 2007: It doesn't sound like you and your partner are getting along at all...and I use the term 'partner' lightly since he doesn't seem to be doing much in the partnership. Basically relationships are about give and take on both sides and if you cannot ... (read in full...)
I am really at the end of my tether with my daughter's father...
Q. I have done so much for my daughter's father and I'm getting the end of the stick. I still care for him however, he's with another woman who I know he will do the same thing to her (cheat, use her, live in babysitter, pay his bills, etc). I am...
A. 29 May 2007: Polygraph tests do not have any role in child custody cases (except where it is suspected a criminal offence has taken place involving the child). Your shyness needs to come second to the rights of your child. Don't waste your energy on what this ... (read in full...)
Is my weight normal for my age and height?
Q. Hi I'm 14 and 5 foot 5 and weigh about between 9 and 10 stone throughout the day and 10 stone when ive just weighed myself now is this normal? but thats probably because its the end of the day and ive eaten more. I would like to loose weight i have ...
A. 29 May 2007: I don't think your weight is bad at all for a girl of your height. Remember you haven't finished puberty yet so your body may grow still - I grew a few inches at 19 years of age. You can run your height/ weight through a body mass index calculator ... (read in full...)
How would someone get into there 30's and still be single and never married?
Q. How would someone get into there 30's and still be single and never married? why would they have a lot of (short term) failed relationships? is it just bad luck or is there something wrong with them?...
A. 29 May 2007: It can be bad luck, it can be because there is something wrong with them or it could be that their lives are so busy that they haven't had an opportunity to find the right person. I didn't get married until 33; having dated many frogs in my 20's. As ... (read in full...)
She invites me over to her house and all she does is snog her boyfriend, it's soooooo embarrassing!
Q. I'm at the end of my tether. My best friend and her boyfriend invite me over to her house. Then all they do is kiss, pull and do things infront of me that make me feel REALLY uncomfortable. They don't have any other friends becoz when they ...
A. 29 May 2007: It is not too unusual for young couples to act like this. I remember there was a pair who put on a daily display of affection for the entire 6th form common room...needless to say they split up after school ended (...lack of an audience no doubt). ... (read in full...)
I had unprotected sex on Saturday night...
Q. I had unprotected sex on Saturday night, I am on the pill but was just finishing my period and had taken the first pill out of my new pack on that day. How probable is it that I could get pregnant? I don't want to wait until my next period to find ...
A. 29 May 2007: There is a chance of getting pregnant while being on the pill but it is unusual. I agree with the first poster in that you should be more careful about STD's as your pill won't help you there. If you have any concerns then you should ask your GP for ... (read in full...)
I'm married but was seeing a guy at work, now he's blocked me and I don't know how to handle being around him in the workplace.
Q. im married but got involved with a guy i met through work, the only thing i ask was that he would be honest with me and if he wanted to call it a day just say so, that way we could stay friends and when we did meet through work there wouldnt be a ...
A. 29 May 2007: It should have been pretty obvious to you that it would be a disaster from the start. You had an affair in work and his response now is not to your liking. All you can really do is ignore each other and try to forget about it...or find another job. ... (read in full...)
I'm madly in love with a married man, he's my world!
Q. I am a lady of 44 years and am madly in love with a married man. My love is immense. Even he loves me to the core but he says he has his responsibilities. And moreover he is in Delhi and am in Bangalore. We met only once and made love. We cant be ...
A. 29 May 2007: You maybe madly in love, but it is time your heart came second to what your head should be telling you. Men are not difficult creatures to decipher...their actions speak much louder than their words. You have only met once so you don't really know ... (read in full...)
Why do men chicken out when it comes to the question of marriage?
Q. Why do men chicken out when it comes to the question of marriage? Even if they are mid twenty?...
A. 29 May 2007: I don't think all men do chicken out. I think the one's with cold feet or reluctance are not the one's you should be thinking about marrying since they should ideally show enthusiasm and commitment from day 1. After all, marriage is a tough old ... (read in full...)
I fancy my cousin, I have done since I was 12. Is this normal?
Q. I am really confused. Ever since I was 12 I started to fancy my cousin. Is this normal because it is starting to worry me. I can't help the way I feel about her. Please help!...
A. 29 May 2007: It is not illegal in the UK to have a relationship with first cousins. However, some people see it as morally wrong and medically risky if a relationship ever produced children. It is not for me to say if your feelings are normal or not...after all ... (read in full...)
My 32 year old married boss has started giving me lifts home. I KNOW he wants to take it further!
Q. hi, im 17 years old have a boyfriend and have a part time job as a waitress. my boss is 32 and married with kids. recently when he is giving me lifts home we have started going for a drive and ended up kissing many times and i know he wants to take ...
A. 29 May 2007: My advice to you is to leave your job as you are in a no-win situation. This is a married man who is older and in a position of power over you. Don't get carried away with thoughts of love and romance - you won't be the first waitress he has hit ... (read in full...)
He sexually abused me and I can't get it out of my head.
Q. im 14, a year ago my boy friend sexualy abused me, he didnt have sex with me, he stalked me. sent me texts, asking me to do things, asking me to send pictures, he even sent me porn...of him. It was a monday and i had chemistry, he cornered me i...
A. 29 May 2007: I think you need to get some specialist counselling just to talk things through. Go and see your GP and s/he can arrange this for you. It is not unusual to feel this way after a traumatic episode. I was mugged and stabbed in the leg a few years ago ... (read in full...)
Husband is unable to perform sexually, due to drinking! What can I do?
Q. My Husband can no longer perform sex from drinking to much, and im very sexual woman, what in the dam can i do when he is my husband and i need good sex and affection, please help me please with some wisdom.......
A. 27 May 2007: Forget about the sex for a minute and look at your whole marriage - it looks like your heading for widowhood if he is drinking that much. There are lots of medical aids for impotence but these work on men with medical conditions. Your husband has an ... (read in full...)
My Nan is living with us and it's creating a lot of family problems! Any advice?
Q. My nan has moved in with my mum and dad. They already have 6 People in a 3 bedroom house and my nan is now staying. This wast a problem at first, but now i feel i cant have a life. if i go out with my friends she wants me home before everyone else ...
A. 27 May 2007: You are entitled to a life of your own but you also need to be sympathetic to her - she may dwell on the bereavement when she is alone. She needs community contacts so she is not dependent on you and your relatives so much. Why don't you take her ... (read in full...)
Help..I'm pregnant. What can I do?
Q. ok so i've asked alot of ? about me and my bf about french kissing, sex, etc. but i didn't listen to anybody cuz I'M PREGNANT!!! i ain't told my mom cuz she'll litterally kill me well when i went to wal-mart i found and took a pregnant test thing, ...
A. 27 May 2007: I don't judge your mistake but if you were old enough to be making babies, then you are old enough to take a deep breath and tell your parents. That won't be an easy conversation as I can imagine any parent being shocked at their young daughter ... (read in full...)
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