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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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We want to share a bed, but just to hug, not to have sex and her Mom wont let us
Q. I have become friends with a girl. And I mean like best friends. There's no like feelings for each other in that way, we just generally love each other as best friends. I'm going to stay with her in a few days and we have been talking about like ...
A. 23 June 2007: She is just being protective as a parent. It may seem annoying to you but you have to see it as a sign of responsible parenting too. She thinks that teenage hormones may over-run in such a situation. It is right that if she stopped other siblings ... (read in full...)
He's married but seems to quite like me; could this go anywhere?
Q. Recently a married co-worker started e-mailing me at home. The emails are not sexual in any way--the most he has ever said is that he thinks I'm cute and that he likes my company and enjoys talking to me. He came to visit me twice at home, yet both ...
A. 23 June 2007: He doesn't want the relationship you would like and he cannot offer you any long term happiness because:
1. He is married and thinking about cheating. If he cheats on his wife, he would cheat on you.
2. He is a co-worker. Many companies ar... (read in full...)
We broke up and he's taunting me but I'm still not over him
Q. I was in a three year relationship and I'm having a really hard time getting over him. I honestly think about him everyday and I can't help but feel lonely without him. I go out with friends but all I can think about is him. He left me for another ...
A. 23 June 2007: Honestly, the guy did you a favour as he is obviously very insecure and cold if he gets his kicks from rubbing your nose in the fact he has a new girl. You can see it as a pattern - he will do it to the current GF when he tires of her. Stop thinking ... (read in full...)
I have a mole. Could it be cancer?
Q. Hi i have a tiny mole on my leg and it has a tiny white dot in the middle of it. It is not rough, hasnt been bleeding, it is a perfect circle but with a white dot in the middle. Is it cancerius? please help me!...
A. 23 June 2007: Any mole that has been bleeding or releasing fluid or itching or changing shape needs medical attention. It doesnt mean you have cancer as there are often some innocent explanations for changes, but nevertheless it should be checked out.... (read in full...)
My fiance says he'll dump me anytime he isn't getting his way
Q. what does one u do or should do when ur significant other sabotages the relationship to get it their way. i mean, my fiance threatens to break off the relationship when he doesn't get it his way, so i always give in for him. what can i do about ...
A. 22 June 2007: You are in a relationship with a three-year old toddler at the supermarket chocolate counter...unfortunately he is in a man's body! Marriage is very much about compromise and mutual acceptance and you shouldn't possibly consider getting married to ... (read in full...)
He used to be so controlling, now I think I'm becoming the same way
Q. Boyfriend is going clubbing....i'm stuck at home. I was wondering if someone could give me some advice please. I have been with my bf for about 7 months. He use to be quite controlling and wouldn't let me speak to my mates let alone see them, ...
A. 22 June 2007: I am sure you know your relationship is not healthy and I am glad that your partner is getting help for his control issues. I do, however, think that you are very dependent on him from what you write. Maybe he likes it that way but it is up to you ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but he still loves his ex
Q. I met this guy a little over a week ago and we hit it off immediatly. He told me straight up he was still in love w/ his ex and the reason they werent together is because she was in love w/ someone else and couldnt make up her mind who she wants to ...
A. 20 June 2007: Go with the head for now. He has been honest with you and you cannot change his feelings for now. Only he will know when he is over her and ready to move on. His ex maybe a player and that is not your fault but ultimately he won't be able to focus ... (read in full...)
She cheated on me and now..I want experience dating other girls. Should I stay faithful?
Q. I love my girlfriend but as some of you know she has cheated on me. She tells me that it wasn't because I made her mad but because she wanted to know that she has experienced this that only her and i have ever experienced together meaning we took ...
A. 20 June 2007: Just because she cheated on you doesn't mean that you cheating on her will make it even. If you really want to have dates with other girls it means that your relationship is in trouble and you should stop seeing each other. ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a guy online. How do I know it's not going to be a "pedo's trap" when I finally meet him?
Q. Ok here goes... I am going out with this guy i met online, thing is i havnet met him face 2 face and we have made plans for the future! am i crazy? is this guy for real? or am i falling for a peados trap? plz help me!!!...
A. 20 June 2007: I don't personally agree with internet dating too much. Even if the boy is your age he could be making up all sorts of things about himself to get your attention and meeting him could be a huge disappointment. On a more sinister note, I have worked ... (read in full...)
I have a massive crush on my maybe married teacher!!!
Q. I have a MASSIVE crush on a male teacher at my school, he's like the fittest person ever, however this is the cause of uncontrollable consequences... For starters, recently i've noticed that whenever i stare at him he looks back - I love this eye...
A. 20 June 2007: In the UK it is illegal for teachers to have relationships with pupils. I wouldn't worry about what he thinks of you because teachers are used to dealing with teenage crushes and should maintain some professionalism about it. What you are learning ... (read in full...)
