A
female
age
30-35,
*lueEyes89
writes:Im 18, and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (21) for nearly 18 months, i love him very much and i rely on him, as i am not close to anyone in my family, i havent got a job at the moment, as i finished my A-Levels in June and now am looking for a full time job, and i have decided to take a year out before going to University, so he really is all i have.Until last week when he told me he wanted to go on a break for a week, to have some time to decide if he loved me, in this week, i went to a family wedding where i met a man 17 years my senior, who has been showering me with kind messages and phone calls and wants me to spend the night at his house, should i? He really is very kind and a friend of the family. Please help, i have no one else to get advice from..
View related questions:
a break, older man, university, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 September 2007):
 Don't go with the guy as you will regret it later. Regardless of the outcome of your relationship with your BF, I think you should spend some time sorting out your own feelings. Sleeping with the older guy won't make you feel better. A year is not a long time and you will be off to Uni. soon meeting all sorts of new people and going to all sorts of places. You may feel that life is anchored on your BF right now but that will change and you must develop a positive attitude towards the future.
The family friend will just complicate matters as you may have a one night stand with him or a brief fling and then still have to see him socially through your family when it is all over - that could be embarrassing!
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Hi there BlueEyes,Right now you're at a very emotional state because of what is happening between you and your boyfriend. While the thought of being with another person may sound like a good idea at the moment, what do you think you'll feel like after it's happened? My guess is you may feel regretful and used - and a bit angry and guilty.If you love your boyfriend and you want him to take you back, then why are you thinking about spending the night with another man? I really doubt that would sweeten the deal for your boyfriend. He'd probably wonder, if you loved him so much, could you go and sleep with someone else just one week after you two went on break. I think that there would be a lot of trust you'd have to rebuild.I know that you said this is a family friend, but I can't get the thought out of my head that he's trying to use you when he knows your vulnerable. I don't like it.If I were you, I'd go out with some good girl friends and have some fun without this guy. Go out to a club, to the movies, for some drinks - or stay in and play some games, pig out and have some fun spending time with friends who really care about you and want to see you for reasons with good intentions.If I were you, I would not spend the night with this man. I think you'll probably regret it. And it might make for awkward times at future family/friend gatherings.Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Let me see if I got this straight. You love your bf and the both of you are on a break because you bf needs space to figure out if he loves you. Ouch, that must have hurt! So here you are, you met an older guy who has asked you to spend the night with him. I recommend you don't do this. Why? Because you love your bf and I get the feeling, your looking for a 'healing balm' to make you feel better. You are experiencing neediness and a desperation to connect with someone, in lieu of what your bf has done. Ther could be big regrets and reprucussions, later. Don't do it. Don't allow yourself to be used and don't use others to feel good. Wait this out and see what your bf tells you at the end of the week. If you and he decide to split up for good, then you will need time to heal and grieve. After that, you are free to do whatever you want and date whomever you want. Make choices that show your good, character hun-even if it's just for yourself. Good luck and take care
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 September 2007):
 I would have to say no. When a guy says just come spend the night, what he's saying is let's do it, then go back to our normal lives tomorrow. I don't think he's asking for any kind of relationship, and I think with this break, it would be wrong of you to violate that relationship. Just because you're taking a week off doesn't meant your relationship is over, so you still have a moral obligation to your boyfriend.
If you do choose to, then you must be strong enough to contact your boyfriend and let him know, "sorry but I have to end our relationship."
...............................
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Should you spend the night with him? NO! your only on a one week break with your boyfriend and you love him. sleeping with another man will hurt him and if he is not sure how he feels about you, you need to be working hard to remind him why he loves you not reminding him why he might want out.
Please dont go near this man. 17 years is a big age gap, why is he interested in an 18 year old especially when he is friends with your parents and family? its weird.
But my main concern is your boyfriend. I can almost guarantee that if you do this you will lose him for good and I dont think thats what you want. Dont do that to yourself.
Good luck
brooke
xx
...............................
|
