A
female
age
30-35,
*kweek
writes:So I'm 16 and a few years ago my brother would do....stuff to me at night when he thought I was sleep, and it kept going on because I didn't know what to do. He would make me give him handjobs and blowjobs and he would finger me and stuff. during the day he would put his hands in my shirt and play with my boobs...i didn't know how to tell him to stop so it kept going on. After a while I started to like it though and I would purposely tease him and stuff, and sit on his lap...just so he could play with my boobs I never wanted him to do the stuff he did to me during the night though...what do you make of this? I even developed feelings for him. After my other brother told me that he knew he was fingering me and he thought he was just gaging me to see if he could fit I kind of looked forward to it...Is this REALLY SUPER wrong?
View related questions:
blow-job, boobs, fingering, hand-job Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Cna I just say that I'm quite disgusted with all the comments saying that it's your fault. I know I'm slightly late...sorry...considering this was done in 2007. Just wanted to say that exactly the same thing happened to me. I'd like everyone to consider that, when it's your brother, how do you tell him to stop? hmm? You still love him as a brother and you don't want to hurt him. Plus, you're a horny teenage who gets turned on by anything. Oh, don't lie, we've all been there!
It's very hard to tell parents too...and I certainly wouldn't dream of it because they would look on it as being partly my fault. Remember it isn't your fault and it was sexual abuse. Don't let people look down on you for that.
Good luck, I can empathise.
Hugs and kisses,
x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): ofcourse it is super duper wrong... you are in an incest relationship which neither of the religions allow..
But one cannot change his/her past.. so the things done are already done! tell your brother that this wont be continued, and if you dare to continue this i would tell mom and dad i swear. Then live a happy life :-)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): Now I'm going to go against the grain here, and say that "wrong and right" are all very arguementative, and there's no absoloutes in all this... all in all, you're amazingly lucky if you actually did become alright with what was going on and have grown to be a well-rounded individual.
Reguardless of how it it became alright for you, he was very wrong to start it in the first place, and there's no way in Hell I'd let him have custody if you're in any way afraid he might do the same to your child, which I'd say is a very reasonable fear, I'd do something similar to what one other person suggested... Tell him you don't hold what he did to you against him, reguarding you, but if he thinks for a moment that he's going to get custody of your girl, you'll be the first to tell law enforcement about what happened, to make sure there's no way he could ever get custody.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): You probably need to see a therapist to recover from the abuse. Is the problem that you still have feelings for your brother, or that you still want to have sex with him? You said that you now know that the abuse affected you. How has this manifested itself?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): Your other brther's reaction to your abuse is extremely sick. He said that he knew your older brother was 'fingering' you and yet did nothing. How did he know? Why did he do nothing? If he noticed, why did your parents never notice anything? You were 11, your brother 5 years older, He is a peadophile and what he did to you is completely and utterly wrong on every single level. There is no excuse, he was 16 years old, not 10. He knew very well that what he was doing was awful to put you through. Your reaction to his sexual abuse is quite common amongst young victims and is called 'coercive persuasion'. It is a technique used by people who 'groom' children very subtly. You reacted to him in this way because you associated his actions with love and attention. You cannot allow him to have access to this child knowing what you do. If you do not act on the information you have, then you will be partly responsible for any suffering the child has. I really feel for you - my heart goes out to you. How difficult this must be for you. You can't 'keep an eye' on the situation because you will rarely see it. People who abuse children are extremely clever at hiding and manipulating the truth, so I really don't think this is an option. You can always make an anonymous phone call if you don't feel able to put yourself through it. The authorities could then check the child's welfare and will be aware of the situation. They will know what to look out for and you don't have to give any information about yourself to them if you don't want to. Remember, a child cannot defend themselves and it's down to us to protect them from any foreseen abuse XX
...............................
A
male
reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (27 October 2007):
 Awwh.
I misunderstood. (*Smacks self*)
You see, I would not trust him either. Is there some way of letting some other person look after your niece? If not, you should call in every now and then to check on her.
