A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:this is going to sound unbelievably arrogant but i assure you this is a genuine problem i have and i am genuinely asking for advice because it is really hard and upsetting me. i think i am too good looking. i know i am attractive, and guys ask for my number sometimes 10 or 20 times a day, im on myspace and i get up to 50 emails a day from guys saying "wow your so hot" blah blah blah. but its ruining my life!my boyfriend doesnt trust me because i get soooo much male attention he knows it would be very easy for me to cheat so he thinks i am when im not and i love him with all of my heart. girls absolutely HATE me! some of them have even started fights with me over nothing or because they think i am going to steal their boyfriends. someone even threw a drink over me in a pub last night because she heard her boyfriend tell his friend how hot he thought i was. i was sitting at the other end of the pub with my best friends just having fun and not even paying attention to anyone else never mind trying something with anyones boyfriend.nobody takes me seriously they think i must be an airhead or really stupid, and sometimes people can be horrible. i mean i just got an email from a random person i dont even know that said "i bet you're ugly on the inside". what the hell? thats just rude to say something like that to someone you dont even know the first thing about. im a nice girl. i know i am. i've never intentionally hurt anyone in my entire life and i have good morals and strong faith. i cant help the way i look, its DNA and not something i control! i dont think i deserve any of this treatment but i dont know what i can do about it? please help.
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female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (2 October 2007):
 Heeey!I must reply cause I want you to realize your looks is no reason for eg "most of the time i kind of try to keep my head down so i will be left alone and i just want to blend into the background when i go out but it never happens and i hate it".I'd NEVER think you're arrogant for posting that question cause I know people can be so jealous,mean and hatefull to people better than them in any way.But looks aren't everything.How old are you?My best advice would be not to give a shit about what people think and do what you want.Don't dress in a way you don't want to,show off if you feel like it,do whatever you think it's ok...Please don't let people be mean to you anymore,pay them back every time.Be proud of who you are and how you look and don't think "everyone" hates you cause it's not possible (it's wrong to asume all people are the same and you should know that).Envy is not the same feeling as the hate so if you notice someone feels that way about you ignore him and if someone violates you give it back to him/her.I think that in time you'll work it all out and find a way to act like you want+be accepted from the ones you want to be.Just don't bother too much.Luck;)
A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (30 September 2007):
 Be beutiful and intelligent , i must say is not easy for one!! No matter how that looks for others, People who are gifted in such way, i know have HUGE problem in society!
The problem i guess is not in you, But in the others who re in ur company.
I will just give my personal experience and opinion about this:
I have many attractive and hot friends, im attractive too, but must admitt not as beutiful as some of them. The point is yopu may take the positive side and negative. Some of them are really good friends to me,one actualy is my best friend and i dont mind nor im jelaous for her beuty..Simply ONEs that loves you will love you as u are, external beauty is just part of the whole one mature and intellegent man will take into account.But girl beuty as well as Man's wealth is threatening to people that are not satisfied with themselves, that do not have any values in life, that havent made any sense from their life and position in the world and mostly do not know WHAT THEY WANT! people who have closed hearts and minds, full of egocentric ambition, envy and selfishness!In short i call them OPORTUNISTIC kind of people! Guess u have a lot around ur envioroment! I have also and i know how u feel. But as i said exterior beuty is just one thing that adds up the WHOLE, i regard and see people as a WHOLe and my love my FRIEND as a whole too. I have met a beutiful women, and have them as company, never did any harm to them, but im not a close friend to them not becouse they re beutiful and can pose a threat, but becouse they were just as the same as The Opportunist GRoup, and plus thinking everybody hates them becouse of their buity (which was not true)!
so, if you know what you want, if your hearth and mind are enough open, you ll find and notice who re TRUE friends to you, and from whom you should stay away, to avoid any human stupid actions as are happening to you!
I would say dont take that negative side, that everybody hates you and will because you re beutiful, but take more positive side, be friendly and allow people to be friendly with you, only then you ll be satisfied... You dont want to be ragarded as just beutiful shallow person without friends or any of value dont you! Prejudice is one step towards it!
As far as ur BF is concearned, he should be Glad and happy that has ur attantion among all those around! Trustiness is something we BUild up not something that is given!
So what i will sugest is to be careful who re u befriending , but not to remain with that negative side taht everybody Hates you.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): Sorry to hear about it. The situation is sorta like a reverse-discrimination. It is real although it's not as common as the bias against ugly people.
