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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Help..I'm pregnant. What can I do?
Q. ok so i've asked alot of ? about me and my bf about french kissing, sex, etc. but i didn't listen to anybody cuz I'M PREGNANT!!! i ain't told my mom cuz she'll litterally kill me well when i went to wal-mart i found and took a pregnant test thing, ...
A. 27 May 2007: I don't judge your mistake but if you were old enough to be making babies, then you are old enough to take a deep breath and tell your parents. That won't be an easy conversation as I can imagine any parent being shocked at their young daughter ... (read in full...)
He's mean to me and he calls me names! I like him though-does he like me?
Q. i dont know how to get this relli nice guy?? theres this guy i realli like but i dunt no if hes interested in me....sometimes i catch him looking at me but i cant reli tell if he does or not??....he can be really mean to me and callz mi names b...
A. 27 May 2007: You like him because you are at that age when you begin to look at boys in a different way (puberty is a strange thing). He may call you names because he doesn't know another way to relate to girls but he doesn't deserve the label 'really nice' at ... (read in full...)
Jealousy, physical fights...will he ever change?
Q. I,ve recently split with my partner again for the 4th time. I gave up my job and friends 4 him he promised he change, we've had loads of physical fights cause of his jealousy now he's promising yet again he change. I've heared it all b4 but this ...
A. 27 May 2007: Domestic violence perpetrators (that is verbal abusers as much as physical) always say they will change but unfortunately very few can without professional help. His intentions maybe genuine in his head at this time but you know from past experience ... (read in full...)
He flirted and texted girls who disliked me...just for an ego boost! How do I ever trust him again?
Q. Hi I really appreciate any advice. i found out a few months ago that my boyfriend had been talking to girls from early on in our relationship. he had even arranged to have sex but had changed his mind. I found some of these texts and confronted him. ...
A. 27 May 2007: I wouldn't trust the guy either! I don't think there is much difference between the opportunity to cheat (i.e. having sex) and the intention to cheat (i.e. texting) in his case. Are you sure this guy is worthy of your attentions?... (read in full...)
I feel used! Had sex with me but wants to date other females! what's wrong with me?
Q. i have slept with one of my mates from uni four times and have fallen for him. i thought he liked me because all the signs were there but he kissed someone infront of me the other night and keeps saying things like "i could shag her" (about other ...
A. 27 May 2007: Nothing wrong with you...plenty wrong with him. He doesn't care about you and there is no respect. You are a friend+benefits without any real friendship. You cannot change him or make him like you in the way you would hope for. However, you can ... (read in full...)
I'm 14, pregnant, beaten and kicked out of home by my mom!
Q. hey, i have a real problem.. im just 14 and i was with this guy for a year then i found out i was pregnant and after 3weeks i told him, he dumped me and said he hated me, 2months later i told my parents, my mom kicked me out so i live with my dad ...
A. 26 May 2007: Good grief! What a mess. You can put an end to the harrassment and violence but it means you have to tell an adult - preferably your father. There is a communications act in the UK which means it is an offence to threaten or menace someone by phone ... (read in full...)
Neighbor is wanting to call the police as his kid looked in our window, and saw us having sex! I think you should be able to do what you want in your own home! Any views?
Q. My neighbour has threatened to call the police as his 11 year old son saw my partner and I having sex in our living room. he also says it is illegal to walk around naked. The boy must have been in our back garden looking in the window so surley h...
A. 26 May 2007: You are not guilty of a public order offence because you weren't running around your garden naked. You should just laugh it off and suggest to your neighbour that his boy watch the discovery channel for a more gentle introduction to the birds and ... (read in full...)
Is my female teacher coming on to me?
Q. Hey, I need some advice about this teacher at my school. Well the thing is am a girl myself and the teacher is also a girl, the thing is that I think she fancies me but Im not sure, she isn't my teacher but I do talk to her now and again and we...
A. 26 May 2007: In the UK it is illegal for teachers to start relationships with their pupils or to try that sort of thing. It becomes a child protection matter if she physically pursues you. It does happen - people think of the male teacher/ female pupil scenerio, ... (read in full...)