I have a milky discharge from my breast
Q. Hi im 14 years old and when i squeeze 1 of my breats white liquid comes out. Is this normal????? its kinda like milk but im not pregnant or anything. Discharge it could be? help. ...
A. 20 June 2007: At puberty, there are a host of hormonal changes and breast discharge is one of them! If it is a significant quantity then you may have a problem with the pituitary gland which is just under the bridge of your nose. If that send out faulty hormone ... (read in full...)
Will birth control for cramps stop my gf from becoming pregnant?
Q. I have a question about birth control. My girl friend uses birth control to stop the cramps and such but we have been having sex lately and she wants me to come inside her. Says it feels good. But on birth control for cramps, does this still pr...
A. 20 June 2007: It entirely depends on what she is taking and how regularly she is taking it. There are a range of pill products out there for cramps that contain the same hormones as the birth control pill. Different pills have different birth control rates and ... (read in full...)
I am a 12 year old girl and I really want to have sex with my boyfriend who is 14. Should I do it with him?
Q. I am a 12 year old girl and I really want to have sex with my boyfriend who is 14. He wants me to come over to night and have sex with him. Should I do it with him?...
A. 20 June 2007: So, you really want sex at 12 or you really want sex because your 14 year old boyfriend wants sex and you think it will keep him interested? Most 12 year old girls are not psychologically ready for a sexual relationship and it would be illegal. If ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and I love someone 4 years younger than me. Is that normal?
Q. hi i an 14 and i like younger girls Im even in love with someone 4 years yonger then me and some people say its sick..can you give me some advise...
A. 20 June 2007: I think you should look at the reasons why you like younger girls. Perhaps you are not terribly mature for your age or you are scared of girls your own age. Perhaps you find it easier to impress younger girls. Whatever the reason, it is not ... (read in full...)
She got pregnant on purpose but he left her anyways! How do I advise her on what the best thing is, to do?
Q. This is kind of a weird question but here it goes. One of my great friends was with this guy for about 3 months. He told her from the beginning that he didn't want anything serious with her and she was ok with that at first. Well she ended up slowly ...
A. 20 June 2007: It is a tragic situation and sadly trying to control someone never works as she is finding out. It doesn't exactly sound like he is Mr Nice Guy anyway so she won't have much to lose. As her friend, all you can do is support her but the pregnancy ... (read in full...)
He cried his eyes out and I felt sorry for him. Now I've found out it was all a sham! What can I do?
Q. The father of my child cried his eyes out which I felt sorry for him. Come to find out today, all of that was an act to see what he can get out of me. This man is up to something. He's hit rock bottom, going from woman to woman (trying to get ...
A. 17 June 2007: Go back to court and ask for supervised visitation. He probably should have access to his daughter but perhaps it would be better in a family centre where he cannot run off with her.... (read in full...)
People judge us, but we are happy!
Q. Hi I am from the Caribbean. I am a 32yr old African Origin woman that is in a relationship with a 61 yr old White French man. My parents hate our relationship. People make fun of us and stare at us. I am a hard working woman, I have a nor...
A. 17 June 2007: It doesn't matter that people are judgemental...you have found the sort of happiness that many people can only dream about and frankly you should treasure it. Stop worrying about what other people think and stay strong. My parents were very opposed ... (read in full...)
I know if he trys it on i wont say no. What should I do?
Q. hey well i have lied to this lad ive liked for 5 years and h say he cant comit but yet he has done for other girls i now i should just get over him but i cant and its ruinin ma life hes cumin to talk to me tomoz and i now if he trys it on i wont say ...
A. 17 June 2007: Get some self-respect...if he is not willing to commit and just sees you as a sex object then don't see him at all. You should like yourself enough not to settle for someone treating you badly. If he uses you for sex, it is because you let him. If ... (read in full...)
Whats a good way to tell someone youre in love with them?
Q. Whats a good way to tell someone you're in love with them? thanks x...
A. 17 June 2007: Actions speak louder than words...people are sometimes too free with those three little words. I think you know when someone is very much in love with you because they accept you unconditionally and support you as much as they can. Sometimes it is ... (read in full...)
He doesnt treat me right and I am depressed
Q. I have been with my daughters for 5 years, he was away for most of the duration of the relationship due to family problems. The thing is he makes me feel so small I get so depressed sometimes because of the way he treats me. I have been on anti ...
A. 17 June 2007: He obviously doesn't value you or the family life you offer. You cannot change him but you have made the connection between him and your depression. That is the first step to a better life. No one should make you feel that bad and the put downs are ... (read in full...)
My Mother in Law is Mean!