...............................
A
female
reader, icecreamsandwiches  +, writes (27 October 2007):
Yeah hon, I wouldn't trust him with your niece if I were you. If he was behaving that way with his sister chances are he may well behave the same way with this child. He might not, but is it worth taking the chance? I don't know if you communicate with your brother but if you do maybe you should confront your brother, or at least sit down and have a talk with him and tell him that you realise now that all those things the two of you did are wrong and shouldn't have happened and should never happen again with another child. Tell him what you've said here. That you thought it hadn't affected you but now you're older, it's affecting you now and you know it was wrong (and very, very illegal!) I'd also let some authorities know, I don't know which agencies in your area deal with child protection, but I'd notify them just in case. I mean, he might be completely harmless now, but you just never know.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 October 2007):
 It does affect you. People who say, "don't worry it doesn't affect me", it came at you like a time bomb just went off, didn't it.
Let me explain to you what happens. It affected you then, but then it was a small pea size affect. As long as you don't take care of it, the affect grows bigger and bigger until it's peaked its way out of your subconscious into your conscious state of mind.
What I would do, and this is going to sound harsh, but when it comes to children, I would literally build a brick wall in between him and a child.
Let him know, in a nice tone, I urge you to drop your custody suite. After what you did to me, you can't be trusted having her, If you think your still interested in fighting custody, I'm sure the judge wouldn't mind having all the evidence to make his decision.
...............................
A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (25 October 2007):
 why don't you keep an eye on him and see how he looks at her :if it is the same way he used to look at you...
warn his fiacne and tell him what you're thinking of!that your niece might be in dangour .... good luck:S
...............................
A
female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (25 October 2007):
 You are taking the advice provided to you as criticism. If there's no more problem, then why are you asking how to handle something that has happened in the past? He no longer lives with you; does that mean it doesn't occur anymore?
If it has affected you, you need to seek professional help. If you don't have health insurance, there are plenty of clinics that can work with your finances.
And you need to tell your future sister in law about his behavior, because if he's willing to child molest his own sister, then I don't even want to think about what he'll do to his own daughter. I'll be honest, my cousin is a child molester and the best thing that ever happened was when his son was taken off of him and he went to jail with the rest of the scum like him. His son now suffers severe mental illness and has serious social problems. Really, you need to speak up.
...............................
A
female
reader, Skweek +, writes (25 October 2007):
Skweek is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok I don't know how to update on my own question if I can't but there seem to be some misunderstandings here. I was 11 when this happened I was just developing and my brother is 5 years older than me, I didn't know how to tell him to stop. I would smack his hands and tell to stop when it first started...then I started to like it, and it's no longer going on. He's 21 and moved out and has a fiance. My mom knows as well. So all in all only 4 people know, I told her I wasn't affected by it and at the time I didn't think I was but I know I am now. I didn't post this question to be criticized. My brother is trying to get full custody over my 1yr old niece and I don't trust him anymore. So Don't criticize me just give me advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 October 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
You're not stupid, your not screwed up, you've just been seriously damaged by someone you trust. Your brother violated that trust and I'm so sorry for that. No wonder you're into it now, you don't know any better. You think this is okay, but it's really, really not and years from now this is going to haunt you.
I hope you can find it in you to tell your parents or the police or a relative or a teacher. A good first step was telling us... now tell someone who can help you and DO SOMETHING.
You need to tell your brother to lay off, and you especially need to stop teasing him.
Find help. Now. Don't mess up the rest of your life... give yourself a chance.
xxIndia
...............................
A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 I have a few concerns over this.
Your behaviour during the day basically told him it was ok to behave in the manner that he was.
If you really wanted him to stop, all it would take is a swift bite and it would be over completely.
Also, you saying you've developed feelings for him seems like you're suffering from the early stages of stockholm syndrome, and you really need to have this addressed.