Is this legal?
Q. I seperated from my Internet lover after 7 years because he told me that he has 2 Korean wives of which he married in Korea then brought them back to uk to live, Is this legal?...
A. 26 May 2007: Within the UK, polygamy is illegal but the home office will allow people to stay with a visa as long as only one of the partners is identified as 'the wife'. As the marriage took place outside the UK then I doubt the legal authorities would pursue ... (read in full...)
I get angry when he looks at other female forms! What should I do?
Q. hey im 16 and i have a boyfriend of 5 months. and we went to the beach 2day with loads of people nd girls in bikini's and stuff. and he kept looking at other girls boobs and legs and stuff. this drives me crazy and i just wanna shout to him and...
A. 26 May 2007: 1. Ask him to stop looking - it is difficult for 16 year old boys with raging hormones to even know they are doing it and everyone else can see them staring. Tell him you find it disrespectful and it makes him look like a plank.
2. Start chec... (read in full...)
I think this policeman I like knows how I feel. What do I do next time I see him?
Q. i really like a cop and the other day my daughter and career day at school she only 11 years old ,te cop that i like his partner was there at the school and my daughter talked to the cop and told him to tell the cop i like hi for us. i was ...
A. 26 May 2007: Life is short, very short...you either take a deep breath followed by asking him out for drink to discuss his very interesting career...or you walk away and forever wonder what if?... (read in full...)
He stole naked pics of this other guy's wife...off their computer! Is this really creepy or what?
Q. I need advice. My husband and I have always had a strong loving, trusting relationship. We have been married 4 years and we a have a wonderful two year old daughter. We are both highly successful working professionals. We have very close friends ...
A. 26 May 2007: You started your posting identifying your marriage as strong and trusting...then go on to say you looked at his email. They do say that if you listen secretly then you hear nothing good of yourself...it is a similar analogy here. He may not have ... (read in full...)
He found a new gf after first giving me an STI ...so why can't I get over him after all this?
Q. Hiya everyone ive got a really embarrasing problem but the thing is it hurts too n just wanted some help plz!! well the thing is i was seeing this lad 4 bout 3 months n we got on really well. we both liked the same music n had a really gud laugh but ...
A. 26 May 2007: Time to let your head rule your head, not your heart...he didnt mean 'lets be mates', it was just a line to let you down gently. Nor would that work really since you still have some passion for the guy and the relationship ending was hardly mutual? ... (read in full...)
I really think she is interested in my husband! What's my next move?
Q. I am struggling with this girl, who lives on the same street as we do (my husband and I) and since there jas been a no smoking ban in public bars and restaurants, we hang out at home. I am usually inside but since it has been considerably warm in ...
A. 26 May 2007: Cocaine can make someone very over-excited (sexually and otherwise). I wouldn't worry about this girl too much - it sounds like she is a bit strange but harmless to you really if you trust your husband. It doesn't matter if she turns up at your ... (read in full...)
Found a small painful lump on my armpit. What could it be?
Q. hi ive recently been having a pain under my arm that started like 2 days ago and ive just found a lump in my armpit. its small but painful if i press it. what could this be? i cant get a doctors appointment before i go on holiday in 2 days time and ...
A. 26 May 2007: It could be a whole host of innocent and not-so-innocent problems. You have lymph glands in your armpits that swell when you are unwell or have an infection. You can pop into A&E before your holiday or request an emergency appt. with your GP. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be addicted to another human being??
Q. can anyone help me please? I have been in love with my ex-husband since I was 15 (I am now 39). We had many break-ups due to his violence and alcoholism. I am now separated from him a year and a half but he still goes through my mind every single d...
A. 24 May 2007: It is possible to be addicted to anything, but in the case of your ex it is normal to still think of him...your marriage may have been centred around emotional dependency. Victims of domestic violence often say that their partners tried to take away ... (read in full...)
Has he dumped me?