Q. my mother in law is very close to my husbands ex and i have never been accepted or respected by her. She talks about me behind my back and calls me fat. (i am not) her attitude towards me and my relationshop with her son is totally disrespecful. i ...
A. 17 June 2007: I think you should ignore the woman and try to focus on your relationship with your husband. After all, you cannot pick family...particularly in'laws. It doesn't matter what she says about you because at the end of the day your husband picked you ... (read in full...)
He's got a lot to do - college, work etc. so he told me I couldn't be with him. But I love him! What should I do?
Q. Hie, Recently i started seeing a guy who lived next door to me. We would watch movies together and have a couple of drinks every so often.I soon began to develop strong feelings for this man and asked if he wanted to go steady with me. It turned i...
A. 17 June 2007: You cannot fight this battle. You haven't got control over this man or his feelings towards you. As painful as that sounds he has been honest with you - he doesn't want the fulltime relationship you aspire to. Men knock your door down when they are ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my boyfriend cheating on me?
Q. Hi. I am the person who needed help on the topic (Slept round my girlfriend's house and he broke up with me coz he didn't believe me! What should I do?). I tried calling my boyfriend this morning and by accident he pressed the button on his mobile ...
A. 17 June 2007: Life is full of disappointments, but there can be good times too! You just have to put this one down to experience and walk away. It is normal to feel heart broken in the circumstances you describe but the next step is to hold your shoulders high ... (read in full...)
Does sperm live when it's thrown out of the window?!
Q. me and my gf had sex in the car and I threw the condom out the window and it went into the bush on the side of the road, is there anyway that sperm can survive? or be traced after a freezing night? It's a silly queston and I just wanted to know and...
A. 16 June 2007: Sperm can live for a short while outside the body and it could be used as a forensic sample. However, I am sure the police have better things to do than worry about you - it may count as a public order offence at the very most! However, throwing ... (read in full...)
Why does my mum blame me for EVERYTHING?
Q. My mum takes everything out on me. She blames me for everything like if the fridge has broken , she would say its all my fault and she says its my fault that Her blood pressure is high and also she says its my fault that she couldnt have a proper ...
A. 15 June 2007: Your mother needs professional help as she is battling severe depression from the sounds of it and you are coming to an age when you are old enough to recognise and act on those facts. I strongly recommend you talk to either a school teacher about ... (read in full...)
He's already made out with her and he's only TEN!
Q. Recently My 10 year old cousin who lives with us has got a new girlfriend but shes 13 and I dont trust her and when she comes round , they run straight up to his bedroom and if I walk in they suddenly jump and shout at me to get out and he's already ...
A. 15 June 2007: I find it a bit strange that a 13 year old girl would find a 10 year old boy interesting - girls mature faster than boys and frankly she is a world away from him developmentally. I wouldn't have thought at 10 he would be capable of a full-on ... (read in full...)
Do I ask him to get the tests done or come off the pill and let nature do its thing!?
Q. help i posted a question a while back about my new man not being able to have kids and me wanting another baby, well after speaking about it again he has never had any tests done to prove this he was with his ex for 4 years and for 3 of them they ...
A. 15 June 2007: If you want a baby then you need to come off the pill, expect your body to take a while to adjust and then try for a year. In the UK, a year of trying is considered normal. If things don't go according to plan after that, see your GP and get ... (read in full...)
Going on a clubbing holiday and gonna get laid... I need some tips!
Q. im going on holiday soon and i am still a virgin. Im going on a clubbing holiday and i really want to have sex. has any1 got any tips?...
A. 15 June 2007: Don't...well go on holiday, have a great time and see what happens! If you are going to a resort famous for such noctural pursuits then you may get lucky but don't bank on it and don't base your whole holiday around hunting out targets...it will get ... (read in full...)
Am I too desperate?
Q. my name is max and i love sex but i can'nt find any who is fit and how want to have sex with me i would love to have sex with some one and you could be in my beb tonight or you could give me someones name for me to have sex with so pllease help me ...
A. 12 June 2007: I have a headache and I am washing my hair...... (read in full...)
Does my gym teacher have the hots for me?
Q. I have a gym teacher that stares at me in weird way, and he always chooses me to go on his side when we are playing games Wot could this mean ?...
A. 12 June 2007: It could be innocent - maybe you are 'teachers pet' good at sports or it could be something more sinister. At this stage it is hard to tell. If he does anything inappropriate then you really must tell another teacher or your parents because it means ... (read in full...)
13 and feeling broody... how can I get over these feelings?
Q. im 13 years old and i know it sound stupid but im really broody. i really want a baby and its getting me down. im not going to have one till im older though, because thats the right thing to do. please help me?? is there anything i can do to make me ...
A. 11 June 2007: It is ok to like children and aspire to have a family when you are older and financially secure to support them. However, there are quite enough very young teenagers on this website who have accidentally discovered they are pregnant and are having ... (read in full...)
