A
female
age
36-40,
*solated
writes:Im now 7 months pregnant, my boyfriend has become more distant as the pregnancy has progressed. I have tried absoloutely everything to 'fix things' from being as attentive as possible to accepting all the crap he puts me through (arranging to meet other women, not spending time with me etc..) and still he wasnt content. He stopeed talking to me, having sex with me and showing any signs of affection. I tried to talk things out with him but he simply said he wanted a break to start doing things for himself because he feels that ' i do everything for him'. I asked if he could not just do that whilst being with me and id give him space but hes determined that he wants to leave and hopefully 'in the future we can sort things out'. I dont know how to deal with this, right now i need him there im 9 weeks away from having his baby. He has made me feel unloved, used and worthless. Im am determined not to contact him or beg but i feel so alone and hurt. Should i give him the break and try to reconcile when hes ready? or should i just get on with my life without him despite how much it hurts?
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female
reader, traviesagemini  +, writes (14 August 2009):
I'm in the same situation you were, Im 18 weeks pregnant now. I was curious to know how everything turned out. Did the baby's dad come around once the baby was born??
The best of luck to you!
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (17 April 2008):
 I hope it's all OK, hope it has worked out for you and the baby. He was being an idiot - he's not the only one. You won't feel so alone now you have the baby, whatever has happened, I think. It's so scary facing birth without the security of the father being there - I know - been there - but when you have the baby in your arms, it all feels worth it, and it can never be as lonely again.
I have the same advice for you as for myself: you need a guy who truly loves you. But it's hard advice to follow: I know I am at a loss myself, in my life. At a complete loss. So I am just focusing on my 2-week-old baby and thanking my stars for her, and for my son, now 12. They are solid, and there's no question of how much we love each other. I think I've had it with men. Either I don't love them, or they don't love me. I've had enough. I ache all over for someone to be genuinely kind to me. : (
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Hi. Because I'm not logged in, I'll be classified as being anonymous, but my name is Christine and I am also 7 months pregnant with my 2nd baby. Your story about your boyfriend is really sad! What a sore exscuse for a boyfriend! I so wouldn't put up with that and I would leave!! Go stay with your mom if possible. My boyfriend is the complete opposite from yours. Get away from him, he sounds horrible!! And he's arranging to meet other women?! Get rid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): It's 2008 and I know that probably no one checks this blog or anything. But I feel compelled to write something. This is the internet and sometimes things don't feel real. But the woman who wrote this question is a real person who had real pain. And I feel for you.
What it sounds like is that he doesn't necessarily know how to love or to respect. He's also young and found himself in a situation he might not feel equipped to handle. And to be honest, the kind of man I want for you is not the perfect one. But the guy he sees your beauty and your ugliness too and can love the whole package. A guy who wants the best for both of you; someone who really want to be there for you. Someone who wants to be the best daddy he can be etc.
I want a guy who will step up to this job. Even if he's not ready. He's ready to be a man. Anyway, it sounds like this particular guy is very selfish. Instead of doing the best for you and preparing for fatherhood he's decided to be a deadbeat and runaway. And I don't know how your story goes. Maybe you had your sweet baby and your man was there and been there ever since. Maybe he figured it out. If so, I wish the best to you.
If not, then ya know what. I love you. I know that doesn't mean shit. But hell, I care and completely hope that you and your baby have great lives and great adventures and great loves. Anyway...wishing you all the best. I hope things go well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): i also have 9weeks to go, my husband left after a months marriage just over 3months ago. You cant change how he feels, maybe when your child is born it may make him feel different.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): My dear girl, I am so sorry you are having to feel this awful pain.It is very hard to answer your question as you are in a situation that leaves you vulnerable and frightenened, so taking the moral highground is hard.I would do what is right for you right now - so if you don't have friends and family that can support you now, then I would contact him but don't kid yourself that he has the answers that will take away the hurt - as he is the one that inflicted all of this on you in the first place.Take care x
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (20 October 2007):
 hi Isolated
I dont care if he is at uni, he is what known in some circle as a dirty lousy, stinking woman chasing, mother and baby deserter,what a scum bag, how dare he leave you when your carrying his seven month child, and messing with other woman, what a jerk,he is the type of bloke i hope you will never let in your life again, when baby is born go to C.S.A. and get every Quid you can get out of him, he is the lowest person on the planet,i hope you dont let him have access to your new born, but i do hope that you and your baby are in good health and when baby is born that you will enjoy every second of every day bringing your baby up,best wishes to you both.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): If he is able to leave you when you are so close to having his baby, you don't want him to be the person you depend on for the next 18+ years raising that child. If he can do this to you, he is not the man you thought he was, and therefore, he is not the man you chose to be with. I am so sorry this has happened but let him go with no thought of getting back together. Stand up for yourself. You deserve better than this and so does your kid! Soon, you will be a mother, and all those things you thought were important won't matter anymore. You will be fine, better actually, without him. It is hard and it will hurt because if it didn't you wouldn't be real. I know you feel unloved, but in a little while, there will be more love in your life than you ever imagined there could be.
Never consider taking this man back. If he wants a break from you when you are 7 months pregnant, he doesn't deserve you, and he never will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007): dont worry babe. you dont need him if he makes you feel like this. once he has got to grips with being a dad, and grown up a bit it will be fine. you are going to have a beautiful baby. what else matters?
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female
reader, isolated +, writes (20 October 2007):
isolated is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I work and am a full time law student. He doesnt work i financially support hima and have for the majority of the relationship. We have lived together for the last year. He says he cant make time for what i need out of the relationship because he has issues of his own eg ( he is in his final year of uni). He is 25 i am 22. We have been together for two years. Basically i have caught him out trying to cheat on me and he has been staying out nights on end with his friends when he is home is friends are with him. I have given him numerous chances to change just a little and to spend some time with me but now he says hes tried to change but he cant....?
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 October 2007):
 I am also 7 months pregnant at the moment and know it is an emotional time. I suggest you let him go to figure out what he wants from life, relationships and you in particular. Ultimately you cannot control him or how he feels and it may feel very lonely at the moment but you have to remember in a few weeks time you will have a baby who will love you unconditionally. If he comes back don't welcome him back with open arms as that will be a license for him to treat you badly - set up your rules and expectations not only for you but also the benefit of your baby. Just because he quits the relationship doesn't mean he quits his fatherly responsibilities however. You should seek advice on maintenance from a welfare agency.
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A
male
reader, Checkup Man +, writes (20 October 2007):
 I think you should forget this selfish lump for the time being and think about YOU! I feel so strongly about your welfare that I would even be prepared to be with you during childbirth and give you the support, strength and LOVE that you need right now!
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