Q. Hi all, I have been in a romantic affair with a lovely man for 9 months. He was the one doing all the running, and gave me a lot. I never gave him the pleasure of an answer as to how serious we were, and he kept asking me whether I would marry hi...
A. 24 May 2007: I think you should dump him, or mutually dump each other. Not for nasty reasons but because it is obviously you are both fundamentally incapable of holding down a relationship that doesn't cycle around fights followed by apologies followed by more ... (read in full...)
Does anyone know how much a pregnancy blood test costs?
Q. hi i was just wondering if anybody knows how much a pregnancy blood test costs? please let me know asap...
A. 24 May 2007: Urine tests are far cheaper and have a very good rate of accuracy (most tests are 99%+sensitive for the pregnancy hormone after you have missed your first period). You can pick one of those kits up at any chemist and some supermarkets. Most doctors ... (read in full...)
How do I best deal with my bikini-line?
Q. I have a secret shame...body hair. I have olive skin and long dark hair that grows really fast - great on your head.. not so great on your bikini line. I don't know what the best way is to handle this problem. I've tried shaving, hair removal cream ...
A. 18 May 2007: Laser hair removal is probably the most effective method available and it is not too expensive. I had a course of treatment last year and it works best on dark hairs. I will warn you that it hurts though - a bit like minor electrical shocks but once ... (read in full...)
Am I considered a slut if I gave one guy a blow-job and kissed another who has a girlfriend, both in the same week?
Q. I am so confused!! In the last week i gave a guy a blow job and made out with another guy who has a girlfriend! I dont really try these things but i like both of these guys and they came on to me. Would i be considered a slut?...
A. 18 May 2007: I don't think it matters what other people think...how do you feel about it? As long as you are comfortable with it then it doesn't matter what people call you.... (read in full...)
Been in a one and a half year exclusive relationship... but never met
Q. what should i make of this?I am in an understanding with this guy i have met online one and half years ago and tho we have not met in person yet,cos i live in asia and he in the US,(we have plans to meet this year)we had an understanding to be ...
A. 18 May 2007: 'there are plenty of men out there, you dont need me'...I would take his advice...no really, the man is doing you a major favour. Internet relationships risk turning into a disaster because you don't really know the person and you are allowed to ... (read in full...)
His ultimatum: move in or break up... but he's still married!!
Q. I am 33 and my boyfriend is 39. He is in the process of a divorce (she won't sign the papers, and his attorney filed for a motion...) and he has 3 kids 15, 12, and 9. He wants me to move in, we are not engaged, tho he wants to marry me. He live 45 ...
A. 17 May 2007: You have only been together for a year and already he is laying down the demands...move in or move on...sounds like someone with a very inflexible, immature personality to me. He is clearly not mr perfect as he already has one failed marriage ... (read in full...)
If they split up she will tak the baby to cyprus, and if he stays she will get him further into debt. What advice should I give my friend?
Q. hey guys. i've asked for a fair amount of advise on here but this one is not for me. i have a friend who's girlfriend is very deceitful. she has stolen £700 from him, and got him into alot of debt. now normally people would say leave her, which...
A. 17 May 2007: Since she cannot be trusted around money, he should shut down any joint credit cards and bank accounts and maintain absolute control over his own finances. If he decides to leave her then he can take legal advice before he goes - citizens advice ... (read in full...)
he took his babie's mom to cedar point in my 25,ooo dollar car right after he slept with me,
Q. i understand that a man needs to talk to his kids but my husband and i have not even been together 4 a year but in that time he managed to break me down he does stupid things like he took his babie's mom to cedar point in my 25,ooo dollar car right ...
A. 17 May 2007: You know what to do...talk to him, explain your terms for the relationship and if he doesn't stick to them leave him. Otherwise you end up being the doormat where he can do whatever he likes in full knowledge that you will be there for him at the ... (read in full...)
Why do people turn their noses up at me just because I take pride in my self.
Q. Why do people turn their noses up at me just because I take pride in my self. like everyone i wash twice daily and i wash my hands all the time. i get up at 6 on a morning have a shower, dry, dry my hair, straighten my hair, do my make up, get ...