I'm engaged but a relationship with my step brother, trouble mes..any views?
Q. OK this is what happened to me. When I was 15 years old, my first time was with my brother from my dad's side (my parents never got married and we are from different moms). He took my virginity by playing a game with me ( he didnt take advantage ...
A. 11 June 2007: He is your step-brother and what you are doing is illegal and immoral. Lets suppose as a consequence of your fooling around you got pregnant by him - there is a much increased risk of pregnancy complications because of the blood-connection and the ... (read in full...)
Can't stand my daughter's boyfriend... !
Q. I can't stand the sight or sound of my daughter's new boyfriend. She is 23, he is 21. How should I handle it with my daughter without pushing her into his life?...
A. 11 June 2007: How you handle the situation is wholly dependent on your reasons for not liking him in the first place. Only you can decide if you have legitimate reasons for dislike or you are just feeling like an over-protective parent. Of course you can say you ... (read in full...)
I am so frustrated with my love life and this man I am seeing.
Q. Hi again. I got some good advice last time and now I need more. I am so frustrated with my love life and this man I am seeing. Once in a while when we have sex he will go soft and stop doing it. He gets upset and says sorry and its not me and ...
A. 10 June 2007: The guy could have a range of medical or psychological problems that would account for his sexual issues. It maybe nothing to do with you personally. You could suggest that he seeks some professional help but he would have to be ready and motivated ... (read in full...)
My friend told me her dad beats her... I tried telling her to tell someone but she doesn't want me to get involved...
Q. ave got a female friend she is 16 and clamed to me that her dad has beating her up twice she doesnt want me to get involved i wnat her to tell some one but i dont no how to convince her...
A. 10 June 2007: I think you should call childline or the NSPCC helpline as they are experts on physical child abuse. They won't force you to give any details but it may help to talk through what you know. If you did wish to report it, the NSPCC would work with ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant??
Q. Hi everyone. My boyfriend and i had sex just over a month ago. We used a condom and he did not cum. I got my period a week later but now my period is very late. Like 2 weeks. Is there a chance i'm pregnant? Please write back ...
A. 10 June 2007: On some occasions, pregnant women do have some bleeding that could be mistaken for a light period. One rare condition means that women continue to have bleeding throughout pregnancy that is mistaken for periods - however this is very rare. It is ... (read in full...)
He's hot and he winked at me. Is he into me?
Q. Well i went on a field trip at an amuesment park today. And this boy i know was on the carousel and my friends and i were watchin him and whispering about him( hes hot) and well he winked at me and he followed me around all day after that. and he ...
A. 9 June 2007: He probably likes you but take care with him as he sounds quite confident and may know he is 'hot'. Find out more about him as a person, as the attraction to his looks alone may fade if you find out he is an exciting as watching paint dry. Why not ... (read in full...)
How long does it take for you to get pregnant and how will I know if my boyfriend will be there for me?
Q. I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend. I'm afraid that i may be pregnant and i don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell my parents. How long does it take for you to get pregnant? How will i know if my boyfriend will be there for me? HELP!...
A. 9 June 2007: You can get pregnant right away - conception is a time frame of up to a few days (you need an egg and sperm to make a baby, but sperm can hang around for a while before they die off - usually a viable timeframe of 48 hours). This is why the ... (read in full...)
What can I do to improve this relationship?
Q. hey guys, my boyfriend and i have been going out a year he works away a lot. recently we decided to go on holiday we argued a lot on holiday as we real we have grown apart a bit and have decided to give it a go still and try harder but i noticed he ...
A. 2 June 2007: Sometimes relationships reach their natural expiry date and that is the end of it. You cannot control how other people think or feel so there is no point worrying about something that you may not be able to fix. Perhaps it is time to think about ... (read in full...)
Should I trust her alone with my boyfriend?
Q. i met this girl at a job that i had and we became cool. i also met a guy there who became my boyfriend. One day me and my boyfriend went out and he said that she was going to open up her own business and gave her number to him. She never ...
A. 2 June 2007: I don't think you are asking the right question...it is not really should you trust her alone with your boyfriend, but rather can you trust your boyfriend to be alone with her? After all it takes two people to behave badly. It sounds like she is a ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and have a brown discharge, do you think I'll have to have a smear?
Q. if your a virgin and the doctor wants to do a smear on you for some reason is there a different way they do it so they don't hurt you or break you hymen cuz i didn't think you cud get up there if that was there. Please help i haven't got to have one ...
A. 2 June 2007: Most women do not start having smears taken until they have been sexually active (one reason is that many cases of cervical cancer are associated with having the HPV virus which is more common in sexually active individuals). If you have discharge ... (read in full...)
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