My advice is to take the looks and make it work for you at least a little bit. So many people are limited from SO MANY things because they're concerned that it makes them look bad. Outdoor activities, acting/dancing/etc, wearing anything they want and being able to look at least decent without doing anything at all, getting dirty around others . . . stuff like that. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE how much this issue can often limit other people's whole lives.
Look up what Gwenyth Paltrow said about going around in public wearing a "fat suit" for a movie role one time. She was really shell-shocked at what a drastic difference it really made in how she was treated in every way.
Those suggestions don't really fix the issue, but it might help you fell like the looks are less of a liability sometimes. No matter what you say or think, I guarantee you that being gorgeous-looking is going to ultimately benefit you a lot more than it ever limits you. It may not seem like it sometimes, but trust me on that.
If you really don't try to look "dolled up" at all then it will at least reduce the issue some of the time. You're not "ugly-ing up" yourself, you're just refraining from maximizing the effects of it some of the time. That's about all you can do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone i was really nervous about posting this question in case people thought i was an arrogant arse lol.
i really dont do anything to try to get attention. like i said, im happy with my boyfriend so i dont do anything to get male attention - i dont need it and definitely dont want it - i dont wear revealing clothes, i dont even wear make up during the day. in fact today i was just wearing jeans a hoodie and a baseball cap, with my hair in a pony tail and no make up and still got a bunch of schoolgirls i've never seen before in my life calling me a slut!
i dont think i walk with an attitude, in fact most of the time i kind of try to keep my head down so i will be left alone and i just want to blend into the background when i go out but it never happens and i hate it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): Um. Well if it makes you feel any better, I used to have a friend who claimed she had the same problem. She said that everybody hated her and was jealous of her because she was so beautiful. And from an outside perspective, I always disagreed with her rationale that everybody hated her. In fact nobody that I knew hated her. Not at first anyways. So based on her looks absolutely nobody hated her. (When her true colors and her true personality came out that was a very different story).
But I get the impression your situation might be different. Right?? People just look at you and hate you. That has happened to me a couple of times. But usually it only happens at like sports bars or places where alot of drunken immature types of people hang out. Judgmental brute types. I stay away from those types of places because the class of people who go to those types of places are kind of low on the scale. They probably don't know any better and are probably the types of people who pick fights when they are drunk. They are jealous cause they have nothing going for them. I personally do not like that at all.
It sounds like you should change the places and the types of people you hang out with. When you hang out with people who are alot more INTELLIGENT and alot CLASSIER and have alot more going for them in their lives, you are not going to encounter this type of treatment too often if at all, no matter how good looking you are.
And use your beauty to your advantage. Maybe you could get into modeling or acting. Don't let it get you down. On the contrary! Take advantage of it.
I just want to add, that I am real pretty (ok I'm beautiful! :) and maybe this can inspire you. Most girls actually want to be my friends. Like being pretty has never taken away from my life. It has been a good thing actually. I always used my assets to my advantage and I have never been cocky. I moved to NYC and was in 3 movies. I modeled for my friends photography portfolio. I have met so many celebrities and dated musicians. It is all true. And I am very picky about where I go and who I hang out with. I hang out at places and with people who have alot going for them in their lives and who are classy and intelligent. They don't have time to be jealous. They could care less.
But don't stop being who you are. Maybe you need to rearrange a few things in your life, but you are beautiful and that is your asset. So learn to use it to your advantage and learn how to stay away from certain types of people who will put you down. BELIEVE ME they are just a minority. Knowing that should give you hope. There are plenty of places and people out there who will accept you with open arms. But remember that beauty isn't everything. You need to be intelligent and be a good friend and be cool and whatever. That is just as important.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): You must be giving of something! maybe you show of your body too much? wear revealing clothes? You might come across snobbish like other user posted, you may not know you are but you might! I feel for you, in this damn world men seem to think it's okay to wolf whistle all the time and bla bla.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (29 September 2007):
 I agree that extreme attractiveness can be an issue for people as much as the other extreme. This is a fast paced society these days and first impressions matter. Shallow as it may sound and although no one wants to own up to it...outer appearances matter..in terms of jobs, social status ect.
My niece is an actress in this country and she is gorgeous. When she visits she is embarressed and inconvenienced by the male attention she gets. She is unassuming and pleasant but it does not seem to make much of a difference...it is intrusive and tedious for her so I can relate to what you are saying.