You need to learn how to say no now, early in your life, otherwise you leave yourself wide open for untold horrors later in life
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (24 October 2007):
 Your brother is a sex offender and you are a victim of incest who has developed a distorted view of relationships and sexual boundaries because of what has happened. You both need specialist help to allow you to develop into a normal adults experiencing healthy relationships. Your brother needs specialist help too because he is at risk of repeat offending with other females. You know this is super wrong because you posted here - now you need to tell your parents and get professional help.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): You bet it's SUPER WRONG !!! This type of behaviour is disgusting, you let him. You could find a guy out there if you want to be fingered and what it is that you do. In this day and age I am so suprised that you do not know that this is wrong. You need to stop this, or you are going to regret it later on in life. These things will come back to haunt you big time. Maybe you both might need some professional help if you thinkk that you cannot stop this.This is soooooo wrong in the sight of God. Would like your kids ( when you do have them ) to be having sex together ?Again to answer you question, this is outrageously, disgustingly, WRONG.
...............................
A
female
reader, Zexion_fan +, writes (24 October 2007):
And you actually LET him keep doing it?
Geez and I thought I had problems.
Either your just making this up for attention or your brother is a serious rapest/pedophile pervert who needs to be told off and be punished by law.
if he did it at first without ur approval thats classified as molesting a minor
Tell your parents immediatly!It may not be easy and u may think you lost you 'pleasure' but you be able to do that with a boyfriend or husband..
What if you got pregnant?hm?Your child would be born with a 85.93% chance born retarded,missing limbs, and seviourly deformed!And even premature.
Think about it?Is that how you want your first born to be born like and the way how?from getting pleasured from your brother?
It sounds to me this has already gotten out of hands and needs to go to the proper authoritys.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): From the way that your post is written you seem to be very unsure as to why this shouldnt of happened to you. Almost as if you have come to terms with it and accepted your brothers behaviour.You were sexually abused by your brother - it is a crime.I think that you need to ensure that he is punished too. You are obviously confused by the whole situation and you said that you started to have feelings for him and even began to enjoy what he was doing. These feelings arent real. If a person is subject to certain behaviour for a period of time then then they become okay with it because they are conditioned to think that it is ok and that there is nothing that they can do about it anyway.Please get yourself checked by a doctor and report your brother to the police.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lila +, writes (24 October 2007):
 It is really wrong. It made my stomache turn, I'm surprised yours didn't, knock it off. Perhaps you should speak to a doctor,you seem really confused.
...............................
A
male
reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (24 October 2007):
Holly shit girl!
You are in trouble, you let it happen too long. Now that you like it, it is going to be hard to stop. Do NOT give that pig what he wants. He wants you to want him to do that shit to you. Do you really want this to turn into something nasty? Think of it, the boy that got his sister pregnant, and she liked it. What kind of thinking is that? Make him stop, tell your parents about it. Then find someone you are not related to, to play with your boobs, if that is what you like. Just end that right now. That is very wrong, and should stop immediately.
...............................
A
male
reader, Superdave67 +, writes (24 October 2007):
When you are sexual with someone, it can be fun and it is quite easy to develop "feelings" for someone, no matter who it is. That being said, your brother's behavior is 100% wrong. Sexual desire can be very strong, but there is a right way and a wrong way to act on it, and a right and wrong person. You are absolutely NOT the right person for your brother to be doing this with, and visa/versa. If you have found that you like being sexual, find a partner outside of your family. The reprocussions from you and your brother's behavior can be devestating emotionally later on. The sooner you stop this and get him and possibly you some help the better.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 October 2007):
Yes this is really super wrong. You need to put an end to this behavior. Your brother is wrong for treating you this way. It shows absolutely no respect.
...............................
A
female
reader, desirewhitefire +, writes (24 October 2007):
You don't seem like a bright girl, if you allowed this to go on like it did. Whatever it is, it's disgusting and perverted. Both of you need to go into therapy.
And how can you have slept though your brother forcing you to give him oral? I think you're either leaving something or your exaggerating.
...............................
|