A. 17 May 2007: I think you need to chill out about your appearance (and frankly that is tricky at your age). Some people take extra care in their outer appearance because they are not feeling overly-confident on the inside. I personally roll into work in an ... (read in full...)
He is a drug-user and we don't see each other any more. Do I need to tell him about the baby?
Q. Recently I met a man on the internet and he seemed like everything I wanted in someone, however the first time he called me he was drunk (and driving), I know this is not a good start. However he called me 3 days afterwards and was sober and nice ...
A. 16 May 2007: This is very tricky. I think you ought to tell him. The guy seems a mess anyway and he may not bother you since I am sure he won't want the child support bill interfering with his expensive habit. I think you need to give yourself a slapped hand for ... (read in full...)
can you get pregnant from giving a blow job?
Q. hi there i was wondering if you were to give a guy a blow-job and he cums is there a possible chance that you can get pregnant?i need answers asap!!!!!thankyou:)...
A. 16 May 2007: No. Stomach acid would take care of anything you swallowed!
But it is technically possible to acquire sexually transmitted diseases this way. However, messing about at the other end of operations without protection can lead to pregnancy (even with... (read in full...)
His Mother found out my age and told her son to dump me! What can I do?
Q. hi, ive got a big problem with my bf. Me and my bf have 3 years difference (i am 13 he is 16) we have already talked about sex and made sure we have eachothers trust neither of us are going to take advantage. But his mum has found out my age and h...
A. 16 May 2007: Although upsetting for you both, his mother is a wise owl trying to protect her son's best interests. She thinks legally it is a taboo matter and she is worried about you pair getting into something too serious too soon. In a couple of years he will ... (read in full...)
He used a fake girlfriend as an excuse to break up with me. How can I get over him?
Q. Im 15 and seriousy deeply deeply in love!!! iv known this boy for a while now and fell for him the first day i saw him! we swapped numbers and have been in contact ever since! i told him how i felt and he told me he felt the same. we hadn't spoke 4 ...
A. 16 May 2007: You may think you 'love' him but it is a real mixed bag of emotions. You have a few life lessons to learn here:
1. Teenage boys will tell you anything to get you into bed - they are very preoccupied with sex and being able to tell their mates th... (read in full...)
What can I do to earn some money???
Q. i want to buy new clothes because my wardrobe isnt up to date, and im not a snobby person, i just like to look pretty. but i never have any money! and i dont no how to earn it. i cant work because i go to saturday school and on a sunday i do cors...
A. 16 May 2007: Under UK law you are entitled to work a certain number of hours per week under the age of 16. If you don't have much time then you should become a young entrepreneur. I had jobs since the age of 10 - papergirl, cleaning and minor clerical tasks that ... (read in full...)
How do I get this guy to stop stalking me?
Q. Right, here's the deal. A taken guy who's been going out with his gf for 8 months has not stopped texting me since we first met. Also, on MSN, he doesn't stop talkin to me. She knows and she's angry. If I have to text him back, it's one word ans...
A. 16 May 2007: You can easily block him on your MSN messenger. As for your phone, most networks allow you to block numbers (I had a stalker problem a few years back and called BT and my mobile provider who sorted it out). In fact, annoying messages and phone calls ... (read in full...)
Is hairdresser a good carreer if I want to meet boys?
Q. hi. i want to be a hairdresser but i cant decide whether to do an apprenticeship or not. because if i just go and work in a salon and go to college once a week training to be a hairdresser then i wouldnt meet many new people. i haven't got a ...
A. 16 May 2007: I work in a science job because I like what I do, but I never had any expectations that my job would bring opportunities with men. It didn't and I met my husband (and all ex's) through social occasions. If you like hairdressing, just do it! You ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my friend she doesn't sing well? And will my bf dump me for not wanting to have sex with him?
Q. hi im 15. me and my boyfriend have been together now for 3 months. he has just left schooland he is 16. he has mentioned sex a few times but i have kept sayin i am too young and i want to wait. he just says ok but if i do not have sex with him will ...