She is intelligent and smart and focuses on these things but it is her looks that people notice...till they get to know her and then they see much more. Just work on being all you are. You will probably always be treated differently because of your looks but make who you are..your essence the thing that people remember.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): You seem like a very intelligent and warm hearted woman. Wow! I'm so curious about your looks now. Once I met this girl on college and later we became friends I found out she was nothing like what I expected her to be. I just looked at her once and judged her without even knowing her; just for her looks. I'm an attractive woman myself and I don't care about attractive women. But sometimes if I'm with someone I check if my guy is checking out the other women.
Dear, if you really want to do something about your looks and the way people perceive them just be humble about them. Not saying you are not but I've noticed how some attractive women (me included) like to explote their good looks by: Showing cleavage, wearing elaborate make-up, perfectly coordinated outfits, high heels wherever they go, etc. Those are things that scream: I know I'm beautiful, look at me!. I know you can't help being gorgeous but maybe you are sending the wrong message by accentuating too much on your beauty.
Maybe it has to do with the way you walk/carry yourself. I once had a friend in college and she showed me the way I walked and I couldn't believe it. It was like I was the queen of the world. Finally, I understood what so many people had told me before: they thought I was a complete snob and I had no clue why they thought that of me, when I considered myself to be a nice and humble person with everybody.
Try to focus in developing other aspects of your life and personality. Sometimes us, beautiful/spoiled people tend to feel so accepted by everyone that we forget to develop certain social skills. Maybe you think you are doing OK in so many areas but honey, no one is perfect. Maybe you have all these social traits developed but think: Do you let them shine as you let your looks shine?
Best Wishes!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 September 2007):
 You cannot help the way you look! I haven't had much luck with female friendships for similar reasons and nightclubs used to be a nightmare because of sleezy guys. However there are certain 'damage limitation' strategies that you can apply. Remove your photo from my space and other websites because if they cannot see what you look like then how can they hassle you? As for your boyfriend worrying about you cheating on him...well you can explain that you like being with him just the way he is and cannot control how other men choose to look at you. My husband used to start growling when we were out and other guys starting looking but I simply pointed out time and time again that they could look but not touch and he has cooled down now.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 September 2007):
 Unfortunately looks in society are a big issue. Look at Tv commercials. Bikini women for 28 seconds, then a beer can at the end. Come on, are they selling beer or prostituting women.
I'm sorry you're miserable. People can be ugly themselves when judging others. Beauty really does come from the inside, not the outside. What would help you out is to first have a talk with your boyfriend. Sit him down, answer to his concerns, and then you tell him yours. Get him to understand you are not going to cheat. In order to build yourself off this negative treatment, staying with your boyfriend, it's important to get him on the same page as you for support that it is with him being part of the problem. He's insecure. He's afraid of loosing you. It's not just you cheating, but the though of being assaulted is a fear he must have as well. Lets not worry about the outside world until you're done with him. We need to change his perception by helping to him to look at you through your eyes instead of his own.
It can't be that hard. I'm a (non gay) male and your story has taken me from wondering what you look like to understanding this pain you're experiencing.
If he really cares for you and you sit him down to talk and start it off with, "I'm really hurting, can we talk" He's going to sit there and listen.
After getting him on your side, then you can start working on the outside world. You're not going to be able to change people perceptions, but you can change the way you see their behaviors. They are fearful. You intimidate them. They don't have any trust in the men they are dating.
I would even say comment back to those who make comments. Don't be rude. Create some embarrassment in them, such as "If your tongue hung out any farther, you'd be licking yourself."
You are letting the actions of others impact your life and the way your living. Change what your myspace says. Make sure he brags about your relationship. Also, leave an additional message on there "I AM VERY HAPPY WITH MY RELATIONSHIP, FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO COMMENT ON MY LOOKS, I'M NOT INTERESTED, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET ME INTERESTED, SO HERE'S A QUARTER CALL SOMEONE WHO CARES." That last part is a Garth Brooks song. The first time I heard it this girl dedicated a love song to her ex boyfriend, he came back with that dedication. I was 16, it was funny at the time.
All though you're a knock out that every guy wants to have a chance with. Be proud of who you are, develop yourself for yourself. Don't worry much about what others think. There's a couple of sayings that I like (1) The stupid will remain stupid. (2) I don't care what anyone else thinks, says or does, I only care about what I think, say, or do.
Take care and I wish you the best with this.
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