A. 15 May 2007: It is a sure test of a relationship if you say no and he stays with you anyway. If he walks away you shouldn't feel bad as it would be his loss and definitely not yours! After all if sex is all he is interested in then surely he is not worthy??? As ... (read in full...)
Are people constantly judging me?
Q. I feel being constantly looked at by other people or being judged by them for any imperfections in my physical appearance or behavior, based on which they try to judge my morality or dignity as a human being. Are these things really related? ...
A. 15 May 2007: Maybe people judge you, maybe not...the point is how you feel about that. If you feel ok about being you then what other people think should really not matter. It is ok to take opinions from other people as long as they are constructive, but it is ... (read in full...)
How do I choose between my two boyfriends?
Q. i love 2 guys as much as the other,i know i cant carry on like this but i don't want to be on my own either,i know it isn't fair on any ov them or myself. they both know about each other and i feel suffocated as they both want 2 be with me, i love ...
A. 15 May 2007: The answer is very simple - if you cannot decide instantly between them then neither is really suitable so why sell yourself short by settling for half measures? The stronger thing to do is to be single for a while, work out what you like without ... (read in full...)
Does my attentive teacher fancy me?
Q. I have a bit of a problem I just want to know if my teacher likes me, one of my best friends, I told her everything about this situation and she definitely thinks he does. She can tell because he's always teasing me, saying my name a lot, trea...
A. 15 May 2007: Leave well alone. He shouldn't know where you live and your mobile number as he is a profession who is employed for the purpose of educating you. If he really does fancy you and wishes to pursue a relationship then he truely is a sad loser for so ... (read in full...)
since he found out about my religion he's ignoring me
Q. their is this guy i met through a friend, he was very cute, and i instantly had a crush on him. i was suppose to write a article on something he was working for. so he contacted me and i went there. after that we started messaging each other. and we ...
A. 11 May 2007: Unfortunately there is nothing you can do as you cannot control other people - I am not even sure it is about the religion here. Basically if someone is that rigid that they cannot see past one issue then there is no future in a ... (read in full...)
I'm getting married to my gf, but I'm madly in love with a coworker.
Q. I am getting married in less than 2 months to a girlfriend of 4 years, she has 3 kids from a previous relationship who I get along with well. The past year has been very rocky: we have argued quite alot over everything from sex to money, the ...
A. 11 May 2007: You are obviously miserable in this relationship and it is time to stop the wedding plans and think about what you really want - maybe a trial separation. Whatever the situation, I would not go ahead with the marriage when your relationship is ... (read in full...)
People see me as weird and I want to sort my life out! Any advice?
Q. Dear Everyone Before I begin, my sincere apologies go out for the length of this post; it just describes my many years of secret unhappiness, which I must let out! Basically I’m fourteen and very unhappy with myself, not physically but perso...
A. 11 May 2007: I think you are fiercely intelligent and self-perceptive. If your parents are truely as terrible as you describe, you need to take heart than in a few years you will be an adult capable of making your own choices. I don't think you need to sort ... (read in full...)
Why am I having trouble writing?
Q. whats wrong with me? im 20 and for the past year or so, when i write by hand, i miss out random words when im writing a sentence. also, when i write by hand, i mix words together and dont even realise, especially if the first word ends in the same ...
A. 11 May 2007: It could be dyslexia (a condition associated with reading/ writing difficulties) or dyspraxia (a condition affecting your motor control). Neither mean you are stupid in any way but if you get a diagnosis from an educational psychologist then it may ... (read in full...)
Now that I've left this drinking navy dropout, he's making my life miserable. Help?
Q. It's been pretty crazy for the past few months. My daughter's father and I have been going thru a child custody battle and I am emotionally strain from all this. My daughter's father decided to come to my place of employment announced and decided ...
A. 11 May 2007: I don't think you need help in the way he suggests - you have obviously been a very strong person who has made the right choice for your family. Frankly, you shouldn't analyse why your ex is the way he is - his verbal abuse was a form of domestic ... (read in full...)
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